Which social rules do you think don't make sense?

[Lady_X]

- Wearing a bikini suit in public is okay, but wearing a bra and panties is gasp-worthy. Wut? Women's bathing suits get scantier, while men's bathing suits get more and more baggy, with time.

- Criticizing religious faiths is on par with committing the taboo of racism, sexism, etc. Why?

- Brides-to-be and groom-to-be both get bachelorette/bachelor's party. Bride gets a bridal shower. Nothing for the groom? Baby shower - again, women. What about the fathers? What if it's a same-sex relationship?

- A lot of other stuff with gender roles.

- A white dude in USA is an American. A black dude in USA is African-American. Default is white.

- Responding when you have nothing to say, but because they contacted you, it's good "etiquette" to respond back.

- Wearing black at a funeral? Bride wearing white at a wedding? (Western cultural rules)

- White after labour day?

- Tipping

- "ought", "ought", "ought"....IS.

i was totally just talking about how stupid i think that is. american vs native american or african american. first of all the default should be the native americans but what bs is it that white peeps aren't called caucasion americans or really the whole thing of differentiating it in the first place is lame.

 

[Nicodemus]

Can someone post a list to choose from?

 

[OrderOfTheCaelifera]

http://www.ediplomat.com/np/cultural_etiquette/ce_us.htm

 

[Mole]

A minor one: the notion that you have to say "have a nice day" anytime you have a short exchange with an acquaintance or stranger. There's politeness (like saying "please" and "thank you"), and then there's just blatant insincerity. It always makes me cringe to hear it, and especially to actually say it.

When they tell me to have a nice day, I reply, I will try, but if I don't succeed, I will blame you. And this invariably brings forth a smile.

 

[Comeback Girl]

http://www.ediplomat.com/np/cultural_etiquette/ce_us.htm

Good lord, I just looked up what's considered to be the etiquette in my country. Couldn't stop laughing, some of those things are plain weird behaviors!

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Whoever decided that dodge ball is an unacceptable game for kids to play is a fucking idiot.

 

[EffEmDoubleyou]

Table manners.

Which fork to use, which hand you can use it with, having to use a knife to cut soft foods instead of just your fork, napkin on the lap instead of a more useful place...so many table manners interfere with my enjoyment of a good meal. Yet, the nicer the meal you have, the more they are expected. As long as I'm not getting food all over myself or making a mess so that others at the table aren't disturbed, I'd prefer these rules go away.

I'd also like to get rid of the little dance where people argue over the bill. If I offer to pay, I'm sincere. I hate the "no, no, let me" gesture where people reach for their wallet and they have to make two token arguments before they sigh and say thank you.

 

[The Ü™]

How about I list one that does make sense?

Being nice. In many cases it gets you what you want...except for sex.

 

[labyrinth_perhaps]

in my generation we are enforced to believe we are going to fail all the time. SO they give us trophies for the littlest things we do, for making us anxious as fuck all the time.
when kids in high school are trained to believe the only intelligent ones are the ones being educated through high school morals. Ha. I think that is one of the biggest deceptions of all time. I love seeing the upper class men I worked with on school council, the ones who ridiculed me for doing drugs, said I was going no where and shouldn't be class president. I love seeing them drop out of college because they're alcoholics now and failed all there classes... OOPS. maybe you should of calmed down and had a beer,before going insane when you realize the rest of world drinks and does drugs.

 

[five sounds]

code switching. having to use more or less formal speech in different settings.

thank you cards - or cards in general. they should be an option, not a requirement.

giving an excuse for declining an invitation.

smiling and pretending your day/life is great when you're feeling bad or life sucks. not helpful to anyone.

not singing/dancing/whistling/otherwise being goofy in public. let it fly, man.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

This whole thread just sounds like a lot of people tired of having to have manners.

 

[kyuuei]

Not telling someone you like/ love them when you know it.

Not saying out loud when someone impresses you or you appreciate them.

 

[Cellmold]

This whole thread just sounds like a lot of people tired of having to have manners.

Except that most of those 'manners' are imposed arbitrarily by a society sticking to them...because...to not do so would....cause unease?

If people didn't give a toss about most of these pointless social goalposts they would be a lot happier and less inclined to have knee-jerk reactions because things aren't "as they should be" which is about as far as most people's considerations really go towards these manners.

I don't mind opening doors I do that for everyone equally, albeit based on mood. Why? Because I can reason that it is one of the few social mannerisms that actually does affect people adversely, (no matter how minutely), since very few people enjoy a door closing in their faces.
In what way does using the 'incorrect' cutlery actually affect someone or even yourself? Eating with the mouth open and eating with hands is of course a point against hygiene, so those are in.

By the way I'm not associating you as a society judge here Disco, it's just your post was the catalyst for my interest.

Not saying out loud when someone impresses you or you appreciate them.

I'm wary of this one, I understand the sentiment, but some people tend to get a bit paranoid about whether or not you are patronising them.

 

[kyuuei]

I'm wary of this one, I understand the sentiment, but some people tend to get a bit paranoid about whether or not you are patronising them.

All the more reason to break this stupid habit. If someone is an awesome teacher we always tell them in their reviews, anonymous, that they were awesome. But not to their face. We don't go back and tell people that yeah, they did change our lives, and we just wanted them to know that. If your friend was there when you needed them, tell them that. Tell your best friends that you appreciate their friendship for no reason other than you know you were thinking it in your head just then, so you might as well tell them that.

If you cannot tell when someone is being a sarcastic asshat to you, or genuinely commenting on your abilities.. then I'd say either you hang out with douchebags, or you're so paranoid about hearing good things with no strings attached that you reject them and really, if that's the case, you need to hear them more so you get comfortable with it.

.. I frequently shower people in compliments not because I want to wear it out.. but because I notice people that are awesome, and no one in their lives have ever bothered telling them that. And they need to know.. because clearly they don't.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

Except that most of those 'manners' are imposed arbitrarily by a society sticking to them.

They are imposed because they make the world a nicer more congenial place to live.

 

[Nicodemus]

They are imposed because they make the world a nicer more congenial place to live.

Like gay marriage.

 

[chubber]

oh please start with not wearing pants in public. that would be so entertaining. also this whole politeness with not sitting with strangers should go. all these people avoiding each other out of politeness for personal space or whatever. so not fun.

The kick would be, a man wearing a dress. Actually I would really be surprised if a woman wears a dress at work. They all seem to wear pants here. Unless I'm missing a clue.

 

[Eruca]

This whole thread just sounds like a lot of people tired of having to have manners.

When it is manners themselves under discussion a starting point of assuming, by default, that manners are good in themselves, is mere traditionalism. This might be a radical notion, but norms, which is to say the allowance or encouragement of behaviors, should be justified. Tradition only lends credence insofar as maintaining it maintains cohesion by providing a pre-built system that provides for certain behaviors to be meaningful. The strength of your statement relies on manners being "good" or "desirable" with certainly, so that any belittlement of them is lazyness, rudeness, or a lack of civility rather than a reasonable criticism. Your statement, then, is a mere restatement of the paradigm from within itself. (And as such inevitably inter-supporting)

So shame on you!

I would like to say that I am not even against manners, politeness etc. In fact, I'm very partial to them. I always thought if I were a hitman I would feel the need to apologies profusely to my every victim. "Im SO sorry about this." or "I recognize this is an inconvenience but I'm afraid if I forewarned you you might have ran away; I do hope you understand."

The issue with the argument that code of civility improve the quality of life for those experiencing them is that sometimes a lack of such codes would infact do so to a greater degree. I don't know if others have had this experience, or that others would react in the same manner to me, but receiving a gift as a surprise rather than for an expected event (for example, a birthday) is about 20x more meaningful to me. I once received a 2L bottle of coke entirely unexpectedly from a nice couple I barely knew that well and I swear I nearly cried. Then again, I do love coke.

This is why I would argue for customs that must be prevented from becoming pressurized norms. Normative pressure robs these acts of their meaning.

 

[DiscoBiscuit]

When it is manners themselves under discussion a starting point of assuming, by default, that manners are good in themselves, is mere traditionalism. This might be a radical notion, but norms, which is to say the allowance or encouragement of behaviors, should be justified.

OK I'll justify it. When we are nice to each other, like kids saying yes sir and no ma'am to adults, opening doors, saying thanks and just generally being respectful makes life more enjoyable. Enough people where I'm from agree with this assertion that manners have been normalized in society. Now up north people are kind of jerks all the time, and consequently, I haven't liked most of the people from NYC I've met.

The reason hetero marriage is "normal" is that kids come from that style of relationship. And kids are kind of important to the continuation of the species. Now that we have more people on the planet, the need to procreate is less urgent (but not by a lot). This lessening of the need to procreate has allowed alternative relationship to become (relatively) mainstream, and has somewhat decreased to emphasis we put on procreative relationships.

The reason (once the whole culture war thing has died down [if it ever does]) hetero relationships will always be more normal with regard to the public at large is that kids will always be a fundamental need.

Over the years civilizations figure out what their people like and what maximizes social benefits to the populace. This is why I'm somewhat traditional, because I'm not willing to throw out centuries of trial and error and cultural evolution because some johhny come lately thinks he's the first person who ever had a good idea.

 

[Comeback Girl]

OK I'll justify it. When we are nice to each other, like kids saying yes sir and no ma'am to adults, opening doors, saying thanks and just generally being respectful makes life more enjoyable. Enough people where I'm from agree with this assertion that manners have been normalized in society. Now up north people are kind of jerks all the time, and consequently, I haven't liked most of the people from NYC I've met.

The reason hetero marriage is "normal" is that kids come from that style of relationship. And kids are kind of important to the continuation of the species. Now that we have more people on the planet, the need to procreate is less urgent (but not by a lot). This lessening of the need to procreate has allowed alternative relationship to become (relatively) mainstream, and has somewhat decreased to emphasis we put on procreative relationships.

The reason (once the whole culture war thing has died down [if it ever does]) hetero relationships will always be more normal with regard to the public at large is that kids will always be a fundamental need.

Over the years civilizations figure out what their people like and what maximizes social benefits to the populace. This is why I'm somewhat traditional, because I'm not willing to throw out centuries of trial and error and cultural evolution because some johhny come lately thinks he's the first person who ever had a good idea.

Gays can have kids nowadays, just not by accident. I think that's pretty delightful.