[sx] How does Sx merge with another person?

[Goosebump]

People in general... however, it would be strongest with a lover of course. It used to be more common for me to want to merge with another when I was younger... less common these days. I think I have more walls up than I once did.

I also more actively sought for connections when I was younger. The word "merge" still doesn't register for me though and I'm a 9, who supposedly merges more often than other types.

Hmm... this would be hard to decipher from... like I said, I'm sx/sp, and as I've gotten older and put more walls up between me and others, I prefer to find intensity from any experience. I believe this is characteristic of sx's: the need to find intense experiences... be it connecting to music in the same merging type an sx does with other people. It's just that need to feel passionately connected and stirred. My desire to go on a walk is, not simply for the exercise or fresh air, but in hopes of being inspired or to help me connect to self or with the world at large. (but this could also be due to the fact that i'm an sx/sp variant...)

I do relate to this.

[QUOTE[Also, if someone comes at me with full intensity when I'm not ready, I'll be thrown off as well. No one wants someone to merge with them unless consent is given to do so... real connection. Haha.

Yeah, real connection is when both parties are in it.

I don't want cheap experiences in life, but real and intense experiences. And I think this will show in my taste of movies and music as well. Unless a friend picks it out, it's unlikely I'd put on a comedy or action flick. I prefer dramas, adventures, anything with meaning or a story that has intense emotions. I want to cry and feel chills, and want to be able to use that experience to relate to. Make sense?

I'd like to feel chills too, especially the ones I get from listening to music, and sometimes cry. I wouldn't mind putting on a comedy movie though. I love to laugh.

Another way of looking at this is, do you find yourself in a push-pull situation with people? This can potentially be ascribed to sx wanting connection but sp pulling back when it feels threatened which includes feeling overwhelmed.

As the instincts relate to the balance of enneagram theory, your enneagram type and wing will have a lot of impact on how you handle or participate in people-related interactions.

I thought sp/sx also does the same kind of push and pull. Unless you weren't speaking to me and just talked about Sx in general, then my bad.

Also, it's good that you pointed out the different ways each type participates people interaction. I guess as a 9, I'd very much prefer to have inner calm and I see intensity from people as a possible disturbance to that peace. To me, intensity = extreme. I'd rather have my relationships and conversations with people to be either funny or interesting, but not intense. For example, joking around, sharing our ideas and values, not talking about traumatic past or other horrible, tragic things, unless you're really close to me.

I read Jock's post and I could be Sx first. Exchanging ideas are cool, emotional mushy stuff, not as much, especially when you just know the person.

 

[Salomé]

sx/sp
I was going to say I don't. But, reading through the thread, I do relate to the curiosity Jock spoke about.
Also this:

for me it's this feeling of wanting to climb inside someone and experience things as they do...or wishing you could transfer your brain to theirs or vice versa...it only happens with people i love or am fascinated by.

And this:

The other person’s anger or frustrations with life just showing up inside of me or something. Or feeling like what I want doesn’t matter.

I can sometimes feel the feelings of people I'm close to. Like I have no skin. And I have had experiences which approximated telepathy. Which is "climbing into someone else's head", I suppose..

I don't think of any of those experiences as "merging" though, which I identify with a loss of self and that's not something I would ever strive for.

i want to wear their skin. and make a hat out of their hair.

LOL.

 

[highlander]

I can sometimes feel the feelings of people I'm close to. And I have had experiences which approximated telepathy. Which is "climbing into someone else's head", I suppose..

Yeah - I do that all the time. Didn't know that was SX though.

 

[Sunshine]

I'm still not decided if I'm SX/SP or SP/SX. It seems to me that when I'm relaxed and confident, I'm SX first. I don't view the SP as my path to growth, so I'm going with SX/SP.

I'm an E9, and don't view it as merging, but more about "becoming one" with the other person. I want to dissect their thoughts, and see how the gears line up and make them tick. There's a strong physical element with my romantic partners, as I want to explore how touch (even if it's just cuddling) and other senses affects those gears.

With me, it's not so much about being inside their skin, but rather, gaining access to the instrument panel of another person (with their willing permission, I have no desire to overcome resistance to something so personal), while trusting them with mine. Their mind and body becomes one with mine as an extension to both of our beings. Like a samurai and his sword.

Yes! Exactly!

"Their mind and body becomes one withe mine as an extension to both our beings. Like a samurai and his sword"

totalllllyyyyy

That's how it is with me. I'd never merge in a way that would make me lose myself. I'd say becoming one with the other person is a much better way to describe it.

 

[Sunshine]

I've written about this before:

http://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=32191&p=1221447&viewfull=1#post1221447

Starts there and sort of continues, under NF barrage. These are the important bits:

I talked to an ISFP 4w3 so/sx once and he said exactly the same thing. He values the connection more than the person. If he has to sever one tie or lose a friend for whatever reason he doesn't care because he can always create a connection with another person. I was incredibly shocked and taken aback by this. I don't relate to it at all.

I mean I can sort of relate in the sense that if I lose a close friend but then later become close with a different friend it might sort of fill the void that was created but I certainly don't have a nonchalant "Oh I don't care if I lose you I could always just get another one of you to replace you" type of attitude. I value people not just connections.

 

[Rail Tracer]

I'm an E9, and don't view it as merging, but more about "becoming one" with the other person. I want to dissect their thoughts, and see how the gears line up and make them tick. There's a strong physical element with my romantic partners, as I want to explore how touch (even if it's just cuddling) and other senses affects those gears.

With me, it's not so much about being inside their skin, but rather, gaining access to the instrument panel of another person (with their willing permission, I have no desire to overcome resistance to something so personal), while trusting them with mine. Their mind and body becomes one with mine as an extension to both of our beings. Like a samurai and his sword.

Pretty much like this.

It's sort of like having someone you care very much about. On a deeper level, you know the person's feelings, what the person likes, what the person hates, what the person aspire to be, what is going on in the person's life, and etc.

It's pretty much the difference between a close family member/friend versus a complete stranger. There are things you can say to someone you're close to versus someone you aren't remotely close to. And for me, I want that closeness with the person (especially if that person interests/intrigues me.) Though I do know my boundaries, and I wont step over them unless the person I know is willing to allow me to (like if the person has something up in their mind that he/she doesn't want to share at the given moment.)

 

[Onceajoan]

Jennifer's description is right on. It's basically what I experience, especially with other SXs. It often happens when I go to a party where I know no one. I'm not really great at socializing in these settings. Typically I spot one or two people who look like they'd be interesting to talk to. If I find them interesting (which means they charge me - I'm drawn to them to the exclusion of others) I'll generally spend the rest of the night talking to them. It's not necessarily a sexual thing. It's just that I get excited by being in the presense of someone who stimulates, makes me curious and makes me want to learn more.

It applies to attraction, period -- sexual or not.

Yeah. It's not necessarily a sexual thing. The person just has to be "interesting" in a way that makes me curious and drawn into a conversation. There has to be flow and a sense of the exchange being natural.

For me, I get a deep, intense charge that often strikes me as soon as I start relating to them. It's a huge sense of rightness, of immersion, of intuitive connection, of jus being able to say anything and be completely understood, and understanding them. Like a spiral circle of energy flying around and around and around from me to them and back to me, continuously running full-tilt.

That charge is almost orgasmic for me. It's very pleasurable. I find myself leaning into the other person - closing the gap. Sometimes I find I need to back off because it gets to be too much - and a bit intimidating and disconcerting to the other party. Of course, if the other person is a SX - it's all okay. There is also a "charge" which is hard to define. I will say, however, I think a certain amount of openness and authenticity is required of both of us. If I'm with a superficial or insecure individual, this exchange will never manifest itself because they won't go deep. They'll resist or be uninterested in taking things any further (LOL - this is starting to sound Sexual). I tend to "interview" the other person - I want to go deep (another unintended sexual reference) - I want to know what motivates them, where they're from and coming from, how they feel about philosophical matters. Sometimes the other person is put off by my intensity - but most of the time they just lean into it. The "leaning" , I suppose, is a bit like merging. It's such a great experience when both parties can "let go". (still another reference). I don't think most people get enough of these opportunities. I know that I don't.

There is also a continuous loop - a flow of energy back and forth accompanied by an adrenaline like rush. That's why SXs are called Intimacy Junkies.

I don't do drugs, but I'm sure it would feel similar to a persistent ecstatic/transcendent rush. And I long to keep talking to them / being with them. It's like you're dropping into each other, if that makes sense.

I think there are probably chemicals rushing through your brain during this experience. I know this happens when people have sex. I can't see why this wouldn't happen in these kinds of intense exchanges.
"Dropping into each other" makes sense - although I prefer leaning into each other OR leaning into it (the experience).

 

[Onceajoan]

sx/sp
I can sometimes feel the feelings of people I'm close to. Like I have no skin. And I have had experiences which approximated telepathy. Which is "climbing into someone else's head", I suppose..

Yeah - I do that all the time. Didn't know that was SX though.

Salome - With all due respect, I think the feeling others feelings is a function of intuition and empathy. The SX experience is centered around intensity, connection and merging more than anything else. Feelings are really ancillary to the immediate experience and sense of relatedness which is the focus of the SXs attention and energy. Active empathy is not a prerequisite for relating to another (often these exchanges are intellectual or narrative in nature rather than confessional). Merging IS the intent - but by no means does it mean that merging is achieved.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Hmmm, for me , with people that I love and/or fasicnated by, I want to take them apart, and put them back together, so I know how they tick. In some ways I kinda do the same thing with inanimate objects that are important to me (like the analysers at work). During the process, I get so in tune with how they function, they become a part of me.

Like a second limb, or a reflection in the mirror. If they aren't function right, I'm not functioning right. If they radiate frustration, I'm frustrated. Seriously I even shared dreams (it's happened once), and some times physical hurts. Intense does not describe it, but the sp instinct kicks and the boundries come up.

 

[the state i am in]

i understand it largely as an over-identification with one's own desires. they are more consuming. they create intensity, focus, complete immersion, and objectification of the world around us as guided by our desires. my natural tendency is to objectify others emotions, experiences, ideas, contents of their consciousness, their bodies, their learned skills, their ways of life, their affectations, everything. you're just really focused on what you want all the fucking time, a conversation of three or four people and you've identified you want to go to THIS with THIS person and you start to forget about the others, it's difficult to manage that. the sx/so types are better at leading the whole group and doing it in a more socially conscious way. i'll go to breakfast with a few friends, and it's kind of a running joke that other people won't come along unless they know there will be enough others, because one of my friends and i tend to get completely immersed in whatever we are talking about and inevitably lose track of everything but our conversation. everything else is just this kind of impatience, you always are waiting for these moments when you're perfectly in sync, where your ability and NEED to be expressive is perfectly matched with the moment, the situation, the others around you, where you are free to do what you want to do more than anything else, where you are recognized by others and yourself as your true self, etc. the surrounding noise (of the world) disappears and all you hear is the music in awesome clarity. it is more of a peak experience, holy moment, etc.

as an f type, it does take on a somewhat different flavor than it does with t types. regardless of nt or nf, i generally have a lot of 4 hour lunch conversations with my iNtuitive friends. the story of the first jung and freud meeting and having like a 12 hour conversation feels right to me, you just want to get to it, the time is here, i don't know. the energy, the desire to reveal the truth of what you want, your work, your sense of self, your desires, your visions, your inner world, your goals, your deepest conflicts, etc.

 

[Domino]

I feel like I'm bleeding into someone else, like colors running in the rain. And it's completely involuntary, which is why I have to make a concerted effort to avoid toxic people, no matter how attracted/drawn to them I am because I can get enmeshed so deeply with them down to a cellular level. It's like being under a spell. I've depended on my friends and my sister to jerk me away from the fire when I get entranced. I really do need their help. The complusion to "merge" is too strong for me to overcome sometimes. As I've gotten older, I can brace myself and hold onto something and escape the black hole, but it comes at a big price. Avoidance of (or never knowing) these sorts of people is key. If I can't, I have to dig deep and say NO NO NO in my mind until I can step away because the compulsion to merge is that strong - like getting into their brain and their soul and reading their inner mail.

If it's a good person, then it's a mind-meld. As someone else said, I want to crawl inside their skin. I can tell when I'm responding to another sx - the vibe is specific, like two bodysnatchers. And it can have zero to do with sex, as such. It can be a soul connection, a powerful merging of spirits and minds. I have many of those. The physical only enters in when there's a mutual chemical/bodily attraction. When that happens, it's like being knocked right off your feet.

 

[brainheart]

Wow. I really relate to state's post. Maybe I'm not a social dom...

 

[brainheart]

Does merging only apply to sexual attraction or just people in general?

I don't like the term, 'merging'. I like to get to know those who I feel a connection to intimately. I want to know everything about them. And I want to share everything about me with them.

How often does that usually happen?

It is very rare. That's why it wields so much power over me.

I wonder if Sx first would more likely to experience this merging of people than Sx second.

I like to think this merging thing doesn't happen to me, but now I realize... part of the chorus of one of the heartbreak songs I've written is, "... we were the same, 'til you escaped my in." My thing is, I think I've made that sort of connection with someone. And when I realize it isn't mutual, it's devastating. It feels like it 'has to be' to me, like there is no alternative. I forget the other person has equal say in the matter.

 

[runvardh]

Bad Kitty: Well you see...

Good Kitty: Um, I'm just going to not let you read any of that, because... well, it just ain't right and you will need some serious mind bleach after-wards... You'll thank me, really. It's seriously not appropriate for public consumption at all... Trust me...

Bad Kitty: ... and that's how it works =^.^=

 

[tinker683]

Does merging only apply to sexual attraction or just people in general?

People in general. I've had this feeling not just with women but with men as well. It's not based on anything sexual, just admiration and respect is all I need.

How do Sx know when they merge with someone?

I never when it's about to happen but only that it has. Then it's like, "Wow, I understand this person in a very deep, meaningful way."

What does it feel like to merge with someone?

Like I'm almost able to hear their thoughts, to feel their emotions as they're feeling them. I've rarely have this happen but when it does...it's truly wonderful as I don't wish to let her once it's there

How often does that usually happen?

As I said, rarely.

EDIT: Also, what is your instinctual variant?

Sx/So, or thus sayth the test I took anyway. I've been told Sx/So is more of an extrovert variant combo but I dunno, the shoe seems to fit. I have a strong respect for social order but my greatest needs involves connecting with people. When I can't get that connection, I get really crabby and moody

Maybe I'm an So/Sx, I dunno.

I wonder if Sx first would more likely to experience this merging of people than Sx second.

Perhaps...I don't know.

 

[wolfy]

How does Sx merge with another person?

For me it is best explained by two people comfortably watching and sharing in the thrill and action of John Woo's Face Off.

 

[MacGuffin]

I feel like I'm bleeding into someone else, like colors running in the rain. And it's completely involuntary, which is why I have to make a concerted effort to avoid toxic people, no matter how attracted/drawn to them I am because I can get enmeshed so deeply with them down to a cellular level. It's like being under a spell. I've depended on my friends and my sister to jerk me away from the fire when I get entranced. I really do need their help. The complusion to "merge" is too strong for me to overcome sometimes. As I've gotten older, I can brace myself and hold onto something and escape the black hole, but it comes at a big price. Avoidance of (or never knowing) these sorts of people is key. If I can't, I have to dig deep and say NO NO NO in my mind until I can step away because the compulsion to merge is that strong - like getting into their brain and their soul and reading their inner mail.

If it's a good person, then it's a mind-meld. As someone else said, I want to crawl inside their skin. I can tell when I'm responding to another sx - the vibe is specific, like two bodysnatchers. And it can have zero to do with sex, as such. It can be a soul connection, a powerful merging of spirits and minds. I have many of those. The physical only enters in when there's a mutual chemical/bodily attraction. When that happens, it's like being knocked right off your feet.

For NTs, you feast on each others brains.

Like zombies!

 

[Salomé]

Salome - With all due respect, I think the feeling others feelings is a function of intuition and empathy.

That was kind of my point...

For NTs, you feast on each others brains.

That must be singularly unsatisfaying, in your case.

 

[Domino]

That must be singularly unsatisfaying, in your case.

He's like Chinese food. One good burp and he's gone.