I've been lurking for some time in this thread.. There still exists a case for ESTP, even when considering your latest post, but instead of going in circles:
Why don't you just let us know the possible type(s) you think you are, and work with us to narrow it down from there.
You clearly know what you are not, you also know the type you desire to embody, nothing wrong with working backwards and deducing your type from there.
In terms of dichotomy:
I know I'm definitely not an F. Reasons:
- My entire life, since the earliest of childhood years, I was deemed to be too cold-hearted, too justice-oriented, too insensitive (because I prioritized objectivity and truth over other people's feelings or needs). And some even went as far as saying that I'm "incapable of love". Still not sure whether this statement is true or not though, I'm not going to make any claims concerning my "love" amplitude since I'm not entirely sure what "love" even means in practice. It's quite possible that I'm only limited to "liking" people. Or maybe I'm capable of deep insane love, time will tell.
- Whomever is an F, has to have good control over his feelings, emotions and/or have a concrete system of values. I always felt like emotions were a pool of stormy randomness which I always struggled to structurize and understand. And it took me about 25 years of growing up, before I could actually pinpoint any concrete values in my system. But in the end, I feel like I don't really have any definite values, as even when I claim fairness is of absolute importance to me, I do often find myself slightly "adjusting" definitions of this or that value, what exactly constitutes fairness and justice, and I tune it to fit every specific situation. As result I was deemed to be somewhat manipulative in my conversations/statements/behavior.
I guess I'm ultimately inclined to pursue things that are "working" or produce some kind of benefit, rather than things that are "moral-ing". But this tends to happen often in the background of my mind.
- I have absolutely no problems about causing emotional chaos/disorder in a group, if it concerns defending what I deem to be "logical" or "correct". Sometimes the whole world can burn or die, but the conclusions or rationale I managed to construct in my head must be acknowledged as "correct" by everyone. I had countless "sparring matches" with professors or classmates in university during seminars. I would often catch logical flaws in their arguments, and would beat them down in a debate. And I did this with utmost "like there's no tomorrow" dedication, unyielding until the opponent would change the topic or ask to leave the debate.
I don't think I'm a J. Reasons:
- I'm too lax mentally and physically. This doesn't mean that I'm relaxed, quite on the contrary, I tend to be physically tense, jumpy, erratic, excessively energetic, and often frowning as though looking at the world with a constant judgemental/focused expression on my face. What I mean by "lax", is that I have that typical P demeanor/image when I sit or stand (legs stretched out, head tilted, arms spread when sitting, or leaning on something, crossing legs, tilting the head when standing). I tend to occupy a lot of space when I'm relaxed, and need a lot of space when I move. My movement however is anything but relaxed, as I tend to walk in a very quick pace, with large steps, with tensed up back and shoulders as if intending to encounter some kind of physical challenge along my way. I tend to over-exert myself physically in tasks, as I tend to push my body further than what it can handle, and enjoy it.
- My texts/posts/essays tend to have a very strong Ti element, in being excessively complicated, long, meticulously structured, a 100 times readjusted. (classmates often sent me their essays to improve the structure of their sentences, vocabulary, spelling.)
- I prefer to explore, to gather, to experiment, in order to find some kind of central absolute truth. I struggle to identify goals/ends, but I'm very good at identify the perfect "means".
- I never stick to schedules/routines for longer than 1-2 months. (takes a lot of mental effort on my behalf to maintain a schedule/routine)
- It takes me a lot of time to arrive at a decision (sometimes even months).
- I find myself more often improvising than following a plan step-by-step.
I'm not sure about I/E and S/N. So I've got nothing to say here.
As for functions.
I feel more Fe than Fi.
I'm not sure about my Ni/Ne orientation.
I'm about 99% certain I'm a Se user. Si just seems completely pointless to me, and as someone pointed out, even
despised to some degree. (several people whom I communicate a lot in life are very obvious template-Si users, and the difference between me and them is as obvious as day and night). I'm the type of person to have "tunnel-vision", easily forget irrelevant information/data, whereas most of the Si people I've met easily stored irrelevant data but struggled to narrow down the scope and focus on what matters.
Pointless physical "expressionism" was a common trait in my childhood and remained so in my adult years. I don't pick fights with people for the purpose of picking a fight, and tend to avoid violent physical encounters. Because let's face it, the damage an adult can do has far more dire consequences, than the damage a child could do. But even though I was fairly withdrawn in school years and excessively introverted and cautious, I never missed an opportunity to enjoy a good fight if my opponent was the one to start it. Fighting as a kid felt ecstatic and I cared little about physical pain, and focused mostly on "how to repeat that cool move I saw in that Jackie Chan movie last night".
In my childhood years I excelled extremely well at dancing (spent 7 years in a dancing school and was at the top of the class, competing even abroad), and undertook karate classes (until health issues caused me to quit). Nevertheless, I have very good conscious understanding of "physical coordination", understand my body well (in a mechanical sense), maneuver and navigate the world (physically) in coordinated and elegant manner (which gives me great pleasure).
P.S. I like to seem like a very hands-on type of person, hence why I always wear my office shirt untucked and with sleeves rolled up.
Not sure if this is a Si or Se thing, but I'm extremely attracted to beauty, and am deemed by others to have good aesthetic tastes. I put a lot of effort into choosing my clothes, and I can brainlessly spend money on things which have zero functional value but look exquisite, expensive and shiny.
Every point I'm trying to make is always accompanied with hand movements (maybe I'm secretly Italian?)
Lastly, Si people tend to excel at creating order in their physical environment, while I mostly excel at creating a mess.
ESTP fits me both in terms of dichotomy and in terms of functions, with the slight exception that I don't consider myself to be an extrovert, and that I'm not sure whether my mind really leads with Se. I always felt like Se is auxiliary or tertiary. But then again, this could be caused by inferior Ni (as some people instructed me about inferior Ni in the past), as since childhood I had a lot of phobias and paranoias related to physical phenomenon and objects.
ISTP could be an option, but imo ISTP is
too cool for me. I could only dream of becoming one.
I absolutely despise xSTJs (my dad being one of them), and I somehow doubt being an xNTP primarily due to an excessive presence of Se in my psychology (but that's the only reason).
I typed often as an xNTJ, but growing conscious of my S-ish nature, and witnessing proof of it in daily life, I've started to doubt the possibility of being an N.
