[SJ] what SJ's look for in a potential mate

[AutumnReverie]

Why shouldn't you hold high standards? Why isn't it fair? I mean, it's your life, and ultimately you have to pick your partner and be happy with your choice. If you compromise too many of the important beliefs that you have, you'll end up making yourself (and your partner) miserable in the long run. It's one thing to hold high standards on their core belief system, and totally another thing to have "high standards" on the type of haircut they prefer. I think it's important to know the things that are important enough to you that you wouldn't be willing to compromise.

I mean, what would really be "unfair" is marrying your partner with the expectations that they (or you) will change once you're married. I have kind of resolved myself to the idea of, "If you're gonna be with this person for the rest of your life, you better make sure you can accept them exactly as they are."

I completely agree. That's why I said I wouldn't use the word "picky" because, to me, "picky" is having "high unyielding standards" about a person's haircut or what kind of food they eat or something other completely arbitrary thing. I know exactly what I want in terms of core beliefs/values, and I agree that it shouldn't have to be compromised.

So yes, I don't really think us ISTJs are "picky"...we just know exactly what type of person we want and don't want to settle (like you said).

 

[d@v3]

Well, the emoticons only allow so much creativity. Gotta make do with what you have...although, I do love llamas.

So you're an Alpaca hater?

Why shouldn't you hold high standards? Why isn't it fair? I mean, it's your life, and ultimately you have to pick your partner and be happy with your choice. If you compromise too many of the important beliefs that you have, you'll end up making yourself (and your partner) miserable in the long run. It's one thing to hold high standards on their core belief system, and totally another thing to have "high standards" on the type of haircut they prefer. I think it's important to know the things that are important enough to you that you wouldn't be willing to compromise.

I mean, what would really be "unfair" is marrying your partner with the expectations that they (or you) will change once you're married. I have kind of resolved myself to the idea of, "If you're gonna be with this person for the rest of your life, you better make sure you can accept them exactly as they are."

Yes, I see what you mean now. I just don't want to come off as shallow, because I'm not.

I completely agree. That's why I said I wouldn't use the word "picky" because, to me, "picky" is having "high unyielding standards" about a person's haircut or what kind of food they eat or something other completely arbitrary thing. I know exactly what I want in terms of core beliefs/values, and I agree that it shouldn't have to be compromised.

So yes, I don't really think us ISTJs are "picky"...we just know exactly what type of person we want and don't want to settle (like you said).

So "picky" means shallow, but holding "high standards" isn't shallow?

 

[AutumnReverie]

"High Standards" can be shallow or non-shallow. It just depends on what those standards are. Do you have "high standards" about what type of hair color your potential wife should have or what sort of core beliefs your potential wife should have? There's a difference I just tend to use the word "picky" when referring to shallow high standards, and use the phrase "high standards" when referring to non-shallow characteristics I look for in a person.

 

[d@v3]

"High Standards" can be shallow or non-shallow. It just depends on what those standards are. Do you have "high standards" about what type of hair color your potential wife should have or what sort of core beliefs your potential wife should have? There's a difference I just tend to use the word "picky" when referring to shallow high standards, and use the phrase "high standards" when referring to non-shallow characteristics I look for in a person.

I don't care what hair color she has. But I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was morbidly obese. Is that being shallow? The most important thing to me is that we see eye to eye on most of our moral core values. But there MUST be physical attraction... otherwise it wouldn't seem right.

 

[AutumnReverie]

I don't care what hair color she has. But I wouldn't be attracted to someone who was morbidly obese. Is that being shallow? The most important thing to me is that we see eye to eye on most of our moral core values.

I agree. That's what's most important to me too (although, yes, I'll admit that I wouldn't want someone who is morbidly obese).

But there MUST be physical attraction... otherwise it wouldn't seem right.

Of course! If there was no attraction then the person would just be your great friend, not your romantic partner.

 

[d@v3]

Of course! If there was no attraction then the person would just be your great friend, not your romantic partner.

The attraction doesn't necessarily have to be there from the get go. I don't think. I have had the "just friends" thing grow into attraction.

 

[AutumnReverie]

The attraction doesn't necessarily have to be there from the get go. I don't think. I have had the "just friends" thing grow into attraction.

Of course. I've found that sometimes someone's personality makes them more physically attractive to me the more I get to know them.

 

[mortabunt]

Physical: Males want blonde dolls. Females want tall, dark and handsome.

Emotional: Males want warm and carring deferents. Females want a strong, dominating man.

Mental: Males want a woman who feels, not thinks. Females want a man who tinks, and only feels when they are alone together.

 

[runvardh]

The argument of standards, I believe I've seen this before... It makes me feel good inside when I see the deeper ones prefered instead of superficiality being the be all end all, the way the media likes to push it.

 

[d@v3]

Of course. I've found that sometimes someone's personality makes them more physically attractive to me the more I get to know them.

I wish I could just skip the friends part. That way I wouldn't get "friend zoned"

 

[mortabunt]

I hate when that happens. I know a chick who says she is MBTI typed ESTJ, but she is too nice to be an ESTJ. Anyways, she already has a boyfreind, and I am just a freind. We would make a very good couple. I think that anyways she is an ESFJ.

 

[finnegan]

We would make a very good couple. I think that anyways she is an ESFJ.

My wife and I have been together for 20 years, and she's an ESFJ. Seems to have worked for us, but I sometimes still wonder why she married me. INTP charm?

 

[swordpath]

Physical: Males want blonde dolls.

. Brunette please.

Emotional: Males want warm and carring deferents.

+1

Mental: Males want a woman who feels, not thinks.

Not strictly, obviously, but +1

 

[Pancreas]

I hate when that happens. I know a chick who says she is MBTI typed ESTJ, but she is too nice to be an ESTJ. Anyways, she already has a boyfreind, and I am just a freind. We would make a very good couple. I think that anyways she is an ESFJ.

Because it's a well known fact that ESTJs are incapable of being nice.

 

[d@v3]

You can't make such generalizations.

Physical: Males want blonde dolls.

I already said I didn't care what hair color she has!

Emotional: Males want warm and carring deferents.

Mental: Males want a woman who feels, not thinks.

I want the 'all in one' deal. BUT you are right, if I HAD to choose between the thinking and feeling, I should choose a girl with more feeling.

 

[d@v3]

Because it's a well known fact that ESTJs are incapable of being nice.

 

[raz]

I'm looking for someone who is more of a playmate and a romantic interest at the same time. I'm not the type to look for someone with sex as a high priority. Just observing others has taught me a lot. Experience has shown me that I get along best with other IxxJs. I'm very toned down and have little patience for surface obsessions. If I look at a person, I'm not going to fall in love with their need to save the whales or their ability to manage a company.

There are two girls at work that are unavailable, but are just amazing to me. One is an ISFJ. We seem to have this deep psychological understanding of each other. I feel like I've known her my entire life, when really, I just met her a year ago. There's something so incredibly familiar about her. She seems to just genuinely care about other people. She's not overbearing about it. It's the nurturing aspect of an ISFJ, and I admire that in her.

The other is an INFJ. On some days, I feel like she's my best friend, and then on others I want to ignore her. Most of the reason why that happens is her NFness. She seems to always have a general idea of how I'm feeling without asking me. It's so reassuring at times, and at others, it irks me because it just shows to her how predictable I am. A lot of times, I go up to her and just hover around her talking about random stuff, and I usually don't care because it's good enough to me to just be near her.

I can't explain what it is about her, but she's just become that girl that I think about when the going gets rough. Just thinking about her seems to pick me up because I suddenly realize that through all the hell I endure in my life, I seemed to have found someone that removes all of my worries just by me being in her presence.

I've found INTJs to be really great too. I met one INTJ girl a few months ago at school. We joked around some about classes and other people in the hall with each other. The main problem though was she found me to be a little gullible. I like the INTJs a lot though, for obvious reasons. They make fun playmates because they're not going to take things personally or have an overbearing need to be nice. We're nearly on the same wavelength and they have that detachment from the world that I really like. That's what I really don't like much about Extraverts is that they're so attached to the world.

I guess that's what I look for in someone. I look for someone that regardless of everything that happens around us, I can know that there is someone with me that I can have a connection with. I value the intense emotional attachment and investment. I want someone who I feel I can talk to without censoring what I say.

 

[mortabunt]

You're like a wise version of my brother.