the definitions that I always had shoved down my throat growing up involved being nurturing, maternal, able to tell which silverware goes where around a plate, being good at housekeeping and above all, adhering to the feminine stereotypes of behavior
I've always sucked at these things... I was the little girl who played with the boys at recess because I thought that dolls were lame and wanted to go and kick some shins and climb some trees instead. growing up I liked to participate in sports, hung out with the guys and got more of my socialization from them that still sticks with me today... be strong, don't show emotions, if you want something make it yours and be able to stand on your own two feet. I feel guilty if I can't live up to those standards... more guilty than I feel about not living up to the standards I was given for my own gender.
as a result, from time to time, I feel like I've kind of failed at being a woman... when I look at it rationally, I KNOW that I'm a woman because I've got the right bits and feel at home with having those bits and have no desire to have the other set of bits... I just don't like mentally being a "proper" woman. I'm a bad woman... I don't know my place and I speak up when it's not my turn... I pursue what and who I want and I don't have a maternal bone in my body. would I change who I am to fit those standards better? no... I am who I am and as long as I'm doing others no harm, why should I have to change that? I just kind of feel like a failure nonetheless, in that illogical portion of my brain that occasionally speaks up when I'm a bit down
and I don't think that anyone can naturally attain those qualities... I don't know if others feel the same way though, so a thread has been made