MBTI Type Humor

[figsfiggyfigs]

I dunno much about others people types. Here's my reaction though when I found out I was.

INTJ: "Wow. I think I am in love with that person. But wait. Maybe it's just infatuation. Let me think. Are we compatible? Well I'm pretty sure they're INTP MBTI type so we're pretty close that way. Yes, our interests are quite similar, although she gets annoyed by that show I love. I hope I will be able to handle that. I could probably live with it. She's an N so our conversations will be suitably intuitive and be able to hold my interest for a conceivable amount of time. She has a lower attention span than me, which can occasionally be annoying, since she doesn't remember what I tell her. I don't find her particularly physically attractive, but I would not be dettered and personality is more important. Speaking fo which, will she be able to challenge me intellectually. As far as I have seen she is quite intelligent and her knowledge areas and beliefs are similar to mine. She can be a bit misanthropic at times, but the values she complains about the lack of are good. Her sense of humour is appropriate and makes me laugh, and I am reasonably capable of making her laugh as well. Overall I think we are quite compatible. Well that settles it.

There is a 80% chance I am in love. Now what to do about it..."

LOL that sounds like me. I do that all the time. and then I go back to " ...hmmmmmmm. No.. I only 70-80% like them "

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

I posted this in the INTJ FORUM a few months ago.. I found it on the net. I DIDN'T write it!!


GIVEN A GLASS OF WATER:

INTJ thinks: Glass is made from silicon dioxide, heated to a temperature of ...

INTP: The glass _is_ full -- half water, half air!

ENTP: Voila! 0.157 litres of dihydrogen oxide, prepared by micro-gnomes.

ENTJ: Hey! This is a beer glass, not a water glass!

INFJ: This glass of water is a metaphor for my life.

INFP: But look! A crystalline vessel, filled with shimmering, life-giving nectar!

ENFP: Whooeee! Water fight!

ENFJ: There's more than enough for friends to share.

ISFJ thinks: I bet my friend would like to have some water right now ...

ISFP (Holds up glass of water, tilts it from side to side, wiggles finger in it, licks finger, grins slightly, moves on.)

ESFP: There's a glass of water! You know, it's healthy to drink a lot of water! Why, I remember when I was growing up, we used to ...

ESFJ: I can't believe someone would leave this dirty glass out here! Clean up this mess right now!

ISTJ: It's half empty now, and it wouldn't surprise me if it dried up completely.

ISTP: So? It's water. Big deal!

ESTP: You call that a glass of water? Why, back where I come from, ...

ESTJ: Hey! Whose job was it to fill up this glass?

 

[phthalocyanine]

Lost Set of Keys

ESTJ - "Now, let's try and first determine that no foul play is going on here. I'm going to conduct a short interview with everyone..."

ISTJ - "What? That's impossible! I always keep them in one designated spot... well. I'm just going to retrace my steps. I'm certain I'll find them that way. I have my itinerary here with all the things I did..."

ESFJ - "Will someone help me look for my keys? If we find them, I'll drive you wherever you want for dinner..my treat!"

ISFJ - "If I don't find these keys, then I'll have to get new ones cut...oh, but what about the keychains? I can't replace those! One was a gift from my brother!! And the souvenir keychains from my vacations... Oh, no...I have to find them..."

ENTJ - "I didn't really lose my keys, I was just scheming up a way to form a 'search party' so you guys would all come over!"

INTJ - "This is why I keep a second set of keys in a safe place. I'll be changing the locks anyway."

ENTP - "I just broke into my place... I'm slightly unnerved at how easily I did it, but, hey, it was great! Who needs keys?"

INTP - "Not again...! Oh, here they are. Wrong pocket."

ESTP - "Hey, can I stay at your place? I'll figure things out in the morning..."

ISTP - "It'll be fun to install new locks... but I'm pissed about the car! I need to go to the dealership ASAP and now I'll have to ask someone else to drive me."

ESFP - "Fucking hell! I was just getting ready to leave for that party, and now of course this has to happen... I'm supposed to DJ!"

ISFP - "Aw..Not my pretty key chain...I made that to go with my car! Oh well. I'm hungry."

ENFJ - "I'll just call my roommate and ask her to come straight home. I have a feeling she'll be getting off early today."

INFJ - "AW CRAP!! ...Funny how significant little pieces of metal can be in our lives... Crap."

ENFP - "I think I met a dude that works as a locksmith at my buddy's show a couple weeks ago..." (reaches for phone)

INFP - "I must be going through this loss process to learn some kind of lesson...hm... (thinks) Damnit, I locked the keys in the house this morning!"

 

[Rebe]

Ordering food at a restaurant:

ISTJ: Maybe I will try something new. What is this? This? And this? And this? What is it? Is it healthy? No? Forget it.
ESTJ: Orders promptly with detailed instructions.
ISTP: Orders promptly and says, That waiter is looking at me weird as if I am going to run out and not pay.
ESTP: Knows what he wants but flirts obviously and completely inappropriately with the waitress. Says thanks baby as she is walking away, giving him a nice view.
ISFP: Ooh, this one is aesthetically pleasing, look at this one, oooh, yes, I want this. So colorful.
ESFP: Takes twenty minutes to order because in-between, she is talking to her friends, laughing loudly, eyeing the waiter and texting in her phone.
ISFJ: I am so excited. What should I have? Hmm. What are you having? Ooh, food for my tummy.
ESFJ: I am going to have *one of the four things she always gets*
INTP: Scans menu. Hmm. Cool. Thanks.
ENTP: So much to eat here! Hmm, I want this but in a ... instead of ... and yeah, is that weird? Oh well. It should be delicious. Yeah, yeah, I am telling you, you should try it too.
INTJ: *Scans menu thoroughly* *asks a few specific, pointed questions* *scans again* If I eat this, this will fill me up until 7 pm but if I have this, this will fill me up until tomorrow morning. And this is 10 dollars and that is 9.35..."
ENTJ: Does exactly the same as INTJ but quicker. This is fifteen dollars and will last me until breakfast tomorrow, which is good because I need to get back to the office and work all night.
INFJ: I think you should have this ... because you liked this the other time. And I will have this because ...
ENFJ: You have this, you have that, I will have this and we can all share!
INFP: Uhhm... *An hour later* let me get this ... Thank you. *smiles sweetly at the working class people*
ENFP: I am so excited. I want this but I also want this and oooh, this looks good and this ... what are you guys havingIwantthattoo! something new! something interesting! oooh, cute waiter and waitress! *continues talking for an hour*

 

[Phoenix_400]

<== INxP

INTP: Cars are for idiots
INFP: I don't care about cars

INTP: *Thinking* Toyota~Hybrid~Hydrogen~Honda *scribbling on paper
INFP: I drive a Prius.

Grew up driving a 78 TransAm. Built 400(6.6L) V8. 750 double pumper. 10mpg. No catalytic converters.

Currently building an 85 Buick Grand National. 3.8L turbo v6. Should run low 11's. Get about 18-25mpg. Still won't be running cats. (Gotta love that 25 year rolling law on emissions).

I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN! ...or I'm just a freak of MBTI nature.

 

[Josephized_Joe]

Ordering food at a restaurant:

ESFJ: I am going to have *one of the four things she always gets*

INFP: Uhhm... *An hour later* let me get this ... Thank you. *smiles sweetly

I love this. this is so true of me and my late wife. Obviously you can tell a lot about a person by how they order food. Thnx for sharing it.

 

[OrangeAppled]

INFP: Technically I am in love with myself. But I AM you, so I'm in love with you too!

ahahaha...so true....but it's mainly because we're in love with a dream (which is really ourselves...).

 

[Sunny Ghost]

^

(I'm not implying with any of the below that these types have long conversations with inanimate objects)


ENFJ: *speaking to the old light bulb* You know you're the first light bulb I've seen that's lasted this long without dying. And you're an energy saving light bulb. I really like that about you. *gently takes out old bulb, replaces with new bulb* (to new bulb) "You're going to fit in well here."

ISFJ: *wraps the old light bulb in a blanket and hugs it tightly* "Everything will be alright; I'll take care of you." *stares after it solemnly while grabbing the new light bulb*

ESFP: *holds the old light bulb over head* Hey look! I've got an idea! *laughs* *leaves room to show others* *eventually returns and stares at empty socket* Time for a new bulb!

ISFP: *walks in* Wow! This room is SO dark... I kinda like it! *sits down Indian style on the floor, runs fingers over the grainy wood flooring and smiles contentedly*

ENTP: *comes up with an idea that is just crazy enough to work, and the light bulb miraculously turns on again!*

ENTJ: *to the dead light bulb* You no longer belong here. Leave now of your own free will or face exile.

love it! and actually, sort of done it! haha. i left my bathroom lightbulb out for nearly five months before finally replacing it. i went entirely by candlelight. these are all great!

 

[Sunny Ghost]

Ordering food at a restaurant:

ISTJ: Maybe I will try something new. What is this? This? And this? And this? What is it? Is it healthy? No? Forget it.
ESTJ: Orders promptly with detailed instructions.
ISTP: Orders promptly and says, That waiter is looking at me weird as if I am going to run out and not pay.
ESTP: Knows what he wants but flirts obviously and completely inappropriately with the waitress. Says thanks baby as she is walking away, giving him a nice view.
ISFP: Ooh, this one is aesthetically pleasing, look at this one, oooh, yes, I want this. So colorful.
ESFP: Takes twenty minutes to order because in-between, she is talking to her friends, laughing loudly, eyeing the waiter and texting in her phone.
ISFJ: I am so excited. What should I have? Hmm. What are you having? Ooh, food for my tummy.
ESFJ: I am going to have *one of the four things she always gets*
INTP: Scans menu. Hmm. Cool. Thanks.
ENTP: So much to eat here! Hmm, I want this but in a ... instead of ... and yeah, is that weird? Oh well. It should be delicious. Yeah, yeah, I am telling you, you should try it too.
INTJ: *Scans menu thoroughly* *asks a few specific, pointed questions* *scans again* If I eat this, this will fill me up until 7 pm but if I have this, this will fill me up until tomorrow morning. And this is 10 dollars and that is 9.35..."
ENTJ: Does exactly the same as INTJ but quicker. This is fifteen dollars and will last me until breakfast tomorrow, which is good because I need to get back to the office and work all night.
INFJ: I think you should have this ... because you liked this the other time. And I will have this because ...
ENFJ: You have this, you have that, I will have this and we can all share!
INFP: Uhhm... *An hour later* let me get this ... Thank you. *smiles sweetly at the working class people*
ENFP: I am so excited. I want this but I also want this and oooh, this looks good and this ... what are you guys havingIwantthattoo! something new! something interesting! oooh, cute waiter and waitress! *continues talking for an hour*

edit: ISFP- i'm sort of broke since i lost my job last week... i think i'll just have a side of mashed potatoes and a water. thank you, ma'am.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

<== INxP




Grew up driving a 78 TransAm. Built 400(6.6L) V8. 750 double pumper. 10mpg. No catalytic converters.

Currently building an 85 Buick Grand National. 3.8L turbo v6. Should run low 11's. Get about 18-25mpg. Still won't be running cats. (Gotta love that 25 year rolling law on emissions).

I REJECT YOUR REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN! ...or I'm just a freak of MBTI nature.

someone's been watching too much MythBusters...

I apologize for the inaccuracy in my statement.. there is no such thing as too much MythBusters.

 

[raz]

I posted this in the INTJ FORUM a few months ago.. I found it on the net. I DIDN'T write it!!


GIVEN A GLASS OF WATER:

ISTJ: It's half empty now, and it wouldn't surprise me if it dried up completely.

I've thought about this half full half empty question before, and my answer to it honest was....you can't accurately say that its half full or half empty. There's the extremely high likely hood that if you did a measurement of the water in the glass, there is an incredibly small amount, a small fraction of an ounce that is causing it to be below or above the halfway point.

LOL, I just asked my INTJ father about the "Is the glass half empty or half full?" question. He said, "This is a stupid question. If it's filled to the halfway point, it's both half empty and half full. I don't see why people continue to ask this question. This is an inaccurate way to measure optimism and pessimism."

 

[Tamske]

LOL, I just asked my INTJ father about the "Is the glass half empty or half full?" question. He said, "This is a stupid question. If it's filled to the halfway point, it's both half empty and half full. I don't see why people continue to ask this question. This is an inaccurate way to measure optimism and pessimism."

Totally true.

Although I'm of the opinion that the glass is always totally full - not half empty, not half full. It can be full of water, beer, air, liquid helium, vacuum (*)... or any and each combination of these.
(*) If you think the vacuum is empty, learn some quantum mechanics

And that's not only me showing off science (again), it's also my opinion on optimism vs pessimism.

 

[Donna Cecilia]

I've thought about this half full half empty question before, and my answer to it honest was....you can't accurately say that its half full or half empty. There's the extremely high likely hood that if you did a measurement of the water in the glass, there is an incredibly small amount, a small fraction of an ounce that is causing it to be below or above the halfway point.

LOL, I just asked my INTJ father about the "Is the glass half empty or half full?" question. He said, "This is a stupid question. If it's filled to the halfway point, it's both half empty and half full. I don't see why people continue to ask this question. This is an inaccurate way to measure optimism and pessimism."

I agree. This question makes no sense. I´ve been asked the same in a group job interview and my answer was "I see a water glass. The content doesn´t matter" I left everyone puzzled, even the HR employee, but I was assigned to the best possible department.

In Spanish, the question goes "do you see a half empty or a half full glass?"

By the way, you are the third ISTJ I see here (counting myself) who has an INTJ father.

 

[miss fortune]

and my enlightened response would probably be to drink it and say "who cares... can I have some more please? "

 

[Donna Cecilia]

and my enlightened response would probably be to drink it and say "who cares... can I have some more please? "

This is a good one too.

 

[raz]

This is a good one too.

I would just kick the ESxP that says something like that. I like analyzing it because you don't know what kinds of things you can learn or different points of view there can be.

 

[Donna Cecilia]

I would just kick the ESxP that says something like that. I like analyzing it because you don't know what kinds of things you can learn or different points of view there can be.

For sure, but, I think it´s a smart response to a pointless question.

My SP brother said he would do the same thing after I talked to him about that interview, but he added, "Then, pour some wine in it, please". Humour is a nice addition to the joy of analysing people.

 

[miss fortune]

does anyone really expect a good ESTP to give a serious, well thought out answer to a silly question?

 

[swift sylvan]

Lost Set of Keys

ESTJ - "Now, let's try and first determine that no foul play is going on here. I'm going to conduct a short interview with everyone..."

ISTJ - "What? That's impossible! I always keep them in one designated spot... well. I'm just going to retrace my steps. I'm certain I'll find them that way. I have my itinerary here with all the things I did..."

ESFJ - "Will someone help me look for my keys? If we find them, I'll drive you wherever you want for dinner..my treat!"

ISFJ - "If I don't find these keys, then I'll have to get new ones cut...oh, but what about the keychains? I can't replace those! One was a gift from my brother!! And the souvenir keychains from my vacations... Oh, no...I have to find them..."

ENTJ - "I didn't really lose my keys, I was just scheming up a way to form a 'search party' so you guys would all come over!"

INTJ - "This is why I keep a second set of keys in a safe place. I'll be changing the locks anyway."

ENTP - "I just broke into my place... I'm slightly unnerved at how easily I did it, but, hey, it was great! Who needs keys?"

INTP - "Not again...! Oh, here they are. Wrong pocket."

ESTP - "Hey, can I stay at your place? I'll figure things out in the morning..."

ISTP - "It'll be fun to install new locks... but I'm pissed about the car! I need to go to the dealership ASAP and now I'll have to ask someone else to drive me."

ESFP - "Fucking hell! I was just getting ready to leave for that party, and now of course this has to happen... I'm supposed to DJ!"

ISFP - "Aw..Not my pretty key chain...I made that to go with my car! Oh well. I'm hungry."

ENFJ - "I'll just call my roommate and ask her to come straight home. I have a feeling she'll be getting off early today."

INFJ - "AW CRAP!! ...Funny how significant little pieces of metal can be in our lives... Crap."

ENFP - "I think I met a dude that works as a locksmith at my buddy's show a couple weeks ago..." (reaches for phone)

INFP - "I must be going through this loss process to learn some kind of lesson...hm... (thinks) Damnit, I locked the keys in the house this morning!"

Dang I must be an INTP, these are very well done.

 

[raz]

I lost my keys yesterday twice. Once, I had my set of keys while driving around with my mother. I searched both pockets in my shorts, then in the front of her car, only to find out I had put them in the cargo pockets of my shorts! Then I lost her keys later last night when I went to get something. I retraced my steps, couldn't find them and they were in my pocket again!