A few thoughts...
One, a follow-up on the situation I mentioned in
126: unfortunately, that relationship ended too. Sort of. She's in the middle of grad school, but he moved hours away for a job and told her he didn't expect her to wait for him. Me being who I am, I struggle to even comprehend that amount of ambiguity and lack of closure, but that's where that situation is now. I really feel for my friend especially because I know she's probably repressing a lot of hurt right now.
Two, my boyfriend and I have discussed the variants a bit, and while I thought he was sp/sx, he believes and I am agreeing that he is better described as sp/so. I hesitated to identify him as such because 9 sp/so descriptions seem to illustrate a "doormat" type, which he is not at all. He's very independent and has strong personal boundaries, and asserts them when he feels the need. Still, in terms of instinct, he really does attend to self-protection/resources first, then social bonds/environment, with chemistry/intimacy being allowed to be priority once the other two are met.
Assuming this is true... it is interesting... because to me he clearly is a "sexy" person, even though he is rarely
sexual, if that makes sense. He's definitely a cocky flirt sometimes, and my coworkers say that he's attractive. When he speaks to a crowd, he is energized and engaging, but also confident and steady. He says he's bad at responding to affection... he's just not particularly gushy about it. Like, I can see that he is happy when I am affectionate towards him, so that is plenty affirmation for me, but it's true that he doesn't tend to respond in kind. He is affable and friendly, though - very Fe. It takes a lot of energy on his part to be emotionally effusive. He also has a hard time opening up about very private matters, especially struggle. He says it's stressful and unpleasant to feel vulnerable, even with me.
So, for him, if sp/so is accurate... He does enjoy intimacy but requires a lot of energy to initiate/maintain it; it's hard for him to demonstrate affection; it's hard for him to demonstrate vulnerability; he doesn't tend to seek intensity, but may enjoy it in doses if it presents itself; he enjoys being amidst lots of people but interacting with few; he dislikes when people fail to restrain themselves when situationally appropriate. But he definitely does feel deeply, desire and enjoy intimacy, and desire and enjoy sex. The difference is that he will get the other domains of his life in order first, and tends to see this domain as less of a necessity and more of an indulgence.
SD45T-2 said:
Wow, sorry I'm only a year late on this reply. Not so/sp because she doesn't really strike me as Social-dom. She's an ISTJ 1w9, I'm pretty sure, and I've known her since high school. She's always pretty quiet, keeps to herself, usually is jostled into going out by others. She tends to go out just with a friend or two and tends to avoid big groups. Recently she went home early from her own birthday party at a bar because she wasn't enjoying it because some other girl was being a drama queen. I suppose it's possible she's so/sp but I feel like sp/so is more likely.