I said I was stupid in my previous post, so I wanted to elaborate that I mean I am socially retarded. I am not stupid in any other way. I am rather average or abover average at other things.
I am socially crippled, have been since a child. I had apraxia, and lived a very neglected and isolated life with little to no outside stimulus. I didn't really try socializing, because I was bullied for my looks and being poor, and hated everyone as a result. That on top of my abusive parents. I simply became withdrawn, self sufficient, and self orientated. I thought of no one else but myself, and later my brothers. As I got older though, and became an adult, and realized I needed to socialize or Id get depressed.
I began to use the internet a lot. Mostly forums such as these. Writing was easier than talking. I realized very quickly people thought I was a terrible monster though. I had so much backlash, that I had no idea what I did wrong most of the time. So I angerly lashed back out at them. Overtime I realized I simply wasn't aware that my words could hurt people's feelings. That not everyone was like me etc. I realized that even though I don't really care if people disagree with me, to stay in a community I had to learn to talk better and be "nicer". This moment happened when I was 22, and my transition into a better person began. The forum I joined next was an LGBT forum, and I thought since everyone there seemed nice I could learn from them. Boy was I surprised that it turned out to be an act for most people. I also realized that my political beliefs were different (Libertarian capitalist). And I wasn't even into politics then. So once again people thought I was a monster, but I didn't give up and fought till I was infamous and successful on that forum. Even though I was socially retarded, I managed to win a moderator election on an LGBT forum as an outted Trump supporter. Id say that is a significant acheivement. Eventually though, the forum turned to shit and I decided to leave. I was surprised people were sad to see me go, as Ive for so long expected people to not care about me. It was a learning experience.
The majority of what I learned in forums, translated really well to real life socializing to my surprise. I found talking to be much easier, and I no longer had anxiety about it. Id say the dams kinda broke and now I cannot shut up.
when you go 20 years with no one to talk to, it builds up. I turn 28 in like a week, so id say the last 6 years were well spent. Ive made drastic changes to my social skills, but have a lot of catching up to do.
So I simply ask people to be a bit patient with my stubborn and self-orientated personality.
