[ENFP] What attracts an ENFP male and how do you keep him?

[Lightyear]

So what attracts an ENFP male? How do you catch him and keep him?

My major problem with ENFPs is that they are just all over the place, unless you happen to see one on a regular basis through uni, work etc it's almost impossible to get hold of them since the ones I have met don't really believe in replying to emails or text messages etc. They are fascinating but just so bloody elusive, it sometimes seems pointless to invest any energy in building the friendship/relationship with them since not much is coming back. Or did I just meet some bad ENFP eggs?

 

[Amargith]

yeah..we suck at keeping in touch, at least, I know I do. Try msn or another interactive medium, that's one way to keep in touch, and don't be afraid to bug him when he's online. Also, I dunno if you have had any contact with him yet, but I know that when I'm intrigued by someone that that makes me come back, as long as there's someone fascinating and engaging on the other end. You should be plenty deep and intriguing, as an INFJ, which should capture his attention if made aware of those things, I'd say. But I'm a female one, and our brethren are quite different from us females, so I'll leave it up to them to verify this

 

[BlueScreen]

Agree with Amargith. Don't be scared to ask him to do more stuff. ENFPs dislike organisation to a point, but love closeness and personal contact. We sometimes suck at reading signals too, so being straight forward can help.

As much as we can seem really randomly silly, we tend to hold love on a pretty high level also, so are somewhat uncomfortable at the start of relationships when it can seem to be not very open and working on a quite superficial level. If you want to grab him and keep him, you have to go searching deep, and just be happy to affirm and show interest. Feeling is a really good thing also, and probably will win points, so relax and let the F in your personality show. We tend to see around the uncertainty and stuff, and will judge more on not being open than on someone being wrong or unsure.

Other good things are, philosophical discussions, art, exploring the very essence of what it is to be human and exist, looking to understand things... I think my ideal partner would be one who would challenge me always, and test me never. And always be open to seeing new things and exploring new possibilities.

 

[Laurie]

The important part of keeping an ENFP long term is to be engaged. Always.

 

[Tiny Army]

Hey Lightyear, I'm an ENFP and one out of two ain't bad.

Are you hot?


(The trick to attracting an ENFP male is happening to be in the right place at the right time.)

 

[WieldingTheSword]

Do ENFP's take a decent amount of time to ACT on their attraction to others? Do they drop hints, and if so, what do they look like? Do they tend to initiate?

 

[Amargith]

The attraction intensifies with each contact. I take a while to make up my mind about what that person will eventually be in my life. For instance, someone can draw your attention by how they look, do things or what they said, which makes you wanna talk to them. But if after the first conversation that spark is already gone, I move on. Is the conversation good though, I'm more than happy to have a second one, some time. However if that doesn't happen, I don't go actively seek it. Once a couple of conversations have panned out well, I'm more likely to come and seek it out, as then I don't feel as pushy and there's a bond. Then it's a matter of deciding whether the person will be a friend or has the potential for more.

 

[BlueScreen]

Do ENFP's take a decent amount of time to ACT on their attraction to others? Do they drop hints, and if so, what do they look like? Do they tend to initiate?

Depends on the situation. I can be very forward and playful, or quite shy. But if I like someone I will normally make sure they have a good idea of it, or try to, so if they like me they can feel comfortable reciprocating.

There's a huge drive for openness also. Though you can't really use it as a sign, because I tend to be quite open to random people too, just for the sake of interesting conversation.

Maybe some other ENFP guys can answer more definitely.

 

[CzeCze]

So what attracts an ENFP male? How do you catch him and keep him?

My major problem with ENFPs is that they are just all over the place, unless you happen to see one on a regular basis through uni, work etc it's almost impossible to get hold of them since the ones I have met don't really believe in replying to emails or text messages etc. They are fascinating but just so bloody elusive, it sometimes seems pointless to invest any energy in building the friendship/relationship with them since not much is coming back. Or did I just meet some bad ENFP eggs?

Hmmm, ENFPs can be especially scattered (or seem that way) and random when we're younger. Are you sure you have responded to every text and call and signal from an ENFP? Even though we seem 'elusive' we actually feel real affectio nand interest in people and if we get 'shot down' more than 1x or feel that you aren't really that into us or for whatever reason, feel like it's not a good friend 'match' - we may back off.

Especially when we're younger and can be more sensitive or hyper-NE'ish, we may pick up on signals that you aren't inerested or just need you to be around more (out of sight, out of mind is textbook ENFP) to get the ball rolling.

As for the other question ^^

Yes, for me if I am interested in someone I show my attraction/interest pretty soon initially but I also guage the situation and the other person's interest and response.

 

[revolve]

OMG Lightyear - INFJs in general totally attract ENFPs from my experience! He probably is interested in you & if he's not he's a blind immature fool. I'm a female ENFP & I am on the constant lookout for the mysterious, quiet, loner, introvert with depth . . . anyways . . . if he's young than he is probably very scattered / ADD / ADHD & responds to whatever is the most stimulating thing in the moment (at least that's my opinion). Maybe you should tell us more about him??? I'd be curious to know where he is in his life . . .

 

[Moiety]

Noigmn gave some good advice there.

Even though we seem 'elusive' we actually feel real affectio nand interest in people and if we get 'shot down' more than 1x or feel that you aren't really that into us or for whatever reason, feel like it's not a good friend 'match' - we may back off.

This is very true and has, personally, accounted for many misunderstandings. We are generally well-liked people, so playing too hard to get will probably compute as "it's not a natural connection, she's probably not interested in me at all" inside the ENFPs head. Like others said, don't be afraid to bug us, because quite frankly, we love the attention.

INFJs girls are right up our alley, so you're in luck. You guys can be pretty closed-off, so some sort of positive feedback is much appreciated. Feeling like "the weird chick is opening up" to us will make our day. Deep conversations are definitely the key. Obviously silliness is intrinsic to ENFP nature, but what's important is that you'll indulge in the other stuff as well - stuff that is not so down-to-earth that we can talk about it with many people.

I realize this is not telling you how to actively pursue a male ENFP, but then again that would be an answer far beyond my intellectual capabilities, if you catch my drift

 

[Nonsensical]

Well..what attracts me and keeps me attached?

I like it when girls are kind of the boss, as I'll aid them in anyway. So as long as they stay attached to me, stay engaged, and keep things lively, I'll stay attached. I really like open minded people and if the girl is a little too narrowed or controlling, it's not that great. I like having someone there, in general, and showing me affection so I can return the favor. It's hard to be specific, but I guess just having a healthy, rich, and deep relationship is always a plus.

By the way, I find myself most attracted to INFPs and INFJs personalities, so that's probably good news for you.

 

[Lightyear]

Here is the story for those who are interested:

I met this ENFP guy while travelling via coach from Berlin to the UK. We started chatting while crossing the English Channel and he told me that he had just finished studying Linguistics in Cambridge and was a vegan and a very active environmental activist who supported countless different causes. (Just our reasons for taking the coach instead of flying were very poignant: I took the coach because I was moving back to England and had so much luggage that that was the cheaper option, he took the coach instead of the plane in order to lessen the carbon footprint... I guess I am far more of a pragmatist.) We got on really well, talked for several hours about language, how it shapes your perception of the world and our country, environmental issues etc, he was just somebody that I felt I could really learn something from (despite him being a few years my junior) and someone I could open up to very quickly.

We arrived in London around midday and I had a few hours to spare so he offered me to come to his parents' house and I thought: "Why not?" So we chatted for another hour on the bus to his house, he was a complete gentleman (his EQ was a 10 out of 10) carrying my luggage etc, I met his mum who gave me some vegan soup and introduced me to their sausage dog and they both pored over the newspaper of the previous day, which included an article about some environmental activists bringing a runway in London Stansted airport to a standstill (who of course turned out to be my little lingust's friends ) It was just a gloriously random evening.

In passing he mentioned that he had a girlfriend (though I am unsure how important your gf is to you if you willingly spend several months apart from her and instead prefer to travel all over Europe trying to save the world), so I thought I would still like to stay in contact on a friendship basis and he encouraged me that he would give me the details of one of the environmental meetings this weekend, if I would just contact him via email. So I added him on Facebook, he accepted the invite and then I sent him a message concerning the meeting.

And from then on I didn't get any reply. I contacted him via Facebook and via email and I sent him a text message (and one wishing him a Merry Christmas) but I didn't get any response at all so I thought: "He is obviously not interested in keeping in touch and I really don't have the time and am not willing to run after him. End of story." I left it at that until two months later out of the blue I got a message on Facebook from him saying, how in the last week he had regularly travelled through the station where our coach had arrived at, and he had been thinking of me repeatedly and was wondering how I was doing. I thought: "WTF??" but sent him a friendly reply, telling him that I would be happy to accompany him on one of his many campaign trails. And since then I haven't heard anything from him.

To me that is just a bit of a mystery. How does the ENFP brain work?? I personally respond to most personal messages I receive (especially if I have been contacted several times by the same person), mainly because I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings by ignoring him or her. I also wouldn't just ask someone out of the blue how they are doing, just to disappear again completely while not bothering to respond to anything. Especially in a very busy city like London I very quickly put people like this "ad acta" since I really don't have the time to play around, either you are interested in keeping in touch and put at least some basic (even if irregular) effort into it or you are gone.

 

[WieldingTheSword]

Lol, your story, though not similar in EVENTS, reminds me of my own confusion. My ENFP (who isn't really mine by any means) acts very, very engaged and interested, and then we hardly talk for a week. It all seems like mixed signals, but I don't think it is. I tend to think ENFPs really do understand mostly how they feel about something. So the real problem most likely rests in our interpretation. Perhaps this is indeed a difference between NFJs and NFPs?

 

[Lady_X]

what an interesting story...he sounds lovely and perhaps very busy and taking on more then he can handle, which we sometimes do. we're very passionate people that tend to be very excited by many things and underestimate the time necessary to do them all..he's probably telling the truth but then something came up...i can see that happening...i'm not that busy at all lately so i don't have an issue staying in contact with people but there have been times where it was more of a problem...but even so...you can't sit around and wait for the guy and you should certainly make it clear that you don't appreciate it...if it matters to him he'll be better about prioritizing.

good luck...i love enfp guys, my dad was one and i think the positives outweigh the negatives.

 

[Laurie]

Until you get on an ENFP's radar you maybe need to remind them you are alive a few times. Once you get on the radar watch out - we can suffocate ya.

I think he is just really busy but enjoyed spending time with you so doesn't want you to fall completely off the radar.

 

[Lady_X]

i know...my poor friends that i msg all the time.

 

[BlueScreen]

Here is the story for those who are interested:

I met this ENFP guy while travelling via coach from Berlin to the UK. We started chatting while crossing the English Channel and he told me that he had just finished studying Linguistics in Cambridge and was a vegan and a very active environmental activist who supported countless different causes. (Just our reasons for taking the coach instead of flying were very poignant: I took the coach because I was moving back to England and had so much luggage that that was the cheaper option, he took the coach instead of the plane in order to lessen the carbon footprint... I guess I am far more of a pragmatist.) We got on really well, talked for several hours about language, how it shapes your perception of the world and our country, environmental issues etc, he was just somebody that I felt I could really learn something from (despite him being a few years my junior) and someone I could open up to very quickly.

We arrived in London around midday and I had a few hours to spare so he offered me to come to his parents' house and I thought: "Why not?" So we chatted for another hour on the bus to his house, he was a complete gentleman (his EQ was a 10 out of 10) carrying my luggage etc, I met his mum who gave me some vegan soup and introduced me to their sausage dog and they both pored over the newspaper of the previous day, which included an article about some environmental activists bringing a runway in London Stansted airport to a standstill (who of course turned out to be my little lingust's friends ) It was just a gloriously random evening.

In passing he mentioned that he had a girlfriend (though I am unsure how important your gf is to you if you willingly spend several months apart from her and instead prefer to travel all over Europe trying to save the world), so I thought I would still like to stay in contact on a friendship basis and he encouraged me that he would give me the details of one of the environmental meetings this weekend, if I would just contact him via email. So I added him on Facebook, he accepted the invite and then I sent him a message concerning the meeting.

And from then on I didn't get any reply. I contacted him via Facebook and via email and I sent him a text message (and one wishing him a Merry Christmas) but I didn't get any response at all so I thought: "He is obviously not interested in keeping in touch and I really don't have the time and am not willing to run after him. End of story." I left it at that until two months later out of the blue I got a message on Facebook from him saying, how in the last week he had regularly travelled through the station where our coach had arrived at, and he had been thinking of me repeatedly and was wondering how I was doing. I thought: "WTF??" but sent him a friendly reply, telling him that I would be happy to accompany him on one of his many campaign trails. And since then I haven't heard anything from him.

To me that is just a bit of a mystery. How does the ENFP brain work?? I personally respond to most personal messages I receive (especially if I have been contacted several times by the same person), mainly because I don't want to hurt the other person's feelings by ignoring him or her. I also wouldn't just ask someone out of the blue how they are doing, just to disappear again completely while not bothering to respond to anything. Especially in a very busy city like London I very quickly put people like this "ad acta" since I really don't have the time to play around, either you are interested in keeping in touch and put at least some basic (even if irregular) effort into it or you are gone.

Not to cast doubt on the better of our type, but he seems very active for an ENFP. What made you think ENFP, rather than ESFP? Or do you just know how to spot ENFPs (INFJs generally seem good at spotting us).

I forget to reply to messages if I don't reply immediately. Sometimes I start replying and think, "I don't really know what I want to say." or "I want to say that but shouldn't.", then think I'll reply a little later when I'm thinking more clearly. Sometimes it just slips my mind though, or I think I replied already because I got most of the way through it but didn't finish. With that sort of stuff though I'm pretty big on replying back, because otherwise people feel nervous and get muddled. The other option is because he has a gf you move on and off the radar, because he likes you but doesn't want to betray the other love by acknowledging it.

 

[Laurie]

i know...my poor friends that i msg all the time.

Some friends like to tease me that I say they are ignoring me if they don't respond in under 5 minutes when they are at work. Other people I've added to yahoo say that I ignore people in yahoo. It's really about if you are on my attention list or not.

I wish there was a more middle ground.

 

[Lady_X]

Some friends like to tease me that I say they are ignoring me if they don't respond in under 5 minutes when they are at work. Other people I've added to yahoo say that I ignore people in yahoo. It's really about if you are on my attention list or not.

I wish there was a more middle ground.

i know me too..