[MBTI General] INFJs - Why we hold back

[RDF]

One more question, don't we naturally move through our functions as we mature? As I get older, I'll start using more Introverted Thinking and Extroverted Sensing.

Yes. That's addressed in the thread that I linked.

But of course one can choose to either fight that process or work with it and facilitate it.

 

[zarc]

It also makes me doubt the practicability of such sentiments from an INFJ as "My soulmate should be able to understand everything about me." Frankly, I'm not sure even INFJs themselves really understand themselves all that well. They seem terribly caught by surprise and ashamed when their facade crumbles under stress.

Hence, I tend to take the position that it's healthy for all types to recognize and integrate their lesser functions (and become well-rounded, whole individuals), rather than just try to cling to their Dominant (and try to live up to an ideal but incomplete image of themselves).

What you speak of as well as the others are largely, IMHO, are unevolved Emotionally Unhealthy INFJ. No one INFJ is the same as the next, as with any other Type, but under stress any 'evolved' person can revert into the typical reactions which are attributed to them (being critical, forsaking morals/etc for INFJs are but two). So what you doubt is only from those INFJs whom haven't maintained balance with their Cognitive Processes, particularily of Fi. Fi initially is foreign to them, not knowing how they truly feel or they may delude themselves into thinking they do by mirroring the feelings of others as being what they think they should feel or what they think others should feel for them. Until evolved they will likely not be able to stop themselves from holding back or will be too scared to out of rejection--keeping the sacred, deepest parts that they've intimately learned about themselves all to themselves, not b/c they've rejected it, they can LOVE it and horde it!, but b/c they can't be certain they'll be accepted for it with those around them.

But due to Fe it appears that INFJs are more 'open' than they seem as Fe may be very strong for them and they connect with others by trying to know more about them to discern those other's feelings in relation to the role of themselves and the roles of others around them.

Also, I realize that Fi-Doms (INFP, ISFP) kind of enjoy digging around in their hidden, darker aspects while other Dominants might not

To that, INFJs deeply enjoy doing the same even if they merely mirror the feelings of others into their thoughts, believing they are in the darker waters in understanding humanity while maintaining a separate distance for their own role in swimming those dark waters! again, unless evolved! OR they may do it after the recovering from stress in order to understand what happened and it becomes a Ni hunt to figure it all out, not necessarily feel it all out but map it all in their mind for next time so as to stop themselves if possible!

 

[wedekit]

"I just had no idea I still harbored that much anger. I think Fe is kind of tricky that way. Sometimes it takes a trigger similar to whatever generated the original emotions in order to bring them to our consciousness."

Ahhh...yes I've experienced having "melt downs". Writing really helps me stay conscious of the stuff that I try to hide even from myself. But my emotions can still get triggered randomly at times.

"Hence, I tend to take the position that it's healthy for all types to recognize and integrate their lesser functions (and become well-rounded, whole individuals), rather than just try to cling to their Dominant (and try to live up to an ideal but incomplete image of themselves)."

How can a person do this? How do you actively use your lesser functions?

To me it's not actively using them, it's channeling your Ni into Fe. It would make you step out of your internal world and apply it externally. Applying our idealistic visions to the extroverted world most easily come to us through Fe. As an example, we can weave these visions into communities we care about, giving our lives external meaning. This is probably why INFJs are typically described as finding careers in counseling meaningful and satisfying. We find it easy to believe ("envision") that all people are innately good, so we can work to bring this vision into reality by helping that person find it within them through a developed Fe. Of course, Fe is in no way limited to counseling, it has infinite possibilities. I find lots of meaning in my life by working as an Resident Assistant in a Residence Hall, helping Freshmen learn the ropes and hurdles of college life. Note this this kind of development to our Fe also promotes growth to our Ni; the dominant function of a healthy individual never stagnates. The lower functions simply refine your dominant even more, in my opinion.

After we have paved a path that easily transfers our Ni to our Fe, we should then work on paving another new path to our Ti. Although mine is nowhere near to completion, I have noticed certain behaviors in myself that could possibly illustrate this for you. Be mindful that my use of Ti is probably not the best, but you have to start somewhere:

1) We had an event in the Res Hall for the director's baby (he was turning 1) and all the residents were invited. I was in charge of the advertisement committee and I wanted to make the main advertisement (a big poster to hang from the ceiling of the entrance) myself. So, I began to use my Ni to think of symbols and pictures that relate to the idea of "birthday" and blended them together in several different ways.

2) I then filtered out all of these ideas by using my Fe to decide if that particular idea would convey my message to people in the way I wanted it to, not to mention I considered if the final result would be universally visually pleasing. For example, I nixed the idea of making the main picture of the advertisement a balloon since balloons were not limited to B-day parties; I wanted to pick something that would make it clear at first glance that it was for a B-Day party. By using my Fe I am able to tell if someone would be able to clearly understand the purpose and meaning behind what they initially perceive. This understanding of how some things can't be understood by all types of people is what makes dominant Fe's (i.e. ENFJ) damn good teachers if they work at it.

3) I then proceeded to use my Ti to filter out ideas that just did not fit as well as to logically organize them. I ended up drawing out plans ("strategies") on a piece a paper for the remaining ideas. I then proceeded to picture a "whole" and rotated variables around until I decided that one particular combination was the best fit to satisfy my vision. I then used my Ti to plan the most reasonable approach to making these small drawings into larger versions. I worried about the shapes not being symmetrical, so I manipulated shapes in Microsoft Word until it looked like what I wanted them to be (i.e. balloons by using an oval shape with a triangle shape on the bottom), and then trimmed pieces of construction paper to be 8.5"x11" so that it could fit in the printer. I printed them out, cut them out, and BOOM... I had perfectly round balloons that looked like they were tied off on the bottom when I added ribbon. I used the same concept to finish the entire thing, which took me quite a long time to do but I was completely satisfied with the results.

Why was I satisfied? Because my initial idea ended up beautifully refined by my other two functions. I started out with an array of abstract ideas that originated from my Ni. I then took these ideas and filtered them out with my Fe, that served the function of refining my intuited ideas into something that was "user friendly". Finally, I used my Ti to holistically combine these "user friendly" ideas together until the fit seemed right, as well as formulating methods to make all the larger versions of the pieces as exact as possible.

I don't know if me going through the actual process of making the advertisement itself is considered use of my Se, so I won't say that. However, I hope I was able to describe how I can channel my Ni energies into my Fe and Ti functions. I'm not sure if it is the best example in the world, but it is how I understand the idea of developing our lesser functions. The more I use them in this kind of way, the more natural and precise my use of them becomes. It also seems the more I use it the more I am able to apply it to more and more aspects of my life. Though it might not be as creative as other people's work, it was probably the most creative thing I had ever made at the time, so I remain proud of it :

I should add the event was a success.

 

[zarc]

Note this this kind of development to our Fe also promotes growth to our Ni; the dominant function of a healthy individual never stagnates. The lower functions simply refine your dominant even more, in my opinion.

The lower CPs can refine us subtely if not well developed but they can also restrict us if not well developed. We all Types can learn to healthily develop the entire spectrum of CP. That is when we become fully evolved with enhancing our Type and can continue evolving as a person in general using the full eight eyes of our CP!

Si being the 8th Demonic CP for an INFJ can become enhanced if the INFJ develops techniques in order to improve memory retention (recall your post asking for help! INFJs/INTJs are Si's pet! We gotta tame this CP! lol). But in an opposite sense to INTJs crappy memory skills, we INFJs are more likely to recall subjective information w/ regards to others. What can be harder is objective material unless already familiar, we are interested in, or is easily connected to former ideas/exp. that we've built up with us (Take that INTJs you suck with recalling things about people! ). Bringing it back to why some INFJs hold back, it can also be in the case of not knowing how to adequately explain themselves, not knowing the exact words to say to express themselves perfectly well. That can be helped by developing Ti and then implementing Te to get it all out! Not all INFJs (or any Type not dominant with either Ti or Te) will be 'bad with words' but sometimes we INFJs can get tripped up over them if we aren't allowed enough time (for Ni) to process and focus on what we want explained which we know so well in our crazy heads (Thanks Ni, you're only good inside :rolli ! Exp. and personal motivation can help to refine these CPs.

You made mention of Se but wasn't sure it applied to the situation. I'm not certain it was, as you are, as Se is about connecting with your outer environment. From my understanding, you were connecting with the people (Fe). For example, one way of channelling Se is through trying to "dominate" (learn) a new sport or make an impact in the environment around you. I'd say you do somewhat exert this CP with your counselling of Rez brats! You adjust them to their environment, correct? I recall my first dorm Rez and others leading us around and showing us the entire dorm. You have "mastered" connecting/knowing about your external environment due to stretching Se.