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cuz they r speshul
This is really bothering me.
I don't mean this post to be insulting of any INFJs out there.
INFJs sometimes seem extremely deep, but it's almost like their depth is just related to emotional connectedness. In other words, INFJs can connect with someone emotionally on a very deep level from the INFJ's point of view. However, they don't seem able to connect with someone on a deep level regarding a shared interest. Is that just because they lack the active vocabulary for expressing a deeply felt connection in relation to a shared interest or activity? Or is it because INFJs just lack the ability to go into a subject or interest with the extreme depth and broadness of which INFPs and INTPs, for example, are capable? Or maybe INFJs are too intellectually lazy to ever go very far into anything?
Is what I am describing making sense?
If I'm wrong on anything, I'd really like to be because I'm dating an INFJ female, and I'm trying to determine why she sometimes seems to be able to connect with me on a mental/intellectual level, but most of the time I feel like I'm somewhat by myself.
Is this just because her Ni feels overwhelmed by my Ne? Or has she avoided complexity on purpose in her life because she doesn't quite know how to manage it?
I was thinking more about this. I think that Ni is more cyclical and repetitive and in depth only on a few topics compared to Ne. It tends to stick more to certain areas of specialization, although as a Ni Dom, I like the breadth of knowledge and curiosity that ne users exhibit or bring to me. They seem to better be able to keep track of where they encountered different bits of information or ideas, and also are open to almost anything that comes their way. I'm more likely to dismiss some things because of their source, or because it's of less relevance to me and I also don't venture as far afield or get bored as easily as them. I think Ne and Ni are complementary in that sense, but I can understand how to a ne user it may seem that they are intellectually lighter.
I think especially in the past too, I was protective of things that mattered a lot to me until I could gauge the other person's likely response because disinterest in something I was excited about felt like rejection of me and I didn't want to complicate the relationship between me and others with feeling hurt or resentful. I think too, ne users tend to easily talk about all the things they are exploring or find interesting whereas Ni users (or at least infjs) are more likely to err on the side of waiting to be asked or they maybe feel rebuffed more easily if they volunteer something and there is no response or a negative one.
I am naturally curious about fields which I know little about and I find that many of the ne people I've been close to are really pleased to find an audience to perform for or to share their findings with. So in the end, we often have a bit of an unbalanced flow of information. I think infjs have to guard against doing this and it's not the other person's responsibility, but it also helps if the other person is aware that their responsiveness or encouragement may influence how much they learn about the infjs intellectual life. I think infjs sometimes over rely on how other people respond to them to gauge appropriateness or acceptance or to guard against feeling negatively towards someone whose regard they value.
I think we agree on that. I'm not entirely sure what point you're making. Do you want to expand on that a bit?
Yes it's a huge problem, I think. It's very hard to see ourselves objectively except through how others mirror us back, which can be unreliable sometimes. Maybe that's why so much credence is given to someone's credibility before we are willing to really consider there point of view on personal or important matters, because whoever we trust to mirror has the potential to do damage if we are unable to kind of see ourselves a bit more objectively. So yes, that is maybe also why we might need some sense of emotional trust or relating in that way to also share as much intellectually. Interesting thought. I'd never really considered it quite that way before.
Come to think of it, I think that particular function stack is part of what can make infjs very unable to see how subjective they are being, even when they may have other areas where they can be insightful or more objective about. That objectivity is more able to occur outside of things involving them and ideas/people that they are invested in or feel strongly about.
Maybe it also explains the strange sense of vulnerability they may feel when discussing anything that matters particularly to them. Maybe they are personally entwined with it in a way that someone with a different function stack isn't and can't or wouldn't want to be.
However, it's also what makes them really interested in mastering whatever there is for them to know about those things that they have a huge personal stake in, sometimes to the extent that a partner may dislike it, or so someone may wonder why they care so much to know their preferences or find their study of people kind of like a science experiment and sort of strange or unnerving. That same trait can make them very devoted and thoughtful friends or partners in other ways though if they can let go of their need to understand what's going on constraining the other person's sense of autonomy or separateness.
I think I understand what you're saying. I have less experience with intjs in real life, but I think that at times nfjs can expect that there is a certain way people should relate that matches what they would do to show someone they care or how they would interact with someone. However, each type has their own way of doing things and communicating and just because it is not the same, it doesn't mean that it's wrong. NFJs tend to value relating on an emotional level, but not every type is going to readily do that and perhaps it seems to you that NFJs are unwilling or unable to adapt to other ways than their own preferred one? I think I understand better then what you were asking earlier. What is your first language?