BULLYING: Personality type with a tendency to bully others? Type of the victims?

[skylights]

Most Likely: ESxJs
Least Likely: INxPs

this seems statistically true just in my experience.

Meh, any type can be a bully or a victim.

absolutely.

The problem with that, is that most parents have that "My child would never do that" mentality. If you try to tell them their child is a bully, the parents will get defensive and call your son a liar most of the time.

this is ridiculously true. i have worked at a school. parents are worse than kids are... kids will fess up while parents will point fingers at other kids and other parents. i like the new trend of anti-bullying laws - where i worked, it was 3 strikes and you're going to a different school.

Curious no one's mentioned the ENFP. We don't get bulled -- and we don't bully?

i've noticed the general lack of mentions too. my experience -

i've never really felt bullied - a victim of cliquey girls and arrogant guys, sure, but never really targeted. i was teased for a few things, mainly physical, but i feel like mostly the teasing was due to general resentment at me for being top of my class. i suspect it never became that bad because i loved being an overacheiver - like, the teasing never made me stop doing well. plus some people eventually figured out that it was much more effective to just befriend me and ask favors, lol. i also never wanted to show that i was being affected - prideful denial, i guess. the teasing did combine with general anxiety and low self-esteem, which all led to me developing a (very secretive) eating disorder. yuck.

i also had some decent ways of getting back. for example, one boy decided it would be a good idea to cheat off me for a quiz. i observed him doing this, and the subsequent class, i purposefully let him do it again, but this time, listing incorrect answers. i waited for him to turn his in, then erased all my fake answers and filled my real ones in. i also have always had a fairly good read on people's more sensitive places and have little trouble hitting below the belt if i'm really pissed off. (edit -) not that i think that the bullied person needs to or even can stop the bullying - just saying i can be kind of an asshole sometimes and i'm sure that's kind of offputting to a bully when choosing victims.

as for being a bully, i don't think i've ever bullied anyone. like i said, i have a good read on people, and if i'm in a bad mood, or if i've just been pushed way out of my tolerance limits, i have the unfortunate ability to really hurt people psychologically. but rarely - i would say never - have i done that without someone else provoking me first.

overall i tended to treat the bullies with sarcastic neutrality and tended to befriend victims, which i suppose led to being a generally neutral party. nowadays, i have more self-confidence and less patience. i usually still tend to navigate "around" people but i take real pride in telling certain jerks exactly where they can stick it.

i do not think that there is any such thing as being "above" bullying though. maybe a person has good social skills for avoiding it, but it is not due to a moral highground.

ENFPs don't bully or get bully because they are always high.

HIGH ON LIFE

 

[Southern Kross]

I agree with this.

It's not that no one ever tried to bully me, but it's more that I found that one of two methods always took care of it. The first was simply to ignore them. A lot of them wanted attention, and if I didn't give it to them, they'd move on. As for the others, I just found some way to intimidate them back, and let them know that I didn't have a lot of patience for that behavior. One of those two methods always worked.

Although, I would say that some types are more inclined to bully than others. I'd say ESTx types are the most inclined to do so, at least when it comes to physical bullying. Other types would probably be more into manipulation, revenge, and mind games with bullying.

I'm glad this worked for you but it never did for me. I attempted to ignore a constant onslaught from day one of primary school until the very end of high school, in spite of how much it hurt, and it didn't stop. As for fighting back, I'm HOPELESS at this; I'm never quick-minded, witty or aggressive enough and never know the right thing to say in the moment. People exploited this and attacked me even more because they knew I couldn't fight back. INFPs just aren't made for aggression and cruelty (in dealing with it or dishing it out) so this makes us more of a target

With real bullying (as opposed to some teasing here and there), there is actually little you can do to stop it. There are a lot of sadistic people out there that know exactly how to hurt you and enjoy it too much to give it up when someone attempts to resist their methods.

 

[Athenian200]

I'm glad this worked for you but it never did for me. I attempted to ignore a constant onslaught from day one of primary school until the very end of high school, in spite of how much it hurt, and it didn't stop. As for fighting back, I'm HOPELESS at this; I'm never quick-minded, witty or aggressive enough and never know the right thing to say in the moment. People exploited this and attacked me even more because they knew I couldn't fight back. INFPs just aren't made for aggression and cruelty (in dealing with it or dishing it out) so this makes us more of a target

With real bullying (as opposed to some teasing here and there), there is actually little you can do to stop it. There are a lot of sadistic people out there that know exactly how to hurt you and enjoy it too much to give it up when someone attempts to resist their methods.

I think that Ps are a little more vulnerable to bullying, I have to admit. Because they're willing to flex and adapt to the bully's agenda, and they're just not stubborn. I've always been the sort of person that will pretty much do whatever it takes to deal with a situation like that... if it's getting a teacher, getting back at the bully, and making long, convoluted plans to force their hand... I'll do it. I think it also has something to do with Ps tending to stand out more, and be more obviously unconventional. I think it might have also had something to do with my quietness and seriousness... I'm the sort of person who seems kind of tightly wound, as though I might go crazy if you mess with me too much. I also had this expression where I would glare at a person like I wanted to kill them, while smiling in a creepy way... not many people could stand up to it. Yet another thing I did, was that I made a point to avoid being out of the sight of a teacher for long periods of time.

Although, I do have to admit, I am a very determined person... if it had become necessary, and I had exhausted every other option, I might very well have started making attempts on their life. But I would try so many things within the rules first, that it's unlikely it would ever get to that point. I think... bullies in general can sense that about a person, and they tend to go after people who are less focused, tend to go along with things, sometimes break the rules, kind of stand out and seem a little weird... basically, people who no one is going to stand up for, and who aren't going to give them much trouble. I actually know how to spot the kind of people a bully will go for, in your typical crowd. It's because I understand what most bullies want, and how they think... there's a certain psychology behind it.

Of course, it might be important to note that I'm only thinking about certain types of bullying. I don't know much about teasing or social exclusion, because I simply wasn't involved enough to be excluded from anything in the first place, and I could simply ignore teasing because I didn't respect the people doing it, and thought of them as pathetic. I was just very, very focused on going to class and doing my work, and simply didn't care about or acknowledge anything or anyone else unless it got in my way. If I had actually been invested or involved in anything at school, I might have been more vulnerable to bullying. A person who keeps their head down, does the bare minimum, never stands out, is fairly quiet, follows the rules, and doesn't get involved, or let themselves care about anything... is just not an easy target.

 

[Southern Kross]

^ Ps being more of a target than Js? That's an interesting theory. I don't think its J stubbornness (I'm very stubborn, just in a different way) so much as it is assertiveness and the willingness to take people and the situation on. I guess Ps tend to be more resigned in regards to their troubles.

 

[wildcat]

I think that Ps are a little more vulnerable to bullying, I have to admit. Because they're willing to flex and adapt to the bully's agenda, and they're just not stubborn. I've always been the sort of person that will pretty much do whatever it takes to deal with a situation like that... if it's getting a teacher, getting back at the bully, and making long, convoluted plans to force their hand... I'll do it. I think it also has something to do with Ps tending to stand out more, and be more obviously unconventional. I think it might have also had something to do with my quietness and seriousness... I'm the sort of person who seems kind of tightly wound, as though I might go crazy if you mess with me too much. I also had this expression where I would glare at a person like I wanted to kill them, while smiling in a creepy way... not many people could stand up to it. Yet another thing I did, was that I made a point to avoid being out of the sight of a teacher for long periods of time.

Although, I do have to admit, I am a very determined person... if it had become necessary, and I had exhausted every other option, I might very well have started making attempts on their life. But I would try so many things within the rules first, that it's unlikely it would ever get to that point. I think... bullies in general can sense that about a person, and they tend to go after people who are less focused, tend to go along with things, sometimes break the rules, kind of stand out and seem a little weird... basically, people who no one is going to stand up for, and who aren't going to give them much trouble. I actually know how to spot the kind of people a bully will go for, in your typical crowd. It's because I understand what most bullies want, and how they think... there's a certain psychology behind it.

Of course, it might be important to note that I'm only thinking about certain types of bullying. I don't know much about teasing or social exclusion, because I simply wasn't involved enough to be excluded from anything in the first place, and I could simply ignore teasing because I didn't respect the people doing it, and thought of them as pathetic. I was just very, very focused on going to class and doing my work, and simply didn't care about or acknowledge anything or anyone else unless it got in my way. If I had actually been invested or involved in anything at school, I might have been more vulnerable to bullying. A person who keeps their head down, does the bare minimum, never stands out, is fairly quiet, follows the rules, and doesn't get involved, or let themselves care about anything... is just not an easy target.

There was this one try to bully me. Place: School yard. The main bully pointed at Jack and he said: You know what, wildcat. You are so weak. You cannot beat even him.
Jack was a nerd, of course. A bespectacled lad, short stature, small chest, narrow, loopy shoulders. I was more than willing to flex and adapt to the bully's agenda.
Jack was innocent. But I did not pick him.
The bully did. It was his fault.
Jack was lying on the ground, I was sitting on his chest. It took less than one minute.
Did he suffer terribly? I don't think so. I did not hit him. I did not break his glasses. He still had them on, when he was lying on the ground. I did not sit on his chest more than a second. The bully and his gang left him in peace after that. He had learned the lesson. Always play the bully's game.
There was not another attempt to bully me. I did not pay any attention to the bullies either. I have no idea what they looked like. They were insignificant.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I'd say any unhealthy type can be both the bully and the victim.

Agreed.

However, for me personally, it seems to be female ESTP's that like to bully me. I can think of at least 3 in my life. They always thought of me as "weird" and maybe too nice.

I've always had female bullies. The alpha and mean females.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I think that Ps are a little more vulnerable to bullying, I have to admit. Because they're willing to flex and adapt to the bully's agenda, and they're just not stubborn. I've always been the sort of person that will pretty much do whatever it takes to deal with a situation like that... if it's getting a teacher, getting back at the bully, and making long, convoluted plans to force their hand... I'll do it. I think it also has something to do with Ps tending to stand out more, and be more obviously unconventional. I think it might have also had something to do with my quietness and seriousness... I'm the sort of person who seems kind of tightly wound, as though I might go crazy if you mess with me too much. I also had this expression where I would glare at a person like I wanted to kill them, while smiling in a creepy way... not many people could stand up to it. Yet another thing I did, was that I made a point to avoid being out of the sight of a teacher for long periods of time.

Although, I do have to admit, I am a very determined person... if it had become necessary, and I had exhausted every other option, I might very well have started making attempts on their life. But I would try so many things within the rules first, that it's unlikely it would ever get to that point. I think... bullies in general can sense that about a person, and they tend to go after people who are less focused, tend to go along with things, sometimes break the rules, kind of stand out and seem a little weird... basically, people who no one is going to stand up for, and who aren't going to give them much trouble. I actually know how to spot the kind of people a bully will go for, in your typical crowd. It's because I understand what most bullies want, and how they think... there's a certain psychology behind it.

Of course, it might be important to note that I'm only thinking about certain types of bullying. I don't know much about teasing or social exclusion, because I simply wasn't involved enough to be excluded from anything in the first place, and I could simply ignore teasing because I didn't respect the people doing it, and thought of them as pathetic. I was just very, very focused on going to class and doing my work, and simply didn't care about or acknowledge anything or anyone else unless it got in my way. If I had actually been invested or involved in anything at school, I might have been more vulnerable to bullying. A person who keeps their head down, does the bare minimum, never stands out, is fairly quiet, follows the rules, and doesn't get involved, or let themselves care about anything... is just not an easy target.

Hmm... interesting theory about P's being more proned to bullying.

What about introverted versus extroverted types? I might even think it's probably more of the introverted perceptive types. At least, more often. I can't really think of many scenarios where my extroverted friends may have been the object of some bullies focus.

I also can only think of one J type that I know of that might have been bullied. An INFJ bisexual friend of mine. As to whether or not he was actually bullied, I'm not sure... but he sometimes plays victim.

 

[guesswho]

My most extreme experience with bullying:


I was with a friend, we went to the park and there were 3 guys ...drunk (2 of them were my neighbors )...we were bored so we decided to hang out with them, laugh a little, since the day was so bloomy.
So, we walked in an internet cafe, and the 3 guys pulled this tall guy out and start beating the shit out of him for no reason. I think they broke his nose. They humiliated him.

After that, they decided to go in a high school with their "hostage", I stayed out, I wasn't in the mood to witness anymore of that sick shit, and guess what. My buddy comes back running and tells me: " A is insane, he beat B and then forced him to give him a blowjob". They also asked him for some money, which he didn't have, so they told him to put the money under a rock near a specific bench in the park. And so he did.

I remember the look on that guy's face all beat out and sexually abused, I stared at him fucking stupefied.

Haven't really thought much of that, but the word "bullying" popped back this memory.

 

[Poki]

I was picked on some growing up, but not very much at all. Never bullied by anyone, nor have I ever had enemies. Any kind of verbal bullying I ignored and didnt bother me in the least. I was in martial arts from 6th grade through 12th, but never had to use it outside of class.

 

[skylights]

i actually tended to catch the most crap from (probable) ESFPs.

i have no idea why.

 

[Lily flower]

No.

I say yes - not all ENTP's are going to be bullies, obviously, but having grown up with one, I can definitely say that the tendency towards bullying is strong.

 

[Antimony]

Really, I think it depends for all types. Some types won't pick on others. I think overall the biggest bullies are ExTPs and ExTJs, with maybe some ISTPs, but for different reasons. ISTPs seem to be genuinely aggressive about it, at times. I blame it on Ti. Mother calls it the 'poke and run' function.

Too true, too true.

ENTPs: pick on everyone, for fun. Liking them or not.

ESTJs: the 'weird' people. May even just shun them
ESFJs: people they are into romantically/the weird people
ESTPs: Everyone
ENFPs: people they are romantically interested in, and the normal people. May be abrasive to the ones they dislike.
INFPs: no one. Might pick on some friends.
INFJs: might try to pop holes in egos, but generally in good humor
ISFJs: the balanced ones, probably not many people. May get picked on for quietness.
ENFJs: a lot of people, in good humor.
ENTJs: well, the ones I know don't pick on people, they correct them/argue with them
INTJs: no one, other than the ones close to them
ISTJs: well, if they do it at all, probably people they dislike
INTPs: too lost in thought for that
ESFPs: everyone. People they like, dislike, or think are weird. They can be pretty mean to the ones they dislike.
ISFPs: to chill for such.
ISTPs: probably bully people who were jerks to them, or whom they feel threatened by

 

[onemoretime]

I say yes - not all ENTP's are going to be bullies, obviously, but having grown up with one, I can definitely say that the tendency towards bullying is strong.

Honestly, it's unintentional (most of the time). I notice that I tended to do it mostly when someone was being an attention whore - and usually, it was very subconscious.

 

[Orangey]

The most bullied girl in high school was an ESFJ. Honestly, she made things bad for herself because she would provoke people but then meltdown as soon as they fired back at her. Then after she became known for her reactivity, people would make fun of her for shits and giggles. The quiet kids, by contrast, rarely got picked on directly like that.

As for me, I was neither bullied nor a bully. I guess in retrospect some of my teasing could have been interpreted as bullying, but I didn't mean it as bullying. If I teased someone it meant that I liked them in some way. Also, no one would dare try bullying me unless they wanted to start a battle which they couldn't win.

 

[A window to the soul]

As for me, I was neither bullied nor a bully. I guess in retrospect some of my teasing could have been interpreted as bullying, but I didn't mean it as bullying. If I teased someone it meant that I liked them in some way. Also, no one would dare try bullying me unless they wanted to start a battle which they couldn't win.

^ Heh, who would've guessed. You're sweet-innocent girly now! <3

ENTPs: pick on everyone, for fun. Liking them or not.

^ Ha yeah, so if you cwry like a man-child about your life, whaanh, please don't scratch me when I imagine you wearing a frilly pink dress and I call you a girly girl.

I'm sweeter now. I'm mostly hearts and roses... peachy-pink thorny roses.

 

[tinker683]

Believe it or not, I was a bully for a short time. During my second 1st grade year (I got held back one year) and for some of my 2nd grade year I used to pick on these two smaller kids than me. Then I met a defender-of-the-weak type who beat the snot out of me, then I stopped and he and I actually became good friends (until that is he fell into the gangster-rap crowd and I withdrew so deeply that I became invisible).

After, I received my fair share of bullies throughout middle and high school, though the numbers and incidents I had declined the older I got. I actually got to know the two kids I bullied, apologized sincerely to both of them, and I'm actually good friends with one of them to this day. He and I have Mac vs PC arguments all the time (Me representing PC, he representing Mac )

In retrospect, I think my own foray into bullying was partially a result of the fact that during my Kindergarten and first 1st grade year I was ostracized by all the kids in my classes and partially because I internalized all of my anger and hurt and didn't express it to anyone. I had no friends and those that did befriend me often turned on me for the amusement of their other friends. Nobody wanted to really talk with me, nobody sat with me at lunch, and I couldn't make any friends.

I wonder if that's why my Mom decided to hold me back and transfer me to another school. Those years sucked.

 

[Mephistopheles]

When I were younger, I annoyed everyone around me, what could be interpreted as bullying of some kind. We also had a very strange (I think INTJ-)kid in our class at the 5th grade who everyone constantly picked on; I also made him angry sometimes, but when I had the opinion that the other childs were overdoing it, I defended him; After our teacher ordered our class to stop that, me and some other childs who didn't pick on him decided to let him come into our Pen&Paper-Game-group, but he acted like a douchebag there (f.e. everyone laid all his sweets on the table, only he ate his own under the desk AND ate ours, too), so we kicked him out soon again. On the other side - due to me annoying everyone, defending the INTJ or simply I did something weird again - I also got picked on for small periods of time every once in a while. They usually stopped soon again; I don't consider myself a victim of really serious bullying.

My personal conclusions: NTPs can be bullies, but they don't look for specific persons & aren't organized, they simply do it to find out how the other person will react. If they think someones feelings are seriously hurt, they are rather on the defender side. On the other side, they're quite likely to be victims due to their weirdness. I know, I'm not the perfect archetype for an NTP, but this matches my view on us anyway.

 

[Antimony]

^ Spot on, old chap. When I poke fun at someone, it is normally jestingly. However, I greatly enjoy the reactions I get out of people.

Annoying? Maybe.

Fun? Absolutely.

^ Ha yeah, so if you cwry like a man-child about your life, whaanh, please don't scratch me when I imagine you wearing a frilly pink dress and I call you a girly girl.

I'm sweeter now. I'm mostly hearts and roses... peachy-pink thorny roses.

Lawls, say what? And maybe you can imagine me in a dress. How do you know I am male?

 

[xpersephonex]

I've had plenty of experience with ExTP, INTJ and ISTP e6 bullies. That was in middle school though, everyone is horrible in middle school.
In general I would say ESTPs.

 

[uncommonentity]

It'd depend on your definition of bullying. It can be defined in so many ways and the definition has just been inflated out of proportion now if you ask me. I kicked a couple of kids in the cock back in school but it was just because I was bored. INTJ's are really into that whole tough love thing so when a sensitive creature back then would square up to me and say they were going to hit me. I formally invited them to. I wanted to see people stand up for themselves and punch me right in the face. Weakness to me is well.... weak. Obviously nowadays I don't go round physically harming anyone but I'm still eager to guide the overly sensitive into growing a pair of nuts and standing up for themselves instead of having their frustrations build up inside of them to the point they combust or kill somebody.