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  1. #11
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    Hey Demi,

    I can only imagine how you are feeling. I know the people close to me who have had miscarriages suffer from sadness and guilt and remember anniversaries, so it is not surprising that you are feeling this way after an abortion. This is a big physical and emotional trauma and unfortunately there is seldom even the guidance of hearing others' experiences before such a big decision is made, nor the support of sharing your grief/guilt/struggles after because of the shame or secrecy people often carry. Regardless of anyone's personal convictions on the issue of abortion, I don't think anyone here would want to contribute to everything else you are dealing with. Hugs to you, and if we find anything that might help, we'll send it your way. Your honesty takes a great deal of courage, but I think even talking about it to someone will be a tremendous help in processing what has happened and will at least take some of the burden of secrecy away.

  2. #12


    Perhaps you can do something to honor the memory of your child. Turn these thoughts into some positive action. Then give the credit to your child, for inspiring something beautiful.

  3. #13
    Emerging Tallulah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008


    I know a friend of mine went through exactly what you did--she aborted the baby, but then was very sad on the day that the baby would have been born. She was in a depression for weeks around the actual due date. I know she was disappointed that none of her family thought about mentioning it, but I don't think most people (who haven't had one) think in those terms. They hadn't thought about when the baby would have been born, etc, and people generally don't want to bring up a sad subject out of the blue. I guess my point in all this is that if you're feeling alone in all this, to bring it up and let people know that you want to talk about it--because they will probably a) not realize or b) not bring it up so as not to upset you.

    Something Witty

  4. #14
    Senior Member Kyrielle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007


    I'm sorry you are having a tough time...that's a really sad thing to experience. It's understandable, though. I think you should take up ThatGirl's sounds like a helpful thing to do.

    I have no experience with this, but if you did what you thought was right at the time, then you did the best you could do given the circumstances. And the best you can do is really all you can ever ask of yourself.
    "I took the one less traveled by,
    And that has made all the difference."

    Robert Frost

  5. #15
    Member shimsham's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007


    My mother had an abortion when she was 20. She has told me that, as with all types of grief, it gets better with time. It makes sense that the sadness stings a little more for you right now, since you are caught up in thoughts of what could have been. I wish I had advice or comforting words for you. Just know that you are one of many women who has gone through this, and you should not feel alone in dealing with it. Seek out some older women in your life and tell them about what you're going through and how you're feeling. In all likelihood, they'll have gone through the same thing, or will know someone who has.

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