How comfortable are you in a group conversation vs. one on one?

[highlander]

I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?

 

[Pseudo]

I am similar. But I think it's more based in not being able to gauge everyone's reactions at once. I like sit back and observe the group but not be in the midst of divided attention. I think I feel the need I know where I stand with someone and its harder to do in groups

 

[FemMecha]

I relate to virtually everything you said, except professional meetings can cause the same problem. I've even adjusted my career so I work primarily one-on-one. I think it is a strongly introverted issue because that means you take in too much information initially and have to have introverted time to process. I observe a great many details one-on-one, and when in a group it feels like the world is a kaleidoscope.

 

[Glycerine]

It depends on what it is. I can talk a lot but say nothing (very impersonal) in both conditions. However, if it's anything remotely personal, I clam up a lot in group conversations and somewhat in one on one conversations.

 

[NathanZ]

Absolutely. I hate noisy situations to begin with, unless I'm the host of the party or just drunk. I prefer to have conversations one-on-one or in smaller groups. And I like the conversations to be ABOUT something: They don't have to be 'deep', but nattering and small talk turns me off pretty quickly.

I can sit back an observe, but if there's no opportunity for me to make a meaningful connection or contribution, I'm out of there before too long.

 

[Lark]

I'm fine, although I fall prey to others deliberately misinterpreting what I have said often and that pisses me off, I'm very conscious of how people try to use group conversations to put on a performance or attempt to show others up. It can work too, purely as a result of the group dynamic, in a way in which it would not be possible in a one to one discussion.

The other thing I dont like about group discussions is that I find a lot of people who have nothing to say will choose to speak anyway purely in order to have their say or their their turn or be seen to be participating. Then when someone who does not usually participate or has difficulty doing so if they do partake and fluff what they mean to say or can not articulate what they mean and others seek to silence them some how, using again the group dynamic, that pisses me off too.

I used to deal with this when I was younger by becoming passive aggressive, deliberately refusing to communicate or withdrawing, then when I got older and found it easier I'd dominate proceedings or at least try to, neither have ever proven satisfactory and I've learned as a result that group dynamics just screw with proper communication 99.9% of the time. Even with strictly observed agendas and rules of order for proceedings its much the same much of the time.

 

[miss fortune]

in normal life I really hate groups of people... I loathe crowds and I'd really rather deal with one or two people at a time... otherwise I tend to feel a bit confused as to whose turn it is to speak and who is offended by what... I also tend to blush when large groups of people look at me at the same time

I can flip a switch for work though and speak to any size of group of people... I can juggle a conversation with a large group of people and keep them all laughing and happy... it's kind of like I learned to channel my drunk self when sober and forget about any inhibitions for a while

 

[garbage]

I can take or leave both under certain circumstances, so it's a wash.

If a group setting is a chaotic free-for-all, then it's not my thing. .. at all. If we're all in sync or on the same page, or if I or someone else am in control of the thing, then I'm very comfortable with it. It's also very beneficial and often provides a broad perspective.

One-on-one is awkward if I can't (or don't care to) find an "in" with the other person, but the ability to concentrate on one another can be fruitful and meaningful.

Basically, if a group or individual conversation is ordered and directed (to a very, very general degree), then I'm on board.

 

[SilkRoad]

I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?

I basically feel very similarly with almost all of this. INxJ thing?

Although, I'm not sure I'd say I'm always good at one on one. There are some people with whom I rapidly run out of things to say (and they might be new acquaintances, or people I know somewhat better) and then it's awkward. But generally I'm quite good at being friendly, drawing people out in conversation, etc. I do really enjoy some group convos but it's very dependent on the dynamic and the people. I also have the background noise issue...

 

[Ginkgo]

I would say that they're equally comfortable, though what really tips me off about how I communicate - and whether I communicate at all - is my sense of belonging.

 

[BlueGray]

I'm much more active in large groups. The number of people I can hold a one on one conversation with for any length of time is very small, however in group settings I tend to feel the need to direct the group. I find myself being by far one of the most active members of groups with 10+ people. Something about large groups turns my brain on. I become much more focused and productive.

 

[WALMART]

I'm always comfortable engaging or disengaging as I see fit. Just because I choose not to speak in certain social settings does not mean I have nothing to say. I enjoy being a casual observer than an active participant, most times.

 

[Viridian]

Group convos tend to make me feel either ignored or very self-conscious.

 

[Southern Kross]

It depends. There are positives and negatives to both.

Group conversations can be good because there isn't much burden on me to constantly contribute. This means I can relax and fade into the background a bit if I want. I can just listen and add something now and then, when I feel I have something vaguely worthwhile to say, or when the subject shifts to something more interesting to me. The downside is, as others have said, the conversation sometimes becomes bland and impersonal, or it all gets lost in noise.

One on ones can be great if you talking to someone that's interesting and easy to communicate with but if they're not particularly so, it's just awkward and uncomfortable for me. I'm talkative but very shy, so any sort of uneasy situation just makes me desperate to get away. This is in part why instant messaging makes me nervous and I generally avoid it. Also I'm not good when all the attention is on me and I'm talking to someone I'm not totally comfortable with.

Of course one on ones are where all the best conversations come from, but I'd rather disappear into the crowd than be stuck in an awkward situation - so I guess I like to play it safe more often.

 

[/DG/]

Group conversations can be good because there isn't much burden on me to constantly contribute. This means I can relax and fade into the background a bit if I want. I can just listen and add something now and then, when I feel I have something vaguely worthwhile to say, or when the subject shifts to something more interesting to me.

This is actually why I tend to actually prefer group interactions to one-on-one situations. I tend not to have much to say and I'm a bit awkward. In group situations, I'm not pressured to keep talking.

I tend to see the preference one-on-one interactions correlated to introversion, but I don't really think this so.

 

[Omission1234]

I've always been really good with one on one conversations. I feel comfortable. I like getting to know people. I really enjoy talking to them. On the other hand, when I'm part of a group - more than 3 people - I tend to clam up. There is this fast paced bantering going back and forth that often happens and I lose track of what they are talking about. I don't hear the jokes. Part of it is getting bored. If I can't influence the direction of the conversation, I have a hard time staying with it. I'm pretty good at catching the body language between people and getting a sense as to how they are feeling. Often there is a lot of background noise though and that doesn't help because I sometimes have a hard time hearing what people are saying (I have always had this problem). If I'm in a group and am actively contributing ideas and asking questions, etc. (i.e. at work) and we are talking about something interesting, and we are in a meeting room without the background noise, I have no problem. It's more with social situations. So, if I'm at a party, I will talk to people one on one. I'll make the rounds but I'll stay out of those group discussions and if my one on one discussion turns into a group, I'll generally find myself going somewhere else at the first possible opportunity.

I've wondered if this is type related at all. Anyone else experience this?

this is me as well. Im much better in smaller groups of 1-3 or just two others. Any more I lose focus and it usually gets boring, It depends if we are somewhere quiet or really loud too. The quieter and chiller the better.

 

[Omission1234]

I just wanted to add to what others have posted on pro's and con's to both:

- I agree with liking the anonymity of really large groups (sometimes) I have to be in the mood, like going to parties. I can control my surroundings and I feel really independent in a way. It makes me feel more extroverted and social.
- Also yes larger groups take pressure off you in a way, you can listen more if there isn't a lot of background noise.
- Sometimes one on one's can be negative for me, if I'm having an intense conversation with another person whom I don't know too well. Sometimes because it is one on one I feel obligated to give them an answer. For me I can't make up a "sorta real" experience so it becomes very personal, sometimes too personal and it is not what I intended on sharing with this individual. I would normally only share this personal and private information with very close friends.
- I generally love one on ones and I'm really good with one or two others especially coffee walks. When the other person pries for personal info and opinions off the top of my head, it freaks me out and I can't think of my best answer. It's all around uncomfortable. But again this is usually with people I don't know too well. ( Unfortunately I usually regret everything I've ever said to them. Over and over.) Kinda like the post. oh well. I'll keep it up.

 

[Mole]

I love dinner parties.

For at dinner parties we share delicious food and delicious conversation.

Some say Heaven is a dinner party, but if truth be known, this is a dinner party.

 

[Phantonym]

In real life, I feel uncomfortable in both situations. I like to observe, so I'd prefer group situations where the attention is not on me and I can get away with staying silent. One on one convos are loaded with pressure in person and I hate that, so I tend to clam up.

It's the opposite with instant messaging though. Then I prefer one on one to group convo any time.

 

[Lexicon]

Depends on the number of people in the group, the temperature of conversation, etc, etc. Same can be applied to one on one conversations, as well. II'm fine at noisy crowded parties, but I do prefer small groups, as well as 1:1. Ideally small group dispersing into a 1:1 conversation. Makes the transition feel more natural, less abrupt. Again, highly depends on the person. Even at crowded gatherings, you'll find me lurking in a corner somewhere, interacting with one or two people, at a time, at most.