Dear Sensitive People

[Duffy]

Off humor maybe...

I do think ExTPs need to take responsibility for their ummm... actions, perhaps derived from curiosity. I think that (maybe an TP thing, maybe not) tendency to want to poke the bear and see what happens can get them into trouble. You poke the bear, you know what's going to happen, but a part of their mindset is like, maybe something else will happen, something interesting. I'm thinking about someone specific when I talk about this, so it may not apply towards you.

 

[ceecee]

lol, that's totally passive aggressive. I'm surprised you went through with it. I'd cringed to death doing something like that.

You push people, you'll get pushed back. How else would you handle it? Other than bringing it to a supervisor, which I did.

 

[Forever]

[MENTION=19719]Forever[/MENTION]... I'm actually pretty easy to get along with for people who are sensitive to stimulation, because I'm pretty soft spoken and hate invading the personal space of others... and I have MANNERS

those things that you mentioned are quite irksome... it's like "you are beneath me, servant"

Pretty much, it's annoying when seen often. Haha. I had those gestures the most as a cashier because I probably wasn't fast enough or they didn't initiate conversation, I was too introverted for a cashier I suppose. It gets tiring when every new person is a blank slate for conversation. Then there's this random lady who I swear that wasn't her normal tone of voice, I was kind of ticked at her for demeaning me that way and I've never seen her before in my life, at least not consciously.
There was one person who took my receipt and crumbled it in such an unusual manner after I bagged their items really slow and neat for them. I was like maybe I wasn't lightning fast, but you had a HELLUVA delicate items, some people just don't see the full picture I guess.

 

[Redbone]

[MENTION=1180]whatever[/MENTION] I'm one of those "spiky" ENFPs! I can be sensitive (being a 4 just piles on to this...) but here is what I have learned. Being sensitive belongs to ME--it's MINE. It's my job to manage, arrange, deal with, protect...do whatever with. Because it's hard to deal with at times, there are moments when I want someone to help me--even coddle me! by recognizing that I'm sensitive and treading carefully. It usually happens when I'm extremely stressed or very sick. I think we all revert to lower emotional states of well-being at such times...it's important not to dwell there. It would be grossly unfair and immature to transfer managing my sensitivity to others (even as I think it would be so nice if all the pebbles were removed from my life's pathway! )

Even so, it can take a lot to beat back being sensitive at times. I admit to feeling rage when it gets stepped on. I've had to learn not to act on it. I still do at times...see above.

On the flip side, I think it's important to have empathy and realize that our words and actions carry a lot of weight and can cause pain to others. Sometimes a little prick. Other times, nasty, deep wounds.

Such a blurry line at times, it's hard to find.

I want to tell you that you should tell her that she hurt your feelings by calling you insensitive! I kinda get a little irked by this...people up here in the PNW go nuts over this. Want to trigger mob action? Be insensitive here and these pumpkin latte sippin' folks will be all over your ass! So much for sensitivity...

 

[Galena]

These quotes are from a chapter on e4s, but they are relevant to all shades of people.

[insert people of concern here] become so focused on their fragile feelings that they feel completely justified in demanding support for all of their emotional needs. At the same time, they can be surprisingly unaware of the feelings of others.

Emotional volatility and moodiness are not the same as real sensitivity. Further, they are a fairly good indication that our heart is closed down. The deeper qualities of the heart are more subtle and are not reactions to the actions of others or to our environment, Our emotional reactions often prevent us from being affected by our experiences on a deeper level.

Sensitivity goes both ways - to what one is sending out as well as taking in. It's not selective. If it is, reactivity is the more correct word.

 

[Riva]

Hyper sensitive people are the worst.

They turn their hypersensitivity into a tool to paint you as a jerk, when in reality they are just painting anyone as a jerk who doesn't worship their personality or their goodness.

Know an INFJ like that. Disgusts me.

Hypersensitivity with Fe is a really bad combo to those who are around them who are not willing to worship their goodness. It's easier for this hypersensitive people if they are an attractive female. If it's a male, hard luck hypersensitive man. Lolz.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I am one of those HSPs....one of the reasons I suppressed emotions for most of my life. I feel the true emotions behind the words, such makes lying to me impossible.

Having too many mentally ill people in my family was a huge challenge when I accepted emotions in my life. When my boys would have an episode, I would feel their madness in me. When my wife was full of her hostility, I felt the full force of her inner hate. It was awful.

But I couldn't run away from life. I learned how to separate my emotions from theirs. I learned to let theirs wash over me and not bother me.

Is it fair to everyone else that people like me get bothered by your hidden emotions in ways you don't understand? Yes and no. People who spray negative emotions to the world should be responsible just as much as if they sprayed bullets. But we need to learn to not be a burden to others. If I could adapt and be less impacted, other HSPs can too.

 

[Yama]

I didn't even know what HSP meant before this thread.

I would consider myself sensitive but not HSP. If someone says something that bothers me, yeah it hurts. I can't control what hurts me and what doesn't. But I can control my reaction. I won't bring up to them what hurt me unless it's a recurring behavior (if it was a one-time thing I'll let it go). Any stupid comment that makes me butthurt will eventually fade away so there's no point making a big deal about it or being passive-aggressive.

One time I had a friend who was doing something that bothered me--won't get into specifics as it was something kind of dumb. I didn't respond to it even though it hurt my feelings; I just ignored it. When I realized that what they were doing was a recurring behavior (and a very small thing at that) I told them it made me uncomfortable. They have never done it again.

 

[Blackout]

I think we are very adept at detecting subtleties that at times, even the person in question does not quite realize themselves.

Still, labeling somebody as "sensitive" just because you may have a way about you that is off-putting to others isn't really a solution.


Are you coarse or something, man? because I know that can really bother those who may have some sensitivity to things.
Of course, everyone does; I resent that term. Sensitive as in, yeah, nails on a chalk board are kinda aggravating to me. I don't really know about you.

 

[Blackout]

Of course, everyone has sensitive areas too, and I think it's often a case of knowing when to walk away, or adjusting accordingly.

 

[Proctor]

So this person expects you to be extremely sensitive to their needs, but doesn't feel like they have to be sensitive to yours? Actually it sounds more like they think you should be able to read their mind. That you should just know what you did to upset them.

I have known people with that and I really don't have the patience to deal with them. I'll try altering my behavior at first, accept that they're easily offended and act accordingly. But it gets to a point where I'm repressing my own natural interaction style just to humor them. And if they can't tell me what I'm doing that upsets them then I see no alternative than to act in a way that might hurt them

The fact is walking on eggshells is stressful. It gets draining, not knowing if a innocuous comment will set another person off. And at the end of the day, it's their problem. If the person is decent and just can't help being who they are, then it can't hurt to be a bit more understanding. But if they expect you to sacrifice your own well being then I say fuck em.

 

[SearchingforPeace]

The fact is walking on eggshells is stressful. It gets draining, not knowing if a innocuous comment will set another person off. And at the end of the day, it's their problem. If the person is decent and just can't help being who they are, then it can't hurt to be a bit more understanding. But if they expect you to sacrifice your own well being then I say fuck em.

It is extremely draining walking on eggshells. Being a HSP isn't the same as being ultra sensitive.

Ultra sensitive types are annoying, thinking everything is about them and having hair trigger reactions. The mentally ill in my life are all prety much this.

HSP has two types ---- 1. those very sensitive to certain smells, sounds, tastes, touches, or sights. 2. Those who are highly sensitive to the emotions of others.

Being an emotional HSP type isn't a choice, any more than what hand you use to write. Feeling when someone is angry with you even when their words and tone are neutral or feigned happiness or love is difficult. Being unprepared for this also means you might be so influenced by the emotions of others that you are suddenly angry or sad without having a trigger, just because someone else is nearby. I used to get sick just going into hospitals, for example....

 

[cascadeco]

I think what OP describes is basically tied to people who are so utterly self-absorbed that they interpret anything and everything as something tied to them, a slight towards them, a mockery of them, an insult towards them, and so on. They are filtering everything with this already-skewed internal state of being distrustful and maybe feeling powerless or without confidence themselves.

tbh I'm not sure there's much you can do about this; they need to realign their internal state, which may or may not ever happen. All you really can do is try not to react even further in a negative way when they react to you (because if you do, it will merely affirm their own beliefs / self-fulfilling prophecy thing), and try to neutrally understand what's going on / why they think something, calmly state you only meant what you said, and whatnot. If they continue to choose to read into things and not believe you, well, there's not much you can do about that imo.

 

[cascadeco]

[MENTION=14857]fia[/MENTION]... that's one thing that's always confused me... how can someone be so sensitive about themselves and so insensitive towards everyone else? strangers can't be expected to know your life story... I mean, there's basic politeness and such that should be used if speaking to someone who you don't want to hurt the feelings of, but above and beyond that from a stranger is a bit demanding!

It's probably a lifelong sense of being slighted, and ignored, and unwanted, and so from a place of being lonely and in pain, they become 'demanding' of other people to meet these needs - though ofc further push people away. I'm of the opinion that people who are in pain, filled with a more negative energy/emotions, are not really able to address other people positively / look outside themselves. Because they are hurting, they are like a huge open wound that wants to be healed - looks to others to do that. To be clear, it's not up to others to actually do that, the person has to heal themselves -- but, yeah. / ramble

 

[prplchknz]

It's probably a lifelong sense of being slighted, and ignored, and unwanted, and so from a place of being lonely and in pain, they become 'demanding' of other people to meet these needs - though ofc further push people away.

yup that's usually what happens to me i'm not good at being assertive for me it's either very passive or agressive. and i don't like being agressive but sometimes i reach that point and i feel drained after but it's a build up over time. and it's not just what i say but also my tone. i'm not good at the assertive tone, and i know this might seem like an excuse but i've tried. I just get so frustrated because a lot of times i won't complain if my head hurts or if i feel suicidal i'll often cry alone. and then someone will be like i'm so depressed my dog ran away and i get really angry because i feel like everyone else can complain but if i do i'm just being a brat. even if it is a legit thing, because if i had a dog and it ran away i'd be sad but wouldn't be depressed because i know the difference. unless i already was depressed before which may or may not make me more depressed. i get a lot of oh you can't have any problems from people, or i get accused of doing drugs, or only pretending (none of those things are true) than i go maybe i don't have problems and am just pretending and the spiral begins. and i need to stop listening to people who don't know me, espeically since the only time i share my frustrations on here really and often get accused of never talking.

 

[miss fortune]

there usually seems to be a certain level of paranoia to responses by some people along those lines... as in reading things into what was said that certainly weren't said or even meant (and not implied either)... it sucks to have someone else twist your words against you and accuse you of having ulterior motives when you really don't. sure, they may be in a bad mood or something of the sort, but I don't get the desire to take it out on someone who isn't the cause of it... no need to spread the nastiness any further than necessary. if you feel the need to be a dick to someone why not do it to the person who made you pissed off in the first place? or to some inanimate object? (sorry inanimate objects everywhere)

and [MENTION=25922]Blackout[/MENTION]... no, I don't think that I'm a particularly off-putting person. I'm not particularly social, but I do get along with people quite well. The people that I'm wondering about are the same ones who do this sort of thing to others as well on a frequent basis, so unless EVERYONE is off-putting, I doubt that's the case.

and like what [MENTION=9883]Redbone[/MENTION] and [MENTION=17945]Nixie[/MENTION] both mentioned... many of these people tend to be 4-ish... (which goes back to my confusion in another thread once of "I just don't get 4s... how can you FEEL that much?!?!?")

I can understand what it's like to have life seem to have painted a target on your back... it fucking sucks and I can sympathize with that... I'm even willing to listen to people if they want to talk about it. I am NOT, however, comfortable with having someone take offense to innocent comments and accuse me of shit.

 

[prplchknz]

there usually seems to be a certain level of paranoia to responses by some people along those lines... as in reading things into what was said that certainly weren't said or even meant (and not implied either)... it sucks to have someone else twist your words against you and accuse you of having ulterior motives when you really don't. sure, they may be in a bad mood or something of the sort, but I don't get the desire to take it out on someone who isn't the cause of it... no need to spread the nastiness any further than necessary. if you feel the need to be a dick to someone why not do it to the person who made you pissed off in the first place? or to some inanimate object? (sorry inanimate objects everywhere)

and [MENTION=25922]Blackout[/MENTION]... no, I don't think that I'm a particularly off-putting person. I'm not particularly social, but I do get along with people quite well. The people that I'm wondering about are the same ones who do this sort of thing to others as well on a frequent basis, so unless EVERYONE is off-putting, I doubt that's the case.

and like what [MENTION=9883]Redbone[/MENTION] and [MENTION=17945]Nixie[/MENTION] both mentioned... many of these people tend to be 4-ish... (which goes back to my confusion in another thread once of "I just don't get 4s... how can you FEEL that much?!?!?")

I can understand what it's like to have life seem to have painted a target on your back... it fucking sucks and I can sympathize with that... I'm even willing to listen to people if they want to talk about it. I am NOT, however, comfortable with having someone take offense to innocent comments and accuse me of shit.

i'll yell at the ceiling or sky if i'm really frustrated.

 

[miss fortune]

i'll yell at the ceiling or sky if i'm really frustrated.

I kick things... which has the unfortunate side effect of often hurting my foot. On the bright side, because my foot hurts, I usually forget that I was mad!



and that's a good approach... ceilings and skies don't care about our petty human existences and seem to hate or love us all the same no matter what we yell at them

 

[SearchingforPeace]

I kick things... which has the unfortunate side effect of often hurting my foot. On the bright side, because my foot hurts, I usually forget that I was mad!



and that's a good approach... ceilings and skies don't care about our petty human existences and seem to hate or love us all the same no matter what we yell at them

If I need to just let it out, I get in my car and go someplace really alone. I unleash a few primal screams, then breathe until I can get calm. Seems to work with no harm to others.

 

[JocktheMotie]

TLDR 6s are the worst.