Hey, I know the title of this post seems overly pessimistic however I feel very conflicted. I'm a 20 year old guy and for a long time I always though I was an INTP. I'm a very analytical person, and I offer unique insight to things going on around them (I'm often described as wise). I'm very creative, I write music, scripts, a book, have started filming - my imagination is greater than most people my age and other people always comment on it. I can be quite sentimental at times. I'm generally quite quiet (If it wasn't for my friends always nagging me to go out, I could happily live in my room), and although I am very well liked and fairly popular, most people think I am pretty quirky.
However there are certain things which makes me doubt if I am an INTP. I am obsessed with dominance, and making sure other people realise I am either the boss or at least not let anyone think that they are above me in any way. I like playing mind games, trying to read people and doing certain things to test how they react. My sense of morality is all over the place - one day I'll think people should help one another to the best of their ability, and the next day I'll believe one should act one for oneself. I can be quite a warm person, or the coldest person you'll ever meet. I often dress very well (in suits) or very unique and I love the attention it brings. I'm very antisocial, but I'm very good at reading people; their body language, facial expressions and their subtle meanings when they say something. I am generally quite lazy, but mentally I have an obsession about getting things done and complete. This leads to people who see me frequently to think that I do not do anything (as I work freelance) but those who haven't seen me for a few months think I have achieved a lot over that time. I guess this is how I work though - I could not do anything all week, then write 12 songs in one day. My temper can vary from non-existent to I want to burn your house down from day to day, and my empathy for others also fluctuates. I'm quite arrogant, but at the same time I'm pretty goofy, and childlike at times. I feel like I always flip between apathy in life to overwhelming passion.
I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually by my parents and one of my neighbour's throughout my childhood. I also think mental illness is in our genes somewhere (perhaps schizophrenia as my dad mentioned about how he had two voices in his head and how he believed he was an alien from another planet). I suffered from depression in my teenage years and I dated a very emotionally unstable, suicidal girl who made me feel even worse at the time. I'm currently seeing a psychologist to help work on these issues, and he genuinely feels sorry for me and is working hard to help. He doesn't think I am schizophrenic, however because my life has always been filled with uncertainty, and was never shown much kindness as a kid, it has lead to my inconsistent way of thinking in the present, and that I associate a lot of things with childhood insecurities. Overall people think that I am a great, genuine person and some close friends have mentioned how I am very critical to myself and that I am not as bad as I make out. But overall, I really don't know if I am INTP. I think typology sticks out to me as I discovered it a couple of years ago at the end of my depression stage and I was desperately trying to form a personal identity, but now I'm having doubts. I've spoken to my friends about it, and they just jokingly say "It's because you're fucked up my friend" and I think they may be right ahahha
I apologise if this post seems like venting, perhaps it half is as I am going through a lot right now (such as going in for surgery) but I am still curious about what anyone may think. I will not be offended if you say "Yep, I think you are too messed up to type" as I want to clarify the most objective answer.
However there are certain things which makes me doubt if I am an INTP. I am obsessed with dominance, and making sure other people realise I am either the boss or at least not let anyone think that they are above me in any way. I like playing mind games, trying to read people and doing certain things to test how they react. My sense of morality is all over the place - one day I'll think people should help one another to the best of their ability, and the next day I'll believe one should act one for oneself. I can be quite a warm person, or the coldest person you'll ever meet. I often dress very well (in suits) or very unique and I love the attention it brings. I'm very antisocial, but I'm very good at reading people; their body language, facial expressions and their subtle meanings when they say something. I am generally quite lazy, but mentally I have an obsession about getting things done and complete. This leads to people who see me frequently to think that I do not do anything (as I work freelance) but those who haven't seen me for a few months think I have achieved a lot over that time. I guess this is how I work though - I could not do anything all week, then write 12 songs in one day. My temper can vary from non-existent to I want to burn your house down from day to day, and my empathy for others also fluctuates. I'm quite arrogant, but at the same time I'm pretty goofy, and childlike at times. I feel like I always flip between apathy in life to overwhelming passion.
I was abused physically, emotionally and sexually by my parents and one of my neighbour's throughout my childhood. I also think mental illness is in our genes somewhere (perhaps schizophrenia as my dad mentioned about how he had two voices in his head and how he believed he was an alien from another planet). I suffered from depression in my teenage years and I dated a very emotionally unstable, suicidal girl who made me feel even worse at the time. I'm currently seeing a psychologist to help work on these issues, and he genuinely feels sorry for me and is working hard to help. He doesn't think I am schizophrenic, however because my life has always been filled with uncertainty, and was never shown much kindness as a kid, it has lead to my inconsistent way of thinking in the present, and that I associate a lot of things with childhood insecurities. Overall people think that I am a great, genuine person and some close friends have mentioned how I am very critical to myself and that I am not as bad as I make out. But overall, I really don't know if I am INTP. I think typology sticks out to me as I discovered it a couple of years ago at the end of my depression stage and I was desperately trying to form a personal identity, but now I'm having doubts. I've spoken to my friends about it, and they just jokingly say "It's because you're fucked up my friend" and I think they may be right ahahha
I apologise if this post seems like venting, perhaps it half is as I am going through a lot right now (such as going in for surgery) but I am still curious about what anyone may think. I will not be offended if you say "Yep, I think you are too messed up to type" as I want to clarify the most objective answer.
