Enneagram and Romantic Pairing

[Udog]

ENFP type 8 wiith Anything is a good match!. :3 In my unbias opinion.

That's such an 8 thing to say!

 

[The_World_As_Will]

I'm a sx/sp 5w4 [INTP] with a so/sx 4w3 [INFP], Personally, I find it refreshing, but I'm so withdrawn =/ the quirkness is nice, as we can have conversations about anything, but I do sometimes feel as if I can't 'keep up' physically at-least, alot of energy, I have absolutely no idea why anyone would find an sx/sp 5w4 attractive... we just seem like sullen, depressed people if you ask me but lol to each his own I suppose.

 

[Speed Gavroche]

I'am a Sexual 6 and I think I would love a relationship with a 2w3 Sx/Sp: intense, loving, caring, glamorous, artistical, introspective, seducive and fun.

Plus, I like when the girl is quite jealous and shows that she cares.

I don't recognise myself in what have been said about 6s on that thread. I don't want to regulate the behaviors of my mate, I want a relationship where we can share and totally be what we are, whithout fear to be judged or rejected, but understood and commited. I think the biggest problem, as a 6, is that we tend to say "or you are totally with me, or you are totally against me" and when the girls say she can't be with me forever, the relationship finishes quickly.

 

[rav3n]

Here more abut all possble combinations and how they work.

Enneagram compatibility

In order to get the downsides, you have to be a member of which I'm reluctant since they sell things which means spam to my email inbox. For the upsides that are available to guests, they're a bit over-the-top and don't factor in wings or instinctual stackings.

 

[Udog]

Metaphor, the negatives are pretty well thought out and do a good job of countering the positives. Considering the nature of "stereotyping" that is being done here, it's one of the better compatibility resources I've seen, honestly. Better than anything I've seen for MBTI, at least.

Don't you have a spam email for this type of stuff?

 

[rav3n]

Yes I do but how bad is the spam? Is it only from this site or does it come from other "vendors"?

The downsides. Do they include factoring in wings and/or instinctual stackings?

 

[Udog]

Yes I do but how bad is the spam? Is it only from this site or does it come from other "vendors"?

The only spam that makes it past my gmail filter (so I notice it) is the daily-but-not-really-daily enneathought. You can opt-out of that when you register, though.

The downsides. Do they include factoring in wings and/or instinctual stackings?

No.

 

[rav3n]

The only spam that makes it past my gmail filter (so I notice it) is the daily-but-not-really-daily enneathought. You can opt-out of that when you register, though.

No.

Thanks.

My perspective, right or wrong, is that wings and stackings impact greatly. To align enneagram to MBTI, an 8w7 will approach relationships more instinctually and more in the moment or more Ni-Se-Fi. An 8w9 will approach a relationship instilling Fe into the mix.

Add in sx first and you're going need immediate intimacy (sx to me means intimacy rather than sexual) to connect.

To stir the pot a bit more, enneagram doesn't appear to factor in gender divide, something I'm convinced about. IMO, you can clearly see this with MBTI types whether through nature or nurture. Take ENTJs. In general, female ENTJs are less directive than males. My guess is the difference in testosterone levels and other biological factors.

 

[JocktheMotie]

7 or 8 pls. 9 too, though I think we'd end up looking at each other and all the time. "I don't care" vs "I want what you want" =

 

[Udog]

My perspective, right or wrong, is that wings and stackings impact greatly. To align enneagram to MBTI, an 8w7 will approach relationships more instinctually and more in the moment or more Ni-Se-Fi. An 8w9 will approach a relationship instilling Fe into the mix.

Add in sx first and you're going need immediate intimacy (sx to me means intimacy rather than sexual) to connect.

To muddy it up further, it appears a lot of the positives were based on higher functioning individuals (levels 3 and up), whereas the negatives often focused on levels 4-5 and below. Still, I think it's a pretty solid template, all things considered.

Oh, and while the topic comes up occasionally, I have yet to hear a compelling argument for the Fi + E9 = Fe thing. It's still all Fi to me.

To stir the pot a bit more, enneagram doesn't appear to factor in gender divide, something I'm convinced about. IMO, you can clearly see this with MBTI types whether through nature or nurture. Take ENTJs. In general, female ENTJs are less directive than males. My guess is the difference in testosterone levels and other biological factors.

Yeah, gender roles can play a huge factor. I always felt that Enneagram was a bit more graceful with dealing with the divide than MBTI, but perhaps I'm wrong. Did you find yourself disagreeing with what was being said?

7 or 8 pls. 9 too, though I think we'd end up looking at each other and all the time. "I don't care" vs "I want what you want" =

I think with E9 + E5, there would have to be fairly strong level of physical chemistry and mental sparring between the two partners in order to throw some primal energy into the mix. It does seem like a laid back and chill match, though.

 

[Arclight]

6w5.. Goes very well, it seems with 4w5.. Both the 4 and 6 have a need to connect to each other while maintaining a strong sense of individuality .. Their 5 wings temper their emotions with a cool objectivity and a need to solve problems that might exist between them.
Emotional, intellectual, sexual and artistic connection.
Even when things go bad.. their behaviors are easy to understand because they look very similar and actually are.

I will consider 4w5 perhaps, from here on in. As my actual dealings with those types portray the most natural affinity for each other.

The key is always how you deal with conflict, not how you deal with the happy moments..

 

[rav3n]

To muddy it up further, it appears a lot of the positives were based on higher functioning individuals (levels 3 and up), whereas the negatives often focused on levels 4-5 and below. Still, I think it's a pretty solid template, all things considered.

The levels format bothers me. It's based on emotional health in what I perceive as the Fe and extroverted view of what's emotionally healthy.

Oh, and while the topic comes up occasionally, I have yet to hear a compelling argument for the Fi + E9 = Fe thing. It's still all Fi to me.

Don't have the expertise to provide a compelling argument. It's more instinctual reaction to it which might be erroneous.

Yeah, gender roles can play a huge factor. I always felt that Enneagram was a bit more graceful with dealing with the divide than MBTI, but perhaps I'm wrong. Did you find yourself disagreeing with what was being said?

I found both positives and negatives too extreme.

 

[BlackCat]

I think we'd end up looking at each other and all the time. "I don't care" vs "I want what you want" =

Aw man I thought we had something going on!

 

[Udog]

The levels format bothers me. It's based on emotional health in what I perceive as the Fe and extroverted view of what's emotionally healthy.

Very possible. I'm only really familiar with the E9's paths of growth.

Don't have the expertise to provide a compelling argument. It's more instinctual reaction to it which might be erroneous.

Well, I'm far from an expert as well, so it's fair to keep that in mind. It just seems like Fi's flavor of E9 always goes through an extra step. On the surface it appears and feels Fe, but everything still goes through Fi. The focus on the group is something E9 Fi does, rather than is.

I found both positives and negatives too extreme.

So I take it you aren't interested in the "X-TREME ENNEAGRAM FOR THE HARDCORE!" reference guide, then?

 

[Strappado]

I can't say too much on the topic, but I'm 5w6 and dating a 4w3 ENFP and we get along perfectly. I couldn't tell you if that's a common occurrence, but I wouldn't be surprised if it were.

 

[kyuuei]

7 or 8 pls. 9 too, though I think we'd end up looking at each other and all the time. "I don't care" vs "I want what you want" =

There are times where I think I am being too selfish, and think "Mayhap, I'll be nice and ask people what they prefer.. " I usually pick a person that would have a "Whatever is good for you dear".. And I end up thinking "This is why I just say what I want and leave it at that!"

 

[rav3n]

Very possible. I'm only really familiar with the E9's paths of growth.

Well, I'm far from an expert as well, so it's fair to keep that in mind. It just seems like Fi's flavor of E9 always goes through an extra step. On the surface it appears and feels Fe, but everything still goes through Fi. The focus on the group is something E9 Fi does, rather than is.

The 8 writeups include words like magnanimous (the vibe on that word drives me batty since it infers superior to inferior condescension) and describes power in terms of brute force which might include physical force and on and on and on. It seriously makes 8's sound brutal and stupid in a machismo way. While we're not delicate little flowers, some of us actually use our brains or what little the enneagram description credits us with.

The one-liner that comes to mind is "ya' thtupid big lug"!

So I take it you aren't interested in the "X-TREME ENNEAGRAM FOR THE HARDCORE!" reference guide, then?

Ha! Bonfire anyone?

 

[cascadeco]

^^ Type 8 was actually the first thought that came to my mind as to what my intj boyfriend is, but when I started reading descriptions I wasn't as sure anymore. I don't believe he's type 5, as he seems generally (and historically) quite driven and uber-perfectionistic in ways that I don't think type 5's tend to be, and in ways that go beyond how I tend to be regarding perfectionism, etc. Much more externally confident and focused too, I think, even though he struggles with similar things as I. The only other possibilities would be type 1, or perhaps 6. I really doubt he's a 6 though. 1 would be my second guess, but I still think 8 is probably most likely - despite the really harsh-sounding descriptions that don't match how I see him (at least in terms of degree).

 

[rav3n]

Is he challenger or peacemaker? He might be an 8w9 who are far less in-yo'-face than us 8w7s.

 

[cascadeco]

Is he challenger or peacemaker? He might be an 8w9 who are far less in-yo'-face than us 8w7s.

He's more of a peacemaker, and actually has told me he sees it as one of his strengths - being able to see various sides (such as in his job - navigating tech and business realms successfully and communicating effectively to both). But definitely has a more forceful (I don't really mean that in a negative way)/impactful (?) presence than I. Viewed as possibly intimidating (to certain types) / a force to be reckoned with, I think, in the business world.

Edit -eh, now I'm not sure. He's definitely not afraid to challenge and will do that. But he's also pretty diplomatic and such, although when he's put through the ringer and gets really fed up with things/people/the situation, he'll really put the smack down and be much more non-negotiable.