[ENFP] So this infamous ENFP "Te Bitchslap".....

[Lady_X]

what a fucked up post billy.

 

[Billy]

I don't think you can see mine coming from a mile away. That doesn't make it any more reasonable of a bitchslap though. I'll be fine, fine fine, someone will aggravate me and then I will just *SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!* It's really hard to know the triggers or when it's going to come. Except there are the times when people stand too close to me, and then you can probably see it coming. Because it starts where I get that song, "don't stand so close to me" in my head... (I'm not sure what it's called.) And that's the warning, and I'm pretty sure that's when my face turns sour, and people have about 30 seconds to a minute to catch my drift and give me some personal space.

We should have an Aux T duel!

 

[King sns]

We should have an Aux T duel!

Yeah. Except first you would need to piss me off. Stand too close to me or try to talk in my face while I'm busy.

 

[King sns]

what a fucked up post billy.

lol!!!!! That Billy just goes right for the throat.
What's your deal, Billy?
Where you from?

 

[Billy]

Yeah. Except first you would need to piss me off. Stand too close to me or try to talk in my face while I'm busy.

ok lets see, are you cute? that will handle me standing close and being in your face, and this post should surely piss you off

 

[Amargith]

I've been there. And I must say it's a pretty horrifying experience.

I noticed that my ENFP starts to retaliate, the power is at least triple to a point that I couldn't sleep for days because a) I felt manipulated (he was being overtly emotional and use self-pity way beyond my limit) and b) because I felt exactly what chana mentioned--a mission accomplished vibe, which both have caused me casting even more doubts on him.

I've seen ENFP girls fighting with others, but the level of impact is far different from ENFP men I've encountered. Any thoughts on this?

No clue..I don't really know any ENFP men. Perhaps it's coz it's more natural for men to..fight? Or be more aggressive? And even encouraged?

I know that when I feel myself approaching that boundary, I count to 10 and walk away if I can. The one time I actually went there successfully, was over 10 years worth of pent up pain, frustration, anxiety and plain fury. And i'd been postponing it for 10 years. Not that I didn't go dramaqueen on this person before, many times over, with the same level of intense emotions, but it was more diffused. Equally intense for me to experience, but less of a direct attack to digest for the other, partly coz I didn't know how to bundle my attention like that, partly coz I'm really *really* reluctant to make a conscious attack like that *on anyone*. I prefer to walk away or smoothe things over and I really don't like building bridges. The dramaqueen act is a way of letting you know that 'hey, you're hurting me and I cannot process this, plz stop, coz this is a nightmare for me.' I know, not the most effective way, but my circuits are literally overloading at that point and I need down time, to process this. Keeping me in place and interrogating me is the equivalent of torture at that point, which causes me to burst.

It's entirely different from the attack thing, as I'm already beside myself and unable to pull myself together. The attack thing happened coz I recognized the pattern and knew where it was going...and I didn't feel like being interrogated and tormented for 3 hours straight. Not again. Never again. So I went for the jugular. And regretted it immensely the second I saw him tear up.

I deliberately don't go there anymore as nobody has the power to do that to me anymore now that I'm an adult, unless I let them. I'm not sure if perhaps the testosterone and the natural conditioning of men in our culture makes male ENFPs grab this sort of attack weapon more readily. I can see how it can also be used as an emotional warfare weapon if used plenty and finetuned. Push the right buttons, make it an emotional abuse thing.

I find I use the way weaker, and more detached version with certain people I wanna keep away from me. It's an effective tool to keep people from getting their hooks in you as it turns off a lot of people. Especially those that would abuse that harmless little face they think is naive and stupid

 

[King sns]

ok lets see, are you cute? that will handle me standing close and being in your face, and this post should surely piss you off

Ugh. People took my needle and syringe nurse avatar much more seriously. Thanks a lot Lady X!
I'm a scary Te tertiary, damnit!

 

[Billy]

lol!!!!! That Billy just goes right for the throat.
What's your deal, Billy?
Where you from?

My deal I dont know what you mean, I am from CT. I do go for the throat, blame it on my ENTJ father raising me I guess.

 

[Starry]

ENFP bitchslap? lol... more like a fail-slap. Anyone with perception can see it coming a mile away, and prepare accordingly. I had a few ENFPs attempt this on me, not only did I turn everyone against them, use them up for what I could before I ditched them and then door slammed their ass and left them in the cold. Too easy. Now an INTJ/ENTJ Te bitchslap, that can be scary because their Te smack downs tend to be less emotionally aimed and go after shit that matters.

Whoa dude.

 

[Billy]

Whoa dude.

Arent you even going to ask if he deserved it?

 

[Amargith]

Wait. You're actually serious? Alright..

 

[Malkavia]

Hm......

Who wants cookies?

*pulls out a tray of cookies*

 

[Amargith]

LOL..nice attempt at diffusing the situation

 

[stalemate]

Is the cookie offer still on the table?

 

[Malkavia]

The cookie offer is always on the table.

 

[Malkavia]

The point of this thread wasn't to make make it seem like ENFPs are any more adept at making people feel horrible. I've heard of it before, felt it before, and I just wanted to see what other people do to control it.

Instead of have to get these people acting like I slapped them with my dick.

Cookies will have to do.

 

[Qlip]

I'm not familiar with this phenomenon. In relationships my Te tends to shove people around instead of slapping. Sometimes it is 'right', sometimes it is wide of the mark. Usually it's bullying and counter productive, yet personally convenient.

 

[Amargith]

My method nr 1:

If you can, walk away. If you feel it coming on (learn to identify the triggers and signals), try to change the subject, ask if you can continue this convo next time as you're not in the right mindset to do so, and remove yourself from the group at the very least, preferably completely from the situation so your Fi gets time to review the facts, gets the space it needs to process, before you burn bridges. Instead of getting yourself riled up while reviewing, ask yourself *why* the person was going there, where they're coming from and if you're missing something. Perhaps they aren't aware they're being offensive? Perhaps from their pov it looks reasonable but came too close to one of your precious values they had no idea of? Review all options, use Ne to do Fi's legwork.

Only return to the convo with a level head.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

I find I use the way weaker, and more detached version with certain people I wanna keep away from me. It's an effective tool to keep people from getting their hooks in you as it turns off a lot of people. Especially those that would abuse that harmless little face they think is naive and stupid

So this emotional distancing through detachment implies there are many issues which you have been bottling up and didn't want to ignite any emotional Te trip. However, would you consider you're applying this strategy just to "cool it off" or rather that you've given up on this person whom you're in conflict with? Like almost given up on re-bridging?

By the way, I can learn many essential things from your posts under this thread. Thank you for posting this.

 

[Crescent Fresh]

The point of this thread wasn't to make make it seem like ENFPs are any more adept at making people feel horrible. I've heard of it before, felt it before, and I just wanted to see what other people do to control it.

I think all types are capable of making feel horrible, it's just a matter of different techniques and delivery.

This thread is certainly helpful for other types to get to know more about ENFP.