Your self-perception vs the way you are perceived by others?

[Peter Deadpan]

I find that there are 2 scenarios I face:

1. People who know me fairly well think much higher of me than I think of myself and remind me regularly that I am very hard on myself.
2. People who don't know me very well think I am stuck-up or bitchy, neither of which are true at my core (unless you're an asshole, then I'm probably bitchy). I also think these types fail to see how sensitive I actually am.

 

[thepink-cloakedninja]

Person: "You and me are friends, just not very good ones."
Me: "Nope."

That about sums it up.

 

[helbert]

Well I'm an INTJ and my mom thought that I was an INFP because of my "creative talents." I don't think that's the norm though.

I'm very self-conscious of the way people perceive me - I know who I am and like who I am but I feel like I have trouble conveying it. But for some reason, even though I think I come across as boring and dull to people due to my minimal talking and maximum observing, people always pick up on my personality in ways that surprise me. I guess my aura is stronger than my words, because even if I say nothing to someone they usually think I'm "intimidating" or "impressive" or "interesting." So I guess I'm the opposite of you where I perceive a difference in perception that doesn't actually exist.

 

[Verona]

This response in part answers the OP, but the other aspect people seem to misjudge about me is that what they see as highly structured and organized, is not a direct reflection of who I am, but is a reflection of coping mechanisms I've learned over time. My internal world is so chaotic that I NEED to structure my external environment to function like a normal adult. On the flip side, my INTJ brother may appear scattered with his things but that's only because his mind is so attuned to where he places things, that to organize and categorize his external environment is only wasted effort for him, not beneficial like it is for me.

This is exactly how I feel too. People comment about how I am such a structured parent but if I didn't have schedules, homework alarms etc. I would totally drop the ball so this structure is necessary for me to keep my head above water.

 

[kotoshinohaisha]

Others perceive me as:
Weird, smart, crazy, no feelings, Insensitive, bad person, selfish

How i persceive myself: nothing because it's lame

 

[Red Memories]

Others perceive me as:
Weird, smart, crazy, no feelings, Insensitive, bad person, selfish

How i persceive myself: nothing because it's lame

I think I simply perceive you as sarcastic, random, and bizarre but for some reason I am attracted to random bizarre sarcastic people.
and they always end up hurting my sensitive feelings. XD but I follow them around anyway. LOL.

 

[Red Memories]

My family for a long time as perceived me as selfish and irrational.
I am actually irrational, but not selfish. I think the issue is I come off as selfish because I am insensitive towards people who do not ATTEMPT to better themselves. I honestly am terrible at strictly giving emotional support. If I try solely that, people say they feel like I don't care about them. this is online and offline.
The main support I give is actual suggestions on helping a problem. I want to give solutions, not enable people. Feelings exist of course, but to wallow in them permanently is not good for anyone. Speaking as an oversensitive person who spent her teen years wallowing too long.
DO AS I SAY NOT AS I DO.

 

[MyCupOfTea]

I've been told that I give a first impression of being distant and non-approachable.

On some level I get that, because it takes time for me to "warm up" with new people. Sometimes I feel like that in situations when I'm forced to do small talk with strangers I lose the touch with my Ne and sometimes it results as overly blunt inferior Te taking over... Which isn't good. If I try to be considerate and attentive it's just... feels so fake and stupid in that moment and I believe it shows.

 

[FemMecha]

I change what I said earlier. I recently had an older ESFP friend tell me that I'm always original. I'm not entirely sure what other people think of me, but my impression is that it is varied.

 

[Merced]

I've been told that I am cold and unapproachable. Hyper focused and detached. I don't see myself like that at all.

 

[Lady Lazarus]

I have no idea what I come off like to others outside very broad strokes.

 

[Ashtart]

I hardly have any ideas about what others think of me and I don't care much. But, when they actually do tell me their impressions, I often get surprised. It seems that people just can't read me at all, not even psychologists.

 

[Agent Washington]

People seem to underestimate me and not take me seriously IRL. Apparently I give off young vibes.

 

[Gone]

... let's just say people are always surprised when they find out more about me. With some, I'm afraid I'll have to blame it on their memory that rivals the one of a goldfish.

Also apparently I'm great at communicating with people. Dude has probably never seen me talk to anyone.

 

[Cellmold]

I can be interpreted in any number of different ways and contexts.

I think a lot of people think they know me and nearly all of them are wrong & this isn't really a positive.. But I have a decent enemy to friend ratio....slightly favouring the enemies. Wherever a grudge can be held or growth be stunted, people are liable to understand only what is convenient for them to understand at that moment in time with regards to other people.

So the self is frozen in abstraction rather than as an experience of living. And one poor interaction suddenly frames the future of a relationship.

I struggle with this latter part a lot, since I change a lot....unceasingly. So far I've not found the upper limit.

 

[Wunjo]

"Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur."

 

[Lark]

What if your self perception is very close to how others perceive you but the said others are perceiving you in a particular, inaccurate or demeaning manner?

- - - Updated - - -

What if your self perception is very close to how others perceive you but the said others are perceiving you in a particular, inaccurate or demeaning manner?

Which is to say, why are others the barometer of accurate perception?

 

[VILLANELLE]

By some I've been told I'm funny and happy and charming. And by others I get told I'm miserable and stuff. I'm not sure what to believe. I don't really have a good perception of myself, and I can't really believe the ones I'm 'given', I guess.

I do know that I'm really emotionally expressive, though.. so there's that.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

I think people see me as far less emotional than I really am. I'm not really cold, I'm friendly and nice to most, but I also don't like to get too attached or too close to people. I always keep my emotional guard up.
I also dislike it when people see me as vulnerable, or weak so to protect myself I use a lot of dark humor, sarcasm and swear words to create an idea that I'm actually tough.
The good thing is that a lot of people think I'm smarter than I actually am, because I can make myself sound smart even when I talk about things I have zero information about.

 

[Lord Lavender]

By some I've been told I'm funny and happy and charming. And by others I get told I'm miserable and stuff. I'm not sure what to believe. I don't really have a good perception of myself, and I can't really believe the ones I'm 'given', I guess.

I do know that I'm really emotionally expressive, though.. so there's that.

Its probably how those people make you behave and how their personalises untangle with yours. Like with me some people will bring out my more outgoing and funny side as they make me safe to express that side of me and others really put a damper on me as a person and I am seen as withdrawn and cold.