I don't know if I've ever thought of my life as being entirely pointless. I've certaintly thought of it as destructive as well as creative. Sometimes it's just nothing or startling when I "catch" myself in a strange moment ("I exist!
Whoa!!"). Even when occassionaly upset/sad as a child, I
might've immediately thought my life pointless and that it should've ended or never began. That never lasted, though. People who know me intimately, really two people, question me sometimes that I could be so elastic and that I didn't break myself or escaped. Maybe I found a better escape in my mind or through others or through Nature. No clue, silly kid that I was!
But someone/s
made a point in creating my life, whether or not they value me for it or if I choose to value myself or my life. I don't find life pointless or created so. The point may've been trivial or angry or spiritual or hopeful to begin with. Eh. People began giving us meangings or meaning something to us as soon as they were aware of our existence (even in the womb). To each parental branch their own childlike-ish leaves, and hopefully the wind can blow us away... Again, on being depressed or whenever it should happen for me, I've always found it useful for the future, for self-reflection and reflection on others or ideas. I create meanings while I'm rooted in pain, whether it's wanting to create something better for myself or for others. I'm not entirely sure why but I enjoy it too, even while it's happening. I think once that happens, I move out of it quicker or into it deeper. Err.
I also think I can find meaning in the smallest of objects, a dot on the wall, anything can snap me out of a mood and a new one is created.
Sometimes I peel them all away and just live silently (rather like elfie's Buddhist mentality
). It can last moments, it can be random, or it can last a long time when I choose to meditate. I may have dissociated from the world and all I can find outside but I then begin living within. It's an entirely different living. And it can sparkle or just stop or I think it stops!
Really, I don't really find life pointless if one keeps on existing. People make points of doing things to ensure they're living and keep on living, even if they view their life as ultimately pointless. Why do anything then? Even to sulk, even laying still, you're still doing something. It just feels like nothing. I guess life can be an illusion and we in turn can become deluded... It's just your value of what life means to you has changed when you view it as pointless, but it's still a worth as you're still existing. Even when we die, we meant
something to someone/s-- or maybe even the sum of our life was seen as something unique to us as it was going, even if we define it as pointless
in the end. We are points, even if others view/ed our lives as pointless. Maybe people don't craft meanings or view them the same way as I do or another does, but that's all subjective junk anyway.
So, uh, the capability for making life mean something or finding it pointless (positively or negatively or neutral) will depend on the individual..
Now I shall chew on my tongue.
