[NF] Why Do NFs Apologize So Much?

[FemMecha]

The habitual apologies might be a compensation for the general irritability in a particular culture? I apologize more than I should and will spend some time thinking about why. Maybe part of it is when someone expresses sadness, irritability, or anything negative and it seems you are supposed to say something, "I'm sorry" seems as good as anything. For me there is also a concern about people crossing into the realm of conflict. Once people get fighty it's hard to bring them back. A quick sorry might help nip it in the bud? Also, there are times it's not a personal apology but an expression of sympathy. Confusing the two could be pretty funny actually.

 

[Atomic Fiend]

Cause we're genuinely sorry?

 

[something boring]

I often find myself explaining to others that even though I know their situation isn't my fault, it still sucks, and I'm sorry it sucks. There are many reasons to be sorry.

 

[heart]

I often find myself explaining to others that even though I know their situation isn't my fault, it still sucks, and I'm sorry it sucks. There are many reasons to be sorry.

Yes, this is it. As for me, the more "sorries" you get out of me, the more I care for you and your prickly little feelings.

 

[SpottingTrains]

It all depends on how well I know a person. If it is a new acquaintance and I express a strong opinion that is followed by a strong reaction on their part I will usually appeal to their side of the argument and try to form some kind of common-ground.

I guess the same could be said with someone I know better but I will take a a definite stand on what I believe while still recognizing and acknowledging the positive ideas about what they offer.

What Synapse says is a good indicator of why a lot of NF's do this:

Probably to cover my bases just in case anything I've said is taken the wrong way and definitely is a form of apology for action or thereof lack of action. It is I think our insecurity that gets us self conscious after the fact when in fact its unnecessary. I use the term less often these days and notes the times I do and analyze why should I be sorry for something when I've done nothing to be sorry about.

All comes down to avoiding argument / confrontation. If an NF is constantly apologizing to you there is a good chance that they deem you a person that could be hurt by what they said- even if the chance is small.

 

[alcea rosea]

I'm really sorry, but I don't have time to answer to this thread...

 

[sleuthiness]

If I say anything at all, I'll support it pretty fully or abandon ship if it seems like a conversation is a hopeless hunt. If I shock someone with something I said, it is what it is. I give a little squint followed by googly eyes and carry on.

That said, I don't say sorry afterward unless it's something accidental like mowing you down like a scarecrow with my truck.

 

[prplchknz]

i think it's a curse. I really really really really really really do.

 

[ThatsWhatHeSaid]

ThatGirl told me to post this:

"Sorry, I'm just not really sure."




Boys: 1
Girls: 0

 

[garbage]

So, in conclusion, yes, I'm an apology smurf.

I actually still have those tendencies to a certain extent.

When Ne tells you how a particular conflict, no matter how minor, can possibly be your fault, Fi's gonna make you do something about it

 

[Amargith]

agreed.

 

[CzeCze]

I'm sorry for apologizing so much.

Can we go back to watching the movie now?

 

[Moiety]

Actually, I don't usually apologize unless it's something done out of pure clumsiness (physical or mental). The rest of the time, I tend to explain my train of thought, often negating the need to apologize. I do use the sarcastic sorry a lot, though.

 

[janey_girl]

I get told off all the time for apologizing - I'm not being a pain, but my normal reaction is to say "I'm sorry".... I do try not to, but I always feel I should...

 

[Tigerlily]

i rarely do. i'm pretty inconsiderate. i hate having to say i'm sorry and talking about my feelings is just plain icky.

 

[ColonelGadaafi]

I've noticed this with an INFP friend, he'll react with some trivial negativity to a said thing, which is perfectly normal for a normal person. And then quickly react to it as if i was being offended, or because he thought it was wrong conducy. It seem's to be their form of check leverage on their negative emotions. They can't bring themselves to scold people, even assholes.

 

[The Outsider]

I've noticed this with an INFP friend, he'll react with some trivial negativity to a said thing, which is perfectly normal for a normal person. And then quickly react to it as if i was being offended, or because he thought it was wrong conducy. It seem's to be their form of check leverage on their negative emotions. They can't bring themselves to scold people, even assholes.

Absolutely.

 

[Paisley]

Sorry. Sorry.

 

[Totenkindly]

I've noticed this with an INFP friend, he'll react with some trivial negativity to a said thing, which is perfectly normal for a normal person. And then quickly react to it as if i was being offended, or because he thought it was wrong conducy.

Yeah, exactly. it's just an innocuous negative -- little judgments that anyone has and you learn to accept as "normal."

When you say it that way, though, it sounds like a potential counterpoint to the INTP tendency to correct their own casual comments in order to make them precise and apologize for not being nuanced enough, although no one else cares and the context is casual.

It seem's to be their form of check leverage on their negative emotions. They can't bring themselves to scold people, even assholes.

Yep. Self-check.

 

[CrystalViolet]

Actually I apologise before I spew out all my negativity, then apologise again. I always did wonder why people looked at me oddly.
My personal thing, is my mother told me I was very rude and curt with people when I was younger. She was always pulling me up for it....it got to the point where I was apologising for just speaking, so for a while all you heard from me was "sorry" and not much else. I just felt I couldn't say anything without offending people.