I wanna know!
Um, okay...
Well, it starts with the question: what are romantic relationships for? There are various possible answers:
1. Procreation/sex - nah-uh. Don't need a relationship for that.
2. Raising children 'wholesomely' (excuse a single parent for barfing)
3. To fulfil social obligations/expectations - yeah right, as if I'd care about that
4. To fulfil psychological needs
I personally think that, taking into account the numerous childless couples who have been happily married for years and would feel lost without each other, I think that what they're really for is for two people who compliment and complete each other to live together in an environment where compromise, empathy, understanding and other good qualities need to be developed in order to build a better relationship and more mature, well-rounded people. I believe they're essentially a path to self-actualization, if you get the right person.
But it's not the only path. it's the only one for people to whom it's important to have and raise kids. But although in the generic sense one could say we're biologically 'meant' to want to have kids, that it's an instinct etc, there is such huge individual variation on just about every physical matter to do with humans,
including DNA and numbers of chromosomes, otherwise you'd start arguing that kids with Down's Syndrome were not human, which of course they are. Not everyone is desperate to procreate, but most people want to live fulfilled lives and become the best person they can be. Not everyone is desperate to self-actualize and reach enlightenment, but most people enjoy sex at the time. Same thing, you dig? Someone being more into relationships and having a family doesn't automatically mean they're not interested at all in helping their wider human family, they've just made a choice that's right for them and so have to commit to it. Likewise, people who choose a different 'vocation' to the family life, or marriage, it doesn't necessarily mean there's anything hugely wrong with their libido or anything, it just means they've other things they're more interested in, in order to follow which they have to make a sacrifice, which they choose to make and don't find particularly difficult any more than the happily married woman with lovely kids would find it difficult to resist the 'temptation' to join a convent.
I think that for some people, other paths to self-actualization are more effective. I've felt for a long time that for me, it's not a romantic partner I need to find and develop a long-term relationship with in order to become the best person I can be, but a 'patron' of sorts. That simbiotic relationship that can exist between spouses can equally exist between a person who is 'born to rule' as it were and one who is 'born to enable', and the ones they both serve - the people whose lives are meant to be made better by the pastoral care of the leader and 'king's counsellor' type figure.
What I do better than anything else, and better than most people I've known, is 'find ways'. All someone has to do is to tell me something can't be done, and within twenty minutes I've already thought of a dozen ways to do it, and I
know they'll all work. So long as
I do them. What some other people do really well is to figure out what needs to be done, to dream visions and goals and that sorta thing, but they tend to not be too great at making it happen on their own, often largely because they stumble at hurdles, thinking everything's ruined/lost/whatever because things didn't go according to plan. I can make almost any situation workable. I'm the nil desperandum guy to the drunken wreck of a leader who's sobbing like a baby because all his plans are in ruins and his wonderful vision will never come to be.
When I do what I do, I help people, I become a better person myself in the things I learn. Much like people who want romantic relationships start out with an idealized vision of their perfect partner, and have unrealistic expectations and failed relationships because of these before becoming more realistic and mature and finding the right person, who helps them become better exactly
because they're not perfect themselves... in much the same way, I've been with looking for a leader.
I say leader, but patron really is more what I mean. I need a person to pick me up and put me in places where I can shine. Without that, I'm just a ball of untapped potential. But these patron types need balls of untapped potential to shine for them and make their dreams happen. My dream is only to untap my potential and use my talents to the fullest, for the benefit of others.
So, whilst most people spend their lives envisioning and looking for their perfect romantic partner, I've spent mine envisioning and looking for my perfect patron. And over time, I've become more realistic, i've learned a lot through the 'false alliances' i've got into and had to get out of.
It's kinda unfair that the perception from the outside is, people just see 'oh look he was all over this guy and thought he was the greatest and couldn't do enough for him, and now all of a sudden he's saying the guy's useless and he wants to work for someone else'. And they see it as me being fickle.
But I think that's really unfair, cos they wouldn't say of a person who was in an unhappy and unfulfilling relationship with someone who really obviously wasn't the right partner for them, that they had to keep flogging a dead horse, would they? And it's just the same thing for me. I'm just looking for that person and cause that will allow me to align myself and actualize myself to the fullest.
Take this with a pinch of salt because I just dashed it off in ten minutes, having guests here this evening and therefore not the leisure to make carefully considered posts!
