[INFP] What are some reasons INFPs aren't well liked?

[sculpting]

No problem... experiences vary. What kind of organization do you work in?

Biotech. So very few INFPs to start with. It isnt that people like or do not like them either way-they are just not noticed. They dont seem to externally strive to advance up the career ladder. (Not that I do either) For them it seems like work is just work to pay the bills?

 

[Sizzling Berry]

Don't you worry sgman. You will learn while working. It's experience waiting for you out there.

In time you will know how to write a cv to make you look mega-professional, then how to put your requests so that refusing you would look unprofessional. Every Beauty Contest has its own rules. Once you know them and know how to skillfully use them you can immerse yourself in your passion undisturbed.

As to the real thing however, what Litvyak says is right. If the organization employs people based on their cuteness or he's my man factor, it won't survive. So it's better to be good at what you do.

As to the INFP specific problems in the professional world I have noticed that we tend to be slow and procrastinate a lot. That can be taken (especially at the start when people don't know us) as lots of things from lack of interest to lack of knowledge. So to be given a chance at the beginning, show that you care, for example by answering job ads quickly.

 

[OrangeAppled]

@OrangeAppled: That was really helpful. In your experience, what kind of workplaces are clique-ish and which aren't? Have you ever made a switch to another department, company, etc. just because of the social environment?

I've avoided what seemed like offices with drama by noting the atmosphere when I interview. There are always little clues to pick up on. A red flag for me is "We're like a family!"; family dynamic = DRAMA. I also notice the atmosphere is better when there is a balance of ages & genders. That seems to prevent cliques & outcasts. I also look for laid-back environments. Too many rules actually seem to cause more problems than they're worth. Just my observations...I haven't had too many traditional office jobs, so maybe that's why I haven't dealt with cliques.

Oh, and I admit I am always a bit of a "loner". I purposely do not want to become close friends with anyone I work with. I see them enough as it is .

I can agree that I am NOT invisible. Being quiet can actually make you stand out, and people project all kinds of things onto you. Some people read it as sweet & gentle, others read it as aloof & unfriendly. I concur with UDog that when people actually get to know me (which admittedly takes TIME), they usually like me, or at least have no issues with me.

It's hard to make friends if you don't even talk to people.

Totally true. I think most INFPs will make effort to talk to people unless suffering from crippling shyness. Not all introverts are shy, but when you are, it's a double-whammy. I'm not as shy as I used to be, but initiating conversation with new people was a real anxiety-inducer. I still have to fight it sometimes. Anyway, my point is, it may not be introversion but shyness in some cases. When I am comfortable, my introversion is not a hurdle to talking to people.

To be honest they range from standoffish to even having made a few somewhat prickly comments about me. One said I was that "Loud hippie who laughs all the time". For some reason this kind of hurt my feelings as I hadnt ever done anything to this person and it seemed kinda weird. It is kind of true but just sounded funny-kinda snooty?

Here? well-to be totally honest (because I changed my mind about this last week)-sometimes I sense comments made that are a bit passive aggressive. I guess if I was going to say something about another person I would do so very directly, otherwise I just dont say anything. And honestly I dont really think anything either-I pretty much say what i think.

Sounds like "wry humor", and I'm not surprised an INFP is using it. This mock-deprecation is more often turned on ourselves though. Reason #512 that I don't joke with people until they know me well.

No, it is not understandable at all. I sincerely hope business leaders are more rational and capable than putting their less competent buddies in important positions. Is he competent? If the answer is yes, who the hell cares if I like the guy or not?

They're not.
I meant that it's understandable from a human position to have bias towards someone you like. I agree that business-wise, it is not always the smartest move.

 

[William K]

They're not.
I meant that it's understandable from a human position to have bias towards someone you like. I agree that business-wise, it is not always the smartest move.

What!? You mean some of the T-type bosses actually use F-based judgments?

 

[OrangeAppled]

What!? You mean some of the T-type bosses actually use F-based judgments?

Gasp! Shock! Horror!

 

[gromit]

Biotech. So very few INFPs to start with. It isnt that people like or do not like them either way-they are just not noticed. They dont seem to externally strive to advance up the career ladder. (Not that I do either) For them it seems like work is just work to pay the bills?

Yeah I was wondering if that didn't have to do with it, at least partially... career-wise and socially. However, it has been my experience that INFPs are very, very good people to notice.

 

[sculpting]

No, it is not understandable at all. I sincerely hope business leaders are more rational and capable than putting their less competent buddies in important positions. Is he competent? If the answer is yes, who the hell cares if I like the guy or not?
Trust is, of course, another issue.

I saw this in Orange's post-

Part of the importance of formal mentorship programs is to introduce the leaders to people who differ from them. Otherwise-subconsciously-they identify with people who are "like" them-then promote those people. They may think "wow I remember being in that guys shoes and how tough it was" and thus promote something very familiar. It isnt intentional discrimination-but it still happens.

They will also identify with characteristics of others that they see in themselves and rate as "good". Thus they hire themselves .

You see an interesting behavior where the Fe users begin to mimic Te in a Te heavy enviornment in order to fit in with the Te dominated leadership. This can give ISFJs in leadership very strange Te flavors.

Fe users like ESTPs can have a big headstart as they understand the importance of hallway conversations and one-on-one convos behind closed doors before the meetings.

***I am so burnt out in corporate america! I hate my job! INFPs run away from the hell hole it is! Go be free, run with the unicorns, do something you love!****

(Pardon me, I had an Ne burp.I basically go to work to just watch people nowdays.)

 

[Seymour]

Biotech. So very few INFPs to start with. It isnt that people like or do not like them either way-they are just not noticed. They dont seem to externally strive to advance up the career ladder. (Not that I do either) For them it seems like work is just work to pay the bills?

Many INFPs don't define success as advancing up the career ladder. I know I've said no to multiple opportunities to go into management because I know that's not where my strengths lie. I do fine on the technical side of things in my company. (Some INFPs do fine in management, but I'm pretty sure I woudln't be one of them.)

One advantage of being normally quiet is that people tend to pay attention when you do speak up. Sometimes I'm a little bemused by this, since I want people to validate what I say themselves, not just take my word for it.

There's also an indirect effect that Fi-doms tend to have on groups. There's a passage from Jung's Typology, by Marie-Louise von Franz and James Hillman that, despite being far too positive and affirming, does capture a certain dynamic (non Fi-doms feel free to roll your eyes):

They also generally exert a positive secret influence on their surroundings by setting standards. The others observe them, and though they say nothing, for they are too introverted to express themselves much, they set certain standards. Introverted feeling types, for instance, very often form the ethical backbone of a group: without irritating others by preaching moral or ethical precepts, they themselves have such correct standards of ethical values that they secretly emanate a positive influence on those around them.

(Not claiming to be an ethical paragon, myself.) Perhaps it's just the kind of thing INFPs tell themselves, but I think external appearances can be deceiving; INFPs fall into the "behind the scenes" category, after all.

 

[heart]

yes and that is what I meant by the notion of the aloofness coupled with an Fi intensity. People say they can feel my feelings even when I say nothing. I think this is something many people feel uncomfortable about.

 

[OrangeAppled]

There's also an indirect effect that Fi-doms tend to have on groups. There's a passage from Jung's Typology, by Marie-Louise von Franz and James Hillman that, despite being far too positive and affirming, does capture a certain dynamic (non Fi-doms feel free to roll your eyes)

I think there's some truth in it. I've certainly felt my influence, and other times I've been surprised that I've had any affect or even been noticed.

I think Jung's wording is a little less sweet (as it typically is...):

Although, in the normal type, the tendency to overpower or coerce the other person with her secret feelings rarely plays a disturbing role, and never leads to a serious attempt of this kind, some trace of it nonetheless seeps through into the personal effect they have on him, in the form of a domineering influence often difficult to define. It is sensed as a sort of stifling or oppressive feeling which holds everybody around her under a spell. It gives a woman of this type a mysterious power that may prove terribly fascinating to the extraverted man, for it touches his unconscious.

 

[heart]

It is sensed as a sort of stifling or oppressive feeling which holds everybody around her under a spell.

LOL, same reason lots of people don't like cats.

But this is it for the most part.

 

[Laurie]

Truth is, a lot of other types would fit better in the title of this thread.

 

[MrRandom88]

People hate me because I'm beautiful.

I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

 

[Snuggletron]

sometimes INFPs aren't very approachable

 

[marquix]

I think they need to learn how to laugh at themselves.

 

[Unkindloving]

Hmm.
At times they can be too flighty, too distant, or too empathetic. They can be very grounded in situations where it doesn't call for being grounded or very unfocused in situations where it calls for focus. Harder to reel in, i suppose?

Not to say they are like this all of the time, but i've come across it frequently.

 

[phthalocyanine]

INFPs may sometimes make dry/sarcastic comments that others mistakenly take seriously and just think are weird or inappropriate.
it would seem that Fi intensity emanating from the INFP tends to negate the possibility of humor in some people's minds.

 

[CrystalViolet]

errr, some times the weird and inappropriate comments are deliberate.
I know I'm cranky and unapprochable, and down right intimidating with spiky Fi vibes, and fritzing Ne (I do random like a mad man) then I'll laugh...kinda spoils the image after that. Either that or people think I'm bat S#!% crazy.
They think that any way though. Unless I care about them and their good opinion, and then I'll be a bit more open.

 

[Arclight]

I think they need to learn how to laugh at themselves.

This..
They take everything a bit too seriously sometimes.

Like all NF types, They are masters at justifying their own hypocrisy, people catch that sort of stuff .

 

[cafe]

Do many INFPs feel disliked? My 15 y/o has always been liked from since she was a little baby. Mean people that hate everybody love my INFP. She is cute, but objectively, not amazingly so.