What is the hardest thing about being a man?

[ceecee]

I really depends a lot though I guess, it's not always the case. When I lived in big "liberal" (for better or worse) metropolitan city, women seemed to have less high standards or something. I was quite surprised by this. So I don't know, overall I did not really jive with the mentality in that place very well though. I've always struggled with fitting into social norms though, if I was more normal or trie to follow a conventional path maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

i was really surprised at how open women were to me there as it was not like that in most other places. Most other places are more stuck in the past.


Like, uh.........I received far more female attention in Vancouver then compared to another place I like, Montreal; but for many other reasons I had a horrible time in Vancouver and did not do well there at all. So I don't really know why this was to be honest. I wish there was a place in between that was like a mixture between Vancouver and Montreal.

Besides some attention from women, I could not really fit into Vancouver at all and whilst there were parts of it that were very modern and open minded which felt nice, it was also really "progressive" in ways that I felt were really bad, but either way it seemed like people would go along and accept them either way. I don't know why people conform so much. Montreal nice but I am not French and it's annoying at times. It is "liberal" there, but in some ways very old fashioned. I mean women were so nice to me there, this one woman wanted to make out with me during broad daylight on a weekday and I was only talking to her. There were strange things like that, where as like in Montreal I knew this one woman and I think she sort of liked me but she was kind of mean to me and was always giving me a hard time but we obviously had a lot of chemistry but she seemed kind of staunch and like people are a little close-minded in ways like that.


Does anyone know of a middle ground anywhere in Canada or the States like that? I almost wanted to stay there because of the women, but in every other way it was horrible. It was really cold, scarcely so, overpriced, lack of opportunities, you'd have to be a workaholic to manage there and you are sort of left having to rent with a bunch of people regardless of your salary because of the housing prices and I cannot live with most people because they don't like or get me. And also people there are really cliquey and it's freaky/weird an I hated it otherwise. It's also kind of shallow and fake.

Don't come here.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Reading these sorts of threads.

 

[Mole]

The hardest thing about being a man is going into battle because none of us know how we will respond in battle. Of course training is most important and will normally take over in battle, but still none of us want to be cowards and let down our mates. Yet to some degree it is beyond our control.

 

[Luigi]

• Being abandoned
• Being neglected
• Being alone
• Being emotional
• Being rejected
• Being betrayed
• Being threatened
• Being challenged
• Being intimidated
• Being blamed
• Being abused
• Being accused
• Being mocked
• Being compared
• Not sharing interests with other men
• Never living up to people's impossible expectations

I could be a 4.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Having my style of argument or discussion questioned (this isn't in reference to internet, but real life) or labelled as anger.

Being told I'm yelling in an argument or debate, when there is a big difference between me being assertive and stating my case and yelling (most people wouldn't want to see my true angry side).

If I refute something someone says (usually happens with my wife) because I detect a logical inconsistency, then being accused of being an asshole or dismissive. Not the case, usually I'm just trying to understand and make logical sense of what they're saying that seemed wrong to me.

 

[Luigi]

ooh, I got a really good one

When you're honest, and people say you're being rude. Then when they're being rude, and you tell them, they're just like "it's the truth" instead of admitting it's their opinion.

 

[á´…eparted]

Try being a gay man.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Having my style of argument or discussion questioned (this isn't in reference to internet, but real life) or labelled as anger.

Being told I'm yelling in an argument or debate, when there is a big difference between me being assertive and stating my case and yelling (most people wouldn't want to see my true angry side).

If I refute something someone says (usually happens with my wife) because I detect a logical inconsistency, then being accused of being an asshole or dismissive. Not the case, usually I'm just trying to understand and make logical sense of what they're saying that seemed wrong to me.

My boyfriend is an INTP and this is sometimes and issue with us. Obviously, I am not as great at Ti in the moment and usually only realize my own logical inconsistencies in hindsight. I feel like Ne types are probably really good at arguing and working around inconsistencies, but with NFPs, the break will be in independent logic, and with NTPs, the break will be in independent ethics.

I can't tell if he's a 6w7 or 9w8, oddly enough, because he has both 6 and 9 strongly present feeding back and forth into one another. He also has a tendency to get overly heated when irritated, in my opinion, and because of his defensiveness and my stubborness, this can lead to pointless arguments that go further than they should because of misunderstandings in communication preferences.

 

[Luigi]

Try being a gay man.

or everyone questioning your sexuality just because you happen to be sensitive

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

My boyfriend is an INTP and this is sometimes and issue with us. Obviously, I am not as great at Ti in the moment and usually only realize my own logical inconsistencies in hindsight. I feel like Ne types are probably really good at arguing and working around inconsistencies, but with NFPs, the break will be in independent logic, and with NTPs, the break will be in independent ethics.

I can't tell if he's a 6w7 or 9w8, oddly enough, because he has both 6 and 9 strongly present feeding back and forth into one another. He also has a tendency to get overly heated when irritated, in my opinion, and because of his defensiveness and my stubborness, this can lead to pointless arguments that go further than they should because of misunderstandings in communication preferences.

Back when that news story about Trump mocking the disabled reporter broke, I got into it with her. I don't think it was in good taste on Trump's part, but we were really arguing two different points, and we were both right in our own ways. Her concern really was that that sort of mocking was wrong in the first place. My argument was that Trump's spastic gesturing was something he frequently did, regardless of whether the reporter was disabled (there are videos of him in interviews mocking himself and other non-disabled persons in a similar manner), and that the media sort of seized on that and sensationalized the moment. Neither of us was wrong, but it was a pretty good example of F vs T.

But a lot of our arguments are just what you described, basic misunderstandings of one another's communication styles. We're both very direct and blunt, but in very different ways, and about very different things.

- - - Updated - - -

Try being a gay man.

No doubt.

Try being bisexual.

 

[Luigi]

[MENTION=19700]asynartetic[/MENTION] [MENTION=20829]Hard[/MENTION]

try being in the closet, surrounded by homophobia

 

[Coriolis]

• Being abandoned
• Being neglected
• Being alone
• Being emotional
• Being rejected
• Being betrayed
• Being threatened
• Being challenged
• Being intimidated
• Being blamed
• Being abused
• Being accused
• Being mocked
• Being compared
• Not sharing interests with other men
• Never living up to people's impossible expectations

Do you think these problems are specific to men? Or perhaps do men experience them differently than women? If so, why do you think that would be the case?

Having my style of argument or discussion questioned (this isn't in reference to internet, but real life) or labelled as anger.

Being told I'm yelling in an argument or debate, when there is a big difference between me being assertive and stating my case and yelling (most people wouldn't want to see my true angry side).

If I refute something someone says (usually happens with my wife) because I detect a logical inconsistency, then being accused of being an asshole or dismissive. Not the case, usually I'm just trying to understand and make logical sense of what they're saying that seemed wrong to me.

Same question: is this related to being a man, or would women experience it, too, if they are assertive or pointing out logical inconsistencies? If the latter, it suggests the problem is more related to type than to gender.

ooh, I got a really good one

When you're honest, and people say you're being rude. Then when they're being rude, and you tell them, they're just like "it's the truth" instead of admitting it's their opinion.

But women get that all the time. If they are honest, they are accused of being too blunt, not "nice" enough, not ladylike, or the dreaded b-word.

 

[Doctor Cringelord]

Same question: is this related to being a man, or would women experience it, too, if they are assertive or pointing out logical inconsistencies? If the latter, it suggests the problem is more related to type than to gender.

Usually when criticized for it, I'm told it's somehow a "man thing" but I don't think it's sex-specific

 

[Luigi]

Usually when criticized for it, I'm told it's somehow a "man thing" but I don't think it's sex-specific

I was mostly just saying what's hard for me. I can't speak for women because I'm not a woman. I wasn't trying to exclude women with my complaints.

 

[Coriolis]

I was mostly just saying what's hard for me. I can't speak for women because I'm not a woman. I wasn't trying to exclude women with my complaints.

I know you weren't. I was trying to learn from both you and [MENTION=19700]asynartetic[/MENTION] how closely these negative experiences were linked to your gender vs. other aspects of who you are as individuals. Asynartetic's explanation above is not surprising, and I agree that much of this is not gender-specific, though men and women may experience it differently, if only because of how we are brought up.

 

[Luigi]

I know you weren't. I was trying to learn from both you and [MENTION=19700]asynartetic[/MENTION] how closely these negative experiences were linked to your gender vs. other aspects of who you are as individuals. Asynartetic's explanation above is not surprising, and I agree that much of this is not gender-specific, though men and women may experience it differently, if only because of how we are brought up.

There we go. We have a mutual understanding. It's the same problem, but the way it's experienced is different.

 

[GoldenDawn]

Learning to maturely work with my pride. Pride is very important to a lot of men - myself no less - but it has been very important to learn that humility works well in many situations also. Learning to maturely work with my pride meant being able to show it in reasonable ways and being able to show good humility whenever it is appropriate.

 

[JAVO]

Everyone has challenges which are unique to their gender, personality, and the roles which have been chosen for them or by them.

As a man, I don't find anything which stands out above the others.

Testosterone. May God have mercy on our souls.




But really, we need to get better at dealing with our hormones--understanding them and finding productive outlets. The responsibility for teaching this would seem to naturally fall onto the father. Where is the father? And does he even care? Responsibility?

 

[anime_nature]

I'm not too sure if I'm adequate to say this, considering I'm female, but I am close to my brother, who's clearly a male.

I find that mentally and emotionally, males tend to get a bad rap.

In my household, if I cried (unless it was about something stupid), I would get every support I could get to cool me down. I was only told "Stop crying" and "You're too old to cry" and things like that if it was about something stupid. However, it doesn't matter if my brother was crying about something stupid or if he was genuinely crying, they would pull the "Stop crying", "You're too old to cry" on him. Oh, and my favorite: "You're a boy. You're not supposed to cry." Oh, do I worry about his mental health when he "has to help himself" because he's a male.

There's also the case with the mental health community as well. Mental health is a bit of a touchy subject, so if you are in ANY way, shape, or form sensitive to this topic, please turn around IMEDIATELY.

I find it baffling that there are so little males diagnosed with mental illnesses like depression yet so much males committing suicide due to those illnesses. Don't believe me, look at the statistics. In most cases, males are encouraged to just "deal with it", while females actually get support when reaching out. I know that that isn't all cases, but it is for most, and that would explain why so many give up on life when they could have had some help from a therapist.
Also, knowing a bit about the eating disorders, being a male with an eating disorder makes them feel alien. People start questioning, "Well you're a guy. You don't have the pressure of looking pretty with an hour-glass shape, or have this girl-social-expectation or that girl-social-expectation. Why would you care how much you weigh?" And Jesus Christ! Just because a guy doesn't have the same expectations as a female doesn't mean he isn't supposed to have an eating disorder. Gawd, just help the poor fellas! *coughs* Sorry... I ranted a bit, didn't I?

 

[Deprecator]

Being forced to rely on women for my sexual health and well being.