For Females: Unanticipated Flattery

[Totenkindly]

Question for females:

How do you feel when you're just going about your day [i.e., are not trying to look attractive or get any attention] and a man unexpectedly says, "Wow, you're really good-looking / cute / gorgeous!" or makes some other comment about your appearance?

Is this generally a welcome thing, or does it become bothersome after awhile, or.... Well, what's your perception?

 

[nightning]

I become suspicious about their hidden motives since I do not associate those things with myself. Well maybe that's not very fair to the OP... I'll replace it with qualities I do have. Infrequent compliments are well received. Do it too often I get embarassed.

 

[disregard]

Always anticipated

 

[targobelle]

I can't say I have experienced what you are asking in the OP so really I have no idea how I would respond.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

I work with the public so things like that happen on a regular basis. I go to work looking professional not sexy. It's always disturbing though having a husband standing behind his wife winking at you or giving you the twice over. I don't mind occasional flattery. I dish it out to others from time to time too. I just think it's important that you don't come off as creepy.

(I wanted to add too-never lick your lips at a strange woman-it's disgusting and never a good idea! If you feel that urge coming on let it go!!)

 

[Totenkindly]

All right -- to expand a little, how about in welcome threads or "What We Look Like" threads?

There, I suppose you have more control over how you present yourself and whether you even bother, so you're prepared for a potential post like "OMG UR so HOT!" or whatever else.

Does it ever get old after awhile, or does it feel like people are just reacting to what you look like, rather than "you" per se?

 

[FemMecha]

Question for females:

How do you feel when you're just going about your day [i.e., are not trying to look attractive or get any attention] and a man unexpectedly says, "Wow, you're really good-looking / cute / gorgeous!" or makes some other comment about your appearance?

When a complete stranger says it? I ignore them and move away. There isn't any reason I should stand out to that extent. With complete strangers, someone taking a double look, looking at my eyes and smiling is welcomed. I guess the feeling of being obligated or pressured to respond is not welcomed.

When someone I know or am in a conversation with compliments me, I usually appreciate it. Even if a cashier says, "nice weather... la dee da... followed by a light compliment", I would appreciate it. I'm with L4BNU about being turned sick when a guy who is clearly 'with' a woman is eyeing me. I usually confine my eye contact and communication to her in that case. I will not compete with my looks or sexual attention. I'm quite open and accepting of sincerity from men or women in social and sexual matters.

 

[cafe]

It doesn't happen real often and when it does, it really depends. If it's not creepy, it can be a nice little lift, but I'd rather be complimented on something I value more and put more effort into.

 

[Alienclock]

First internal reaction? Dread.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

NLA

 

[cafe]

All right -- to expand a little, how about in welcome threads or "What We Look Like" threads?

There, I suppose you have more control over how you present yourself and whether you even bother, so you're prepared for a potential post like "OMG UR so HOT!" or whatever else.

Does it ever get old after awhile, or does it feel like people are just reacting to what you look like, rather than "you" per se?

Oh. That? I have no worries. I am relatively plain and there are some real cuties/hotties around to take the heat.

 

[FemMecha]

All right -- to expand a little, how about in welcome threads or "What We Look Like" threads?

There, I suppose you have more control over how you present yourself and whether you even bother, so you're prepared for a potential post like "OMG UR so HOT!" or whatever else.

Does it ever get old after awhile, or does it feel like people are just reacting to what you look like, rather than "you" per se?

It gets old if it seems obligatory. I usually appreciate it, even though I'm not 'available'. I think a quick response compliment is on the same level as the value of a person's external looks, so it's reasonably matched. I guess when it comes to compliments on my mind, I really don't 'need' those emotionally. Still, they do mean a great deal coming from someone I respect. I'm not as secure about my looks as I am my mind, so the shallow compliments are more useful to me there. It's also why I give them out readily as well - in case someone else needs a boost. Gawd, that was just way too honest.

My guess is that if women are getting creeped out by your flattery you aren't doing it right. Backhanded flattery is almost always a winner. It's when you deliver it directly and sincerely and look for a response that women will rightly be unsettled and suspicious.

Dude, then am I a man or something? Direct and sincere is exactly what I look for. That's different than entitled, needy, and controlling.

 

[Totenkindly]

Oh. That? I have no worries. I am relatively plain and there are some real cuties/hotties around to take the heat.

Huh. I thought you were very attractive.

 

[disregard]

Huh. I thought you were very attractive.

me2

 

[FemMecha]

Huh. I thought you were very attractive.

Oh no cafe, now you've done it.

I think you are beautiful and delicate like a pixie or an elf. You have a cute, slightly articulated nose and chin. You have that little spark of fire like a firefly. Are you creeped out yet?

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

All right -- to expand a little, how about in welcome threads or "What We Look Like" threads?

There, I suppose you have more control over how you present yourself and whether you even bother, so you're prepared for a potential post like "OMG UR so HOT!" or whatever else.

Does it ever get old after awhile, or does it feel like people are just reacting to what you look like, rather than "you" per se?

Alright you narrowed it down a bit. I will say that I intentionally waited a few months to post a pic on INTPc. I wanted to establish my personality before putting what I look like out there. Looks to me are secondary in importance. I didn't mind receiving compliments after that. I am self-conscious so I was actually hoping that there would be some! I think when getting to know other forum members in a community in which you plan to stay it is nice to know what they look like. I don't think it should matter but in a sense it does.

 

[Totenkindly]

Excerpt from "Do I Creep You Out?"

Everytime I shake your hand now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Do I creep you out?

Call you every night and hang up, whoa, up
Gonna carve your name in my leg
In my leg

 

[Ivy]

I'm now afraid that if I ask, Daphne will compare me to a dwarf matriarch. Beardless, so not a prize specimen, but close.

Maybe a halfling/hobbit? I do have a little fuzz on the ol' toes.

I like getting compliments and I almost never anticipate them, so I usually think the second option. Except for my hair. I do have glorious hair and receive compliments on it almost daily, or at least as often as I see my mother.

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

Excerpt from "Do I Creep You Out?"

Everytime I shake your hand now
Wanna stick your fingers in my mouth
Do I creep you out?

Call you every night and hang up, whoa, up
Gonna carve your name in my leg
In my leg

LMAO that is so hilarious you were reading my mind!! I have been listening to that CD everyday for about a week now!! I told one of my guy friends IRL that song reminded me of him-he got the message!!

 

[cafe]

Not creeped out (yet, and I love that song, lol), but embarrassed. I think I look like Eliza Jane Wilder from the Little House TV series.