I'm so lost about who I am. INFJ or ISTP??

[GalaxyMelody2]

I think I'm an introvert, but I'm so confused on what my type is.

I'm a sad person who has a dark outlook on the world. The evil in the world weighs me down at times, and I have a lot of anger within me.

I don't know if I'm a thinker or a feeler. I know that I crave deep connections with other people, but ironically, I just don't like most people, and I can't relate to most people. I just feel so much older and mature than mostly everyone around me. I feel like an alien. I don't fit in!

I don't think I'm a feeler because I'm confrontational and I hate authority. I also have difficulty telling people my issues or what I'm going through. I don't think I'm a thinker, because I am interested in spirituality and emotions, but I'm uncomfortable with dealing with other people's feelings, and I don't think I can be a feeler, because it's important for me to not be sensitive and I'm strong and tough, people's words don't get me, and I like being able to protect other people.

I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I kind of see darkness in everything. I thought I may be an INFJ, but I'm not a social chameleon, I am true to myself, and am mostly quiet and people say my voice is subdued and confident. I'm mysterious, and quiet, I feel like I'm fighting the darkness of the world everyday. I have a funny, charming side to me, but it only comes out when I'm in love or if I'm with someone very close. My humor is dark.

I'm very protective over people I love, and I am always appreciative when I can trust someone and they repay that trust, because it gives me a little bit of hope. And I value close relationships but I'm very choosy with people. I have an inner fear that in one of the rare moments when I let my guard down on someone, that they'll not give me the appreciation I feel I would deserve.

I thought I was an ISTP, but I read that INFJ's are like old sages trapped in a world they don't feel like they belong in, and I can relate to that so much. I'm emotional in the sense that I like rapping about how I feel and I like listening to music about rappers describing how they feel. Sometimes I fall into this trap of wanting to be completely alone.

When I'm healthy, I'm someone who enjoys doing fun things that I can engage in the moment, and spending time with people I care about. I'm someone who stands up to their values no matter what, I'm the big brother who looks out for you, the person who will drive you home when your drunk. I'm not the most caring person, but I'm a leader, I'm confident and strong, and I still care deep down in this sad heart.

Sorry if I seem sad, I just wanted to be honest about my outlook on the world.

 

[Luminous]

I see a lot of Fi. Have you thought about INFP?

 

[Amberiat]

I see a lot of Fi. Have you thought about INFP?

INFPs seem like a cool bunch, can I be one too?

On topic, this all seems very contradictory, it may be hard to pinpoint your type as it seems like you're being heavily influenced by a certain level of unhealthiness, try reading into Enneagram as it also deals directly with mental health levels, so far I'm seeing a potential loop or even grip but no functions jump out at me directly so it's hard to say, definitely an unhealthy struggle though.

 

[Luminous]

INFPs seem like a cool bunch, can I be one too?

You'd have my vote.

 

[SurrealisticSlumbers]

He could quite possibly be INTJ as well

 

[BlueScreen]

INFPs seem like a cool bunch, can I be one too? On topic, this all seems very contradictory, it may be hard to pinpoint your type as it seems like you're being heavily influenced by a certain level of unhealthiness, try reading into Enneagram as it also deals directly with mental health levels, so far I'm seeing a potential loop or even grip but no functions jump out at me directly so it's hard to say, definitely an unhealthy struggle though.

A person is as a person is. There was nothing that seemed contradictory in the OP, just human.

I recommend not starting with an idea of what types should be because in the almost infinite spectrum of what personality and humanity can be, people correlate more with one of the 16 categories for different reasons.

 

[Mind Maverick]

A lot of people do get mixed up in the mess of typing via behavioral elements (cough*BarnumEffect*cough). I'd suggest finding some resources which provide a baseline definition of things, then see how you align with them.

"What is T? What is F? How exactly are they defined, and where do I fall in relation to them?"

With all due respect, your F/T understandings are mere common misconceptions (Ts can be highly emotional, these are stereotypes. I thought the same about myself for some time, though.)

"It is important to recognize that feeling should not be equated with irrationality. Indeed, Jung went out of his way to ensure that thinking and feeling were approached on equal grounds, classifying both as 'rational' functions. Jung also took care to distinguish the feeling function from emotions, essentially saying that the feeling function is charged with evaluating emotions." -A.J. Drenth

Refine your understandings of definitions, get rid of behavioral stereotypes, then come back and rewrite this tbh. This really doesn't touch on baseline components well enough to get a clear type for you.
Fe types can also be true to themselves, btw...although generally, even the INTP will at times be the awkward duckling trying to blend.

You sound like you have some sort of Sx Instinctual Variant in Enneagram, at least. That much can be said.

PS - As for, "I'm so lost about who I am. INFJ or ISTP??" Your type is not your identity, it's just a personality classification system.
It can be useful as an assistant in introspection and understanding others, but it's not healthy to use it for a sense of identity.

---

Extroverted Feeling
Extroverted Feeling’s value judgements are largely dependant on the outer world. This might seem seem strange, since feelings are usually seen as inherently subjective things. With this type, insofar as her Feeling is extroverted (and there is a spectrum!), it’s in harmony with the traditional or generally accepted values of the time. It’s also influenced moment-to-moment by its peers. The criteria for its judgements come from all kinds of external conditions. For example, a painting, regardless of how good it really is, might be called beautiful because it’s the work of a famous and well-loved artist, or because calling it anything worse might ruin the atmosphere or offend the owner. These aren’t lies, but merely an act of adjustment.This type follows her feelings as a guide throughout life. Since her feelings are oriented by the outer world, they harmonise with her current situation and its general values. She seems thoroughly adapted to her social environment. In a healthy type, her feelings still have a personal, genuine element at their core, however much it’s masked and modified to accommodate external conditions. For example, her love interest tends towards the suitable person with a good and conventional nature, rather than someone who satisfies hidden desires. This also isn’t a lie – it’s her real feeling of love, regardless of how impersonal her choice might appear.

Introverted Feeling
Introverted Feeling’s value judgements are oriented by the inner world and the collective unconscious. It has a passionate tie to these inner images or ideals, as if it were chasing a dream or vision it had once upon a time. The goal isn’t to relate itself to the external environment, but to bring these inner ideals to life through Feeling. It glides over anything in the outer world that doesn’t match its subjective values; as a result, its valuations rarely appear on the surface, and the ones that do are usually negative, as if it were trying to ward off or discourage the object. For an observer, a positive feeling has to be guessed at indirectly.Her relatively neutral, reserved demeanour might make it look as if she has no feelings at all – in reality, she finds expressing herself difficult, and so her passion and sympathy grow all the more intense. Inside, the sorrows of others become a whole world of misery – “still waters run deep”. She might eventually burst with feeling, perhaps in a way that seems extravagant or inappropriate, partly since her feelings are adapted to the archetypal forms of the collective unconscious and represent more than just the current situation. Normally her passion trickles out, secret and well-hidden, in religiousness, art, poetry, or intimate relationships.

Extroverted Thinking
Extroverted Thinking is a type of mechanistic reasoning that is primarily oriented by external conditions and objective facts. As a result, it’s generally conscientious and quick to meet the demands and challenges presented by the outside world. Its external nature doesn’t mean that it only deals with concrete things – it can also be totally abstract, but the abstract concepts it plays with tend to be learnt from education, or borrowed from the intellectual culture of the time. It tends to concretise ideas and lead them into the outer world. Its conclusions should have some some objective effect or relevance, they should be externally applicable in some way.
There is no difference between the logic employed by Te and Ti. The differences lie in the preferred type of data and the preferred way of shaping ideas, as mentioned above. Te operates most cleverly and effectively when it has a lifeline to facts and generally accepted ideas, which it shapes in productive ways. This might give a pessimistic observer the impression that Te is restricted and “inside the box”, when in reality it has an an impressive creativity and capability in its preferred realm.
However, when objective facts and borrowed ideas become so important to Te that they overwhelm the subjective thought process completely, it loses its creative spark. It’s hardly Thinking anymore, as it only serves to reflect what is already obvious in a set of data and never goes beyond it. It will not even try to compare the ideas with the user’s own past experiences, which remain dissociated and useless in his psyche for lack of an intellectual link.

Introverted Thinking
Introverted Thinking is mechanistic reasoning guided by subjective tendencies that have their roots in the collective unconscious. This subconscious influence might manifest as a vague sense of structure that guides logic, or a more or less complete idea that only needs to be intellectually formulated. In either case, the theories that Ti creates aren’t derived from external facts, however much the Ti type would like that to be true in the name of being “objective”. The idea has its roots in the psyche, and facts are only used to confirm it or provide evidence of its validity.
However, Ti has the dangerous tendency to give the subject too much credit, at which point it might twist and mangle the facts to fit a subjective theory, or ignore them completely and engage in a kind of intellectual fantasy. This Thinking starts to show a mythological streak, the result of its basis in the collective unconscious. The strong convictions of the Ti type come from the evolved validity of these “eternal truths”. However, their value is lost as long as the Ti type neglects to link them up with objective facts and ideas.
Over-introverted Ti risks creating ideas that say nothing real or relevant. By contrast, over-extroverted Te risks becoming nothing more than stating the facts. Ti says, “I think, therefore I think,” while Te says “It is, therefore it is”. If this intensification continues, the Ti type’s outer life goes to another function in the unconscious, usually Feeling. His relationships with people and things will be infected by childish complexes, fears, anxieties, and the negativity characteristic of the unconscious.

Source

---

Thinking refers to how people make decisions. Thinking people are objective and base their decision onhard logic and facts. They tend to analyze the pros and cons of a situation and notice inconsistencies. They prefer to be task-oriented and fair.

Feeling people are more subjective. They base their decisions on principles and personal values. Whenmaking decisions, they consider other people’s feelings and take it in account. It is in their best mind tomaintain harmony among a group. They are more governed by their heart (Myers 65).

---

Just keep in mind also: "preference" is not defines as desire in MBTI, it is defined as nature or "default setting". Not what you do, but what is most natural and comfortable for you to do. Jung believed a "default" mode, basically, would rise up to the surface like a beach ball submerged under water if suppressed.