aetherabove
New member
- Joined
- Jun 6, 2015
- Messages
- 10
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 4
Hi all! 
I originally wanted to post this on personalitycafe, but the site has been giving me database error ever since I signed up.
I am 20 years old and female. The only thing I'm certain of, Enneagram-wise, is that my core type is 4. I like to see myself and to have others see me as a uniquely talented individual. One of my core desires is to stand out and be a "star" - it's very important for me to have this ~Image Of Me~. I am very creative and artistic, take a lot of pride in my creative abilities, and often express myself via artistic means. I tend to be introverted and withdrawn, dwelling on my rich imagination. I'm very emotional (Myers-Briggs IxFP) but don't tend to show it around people IRL, though I often express my emotions quite explicitly in writing, especially online. People who don't know me well enough may often think of me as cold and aloof, but the ones closest to me at heart know just how temperamental and volatile I could be. I'm also a hopeless romantic and like to romanticise/idealise tragic love stories. The labels "artist" "individualist" "tragic romantic" suit me very well.
I am not sure of my wing, I get both 4w3 and 4w5 quizzes. I see myself as mostly 4w3 because I like to achieve success and recognition (I'd describe myself as very ambitious in the head, perhaps not so much in action), and to have a public image that is both unique and successful is important to me, but I can also identify with being a 4w5 since I withdraw to deal with my thoughts a lot, working things out etc.
Now I don't know where to move on from here. I could see all three gut triad types in me. I'm leaning towards my gut fix being 9 because disagreement unsettles and upsets me - my sense of inner peace is important to my wellbeing, and I have an almost toxic reaction to disharmony. However, I also see 1 because I've always had a strong sense of right and wrong. I have very strong political and ethical stances, and find it difficult to tolerate opposing views. I am angered easily by those whose views I deem unethical and often get into arguments, despite hating conflict and knowing that I'll probably get upset because of it afterwards. I usually never win arguments because my need for inner peace tells me to back off and not make it worse. Sometimes I would continue to argue even though I'm not sure whether I'm right or wrong anymore, only to put up a front, and I suspect that may be an expression of type 8 - others often describe me as stubborn, even aggressive.
Recently my need for inner peace has taken over, and I try not to get involved in arguments and compromise in advance if someone challenges me to one, even when I see a viewpoint that infuriates me greatly. I find myself to be a person of contradictions when it comes to disagreement - I would often "tiptoe" and carefully phrase my words so as not to provoke disagreement/upset others, but when I really cannot stand someone, then I would phrase my words as harshly as possible. I prefer to hang around with those who share my values - I can be a good mediator/peacekeeper when there is a slight disagreement between those people.
I also tend to compromise when someone I know well holds a disagreement with me. I am very relationship-oriented: the more I like someone/the closer I am with them, the more I am tolerant of their political/moral/philosophical views should they differ from mine. What a stranger said might make me want to do my head in, but if a good friend says the same thing, I'm inclined to think "hmm maybe they have a point". I am also much more confident in stating what I truly believe if I know there are others who would support me in saying so. It's much easier for me to voice my disagreement with someone/something along with a group of other people, than to voice it alone. I'd say I'm either a 9 or a 1 gut fix but idk.
My head triad type is even more confusing. I used to mistype as a core 6 because I doubt myself so much/require security (though I might have confused feature of type 6 and type 9 often). When it comes to issues I do not know much about, rather than forming my own judgment, I would read others' opposing views and think "yeah that sounds right" "hmmm but okay they have a point too" "no wait but this makes sense" as I go along. I have a tendency to follow popular consensus, and I feel like I have a need for authority figures whom I can look up to whenever I am unsure. Once again I think I may be conflating type 6 and type 9, because rather than "calculating my decisions to maximise my security" I would "calculate my decisions to maximise my sense of inner peace", but I still do the former a lot. I have generally been afraid of experimenting with things I am unsure about (alcohol, drugs, amusement park rides etc.) and as a result, my life experiences have not been as rich and exciting as most people my age.
I often type as having 5 in my tritype fix on Enneagram quizzes, though. I can and often do rationalise things in my head, building upon others' analyses, and I relate to type 5's description of having an "inner workshop", working through life as if it is a puzzle. Lately I have been typing as 7 as my secondary and sometimes even primary trifix, however, which has never occurred to me before. The Enneagram Quiz site says that being spontaneous and versatile, meaning my thoughts can easily jump from one exciting topic to another, is what makes me type 7. Now that I think about it, the possibility that my head fix is actually 7 makes more and more sense - I tend to prioritise the present moment's enjoyment in my actions, even though it isn't what is planned in my head, which results in being late to half of my classes, stupendous amounts of procrastination, as well as budget crises at the end of the month.
I could see type 2 often, but I blame this on my type 4 direction of disintegration because I am deeply depressed. At my worst I would lament that I am not a person of value to others, that others do not love and need me. My core fear when I am unhealthy is not being valued by others, and I start to crave others' affection.
At the moment I am leaning towards my tritype being 469 or 496 (triple-doubting). I used to be certain that my instinctual stacking is sx/so/sp, but lately I have typed as so first, occasionally sp first. I thought I would be sx because one-on-one relationships are much more valuable to me than a sense of belonging within a community. I would rather have a few close friends than a bunch of regular friends I am not truly close to (currently I am in the latter situation, which leads to me being deeply dissatisfied with the state of my life). My degree of sp has always been confusing to me - I am often conscious and concerned about my health and security in my thoughts, but rarely take any action to improve it.
All in all, I believe I would best be described as a type 4 of contradictions
I originally wanted to post this on personalitycafe, but the site has been giving me database error ever since I signed up.I am 20 years old and female. The only thing I'm certain of, Enneagram-wise, is that my core type is 4. I like to see myself and to have others see me as a uniquely talented individual. One of my core desires is to stand out and be a "star" - it's very important for me to have this ~Image Of Me~. I am very creative and artistic, take a lot of pride in my creative abilities, and often express myself via artistic means. I tend to be introverted and withdrawn, dwelling on my rich imagination. I'm very emotional (Myers-Briggs IxFP) but don't tend to show it around people IRL, though I often express my emotions quite explicitly in writing, especially online. People who don't know me well enough may often think of me as cold and aloof, but the ones closest to me at heart know just how temperamental and volatile I could be. I'm also a hopeless romantic and like to romanticise/idealise tragic love stories. The labels "artist" "individualist" "tragic romantic" suit me very well.
I am not sure of my wing, I get both 4w3 and 4w5 quizzes. I see myself as mostly 4w3 because I like to achieve success and recognition (I'd describe myself as very ambitious in the head, perhaps not so much in action), and to have a public image that is both unique and successful is important to me, but I can also identify with being a 4w5 since I withdraw to deal with my thoughts a lot, working things out etc.
Now I don't know where to move on from here. I could see all three gut triad types in me. I'm leaning towards my gut fix being 9 because disagreement unsettles and upsets me - my sense of inner peace is important to my wellbeing, and I have an almost toxic reaction to disharmony. However, I also see 1 because I've always had a strong sense of right and wrong. I have very strong political and ethical stances, and find it difficult to tolerate opposing views. I am angered easily by those whose views I deem unethical and often get into arguments, despite hating conflict and knowing that I'll probably get upset because of it afterwards. I usually never win arguments because my need for inner peace tells me to back off and not make it worse. Sometimes I would continue to argue even though I'm not sure whether I'm right or wrong anymore, only to put up a front, and I suspect that may be an expression of type 8 - others often describe me as stubborn, even aggressive.
Recently my need for inner peace has taken over, and I try not to get involved in arguments and compromise in advance if someone challenges me to one, even when I see a viewpoint that infuriates me greatly. I find myself to be a person of contradictions when it comes to disagreement - I would often "tiptoe" and carefully phrase my words so as not to provoke disagreement/upset others, but when I really cannot stand someone, then I would phrase my words as harshly as possible. I prefer to hang around with those who share my values - I can be a good mediator/peacekeeper when there is a slight disagreement between those people.
I also tend to compromise when someone I know well holds a disagreement with me. I am very relationship-oriented: the more I like someone/the closer I am with them, the more I am tolerant of their political/moral/philosophical views should they differ from mine. What a stranger said might make me want to do my head in, but if a good friend says the same thing, I'm inclined to think "hmm maybe they have a point". I am also much more confident in stating what I truly believe if I know there are others who would support me in saying so. It's much easier for me to voice my disagreement with someone/something along with a group of other people, than to voice it alone. I'd say I'm either a 9 or a 1 gut fix but idk.
My head triad type is even more confusing. I used to mistype as a core 6 because I doubt myself so much/require security (though I might have confused feature of type 6 and type 9 often). When it comes to issues I do not know much about, rather than forming my own judgment, I would read others' opposing views and think "yeah that sounds right" "hmmm but okay they have a point too" "no wait but this makes sense" as I go along. I have a tendency to follow popular consensus, and I feel like I have a need for authority figures whom I can look up to whenever I am unsure. Once again I think I may be conflating type 6 and type 9, because rather than "calculating my decisions to maximise my security" I would "calculate my decisions to maximise my sense of inner peace", but I still do the former a lot. I have generally been afraid of experimenting with things I am unsure about (alcohol, drugs, amusement park rides etc.) and as a result, my life experiences have not been as rich and exciting as most people my age.
I often type as having 5 in my tritype fix on Enneagram quizzes, though. I can and often do rationalise things in my head, building upon others' analyses, and I relate to type 5's description of having an "inner workshop", working through life as if it is a puzzle. Lately I have been typing as 7 as my secondary and sometimes even primary trifix, however, which has never occurred to me before. The Enneagram Quiz site says that being spontaneous and versatile, meaning my thoughts can easily jump from one exciting topic to another, is what makes me type 7. Now that I think about it, the possibility that my head fix is actually 7 makes more and more sense - I tend to prioritise the present moment's enjoyment in my actions, even though it isn't what is planned in my head, which results in being late to half of my classes, stupendous amounts of procrastination, as well as budget crises at the end of the month.
I could see type 2 often, but I blame this on my type 4 direction of disintegration because I am deeply depressed. At my worst I would lament that I am not a person of value to others, that others do not love and need me. My core fear when I am unhealthy is not being valued by others, and I start to crave others' affection.
At the moment I am leaning towards my tritype being 469 or 496 (triple-doubting). I used to be certain that my instinctual stacking is sx/so/sp, but lately I have typed as so first, occasionally sp first. I thought I would be sx because one-on-one relationships are much more valuable to me than a sense of belonging within a community. I would rather have a few close friends than a bunch of regular friends I am not truly close to (currently I am in the latter situation, which leads to me being deeply dissatisfied with the state of my life). My degree of sp has always been confusing to me - I am often conscious and concerned about my health and security in my thoughts, but rarely take any action to improve it.
All in all, I believe I would best be described as a type 4 of contradictions
