Existential Crisis.

[Heautontimoroumenos]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the depths of a tortured mind torn apart between his desire to be understood and his sempiternal existential crisis where everything seems unreal and ephemeral.

I'm a young girl (twenty years old since November) whose mere purpose on this mesmerizing thread is to be done with her type once and for all. I'm quite obsessed with the MBTI since 2016 and despite my long moments of unfathomable introspection, I'm still extremely confused and insecure about my type although it appears to me that is more than obvious than I am an INxx type. Indeed, as far as I know since my childhood, I've always been noticed for my introversion as if I didn't have the slightest bit of interest for the outside world. I won't lie, I've never had the slightest bit of interest for the outside world and that is still the case today. My inner world has always been more fascinating than this boring Reality I despise as much as it makes me suffer because of its excruciating meaninglessness and the lack of interest I hold for most of the people. I don't have any interest for practical matters. I even think I'm an alien born from somewhere else because I tend to feel uncomfortable outside as if all of my senses were twisted. I'm an HSP, which means everything I feel outside is exacerbated to the point I'm always to the point of losing my own sanity. The relationship I have with my cage of flesh is quite intense and unhealthy. I'm kind of disconnected from my own body. To tell you the truth, I don't even consider it as my own. I've reached a point of depersonalization where the person I'm looking in front of a mirror (something I never do because it makes me feel depressed) is someone I don't know. I believe that I was originally a wandering soul whose tragic fate was to be trapped in the body of a mere human. I don't live in reality. Reality bores me thoroughly. I spend the immense majority of my entire life escaping in my own mind. My mind is like a refugee for me, a cocoon, a gothic castle buried deep beneath a thick snow dyed with my own blood. I'm always lost in my thoughts. You won't be surprised, I suppose, that my relationships with people are practically inexistent with them except few people I made an exception. I wouldn't describe myself as a bad person, but it's certainly true that I have a lot of flaws : cold, disdainful, easily bored, always occupied with her inner world I feed everyday with my magnificent phantasmagorias. One of my obsessions is to discover my real nature. What makes me extremely unhappy and jaded there is that everything seems deprived from any meaning. I observe people with a weird mix of disdain and incomprehension. I'm utterly incapable of understanding them because they make no sense to me. Why are they so eager to submit themselves to authority? I'm an individualist who is extremely proud of staying true to herself no matter what other people may think about me. My identity is an important matter to me because I always seek into the depths of my entire being who I really am and why is my reason of my existence, things people seem to have forgotten in this era of ignorance. Generally I think I tend to fall into nihilistic tendencies. Sometimes life seems so meaningless it wouldn't even matter if I were dead or alive. After all, isn't our whole existence utterly absurd when you think about it deeply? Everything is temporary including us. One day we'll disappear into the depths of oblivion along with this planet and probably even the entire galaxy. What makes my existential crisis particularly painful is that I know I try to discover a special meaning in a world where there is nothing except death. You might call me a pessimistic and you might even be right. I don't have any right to call myself an optimistic and believe, this isn't my intention.

What I say begins to be absurd, so I will stop there. Enjoy my broken English and I hope I'll have the luxury of discussing with all of you if my arrogance won't make you run away! *laughs in a sardonic way before disappearing into unfathomable darkness.*

 

[Forever]

So you listed the basics for a classic internet bred INFJ. Congratulations.

Oh and I excuse your broken english.

Happy self-exploring.

 

[Heautontimoroumenos]

I'm too deep.

 

[Forever]

Cool.

 

[Heautontimoroumenos]

I know. Don't be jealous.

 

[Forever]

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

Welcome, welcome, welcome! Much fun deep, intellectual conversation awaits you, here!

On first blush, I think you might be suffering a bit from some depression and/or narcissism (no shame in it, btw; I have my own share of mood disorders ), and I would definitely recommend you try and get some psychotherapy if you can. It is really helpful! Journaling might also be a good tool! I'm unsure what your type is, as your true self seems a bit clouded over by your *ahem* deepness, but I agree with Forever that Ni-dom would be a safe bet, at least!

I noticed you called your mind "he." Do you consider your mind to be its own being? That concept is fascinating, to me! I've always liked the idea of assigning personalities to things such as superpowers (and then making the super power evil mwuhahahahahaha), but have never thought of giving one to a mind! Omigosh book idea *lightbulb*

Also, I don't think you know people as well as you think you do. Few are eager to "submit." In my experience, people who are bossy tend to be unpopular, and those forced to obey (if unhealthy/insecure) will attempt to make themselves feel better by pushing someone else around. The reasons people submit to authority, though, are usually safety/security related. Those who care about their external world often need a sense or structure in their lives, at least to the point where they can walk out their front doors in the morning without having to worry (too much) about some guy smashing their head in with a brick because said guy probably doesn't want to go to prison. Do you think it's possible you haven't given other people the chance to prove themselves as interesting, to you? It can take a long time to get someone to trust you enough to the point that they'll expose their introspections and musings. Additionally, the cold, disdainful attitude you've claimed to be yours would make others unlikely to open up to you, which means that when people did converse with you, they would probably stick to soul-grating small talk.

I can definitely relate to your existential depression, though. I'm actually a Christian, so am able to find meaning in life easier than some, but if I zoom out too far in my thoughts, I begin to wonder what the point of existing for God's sake, is. My only solution, as of now, is to zoom back in and focus on the smaller bits of life, like ending world hunger (meant to be humorous).

My PM box is always open if you ever need to talk about anything, and good luck with your typing!

 

[Litsnob]

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the depths of a tortured mind torn apart between his desire to be understood and his sempiternal existential crisis where everything seems unreal and ephemeral.

I'm a young girl (twenty years old since November) whose mere purpose on this mesmerizing thread is to be done with her type once and for all. I'm quite obsessed with the MBTI since 2016 and despite my long moments of unfathomable introspection, I'm still extremely confused and insecure about my type although it appears to me that is more than obvious than I am an INxx type. Indeed, as far as I know since my childhood, I've always been noticed for my introversion as if I didn't have the slightest bit of interest for the outside world. I won't lie, I've never had the slightest bit of interest for the outside world and that is still the case today. My inner world has always been more fascinating than this boring Reality I despise as much as it makes me suffer because of its excruciating meaninglessness and the lack of interest I hold for most of the people. I don't have any interest for practical matters. I even think I'm an alien born from somewhere else because I tend to feel uncomfortable outside as if all of my senses were twisted. I'm an HSP, which means everything I feel outside is exacerbated to the point I'm always to the point of losing my own sanity. The relationship I have with my cage of flesh is quite intense and unhealthy. I'm kind of disconnected from my own body. To tell you the truth, I don't even consider it as my own. I've reached a point of depersonalization where the person I'm looking in front of a mirror (something I never do because it makes me feel depressed) is someone I don't know. I believe that I was originally a wandering soul whose tragic fate was to be trapped in the body of a mere human. I don't live in reality. Reality bores me thoroughly. I spend the immense majority of my entire life escaping in my own mind. My mind is like a refugee for me, a cocoon, a gothic castle buried deep beneath a thick snow dyed with my own blood. I'm always lost in my thoughts. You won't be surprised, I suppose, that my relationships with people are practically inexistent with them except few people I made an exception. I wouldn't describe myself as a bad person, but it's certainly true that I have a lot of flaws : cold, disdainful, easily bored, always occupied with her inner world I feed everyday with my magnificent phantasmagorias. One of my obsessions is to discover my real nature. What makes me extremely unhappy and jaded there is that everything seems deprived from any meaning. I observe people with a weird mix of disdain and incomprehension. I'm utterly incapable of understanding them because they make no sense to me. Why are they so eager to submit themselves to authority? I'm an individualist who is extremely proud of staying true to herself no matter what other people may think about me. My identity is an important matter to me because I always seek into the depths of my entire being who I really am and why is my reason of my existence, things people seem to have forgotten in this era of ignorance. Generally I think I tend to fall into nihilistic tendencies. Sometimes life seems so meaningless it wouldn't even matter if I were dead or alive. After all, isn't our whole existence utterly absurd when you think about it deeply? Everything is temporary including us. One day we'll disappear into the depths of oblivion along with this planet and probably even the entire galaxy. What makes my existential crisis particularly painful is that I know I try to discover a special meaning in a world where there is nothing except death. You might call me a pessimistic and you might even be right. I don't have any right to call myself an optimistic and believe, this isn't my intention.

What I say begins to be absurd, so I will stop there. Enjoy my broken English and I hope I'll have the luxury of discussing with all of you if my arrogance won't make you run away! *laughs in a sardonic way before disappearing into unfathomable darkness.*

Immature or mentally ill INFJ

 

[Litsnob]

[ I'm actually a Christian, so am able to find meaning in life easier than some....

I don't think you meant this to sound arrogant but I promise you, being a Christian does not give you better access to finding meaning than others have. It just gives you one version of meaning.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

[ I'm actually a Christian, so am able to find meaning in life easier than some....

I don't think you meant this to sound arrogant but I promise you, being a Christian does not give you better access to finding meaning than others have. It just gives you one version of meaning.

Touchy ...

 

[Yuurei]

Life has no inherent meaning. You need to create meaning for yourself. If you can't then maybe you're just a very boring person with nothing to offer the outside.
Of course, it's much easier to tell yourself that you are just far too good for it.

And "thinking about it deeply" just means that you are wasting time that could be spent outside experiencing and finding that meaning.

 

[Litsnob]

Touchy ...

I have no idea what that emoticon means. I'm too old. Touchy? Not quite, though inclined to express disagreement with people in a brief and blunt manner, yes. I forget that it's coming across that way and think I am just being efficient. I always think smileys are passive aggressive so tend not to use them.

 

[meowington]

Immature or mentally ill INFJ

Whereas short and arrogant comments to a lengthy, honest OP, radiate maturity ?

[MENTION=31931]Heautontimoroumenos[/MENTION] : just a few thoughts
You sound like an INFJ e4.
I can relate to everything you wrote.
I think every INxx is almost a HSP by default.
Your struggles sound similar to mine (trouble with just the concept of embodiment alone, relating to the public, etc.). The best thing I can say is that the older I get the more happy I feel, for what it's worth. Stuff that helps me : physical exercise 2-3 times a week (running in my case), playing music, a steady job, ... basically a lot of things that keep me from pondering all the time. Stuff that keeps you occupied. At some point I thought : even though my pessimistic outlook on everything may be very real and rational, it's not making me happy on a personal level. So it may be a good idea to focus less on it. Just saying. Welcome.

 

[Heautontimoroumenos]

Life has no inherent meaning. You need to create meaning for yourself. If you can't then maybe you're just a very boring person with nothing to offer the outside.
Of course, it's much easier to tell yourself that you are just far too good for it.

And "thinking about it deeply" just means that you are wasting time that could be spent outside experiencing and finding that meaning.

You've hurt me so much. I'm gonna cut my writs and rot in my loneliness.

 

[Forever]

Oh so she gets a quote and I do not?

That really hurts broheim

 

[Forever]

Whereas short and arrogant comments to a lengthy, honest OP, radiate maturity ?

Duh. it's ok meow.

 

[Fluffywolf]

I'm quite obsessed with the MBTI since 2016 and despite my long moments of unfathomable introspection, I'm still extremely confused and insecure about my type although it appears to me that is more than obvious than I am an INxx type.

MBTI type is not something that should be obsessed over. It's not a be all end all thing. It's merely a categorial system which, even though it can be quite practical in many situations, doesn't actually say all much about yourself. It is definately not a rulebook, but much more like a guidebook.

Indeed, as far as I know since my childhood, I've always been noticed for my introversion as if I didn't have the slightest bit of interest for the outside world. I won't lie, I've never had the slightest bit of interest for the outside world and that is still the case today. My inner world has always been more fascinating than this boring Reality I despise as much as it makes me suffer because of its excruciating meaninglessness and the lack of interest I hold for most of the people.

Favoring the inner world is definately an introverted trait, but despising the outside is not. Rather than strong negative emotions, healthy introverted people tend to be more apathetic to the outside world (unless it concerns them of course).

You have issues aligning yourself with the people around you, that's quite typical for an INFJ, but rather than pushing yourself away from that, it's much better to take a more accepting stance. Most people aren't like you, they have different things they care about. There's nothing wrong about that. So maybe they have trouble understanding you, you have trouble understanding yourself, there's nothing there that should invoke anger or frustration. If you know there are things that you don't understand, then you are at least not ignorant. Kudos.

I don't have any interest for practical matters. I even think I'm an alien born from somewhere else because I tend to feel uncomfortable outside as if all of my senses were twisted. I'm an HSP, which means everything I feel outside is exacerbated to the point I'm always to the point of losing my own sanity. The relationship I have with my cage of flesh is quite intense and unhealthy. I'm kind of disconnected from my own body. To tell you the truth, I don't even consider it as my own. I've reached a point of depersonalization where the person I'm looking in front of a mirror (something I never do because it makes me feel depressed) is someone I don't know. I believe that I was originally a wandering soul whose tragic fate was to be trapped in the body of a mere human. I don't live in reality. Reality bores me thoroughly. I spend the immense majority of my entire life escaping in my own mind. My mind is like a refugee for me, a cocoon, a gothic castle buried deep beneath a thick snow dyed with my own blood. I'm always lost in my thoughts. You won't be surprised, I suppose, that my relationships with people are practically inexistent with them except few people I made an exception. I wouldn't describe myself as a bad person, but it's certainly true that I have a lot of flaws : cold, disdainful, easily bored, always occupied with her inner world I feed everyday with my magnificent phantasmagorias.

Can't help you there.

One of my obsessions is to discover my real nature. What makes me extremely unhappy and jaded there is that everything seems deprived from any meaning. I observe people with a weird mix of disdain and incomprehension. I'm utterly incapable of understanding them because they make no sense to me. Why are they so eager to submit themselves to authority?

No one is perfect, but if they're happy, then whatever right.

I'm an individualist who is extremely proud of staying true to herself no matter what other people may think about me.

You certainly try to, and there is nothing wrong with that. But you're struggling with what staying true to yourself really means.

There is plenty of injustice in the world to focus on, sure. But no one needs you to try and carry all that on your own shoulders. You like focusing inward, but you've forgotten to see yourself there, because you're clouded by your judgements to the outside. Care about yourself first, then care about the world.

My identity is an important matter to me because I always seek into the depths of my entire being who I really am and why is my reason of my existence, things people seem to have forgotten in this era of ignorance. Generally I think I tend to fall into nihilistic tendencies. Sometimes life seems so meaningless it wouldn't even matter if I were dead or alive.

We're born from the dust of supernova's, we exist and are aware. No one really needs a reason. Trying to give meaning to life doesn't increase its value. Life is amazing enough as it is. Death is boring, best to wait until there's no longer any avoiding it.

After all, isn't our whole existence utterly absurd when you think about it deeply? Everything is temporary including us. One day we'll disappear into the depths of oblivion along with this planet and probably even the entire galaxy. What makes my existential crisis particularly painful is that I know I try to discover a special meaning in a world where there is nothing except death.

It is the journey that matters, not the destination. You are capable of thought and feelings, maybe you think they're crappy, but without it you'd be nothing. Be something.

You might call me a pessimistic and you might even be right. I don't have any right to call myself an optimistic and believe, this isn't my intention.

Your issue isn't about pessimism or nihilism. It's about trying to find your way through a maze you have constructed all by yourself that doesn't really exist, yet you managed to get yourself thoroughly stuck in it. You've got one big advantage though. You're quite aware of some, if not all, of your shortcomings and you're still young. You'll have plenty of time to figure things out.

What I say begins to be absurd, so I will stop there. Enjoy my broken English and I hope I'll have the luxury of discussing with all of you if my arrogance won't make you run away! *laughs in a sardonic way before disappearing into unfathomable darkness.*

Arrogance? All I see is someone who is desperate for relief like a fish out of the water. You've shown great restraint already by not posting in all caps. If I was you, I'd be screaming at the world.


Use the enter key more though.

 

[anticlimatic]

28 is the new 18. You're still in proverbial adolescence. Things will be different in a few years.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

Oh so she gets a quote and I do not?

That really hurts broheim

Why you no quote me either? *sob sob sob* I'm going to go cut my hair and rot in feelings of being ignored.

I have no idea what that emoticon means. I'm too old. Touchy? Not quite, though inclined to express disagreement with people in a brief and blunt manner, yes. I forget that it's coming across that way and think I am just being efficient. I always think smileys are passive aggressive so tend not to use them.

Oh good grief I apologize for my immature response to you, last night. In my defense, I was reaching the end a very long day where I'd been running off 4 hours of sleep and such days tend to make me overly emotional and prone to taking things the wrong way. *ahem* For some reason I felt like you were jumping at me just 'cause I'm a Christian and I don't even know what in the world was making me think that. Ugh I should not let myself be on the internet when I'm tired.

Anyways, you were right in thinking I wasn't trying to be arrogant. Additionally, please notice my use of the word "some" as opposed to "all" or "most" or "many." I'm inclined to think that religion is one of the easier ways to find meaning in life as, even in secular settings such as a sociology or communications classes, when discussing the human hierarchy of needs, religion is given as one of the staple ways people answer the "why am I here?" question. Additionally, one of the big arguments against Christianity is that religious people are clinging to false hope that their lives have meaning, and that they're not going to cease to exist at death. Also, I've heard many statements and questions from philosophy taking a naturalistic stance such as "why don't more people kill themselves as life is inherently meaningless" and it's not uncommon for me to come across the theme in sci-fi novels that life is meaningless and that the only reason people stay alive is because of an evolutionary drive to pass on their genes. I personally find such statements by atheists loathsome and if I was a naturalist I would be quick to find some meaning in life besides sex.

All this is to say that I certainly think there are numerous ways to find meaning in life outside of religion, but that religion is the easiest answer to "why am I here? What is my purpose in this world?" and so hypothetically, people with religion would have to dig less deep to get out of an existential crisis than an atheist would. Of course, Christians have existential crises (*cough* I'm having one right now) and of course people without religion can be extremely happy and have perfectly valid reasons for living, just I think that a Christian going through depression would be more likely to cite specific things going on in their life as the cause of their sadness instead of thinking that the existence of human kind has no point, whereas an atheist going through depression might jump to the "what the f*** am I here for?" faster.

These are just my thoughts though based off of my observations and readings, and so I'm more than open to thinking I could be wrong in my assumption that religious peoples' depression would tend to fall into categories other than existential depression more often than the depression of atheists would, and I'd love to hear your opinions if you have anymore on the matter.

 

[Litsnob]

Why you no quote me either? *sob sob sob* I'm going to go cut my hair and rot in feelings of being ignored.



Oh good grief I apologize for my immature response to you, last night. In my defense, I was reaching the end a very long day where I'd been running off 4 hours of sleep and such days tend to make me overly emotional and prone to taking things the wrong way. *ahem* For some reason I felt like you were jumping at me just 'cause I'm a Christian and I don't even know what in the world was making me think that. Ugh I should not let myself be on the internet when I'm tired.

Anyways, you were right in thinking I wasn't trying to be arrogant. Additionally, please notice my use of the word "some" as opposed to "all" or "most" or "many." I'm inclined to think that religion is one of the easier ways to find meaning in life as, even in secular settings such as a sociology or communications classes, when discussing the human hierarchy of needs, religion is given as one of the staple ways people answer the "why am I here?" question. Additionally, one of the big arguments against Christianity is that religious people are clinging to false hope that their lives have meaning, and that they're not going to cease to exist at death. Also, I've heard many statements and questions from philosophy taking a naturalistic stance such as "why don't more people kill themselves as life is inherently meaningless" and it's not uncommon for me to come across the theme in sci-fi novels that life is meaningless and that the only reason people stay alive is because of an evolutionary drive to pass on their genes. I personally find such statements by atheists loathsome and if I was a naturalist I would be quick to find some meaning in life besides sex.

All this is to say that I certainly think there are numerous ways to find meaning in life outside of religion, but that religion is the easiest answer to "why am I here? What is my purpose in this world?" and so hypothetically, people with religion would have to dig less deep to get out of an existential crisis than an atheist would. Of course, Christians have existential crises (*cough* I'm having one right now) and of course people without religion can be extremely happy and have perfectly valid reasons for living, just I think that a Christian going through depression would be more likely to cite specific things going on in their life as the cause of their sadness instead of thinking that the existence of human kind has no point, whereas an atheist going through depression might jump to the "what the f*** am I here for?" faster.

These are just my thoughts though based off of my observations and readings, and so I'm more than open to thinking I could be wrong in my assumption that religious peoples' depression would tend to fall into categories other than existential depression more often than the depression of atheists would, and I'd love to hear your opinions if you have anymore on the matter.

LOL-well I screw up on the internet when I am tired too though I probably get even more terse and blunt. Sometimes I get over-explainy though. Maybe my secondary INFJ coming out. ;-) I understand what you are saying and I probably agree with most or all of it ( not going to fully commit myself after only one reading-lol) I have been atheist my entire life and I won't lie, at this point I am also anti-theism but just as there are great people and horrible people and all sorts in between who are religious, so there are with atheists. My instinct to to point out that anyone can find meaning in life, any religion, any atheist, has more to do with the fact that I'd enjoy a discussion on it than anything else. Though given what I know of you already I suspect I want that conversation in a nice cosy setting with lots of coffee. I would happily examine every point you've made and discuss it, agree with some and perhaps debate others. LOL and that would be my idea of a good time.

Of the atheists I know they are a mixed group in terms of whether or not they give much thought to the meaning of life. I think it is the S-types who tend to just get on with things and not spend too much time ruminating. For them, the meaning of life is to get your work done, be good to others, and in some ways it can look quite a bit like what we might think of as basic Christian values. The so-called Protestant work ethic. My S type parents see life as something that doesn't hold any meaning beyond well we are here so we should do the right things which are to look after others as best we can. The N types I now are more likely to get philosophical and think about all the whys and hows. The S types when depressed or not healthy tend to focus on what they don't have or can't have, have lost or haven't achieved. The N types get more abstract. These are just my own observations in a very small study group, of course. I have only encountered this depression over life having no meaning in fiction and have always suspected it's how the religious imagine an atheist might be if depressed. I have experienced depression myself. Never once did I think that life had no meaning and what's it all for. I don't expect life to have meaning. I expect myself to give it meaning. I think that is the atheist perspective. For someone of faith meaning comes from outside of them. For an atheist, meaning is something you make. If said atheist is having troubles making it that would seem more like a failure in herself and could certainly be depressing. If she is not very mature or is very seriously depressed she might be blaming everyone else for making her life miserable or feeling envy of others and thus hopeless. This can be quite existential it's just that it doesn't assume some sort of divine other or force that is beyond the human realm. If I were counselling an atheist with existential angst I would try to direct her back to making her own meaning, finding her purpose. This is different from a religious perspective which would counsel her to see the divine purpose.

That question, why don't people kill themselves because life has no meaning always makes me laugh. It is just an inability to see anything from more than one perspective. People find meaning outside of themselves or inside of themselves, from belief that meaning already exists and just needs to be revealed to them or from the belief that they must make it themselves. Anyone who has lost touch with this and has no sense of meaning is mentally unhealthy and needs help and compassion.

I am probably rambling. Anyhow, I think very highly of you so please know that if I accidentally come across poorly again. I am always worried that I will over-think my statement and make it worse and condescending by saying too much.