I'm considering in investing in cosmetic surgery...

[Fidelia]

And then again it may. Have you missed the many references in this thread to smiling being a boon, as well as the positive feedback in the picture thread when they saw a smiling picture?

I think it's your persona, not your looks. Your chosen persona (notice I didn't say personality) repels those that are in its path. It seems to me that you enjoy it or at least find comfort in having some sort of an identity. Maybe it's the "I'll make myself repulsive to you before you can decide I'm repulsive first" thing.

If you create a narcissistic and fake version of yourself, you never really have to feel badly if it's rejected, whereas if you actually presented your real self at its core, people could dislike you for you and that's too big of a risk to take.

Therapy, not surgery, U-with-an-umlaut!

 

[Fluffywolf]

Therapy, not surgery, U-with-an-umlaut!

Disagreed. Even the most accepting of youngsters do not cross the barrier of bad teeth/smile in this day and age. Having had probably the worst luck possible with bad orthodontists and the like, I had had a seriously misformed set of teeth throughout my younger years, and only recently have it at a level that seems to be socially acceptable and still got a ways to go. Despite having bad teeth (they're clean, not rotten or anything, just like to go on vacations and move about my jaw like hungry fish), I have never felt insecure about them or deliberatly hid them, and have found it to be an interesting tool to see how genuine some people really are when they say they don't care about looks at times too, but still never created a persona that repelled people. I've always be open and honest about it and it has never prevented me from opening up to people.

Although as for Ü's smile, his teeth are a blessing compared to mine, so for him you might be right.

I think I've already invested about ~25.000 euro in my teeth. xD

 

[Fidelia]

Getting your teeth fixed up is different than investing in cosmetic surgery to change your face so people will like you when that's not the main issue.

While I agree that teeth make a difference, I'd say that in the what's glaring priority list, teeth wouldn't be on the top of it!

 

[The Ü™]

But if my teeth are imperfect, then how do I look more "attractive" when smiling?

 

[Tiger Owl]

But if my teeth are imperfect, then how do I look more "attractive" when smiling?

Smile like you mean it.

 

[The Ü™]

And then again it may. Have you missed the many references in this thread to smiling being a boon, as well as the positive feedback in the picture thread when they saw a smiling picture?

I think it's your persona, not your looks. Your chosen persona (notice I didn't say personality) repels those that are in its path. It seems to me that you enjoy it or at least find comfort in having some sort of an identity. Maybe it's the "I'll make myself repulsive to you before you can decide I'm repulsive first" thing.

If you create a narcissistic and fake version of yourself, you never really have to feel badly if it's rejected, whereas if you actually presented your real self at its core, people could dislike you for you and that's too big of a risk to take.

Therapy, not surgery, U-with-an-umlaut!

I'm not really trying to be "repulsive" with my "persona," I just think my "persona" makes me seem more interesting. I am hopelessly uninteresting without the "persona."

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

I don't really see anything wrong with your teeth... They don't look crooked or chipped... I didn't even notice a chip in your tooth? I've seen some people that have shorter/smaller/whatever teeth than others, and yours kind of remind me of that... It's not a bad thing though.

 

[prplchknz]

Smile like you mean it.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppX797fIW6Y"]''[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Eruca]

I've been thinking, maybe it's not my looks that are the problem. Maybe it's my personality.

I think so.

Have you tried being less like you?

 

[Fluffywolf]

Have you tried being less like you?

Not possible for INTP's or ENTP's. Unless you want them to become utterly stressed out. Which never seems practical in my experience.

 

[Fidelia]

I'm not really trying to be "repulsive" with my "persona," I just think my "persona" makes me seem more interesting. I am hopelessly uninteresting without the "persona."

You think you're uninteresting. I think most people would probably like you better because at least it would seem genuine. Also remember that you are always around yourself, so what seems mundane to you may not be to someone else.

However, if you believe you are truly uninteresting, why don't you start becoming the kind of person that would be interesting to get to know? This is something that seems well within your reach. I would have no interest in dating a man who was looking for me to make his life interesting. I'd rather get to know someone whose life is already full of hobbies and plans and interests that make him a fascinating person to be around. Start looking outwards and think about what strengths, knowledge or skills you have that you could offer others who need them or what would develop you as a person. How much attention are you paying to developing non-romantic relationships in your life? (Doing this offers frequent opportunities to figure out what areas you need more practice in, decide what you have to offer another person, give you chances to learn from others around you, fills in your life with a support system, forces you to think of others, practice receiving and providing care, etc). I think when people try to skip over the non-romantic relationships to get to the good stuff, they often miss developing the necessary skills to develop and sustain a healthy relationship with a good potential partner.

You just strike me as someone who doesn't have a strong sense of identity - the good things about yourself and what you have to offer any kind of relationship (romantic or platonic), so you rely on being shocking and controversial instead. You would like a quick fix for how to get what you ultimately want, and there really are none. Even if you change your appearance and people react positively, the underlying issue of a need for identity will continue to resurface.

I would wager you're selling yourself short. I expect there's a lot more good (and interesting) stuff there than you generally show us.

 

[The Ü™]

You think you're uninteresting. I think most people would probably like you better because at least it would seem genuine. Also remember that you are always around yourself, so what seems mundane to you may not be to someone else.

However, if you believe you are truly uninteresting, why don't you start becoming the kind of person that would be interesting to get to know? This is something that seems well within your reach. I would have no interest in dating a man who was looking for me to make his life interesting. I'd rather get to know someone whose life is already full of hobbies and plans and interests that make him a fascinating person to be around. Start looking outwards and think about what strengths, knowledge or skills you have that you could offer others who need them or what would develop you as a person. How much attention are you paying to developing non-romantic relationships in your life? (Doing this offers frequent opportunities to figure out what areas you need more practice in, decide what you have to offer another person, give you chances to learn from others around you, fills in your life with a support system, forces you to think of others, practice receiving and providing care, etc). I think when people try to skip over the non-romantic relationships to get to the good stuff, they often miss developing the necessary skills to develop and sustain a healthy relationship with a good potential partner.

You just strike me as someone who doesn't have a strong sense of identity - the good things about yourself and what you have to offer any kind of relationship (romantic or platonic), so you rely on being shocking and controversial instead. You would like a quick fix for how to get what you ultimately want, and there really are none. Even if you change your appearance and people react positively, the underlying issue of a need for identity will continue to resurface.

I would wager you're selling yourself short. I expect there's a lot more good (and interesting) stuff there than you generally show us.

What platonic friendships I ever had with people are boring, to be honest. I find that I really have nothing in common with anyone. I just prefer being a loner. I don't really have hobbies (other than playing on the computer, video games, and movies), and I somehow can't get myself interested in anything for some reason. I think it's just the fact that no one has ever been sexually interested in me, and that's what's bugging me. Unfortunately, I don't get to choose what bugs me and what doesn't.

I feel really guilty about not really having the drive to achieve anything, or maybe I do, I just don't know what I want to achieve anymore, aside from that which has been bugging me for the last 7 years.

And how can I be interesting if I don't have a strong sense of identity? And if I'm uninteresting, how does it make sense that I could be an interesting person to get to know?

 

[SD45T-2]

I'm not really trying to be "repulsive" with my "persona," I just think my "persona" makes me seem more interesting. I am hopelessly uninteresting without the "persona."

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqBHo04-780"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bqBHo04-780[/YOUTUBE]

 

[The Ü™]

Couldn't you have posted something that has a point?

 

[CzeCze]

I'm not really trying to be "repulsive" with my "persona," I just think my "persona" makes me seem more interesting. I am hopelessly uninteresting without the "persona."

There is a very important distinction between "negative attention" and "positive attention". Also, a big difference between keeping "good company" and merely being in the presence of others.

if you want real life relationships, friendships and otherwise, you'll need to show your true face and not just hide behind a mask or persona.

FWIW, I have you on ignore and have had you on my ignore list since way back in the day. I never thought you were a "bad person" merely that you were so obviously trolling for attention. Since you've returned to the forum you are not so obviously trolling and have toned down a lot and also seem more sincere. Which is more than I can say for some others. I have a good mind to take you off my ignore list.

See??? See what being genuine does? It will attract people. Acting the fool on purpose or playing up to stereotypes, etc. OMG, the kind of people you will attract with that IRL? It's not connection that they are seeking but rather momentary entertainment. You also become polarizing so most people dislike you but a few like your persona quite a bit. But, again, it's a persona, they don't like you for you. Either that or you will attract others who hide behind a mask or worse, people who are NOT hiding behind a mask and are really as X Y Z as you pretend to be. That is not a good scene.

I think you are too hard on yourself for thinking you are uninteresting or rather, more interesting, by playing this act. I think if you give it up and try for a genuine connection you will be much more satisfied by the responses you get.

So anywhoo, yeah, just practice facial expressions including how to look at people (not overly intensely) and learn to give social cues like nodding and giving other acknowledgement while people are speaking or whatnot. It may seem like a lot of work or a foreign language now but it's much less invasive, traumatic, and expensive as surgery. And it will have the pay off you are looking for.

 

[swordpath]

I've come to terms that I am not a conventionally attractive male. The trouble is, I don't know precisely what about my face is unattractive, mainly because I don't pay attention to the details of facial beauty. So I need an objective assessment.

What are parts about my face that I should adjust? For example, is my nose too big? Is my face too wide? Be upfront with me, what should I do about my facial appearance that will make me look more attractive?

Here are some pics:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=46520&p=1667296&viewfull=1#post1667296

And here's one I took yesterday:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/members/the-.html

Dude... you don't need surgery. That's the problem. People think they need to do things like this in order to gain self confidence. I can understand in dire situations, where someone looks completely fucked that this might help to an extent, but you don't look fucked. Just get some sun, start working out and quit wallowing in self pity!

 

[The Ü™]

Dude... you don't need surgery. That's the problem. People think they need to do things like this in order to gain self confidence. I can understand in dire situations, where someone looks completely fucked that this might help to an extent, but you don't look fucked. Just get some sun, start working out and quit wallowing in self pity!

How can you tell whether I work out or not?

 

[Fidelia]

What platonic friendships I ever had with people are boring, to be honest. I find that I really have nothing in common with anyone. I just prefer being a loner. I don't really have hobbies (other than playing on the computer, video games, and movies), and I somehow can't get myself interested in anything for some reason. I think it's just the fact that no one has ever been sexually interested in me, and that's what's bugging me. Unfortunately, I don't get to choose what bugs me and what doesn't.

I feel really guilty about not really having the drive to achieve anything, or maybe I do, I just don't know what I want to achieve anymore, aside from that which has been bugging me for the last 7 years.

And how can I be interesting if I don't have a strong sense of identity? And if I'm uninteresting, how does it make sense that I could be an interesting person to get to know?

A lot of sexual attraction (for women at least) is based on mental and emotional factors, rather than purely physical ones. From what I can tell, women are much more selective about who they are attracted to initially (men tend to have broader categories that include a larger scope of people in the initial sorting process), but they are also more flexible about developing attraction over time than men tend to be (most people that start in the no category with men will remain there).

Generally, the people I've ever liked or dated have not been people that initially stood out to me as devastatingly attractive, even though a strong attraction developed as I got to know them.

You find people boring because you are not really interested in them, other than in terms of what they can give you. Therefore, people also will find you boring because you are rather self-absorbed. I think as you get involved with more people and start interacting in an active, rather than passive way, you will find more of an interest developing. Whatever you invest in and devote time to is what you grow to care about. Think even about the video games you play - something that you have put hours into figuring out, getting better at, discussing and have history with is going to be much more interesting to you than something you take a cursory look at at a gaming store. People are interesting puzzles to figure out.

The only way that you will become interesting to others, in addition to getting some interests of your own and becoming a more well-rounded person is by showing an interest in them. People are inherently self-centred and appreciate someone showing curiosity, concern or care for them. If you learn to ask them questions, you will learn a lot about what matters to them and they will also feel closer to you. You are off the hook for conversation because you are asking them about a subject they care about and are very knowledgeable about! At the end of it, they feel that they have had a great time and you usually can take away something interesting, informative, or useful from it. Everyone is an expert at something. Finding that one thing that someone is knowledgeable or passionate about turns daily and mundane interactions, even with servers or cab drivers, into an exchange that is enriching or helpful to you in some way. It also gives you practice at successfully wooing the person that you do want non-platonic attention from!

 

[swordpath]

How can you tell whether I work out or not?

Because you're being far too insecure.

 

[Fidelia]

As far as having drive to achieve something and knowing what to achieve, I don't think anyone ever gets hit with a thunderbolt that way. It's usually an outgrowth of taking an active role in what happens to them, instead of hoping something great will drop into their lap.

Secondly, sometimes it means elevating doing the right thing, or doing something hard over your feelings at the time. If you wait for the feelings to jumpstart you, it likely will never happen, nor do feelings have the power to sustain you. Often when we get going on doing the next thing that is directly in front of us, it will lead us to what we really want to achieve and the feelings will come. This is another place where people come in. We are very influenced by the values and ideas and plans of those around us. The more time you spend alone or with unmotivated people, the less likely you are to feel motivated. If you are around people who are achieving something, it makes you want to dig a little harder.