[NF] What causes NF to drop ppl?

[Jaguar]

to me (and possibly other NTs) once you're in...... you're in. Always keep my options open and never really drop ppl (unless there's a really good reason to). I might fade away or lose touch for awhile, but with NFs its like a switch is flicked and suddenly they dont want to talk to you anymore. Like one day they're pushing themself on you and the next day you're strangers.

Don't include this NT in your stereotyping nonsense.

 

[Unkindloving]

In regard to your situation:
Your involvement or lack of involvement with the NFs is what flicked that switch. It doesn't sound like it was a completely random event, just that it wasn't a declared event.
Do you know their exact types? I'm curious.
I'm under the impression that INFs are more likely to withdraw for themselves and the benefit of their own emotions, while ENFs would be more likely to attempt a solution for the other person until their emotions get in the way. (Anyone else- feel free to comment on that. I'm just guesstimating)
Personally, i don't drop people i have been involved with or am interested in if things just aren't working or happening.

In regard to the title:
I've dropped people before because they have tried to manipulate or debase me immensely or because we weren't close in the first place. I have a specific amount of effort i'll make for people so it requires meeting in the middle most times.
Ex. If i have a friend added on a website and on aim. I may not go out of my way to go to said site and comment or message them, but if they make the effort to go on aim i'll message them frequently.
People need to be in an accessible place to me. Could be a side effect of branching out to too many people in a typical ENFJ way.

I never drop people who meet me in the middle with the friendship/acquaintanceship and who respect that i'm a human being.
It feels like that is extremely valuable to any NF so we don't take it lightly when something is amiss..

 

[SUPER]

lol haters... I said NFs are users to make fun of my own situation. It wasnt meant as something to offend the people I was asking advice from.

 

[Rebe]

I don't usually drop people because I am very careful when I make friends. I can imagine dropping one of my friends if they greatly offended me or did something that they knew would hurt me. I have this thing about not forgiving people. I guess 'betrayal' would be a top reason. Also, if I feel that the friendship is not natural and is not 'even', then I see no point.

 

[targobelle]

k did you even think that maybe the girl was really into you and you just burned her and tell her all she is is a booty call? How demeaning is that ?

I'd have told you the same thing so I wouldn't be crying my eyes out... and slowly walk away so I wouldn't get hurt any further

FYI

some NF's are highly emotional and sensitive and lead with their hearts they get attached, and fall hard.... and you sounded like an insensitive jerk. Hey I like you enough to 'f' yah and be your friend as long as I get to 'f' yah, but my life is too messed up to fight for you even though I like you a lot !

 

[heart]

?


to me (and possibly other NTs) once you're in...... you're in.

Is this really true for the INT? I mean introverts just don't have the same energy for people in their lives as extroverts do. And at least for me, once a person is no longer an intimate, it takes more energy to deal with them, just as it does with other non-intimates, so I am probably not going out of my way to create contact.

 

[hermeticdancer]

Elaborate please

I told NF I didn't want a relationship because I have to get my own life sorted out (which is true). Told NF that I didn't think things would work out between us. Said I still liked NF though and cared about her. Kinda hinted that I just wanted a booty call *shrug*. We "made up" after a fight and then things were supposedly fine. Few days later NF said pretty much the same thing I did, doesn't want to be in a relationship because NFs life is messed up too. We broke up. Also said she still liked me but didnt want to waste time if 'things wouldn't work out'. NF said she wanted to be friends (doesnt everyone say that? lol) and I was like alright cool. TBH I think NF wouldve been better as a friend than GF any way so I was cool with that. Continued below..........................

So you ended up coming to an agreement. That you two, for various reasons aren't compatible for a relationship. When you tell a person you don't want to be with them, it's normal for them to wan't to cut off contact, completely for self preservation. It is hard to have sex with someone and be friends at the same time, and also, it takes a lot of work to compartmentalize, and effort, when she could be in a healthy relationship with a man that finds her more than just a booty-lishous curiosity...

I think ending the whatever is was, was the best thing she, you could ever do. If you care about other human beings and their sanity is, let her go, and talk to us, which is what you are doing. Get some friends, that get that straight up, you are just want fun, and to be open, instead of letting them down later. Cause it sounds like you aren't ready for a relationship.

Don't bother her with your needs. She might be tempted to want to help you, if you acted like you cared more.

I say that she also did it on her own terms, and swiched it on you, and you were not expecting that. Hey you have to realize that when you say something your words and actions have consequences, you can't take them back. I think you don't have realtionship experience...and are being immature about it, cause you think you were dumped or something. You want to be the dumper, and don't like it that she did the no show. To me this is so obvious.

I can't believe I actually took the time to write this, what a waste of time, I never want to talk to you again. (laughs)
(actually true)

From reading your post, knowing what you said you may be leaving something out, like if you lied to her, or fooled around with any other girls...

Or there is the short answer...

Withdrawing her attention completely and cutting off all contact is a form of self preservation, and it is her way of taking control of the situation, and punishing you for hurting her. (my guess)

 

[KLessard]

My point - NF's use guys for relationships. Once they see I'm not into the whole relationship thing, they drop me as a friend. I'm like just because things wouldnt work out that way, does that mean we cant talk anymore

NF's are users.

Definitley untrue of me, though. But then again, I'm asexual... I've had to ask guys if we could remain in the friend zone, because they wanted to get romantic about it. Or grow cold and distant because I understood that this is all they were really interested in.
In my experience, every time I've liked a boy, I realized that a meaningful friendship involving mutual trust and respect was really what I was after, because I would feel satisfied when I had reached that point. There was one guy I liked enough that if it had been mutual, I would have accepted to go beyond the asexual barrier, but he was already after someone else. They are married now, and obviously happy. I am very happy for them, and good friends with the both of them. I play music with him in the church's worship group, and appreciate our respectful friendship very much.

 

[SUPER]

So you ended up coming to an agreement. That you two, for various reasons aren't compatible for a relationship. When you tell a person you don't want to be with them, it's normal for them to wan't to cut off contact, completely for self preservation. It is hard to have sex with someone and be friends at the same time, and also, it takes a lot of work to compartmentalize, and effort, when she could be in a healthy relationship with a man that finds her more than just a booty-lishous curiosity...

I think ending the whatever is was, was the best thing she, you could ever do. If you care about other human beings and their sanity is, let her go, and talk to us, which is what you are doing. Get some friends, that get that straight up, you are just want fun, and to be open, instead of letting them down later. Cause it sounds like you aren't ready for a relationship.

Don't bother her with your needs. She might be tempted to want to help you, if you acted like you cared more.

I say that she also did it on her own terms, and swiched it on you, and you were not expecting that. Hey you have to realize that when you say something your words and actions have consequences, you can't take them back. I think you don't have realtionship experience...and are being immature about it, cause you think you were dumped or something. You want to be the dumper, and don't like it that she did the no show. To me this is so obvious.

I can't believe I actually took the time to write this, what a waste of time, I never want to talk to you again. (laughs)
(actually true)

From reading your post, knowing what you said you may be leaving something out, like if you lied to her, or fooled around with any other girls...

What a weird reply.

All I see is a bunch of assumptions that are nowhere near accurate, and you repeating what I already said and trying to make it seem as if you came to that conclusion on your own. Genius!

 

[SUPER]

some NF's are highly emotional and sensitive and lead with their hearts they get attached, and fall hard.... and you sounded like an insensitive jerk. Hey I like you enough to 'f' yah and be your friend as long as I get to 'f' yah, but my life is too messed up to fight for you even though I like you a lot !

More wrong assumptions.

1. Neither of us were attached.

2. Doubt she fell that hard.

3. How did I sound like an insensitive jerk? Because I was honest? Maybe next time I should just play along with the relationship and lie, pretending to be into it when I'm really not, just to get some more @$$ from it.

4. When did I say anything like the bolded part at all? Completely wrong on your part to assume that.

 

[One Day]

This thread is funny.

 

[Ivy]

Moved some posts to the graveyard. Please try to stay civil even when people post things that offend you.

 

[Thalassa]

I told NF I didn't want a relationship because I have to get my own life sorted out (which is true). Told NF that I didn't think things would work out between us. Said I still liked NF though and cared about her. Kinda hinted that I just wanted a booty call *shrug*. We "made up" after a fight and then things were supposedly fine. Few days later NF said pretty much the same thing I did, doesn't want to be in a relationship because NFs life is messed up too. We broke up. Also said she still liked me but didnt want to waste time if 'things wouldn't work out'. NF said she wanted to be friends (doesnt everyone say that? lol) and I was like alright cool. TBH I think NF wouldve been better as a friend than GF any way so I was cool with that. Continued below..........................



Yes to no effort to connect. I've made a couple efforts to connect and we talked a bit online but it felt forced on NFs behalf. Like NF was just doing it to be nice lol. So I'm not gonna talk to said NF any more unless she initiates it.

It's not a big deal to me as it was never really serious to me. I find it more intriguing than anything.... How before I said certain things NF was basically inviting herself to my house, asking me to go out, etc - and then a few days later NF doesn't want to talk at all. ie. both on messenger at same time and NF doesnt say hi or anything.

When you said you didn't want a relationship and just a booty call, she probably was hurt by that or at least disappointed, and now just wants to go on with her life. Talking to you may be seen as pointless, possibly even damaging to her emotions.

EDIT: Think I figured it out on my own from reading my own post. Cause it happened before with another NF. We were friends. Both liked each other and it was obvious. I never made a move on her because I was young and liked a lot of other girls at the same time. Any ways she went on long enough with the friendship until she really saw that nothing more than friendship was happening. Then she dropped me as a friend because I didnt do the relationship thing with her.

My point - NF's use guys for relationships. Once they see I;m not into the whole relationship thing, they drop me as a friend. I'm like just because things wouldnt work out that way, does that mean we cant talk anymore


NF's are users.

Ahhh. I wouldn't say they're "users" - the possibility exists here is that they see your "booty calls" as using them. Or simply that they feel so rejected or disappointed by you not wanting a relationship that they feel they can't be friends.

I find it really hard to feel sorry for you, I'm going to be honest.

 

[Ivy]

Moved some posts to the graveyard. Please try to stay civil even when people post things that offend you.

AHEM.

Don't complain if you get an infraction for any insulting posts that are time stamped after this one.

 

[SUPER]

Or simply that they feel so rejected or disappointed by you not wanting a relationship that they feel they can't be friends.

Possibly.

She's the one who said she wanted to stay friends though. She also said she was at a point in her life where she didn't want a relationship either. So we were on the same page there.

Then again, some NFs say what they think you want to hear instead of what they're truly thinking.

I find it really hard to feel sorry for you, I'm going to be honest.

I never asked you to. I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm seeking to understand something better.

 

[heart]

There may not be one tangible reason that can be discerned here. Maybe something else came into her life and she got distracted.

 

[nynesneg]

NFs usually have a strong value system. If someone does something that threatens that value system, it is possible that person can get a "bad" label slapped on them...causing the NF to withdraw.

Many NFs have issues with feeling like we are being "taken for granted" and are "unappreciated" but often have difficulty verbalizing that (directly) since we tend to avoid conflict so we withdraw to avoid the hurt feelings.

^She hit the nail on the head. Dealing with both of these right now. Sigh. Can't I just have some normal friends?

On the second one, it's not so much being taken for granted, I feel like I'm being used, become a mental stability crutch for someone who is depressed to feel better about their life.

But no I haven't cut either of them off, it's more just a being less responsive. Ignoring some phone calls - postponing my response because I don't feel like talking right then. They're still my friends but it's more a distancing.

 

[SUPER]

On the second one, it's not so much being taken for granted, I feel like I'm being used, become a mental stability crutch for someone who is depressed to feel better about their life.

Interesting. So do NFs ever take others for granted or use others? Because theres been times in the past when Ive felt like an emotional crutch for an NF who's having problems and needs me to listen. Actually almost EVERY NF I've been with has some moment of truth type thing where they tell me their insecurities and/or problems. Weather we're dating or just friends. Always happens . And I feel the same way you do. Like I'm just some crutch for them that they need to prop themselves back up on.

 

[Unkindloving]

Interesting. So do NFs ever take others for granted or use others? Because theres been times in the past when Ive felt like an emotional crutch for an NF who's having problems and needs me to listen. Actually almost EVERY NF I've been with has some moment of truth type thing where they tell me their insecurities and/or problems. Weather we're dating or just friends. Always happens . And I feel the same way you do. Like I'm just some crutch for them that they need to prop themselves back up on.

I've definitely used a few people in my life, but only because they were too persistent to be in it when i've advised them that it is a bad plan.
ENFJs specifically can be good for both if in a bad frame of mind. I'd chalk it up to feeling that people aren't up to our level of caring and intensity so, when we are at a low point, their best isn't enough.
Do they actually divulge their emotions to you or do they just discuss things? A release can be really important to an NF and if they go to you and emotionally open up then that can be really good.
I know when i do that, i will dust myself off afterward and appear like nothing was an issue. I'm sure it comes off as a crutch-like action to some friends, but it mostly isn't.

 

[targobelle]

I told NF I didn't want a relationship because I have to get my own life sorted out (which is true). Told NF that I didn't think things would work out between us. Said I still liked NF though and cared about her. Kinda hinted that I just wanted a booty call *shrug*. We "made up" after a fight and then things were supposedly fine. Few days later NF said pretty much the same thing I did, doesn't want to be in a relationship because NFs life is messed up too. We broke up. Also said she still liked me but didnt want to waste time if 'things wouldn't work out'. NF said she wanted to be friends (doesnt everyone say that? lol) and I was like alright cool. TBH I think NF wouldve been better as a friend than GF any way so I was cool with that. Continued below..........................



Yes to no effort to connect. I've made a couple efforts to connect and we talked a bit online but it felt forced on NFs behalf. Like NF was just doing it to be nice lol. So I'm not gonna talk to said NF any more unless she initiates it.

It's not a big deal to me as it was never really serious to me. I find it more intriguing than anything.... How before I said certain things NF was basically inviting herself to my house, asking me to go out, etc - and then a few days later NF doesn't want to talk at all. ie. both on messenger at same time and NF doesnt say hi or anything.



EDIT: Think I figured it out on my own from reading my own post. Cause it happened before with another NF. We were friends. Both liked each other and it was obvious. I never made a move on her because I was young and liked a lot of other girls at the same time. Any ways she went on long enough with the friendship until she really saw that nothing more than friendship was happening. Then she dropped me as a friend because I didnt do the relationship thing with her.

My point - NF's use guys for relationships. Once they see I;m not into the whole relationship thing, they drop me as a friend. I'm like just because things wouldnt work out that way, does that mean we cant talk anymore


NF's are users.

although it sounds like you were using her

she liked you and you basically said booty call material