I've dated an Enfj once before and its the same thing. Very guarded and hard to get to know. Is this usually the case with Enfjs?
Anyway, i'm in the early getting to know you phase with this new Enfj and ive run into the same roadblocks. We met on tinder he 3 weeks ago. He is in Germany, i'm moving there in 2 weeks hence we havent eactly met yet. Like i know he was interested because he messaged me everyday, when he says "im going out now but ill message you when i get home" he always does. Butttt I'm the one constantly having to lead the conversation and think about what to talk about.
I try to bring up funny stories and i get a "haha lol" then he goes silent and doesn't know what to say. I ask him a ton of questions to get to know him better which he seems to like but most of his responses are quite shallow in the sense that he never opens up to have deeper conversation. I even tried to start by opening up first and talking about my insecurities but his response has been pretty lacking when it comes to that too! I just cant figure him out and its doing my head in. He doesn't seem to like it either when I bring up heavier topics too.
I recently had a confrontation with him where I was like "why do you always refuse to call me over the phone?" And his response is "im just not a calling type of guy. I prefer sending snaps and texting" I also mentioned that its bothering me he isn't getting to know me better by talking about deeper things but his response is "I just cant get deeper than this over text when you are not in front of me because how can i see your feelings or know if what you say and convey is true?" And I was like then just effing call me cos its so much more personal in a call than in a text. This frustrated the crap out of me because my previous ex we met on tinder the same way, called over the phone before we met in person and ended up dating for over a year.
Am thinking perhaps I should perhaps do one of the following:
a) play hard to get (though I am not sure if this works well on ENFJs or if it will even work on him because he seems to have some experience with girls ignoring or dropping him and losing interest once the conversation dies down)
b) tell him he is frustrating the crap outta me and why (but I don't know if this will change anything. I just worry he will think this is too much drama and shut off completely. Also im not sure but arent ENFJs very bad at handling conflict/confrontation?
Any advice Enfjs reading this? I thought ENFJs are very head over heels with someone they like unless he just isnt that into me? Or is it the whole us not meeting in person thing that limits him? Nowaways I'm the one messaging him first ever since we had that confrontation.
Anyway, i'm in the early getting to know you phase with this new Enfj and ive run into the same roadblocks. We met on tinder he 3 weeks ago. He is in Germany, i'm moving there in 2 weeks hence we havent eactly met yet. Like i know he was interested because he messaged me everyday, when he says "im going out now but ill message you when i get home" he always does. Butttt I'm the one constantly having to lead the conversation and think about what to talk about.
I try to bring up funny stories and i get a "haha lol" then he goes silent and doesn't know what to say. I ask him a ton of questions to get to know him better which he seems to like but most of his responses are quite shallow in the sense that he never opens up to have deeper conversation. I even tried to start by opening up first and talking about my insecurities but his response has been pretty lacking when it comes to that too! I just cant figure him out and its doing my head in. He doesn't seem to like it either when I bring up heavier topics too.
I recently had a confrontation with him where I was like "why do you always refuse to call me over the phone?" And his response is "im just not a calling type of guy. I prefer sending snaps and texting" I also mentioned that its bothering me he isn't getting to know me better by talking about deeper things but his response is "I just cant get deeper than this over text when you are not in front of me because how can i see your feelings or know if what you say and convey is true?" And I was like then just effing call me cos its so much more personal in a call than in a text. This frustrated the crap out of me because my previous ex we met on tinder the same way, called over the phone before we met in person and ended up dating for over a year.
Am thinking perhaps I should perhaps do one of the following:
a) play hard to get (though I am not sure if this works well on ENFJs or if it will even work on him because he seems to have some experience with girls ignoring or dropping him and losing interest once the conversation dies down)
b) tell him he is frustrating the crap outta me and why (but I don't know if this will change anything. I just worry he will think this is too much drama and shut off completely. Also im not sure but arent ENFJs very bad at handling conflict/confrontation?
Any advice Enfjs reading this? I thought ENFJs are very head over heels with someone they like unless he just isnt that into me? Or is it the whole us not meeting in person thing that limits him? Nowaways I'm the one messaging him first ever since we had that confrontation.