Do Fi doms and auxes believe that their rules must be obeyed, but that others' rules can be broken at will?
Ive grown to think of Fi as being a matter of resolution. The more mature Fi is, the more resolved it is, and the more thought has gone into the particulars of situations-not like a glowing orb, but instead like crysta with many filaments. Ne can help with live and let live, and Se can help with contextual judgement. Often introversion saves one from forcing others to the whims of one's Fi.
Some Fi rule are very specific to me:
- I like asparagus with blue cheese
- I find bright wall colors to be disturbing
- I like to let potatoes dry up and grow new baby potatoes because I enjoy seeing life regenerate
Some of my Fi rules seem like they are aligned with Fe generalized norms:
- dont say mean things
- dont lie, steal, hurt others
- in a mixed setting dont draw attention to oneself
and then there our my rules that I will seek to have others comply with in groups:
- in a team we treat each other with honesty
- we work hard and arent lazy
- we dont throw others under the bus
If you are in my immediate family or at a meal with me, dont eat cabrito please
and then there are the rules I have for those closest to me-these are my personal boundaries. WElcome to the inner circle and the work you will need to do if you wish to be a part of it:
you will respond to me if I make a request of you in a timely fashion
you will not make jokes about your thoughts on marriage in public
you will accept that I choose to help those who are less fortunate than me
you will accept my animals as part of my world
I like oysters a lot. buy them for me please and Ill be happy
every so often I will kiss you and you will need to hold me
you need to help provide boundaries for my children when I am with you
you need to be certain you treat me with respect when I am with you in front of your family and friends
and so on...it can be quite particular. You need to follow my rules and in turn I will do my best to follow yours IF I understand what they are.
In a situation where rules are conflicting, you can either gently edge around the other person's space and respect it or you have to develop Fi resolution in both of your rules sets. Just like in a logical argument where you are both logically incorrect and have to work together point by point to identify the logical disconnect.
As an example I recently had a conflict with my partner. I didnt have my phone charger while at his home, thus couldnt set my alarm and asked him to set his (Value: a very generic I need your help). He said no thus violating my rule. I became upset, feeling (insert stupid, irrational feeling). The next day he shared that he sleeps very poorly (value: I need to not be disturbed from 5-8 to feel good that day) and that he felt we always take his chargers (value: I want my things respected). I can then choose to respect his values and say nothing, share my values so he has awareness, or attempt to negotiate values. In this case I opt for option two, as his points are valid but I do want him to be aware of my values.