[ESFJ] Ask an ESFJ

[CarolineForbes]

Thanks!

 

[Showbread]

What's your relationship with ENFJs?

I generally like them a lot! I can find them overwhelming and too intense, but for the most part we get along really well. I've had two ENFJ roommates over the years and they've been great. We tend to have very similar house rules, both spoken and unspoken. I don't think I could ever date one, but they make great friends and are a lot of fun to spend time with. IME they also tend to have kind of silly senses of humor. Both of my roommates have been extremely punny.

Do you need continous thanks for the service that you do with your friends to have self satisfaction? Or you feel it useless once we thank you many times?

Thanks

Not really... I don't usually offer services/help with the expectation of repeated thanks. TBH, I usually just do it because I genuinely like helping others. When I am thanked many times it actually just makes the thanks seem less sincere. Genuine/sincere thanks are nice and appreciated though, especially if I seriously inconvenience myself to help.

I'm also not an enneagram 2 though. Perhaps you have confused this trait with that since they so often coincide.

 

[á´…eparted]

I don't think I could ever date one

Oh god the idea of two Fe doms dating would be like crossing the streams. It could work but... the idea of that much energy is offputting even to me! At best it would just turn into a twisted version of a sugar coma.

 

[EJCC]

Oh god the idea of two Fe doms dating would be like crossing the streams. It could work but... the idea of that much energy is offputting even to me! At best it would just turn into a twisted version of a sugar coma.

I feel like one of them (probably the ESFJ) would have to be the Thinker of the relationship, lol.

 

[CarolineForbes]

Not really... I don't usually offer services/help with the expectation of repeated thanks. TBH, I usually just do it because I genuinely like helping others. When I am thanked many times it actually just makes the thanks seem less sincere. Genuine/sincere thanks are nice and appreciated though, especially if I seriously inconvenience myself to help.

I'm also not an enneagram 2 though. Perhaps you have confused this trait with that since they so often coincide.

See I get this a lot. People always think there is some sort of expectation or motive to my actions. I completely feel the same way though, I do it because I want to help.

 

[CarolineForbes]

Oh god the idea of two Fe doms dating would be like crossing the streams. It could work but... the idea of that much energy is offputting even to me! At best it would just turn into a twisted version of a sugar coma.

I feel like it would be a constant competition of who can give more lol "What do you want?" "No, what do you want?" "NO DAMMIT WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!"

That might become exhausting. But I feel like a close Fe dome friendship would make me very happy. I enjoy my inferior Fe S/O lol He does really well with that tiny fe of his. It's pretty great.

 

[Showbread]

I feel like it would be a constant competition of who can give more lol "What do you want?" "No, what do you want?" "NO DAMMIT WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!"

See, I think being SO/SP and a 3 helps me on this front tremendously. I generally have no inhibitions about stating what I want, unless it would add tension to situation.

 

[CarolineForbes]

See, I think being SO/SP and a 3 helps me on this front tremendously. I generally have no inhibitions about stating what I want, unless it would add tension to situation.

That makes complete sense. I am Sx/So. My s/p is pretty low. LOL. I'm generally too concerned with how my desires will effect others to actually state what I want.

 

[citizen cane]

How do you handle situations that require strictly objective analysis and critical thinking, and don't tie into values at some level?

 

[great_bay]

What do you think about dating your benefit relations which is ESTP?

 

[Showbread]

How do you handle situations that require strictly objective analysis and critical thinking, and don't tie into values at some level?

I have a question that may answer your question: can you give an example? I honestly can't think of a scenario where values are not important. Maybe choosing a bank to get a loan from?

What do you think about dating your benefit relations which is ESTP?

I don't know much about socionics, but I really can't picture myself with an ESTP. I'm not usually drawn to extroverts, and I think an ESTP would drive me nuts.

 

[Ovid]

I generally like them a lot! I can find them overwhelming and too intense, but for the most part we get along really well. I've had two ENFJ roommates over the years and they've been great. We tend to have very similar house rules, both spoken and unspoken. I don't think I could ever date one, but they make great friends and are a lot of fun to spend time with. IME they also tend to have kind of silly senses of humor. Both of my roommates have been extremely punny.

How are they too intense?

 

[Cellmold]

How are they too intense?

Ni has drive and cares about it's thoughts.

Si mainly retains and cares about retaining.

Both are too intense in an extreme, but one is more likely to notice it's opposite. To put it another way Ni can be extremely caught up in it's motivations of vision, in disregard as to whether others hold the same vision and at it's more extreme excesses, will attempt to tie all contexts back into itself and hollow them out. Si is more about if the context fits the self's own experiences (often in familiarity and comfort but not always) so instead contexts are brought into line and solidified, filled in.

I would hazard to suggest that ENFJ's are more likely to adhere to a notion of critical thinking than ESFJ's as well. Not saying they are better at it or worse, that's largely individual, but I think there is a tendency for Ni to give an impression of self-meta examination.

 

[EJCC]

^ An aside: It's interesting that Ni makes ENFJs more intense than ESFJs, but makes ENTJs LESS intense than ESTJs. Because IME, Ni helps ENTJs detach from everything that pisses ESTJs off from day to day.

 

[Showbread]

How are they too intense?

The one's I've known tend to fixate and kind of get tunnel vision on certain topics/interests. It's like very ounce of passion gets funneled into one thing and they have to tell you all about it.

^ An aside: It's interesting that Ni makes ENFJs more intense than ESFJs, but makes ENTJs LESS intense than ESTJs. Because IME, Ni helps ENTJs detach from everything that pisses ESTJs off from day to day.

I actually disagree. I find ENTJs more intense, for similar reasons. The things that do piss of ENTJs essentially cause a tornado of rage.

 

[Ovid]

The one's I've known tend to fixate and kind of get tunnel vision on certain topics/interests. It's like very ounce of passion gets funneled into one thing and they have to tell you all about it.



I actually disagree. I find ENTJs more intense, for similar reasons. The things that do piss of ENTJs essentially cause a tornado of rage.

I agree. I absolutely do do that. Thank you for the answer.

 

[great_bay]

Why can't ESTJ understand introverted intuition?

 

[Haven]

How do you handle situations that require strictly objective analysis and critical thinking, and don't tie into values at some level?

I'm stronger, but less creative when my values are at stake, like if I didn't care about the outcome I might be more creative and more rational. Just like everyone

I took a formal logic class once and aced it. That's probably the purist form of critical thinking without any kind of values involved.

What do you think about dating your benefit relations which is ESTP?

Se doms are really attractive, but really direct, so being in a relationship with them is sort of painful. I'd take ESTP over ESFP though.

 

[Haven]

Why can't ESTJ understand introverted intuition?

I can't really speak for other types, but I don't because it just feels like I'm being run around in circles and kept off balance and then I get mad because I can't tell where they're going with all this and I just do what I was gonna do anyway but angrily because I don't know what was up with that guy he sounded crazy.

 

[DreamBeliever]

I've been typed as an ESFJ before, so why not answer questions here, right?

ESFJs, do you consider yourself superstitious?

I am.