Dear Sensitive People

[Duffy]

You push people, you'll get pushed back. How else would you handle it? Other than bringing it to a supervisor, which I did.

I'm not saying what you did was "wrong." It would seem that in hindsight, you picked the "correct" choice, seeing as you got what you wanted.

Honestly, I'm not sure what I'd do in such a situation. I've dealt with a person like this at an old job. She was strangely vocal and particular with how others responded to her (tone, inflection, body language). The thing is, she would provoke aggression by way of being nit-picky and criticizing the quality of work in others. This was outside her jurisdiction so it's only appropriate that people would start to get agitated. She seemed oblivious. I found better work and left, so who knows what I would've done. Probably confront her and try to seek a compromise, of course assuming it would interfere with my quality of work and I'd actually get annoyed enough.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

[MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION]... that's one thing that's always confused me... how can someone be so sensitive about themselves and so insensitive towards everyone else? strangers can't be expected to know your life story... I mean, there's basic politeness and such that should be used if speaking to someone who you don't want to hurt the feelings of, but above and beyond that from a stranger is a bit demanding!

That imbalance of high sensitivity to self vs. obliviousness to others is a defining factor for personality disorders when taken to enough of an extreme. I think a great many people lean in the direction of those disorders, although may not be clinically diagnosable (narcissism, sociopathy, etc). It is a different animal from true sensitivity.

I recently watched a documentary about Kurt Cobain and Cortny Lurve and wow is that a case in point. She is hypersensitive in certain ways. Interviewers have to walk on eggshells placating her or she walks off. Offend her and the repercussions are dire. She is a classic sociopath demonstrating every symptom. Narcissists are highly sensitive to self, but cruel to others. So are serial killers. The way I see it, if someone does have personal sensitivities and that motivates them to lash out, then they need to learn empathy and get a response that draws a boundary, so they can learn sensitivity to others.

Everyone in my family growing up is quite sensitive. I don't consider myself HSP, but I'm calibrated differently from the norm. I'm also much tougher than average in my ability to face truth about trauma in the lives of friends and family. I never feel awkward around trauma, grief, pain, etc, and I can face a lot of that, help in whatever way I can, and still function. For some reason highly competitive, shallow environments make me literally sick, so I've had to change my career. My training should place me in academia, but I shut down in the environment. The people are intelligent, have a sophisticated use of language to communicate insults and engage in power conflicts, and the subject matter of most conflicts are inanely trivial. I tried one last time to teach as an adjunct at the local university, and that year I had intense nausea in the evenings, dizziness driving home, chronic headaches. I think it is because on some level I feel that if people can be that selfish and unkind over such petty issues, who are they when the shit hits the fan? What I believe deep down is that the environment creates completely vacuous moral situations generating the mindsets capable of committing atrocity when pushed to that. So, instead of just taking the literal instances of pettiness, I end up feeling like I'm in Hitler's training camp. I try to talk myself out of it, but it is what I believe in the core of my bones. I don't know if that makes me HSP, but my personal reaction is not to lash out and hurt anyone. It is to try to think the best of each person individually outside of that dysfunctional environment, and then leave quietly and find an environment that doesn't make me sick.

The logic of knowing that if something hurts you personally, it could hurt someone else is so basic that on some level everyone knows it. When someone is being mean-spirited they aren't sensitive. And if they really do get hurt easily by that behavior, then their actions are morally even worse than if it is coming from someone who communicates in a tough, unfiltered manner.

 

[Sil]

It's often how you say it, not what you say, that can make people respond badly and appear sensitive.

 

[miss fortune]

dear sensitive people,

I suppose that I should, in the future, refrain from having a sense of humor.

or perhaps I should only use puns and knock knock jokes from a book written for children?

after all, it is apparent that having my sense of humor is apparently a thing of offense even if I am without malice towards 99.99% (except for that bitch I work with who is always making people cry) of the population and my tone should make that obvious to someone who is sensitive to things.

or perhaps opening one's mind to realize that others AREN'T necessarily brimming with ulterior motives and insults may be a good thing?

no... making such a suggestion may be insensitive of me... as is asking questions as to what exactly it is that I did that was apparently wrong when I genuinely have no clue.

sincerely,

the epitome of all things dark and evil who is obviously uncouth and rude if anyone can get offended by what they say





and for those who correctly gathered from the OP that I'm speaking of just a small handful of people who are scary unpredictable in what shall make their spines come out, thank you for your insights! it's always good to see how other people think about things in order to keep perspective towards the world

 

[prplchknz]

dear sensitive people,

I suppose that I should, in the future, refrain from having a sense of humor.

or perhaps I should only use puns and knock knock jokes from a book written for children?

after all, it is apparent that having my sense of humor is apparently a thing of offense even if I am without malice towards 99.99% (except for that bitch I work with who is always making people cry) of the population and my tone should make that obvious to someone who is sensitive to things.

or perhaps opening one's mind to realize that others AREN'T necessarily brimming with ulterior motives and insults may be a good thing?

no... making such a suggestion may be insensitive of me... as is asking questions as to what exactly it is that I did that was apparently wrong when I genuinely have no clue.

sincerely,

the epitome of all things dark and evil who is obviously uncouth and rude if anyone can get offended by what they say





and for those who correctly gathered from the OP that I'm speaking of just a small handful of people who are scary unpredictable in what shall make their spines come out, thank you for your insights! it's always good to see how other people think about things in order to keep perspective towards the world

i think you should just bite them.

 

[miss fortune]

i think you should just bite them.

is it legal to if my rabies shot has expired?

 

[prplchknz]

is it legal to if my rabies shot has expired?

who cares they deserve rabies

 

[miss fortune]

who cares they deserve rabies

then their organs can't be donated to kids on dialysis

 

[prplchknz]

then their organs can't be donated to kids on dialysis

kids can die aswell.

 

[miss fortune]

kids can die aswell.

but why let them when they could profit off of the organs of the wicked?

 

[prplchknz]

but why let them when they could profit off of the organs of the wicked?

because kids grow up to adults and i don't like adults right now.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

but why let them when they could profit off of the organs of the wicked?

Just send the organs to one of the Hitler training camps I referred to. They'll know what to do with them.

 

[miss fortune]

because kids grow up to adults and i don't like adults right now.

I'm supposedly an adult

Just send the organs to one of the Hitler training camps I referred to. They'll know what to do with them.

they'd probably fight over what to do with them until they went stale by the sound of it

and we watched that documentary a while back and mostly just stared open mouthed at the tv when it got to some of her crazier behavior, as in "what the hell is WRONG with some people?!?"

 

[Cygnus]

If you want feedback from a forumer: I've yet to take offense to anything you've ever said. Reason: your calm demeanor. I might get butthurt if I detected some venom behind it, but I never do.


Keep doing what you're doing.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

...after all, it is apparent that having my sense of humor is apparently a thing of offense even if I am without malice towards 99.99% (except for that bitch I work with who is always making people cry) of the population and my tone should make that obvious to someone who is sensitive to things.

or perhaps opening one's mind to realize that others AREN'T necessarily brimming with ulterior motives and insults may be a good thing?

Even though this is implied in most responses to the thread, I'll just state the obvious. Regardless of the details of the negative exchanges you have had with people who don't have a sense of humor, the fact you can say the above portion of your post means that you contribute positively to the world. The world needs people who can think the best of others, without fear or malice, and add humor. It's unfortunate that you get negative feedback, but I hope you can always keep that positivity. I personally admire you for it. It's very cool of you to think that way.

 

[prplchknz]

I'm supposedly an adult

true.

 

[Cellmold]

Someone who is highly sensitive tends to be also very self conscious. But being self conscious isn't the same as being self aware and it leads people to overestimate the consideration others give them.

Essentially it's just intense self - involvement. I wasn't there [MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] but I suspect that this is the case here. Although as a likely HSP myself it might just be my projection but I can say when I've been like the people you described (and I have) it's nearly all in my head and all my responsibility.

I don't know if there is a good way to point it out.... can you do it subtly? Perhaps just iron bar it.

 

[Proctor]

or perhaps opening one's mind to realize that others AREN'T necessarily brimming with ulterior motives and insults may be a good thing?

no... making such a suggestion may be insensitive of me... as is asking questions as to what exactly it is that I did that was apparently wrong when I genuinely have no clue.

Trying to be sensitive to those who are over sensitive suggests you think they're over sensitive and that is just so insensitive of you.

 

[Bush]

I thought I posted in this thread but I can't find my post. Oh, well.

Ideally, we ought to be able to say and receive stuff in a direct manner. There should be no need to fear stepping on eggshells, but no need to be a total dick, either. The 'victims' should give people the fucking benefit of the doubt. They're probably not plotting against you, they're more than likely not trying to step on your toes. Especially if they're a loved one. Fuckin' chill already.

Now this is what "should" be the case. That's not the way things work. I've got more in terms of why people act the way they do; what, from my perspective, may hurt sensibilities; and advice.

 

[miss fortune]

Someone who is highly sensitive tends to be also very self conscious. But being self conscious isn't the same as being self aware and it leads people to overestimate the consideration others give them.

Essentially it's just intense self - involvement. I wasn't there [MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] but I suspect that this is the case here. Although as a likely HSP myself it might just be my projection but I can say when I've been like the people you described (and I have) it's nearly all in my head and all my responsibility.

I don't know if there is a good way to point it out.... can you do it subtly? Perhaps just iron bar it.

good point! I suppose that when a person gets stuck in their heads everything gets tinged by whatever else is in there... like how a hungry person can relate anything to food, or a total perv links everything to sex (which made me think of the only decent scene in Armageddon )

my general approach has been to express confusion and then flee... subtle doesn't seem to work and I'm always afraid that if I try the iron bar approach they would beat me to death in my sleep

Trying to be sensitive to those who are over sensitive suggests you think they're over sensitive and that is just so insensitive of you.

that is worse than a rock and a hard place

I thought I posted in this thread but I can't find my post. Oh, well.

Ideally, we ought to be able to say and receive stuff in a direct manner. There should be no need to fear stepping on eggshells, but no need to be a total dick, either. The 'victims' should give people the fucking benefit of the doubt. They're probably not plotting against you, they're more than likely not trying to step on your toes. Especially if they're a loved one. Fuckin' chill already.

Now this is what "should" be the case. That's not the way things work. I've got more in terms of why people act the way they do; what, from my perspective, may hurt sensibilities; and advice.

it's that gap between "should" and "is" that perplexes me somehow... and I know that people in general are a messy affair, but in many cases the patterns of cause and effect are clear

when someone reads something into what is said or done it's a lot less predictable because that takes away the logical cause and effect and moves into gray areas of implications and the subjective terrors that they bring