[MBTI General] What do you truly think about feelers ?

[Redbone]

Thinkers do actually feel. Honest. Sometimes intensely. We just don't always allow our emotions to impede our decision making. Unfortunately, many feelers do not seem to get that.

Good gravy--this is so very true!

In the aftermath of my break-up with my partner (he is ESFJ), he said, "I had no idea that you were so passionate! That you had such intense feelings!"

Yeah and about to add "violent" to the mix. I could have hit him, I was so angry. Together for over 20 years and you didn't know?!

But I realized that he didn't think my feelings were real or rather, that I was experiencing them, because I seldom factored them into the decision making process and to him that just invalidates having them.

 

[hilo]

Very simple:What do you trully think about feelers ?

I am aware they exist. I am glad of it.
It's such a wide category that I'm having trouble with any sweeping generalizations.

I appreciate that there are people who are in tune with, and can manipulate, and also express emotions better than I. Until people evolve into unemotional machines this will be a very important area to have experts, right?

Although, I get tired of trying to explain to some that I am a "rational" type, and it ain't ever gonna change...

 

[rav3n]

It's easier to relate to Fi-dom or aux, than Fe-dom or aux although ENFJs are pretty easy to get along with.

 

[SomeRandomGuy18]

I think they are irrational, and it annoys me.

 

[Lark]

I sometimes imagine that people whose feeling is a dominant function experience things more richly but I'd really not want to trade for that, I also think they are the most apt to be in crisis, exhibit overwhelmed states and require outside assistance to regulate their mood, whether they are I or E dominant.

 

[ceecee]

Thinkers do actually feel. Honest. Sometimes intensely. We just don't always allow our emotions to impede our decision making. Unfortunately, many feelers do not seem to get that.

Right. This is why I love my ENFJ. He knows this. He says he can see the machinery in my brain through my eyes (he probably can) and understands my processing. On the other side of the coin as an F and a mature one, he knows what I feel when I can't verbalize it. Which is so fucking hard to do sometimes. When we say we don't know what we feel sometimes we really don't know. The F's can facilitate that. Not all, some are downright obnoxious with the emotion and that I can't tolerate for long.

They're huggable.

Very huggable.

Yes. Very. There is nothing better after a long day then being wrapped in the arms of my ENFJ and hugging right back.

 

[copperfish17]

Right. This is why I love my ENFJ. He knows this. He says he can see the machinery in my brain through my eyes (he probably can) and understands my processing. On the other side of the coin as an F and a mature one, he knows what I feel when I can't verbalize it. Which is so fucking hard to do sometimes. When we say we don't know what we feel sometimes we really don't know. The F's can facilitate that. Not all, some are downright obnoxious with the emotion and that I can't tolerate for long.

Yes. Very. There is nothing better after a long day then being wrapped in the arms of my ENFJ and hugging right back.

I was talking about an ENFJ too!

 

[Helios]

Very simple:What do you trully think about feelers ?



All areas of life are included into this question/thread. I know that Fs are very wide group of people and that there are healthy ones and unhealthy ones.
So people/NTs are free to take this question in way that they relate it to their expriances with Fs and what they find good and what they find bad about them.


I suggest to Fs to take this thread as useful information instead and not as a hostile gesture.

I knew an NF rather well. My experiences suggest that they're more trouble than they're worth.

 

[bobz]

I love them! its fun to see what they think and what they will do next. Especially my ENFP friend!

 

[mrcockburn]

I sometimes imagine that people whose feeling is a dominant function experience things more richly but I'd really not want to trade for that, I also think they are the most apt to be in crisis, exhibit overwhelmed states and require outside assistance to regulate their mood, whether they are I or E dominant.

QFT. ESFJs, in my experience, tend to turn even minor delays/setbacks into these huge emotional doom & gloom catastrophes.

 

[Falcon]

It's really hard to say because Feelers come in all fits and sizes. But it's for sure that the ones that are too dramatic or political are people that I have a hard time respecting.

 

[figsfiggyfigs]

^agree

Almost all of my best friends are feelers but for 2. I respect them and care for them plenty. I have learned so much about people from them...

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Most of my friends at this point in life are some shape of F. I don't mind it, but the general disregard for my opinion as I try to be extremely logical is irritating. I just begin allowing them to make mistakes until they realize that perhaps they should have listened. All of the closeness and sharing can get strange for me at times, but I'm trying to learn. I can learn alot, but it doesn't seem they want to learn too much from me.

 

[Craft]

I have no problems with Fi. I like their often honest outlook, and I like it when they step on group morality. But I'm irritated by Fe-dom-aux because my emotions can't bare the often phoniness...I see.

 

[Strappado]

I have a lot of friends that are feelers. They're nice enough, but I certainly prefer my thinking.

 

[guesswho]

I have issues with:
-ethics
-believing in ghosts
-miracles
-'conincidences'
-premonitions
-'magic things'
-believing some things just cannot be explained or understood
-Saving the animals crap
-Saving the environment crap
-The horoscope
-Things that make no sense whatsoever, yet people believe in them.
-Being passionate about God

Some are F related some or not. I think most are. That's what annoys me.

What I like...is.. I guess the beauty of subjectivity.

 

[Jwill]

I am very ambivalent to feelers. My entire family is composed of feeler types. When I was younger, I was even more annoyed by feelers than I am today. I really hate when they lose their tempers or create drama. My sister is especially good at this. She gets so upset that, the next day, she doesn't even remember half the things she blubbered at you. And she is so oversensitive. My other siblings and my mom and dad are prone to some drama, but rarely do they get that upset. It's still very annoying because I usually get stuck as the peacemaker because I'm the only one who can see beyond myself to look at both sides of the argument. That's just the family dynamic. If I'm stuck with non-family feelers who are being dramatic, they rarely listen to my advice or let me mediate. So I just don't give advice to those feelers. Most of the time, they refuse to accept my advice and then--after they crashed and burned--forget that I offered them any advice at all. Oh, and I really can't stand when feelers try to use pseudo-logic to win arguments. Like, "here's a fact or figure that, when taken completely out of context, strengthens my argument."

Anyway, I think I've learned some great stuff from the feelers in my life. They've helped to balance me by sometimes forcing me to get in touch with emotions that I didn't know existed. And I've learned how to get along very well with some feelers. I see that my mom or one of my siblings is a bit stressed out, so I tell them something gooey and emotional like "thanks for always being there" or "you've meant a lot to me" or "I'm glad you always gave me the space I wanted." I'm not the best at giving compliments because I tend to think such things are self-evident, but I've learned that not all feelers think the way that I do.

I've come to really appreciate feelers. And I understand--at least to some degree--why people are passionate about God and the environment and furry animals. I just really hate it when some feelers choose to create drama for no relevant reason, refuse to listen to reason, and attempt to force their emotions on me. I guess I hate when someone's feeling tendencies try to take away my independence or infringe on my self-worth. Thankfully, most of my feeler family members very rarely infringe upon my independence. I think they know by now that things like guilt trips don't work on me and that my mind works differently from theirs.

 

[funkadelik]

we're at my place, need to be somewhere, and I want to get out the door)
Me: "Feely, we're running late. Let's go."
Feely: "Oh no no no no, your kitty needs her favorite TOY, let me find it.."
Me: "Feely there's no time for that. C'moooonn."
Feely: "No, Kitty needs her toy, so she doesn't get LONELY."
Me: "I think she'll live."

Ahahaha! I've had this very same experience with my NF mother many times. Today she called me all panicked because she had a "premonition" that I was calling for help and she was worried something was wrong. It was nice to hear from her, though, even though she did call me long distance on my cell phone, costing me money, instead of waiting till I signed onto Skype later.

So yeah, what's good:
- HUGS! So many hugs! And so abundantly.
- Being generally helpful and accommodating
- Being so in touch with their feelings and the feelings of others is impressive. As long as they don't get all superstitious and junk, I have a lot of respect for that.

What's bad:
- The wishy-washiness and walking on eggshells (or making me feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them to "spare their feelings")
- The tendency to make big deals out of small things and blow things out of proportion (ie. the drama).
- The tendency to fawn over huge emotional experiences as a measure of how validated their life is or how successful a person they are.
- Taking things WAY too personally and being WAY too sensitive (not a bad thing in moderation, sensitivity is very important to being human, but you don't have to overdo it)
- General irrationality and incompetency (this is really just with the more unhealthy "feelers")
- Calling me cold and inhuman just because I don't get worked up about the same things that you do
- Expecting me to be feeling more than I actually am and then getting angry when I "don't let those feelings out" :rolli:

 

[JDG26]

We NTs need them because of the affection and openness that some of them project. However, I cannot be around a feeler for a long time.