Touch

[Luminous]

Confession: (many of you will think I'm crazy) I like going to the dentist to have my teeth cleaned. The dental hygienist has a very gentle touch and the experience is mostly pleasant.

 

[Mole]

Salt Foot Massage

I am looking for someone to give me a salt foot massage: first my foot is massaged with oil, then with salt, which is dissolved off with warm water, then finally massaged with oil.

Is this more than I deserve?

 

[Metis]

I am looking for someone to give me a salt foot massage: first my foot is massaged with oil, then with salt, which is dissolved off with warm water, then finally massaged with oil.

Is this more than I deserve?

You've come to the wrong thread. This thread is for people who don't like to be touched. We'll just hose you down and you can go on your way.

 

[Mole]

You've come to the wrong thread. This thread is for people who don't like to be touched. We'll just hose you down and you can go on your way.

But touch is so lovely, so adorable, how can we resist posting off topic?

 

[Metis]

But touch is so lovely, so adorable, how can we resist posting off topic?

You can try, man. I'm just letting you know--

 

[Mole]

ITY

You can try, man. I'm just letting you know--

Do you find not liking touch is a physical problem or a psychological problem?

Or is it perhaps a problem with intimacy?

 

[Mole]

Meh. Some people don't like the color green, and I don't think that means there's anything wrong with them. I don't think not liking touch is inherently pathological in and of itself.

Is an aversion to intimacy pathological?

 

[Metis]

ITY
Do you find not liking touch is a physical problem or a psychological problem?

Or is it perhaps a problem with intimacy?

Don't click, Dulcet.

 

[Metis]

[MENTION=28337]Metis[/MENTION] what in the everliving fuck is that a picture of????

Intimate touch?

 

[highlander]

I guess this is an important topic for me. My close second favorite love language is touch/affection, so I like it and tend to give it with a select few. I don't get enough physical affection but am basically used to it. I squash the need/desire. It bothers me when certain people (i.e., children) don't like it but there is not much you can do because I think people are born this way. In social situations, I usually go with the flow. If you're in Argentina for example, people are much more touchy feely. It's kind of nice. For males, it can be interpreted as a form of dominance, so I often do not like it when a guy touches me on the back at work. With women, it's fine though .

 

[Earl Grey]

I don't desire it, and I am not entirely for it, but when it comes to giving touch I can do so as a method of communication.

Sometimes, a well-timed (and well-placed, mind you) touch removes the necessity for words while still communicating your intent.
It also depends on the person. If they are needy and disrespectful of boundaries (and it is obvious), I will maintain my distance and boundaries.

If I get comfortable with someone, it's more that I tolerate their physical contact (not that I downright dislike it) than me desiring to be more touchy with them.
It's mostly because I understand that it is a need from certain types of people and that it is a meaningful method of communication to them.


Overall, touch is a method of communication to me more than a need. I've never really thought about it, but I guess I've just discovered it now.

 

[Metis]

I guess this is an important topic for me. My close second favorite love language is touch/affection, so I like it and tend to give it with a select few. I don't get enough physical affection but am basically used to it. I squash the need/desire. It bothers me when certain people (i.e., children) don't like it but there is not much you can do because I think people are born this way. In social situations, I usually go with the flow. If you're in Argentina for example, people are much more touchy feely. It's kind of nice. For males, it can be interpreted as a form of dominance, so I often do not like it when a guy touches me on the back at work. With women, it's fine though .

Sometimes it feels like a form of dominance. I recently mentioned an incident to my recent director/teacher in which I had volunteered at an event he'd suggested, and someone in some hierarchical position had done this. It wasn't overt or anything that I would name names over, but it conveyed that feeling. The director/teacher had asked us to tell him if we ever encountered harassment on a job that he'd referred to us. I'd say that the touch itself wasn't what came across as intimidation, but something in the way that it was done communicated domination and intimidation.

On the other hand, I've been grabbed by the wrist by someone who was acting psychotic, literally, but experienced mostly concern for the fact that he might hurt himself. He was acting angry, and he grabbed my wrist to prevent me from leaving (I got it away), but what was conveyed through the touch itself was not a desire to hurt or to dominate. The act of grabbing my wrist suggested one thing, yet what his grip conveyed was that the emotion he was experiencing was something different. (I still left and didn't keep in touch. I was afraid that he would go too far and hurt someone--if not me, then himself, or possibly another person--most likely himself.)

However, in the first situation that I mentioned to the teacher/director as the reason I'd left the volunteer job early: I was a little reluctant even to mention it, regardless of not naming names. Not only did I not want to misconstrue the other guy's intent, but I also didn't want to discourage my director and any other men in my program from touching me for fear that I would take it the wrong way.

 

[ceecee]

I'm not completely averse to touch but it's definitely an area out of my comfort zone. I can tolerate, albeit begrudgingly, when a distant relative initiates a hug, simply because who wants to be the guy hollering stranger danger as you push your great aunt Beatrice into the dessert table at the family reunion. Yet anything more intimate than that, unless involving my partner, makes me feel uneasy -- seeing someone in distress, I know that a gentle embrace can be comforting, yet oftentimes the idea of doing so makes me nervous and invokes a strong sense of "I'm not sure what to do with my hands..."

 

[anticlimatic]

Perhaps pat him on the back or the arm at an appropriate time, to indicate that is still something you would like to do/receive?

I was going to post this exact suggestion right out of the gate, but thought I'd read ahead first in case someone else already did the same. Glad I did.

I like touching, but I dislike being touched (except intimately), so I assume other people are of a similar orientation and keep my hands to myself- aside from the occasional bone crushing handshake. The dissonance between desire and inaction generates a lot of energy for me, most of which I redirect to contain myself, so my romantic partners kind enough to deem me worthy of sharing the flesh and risking reproduction typically reap the benefits of an unparalleled force of physical affection custom tailored to generate perpetual feelings of being safe, cherished, and adored.

 

[Maou]

I am a grumpy housecat in terms of touch. I don't like it, but have given up on preventing it. But if you try to pick me up, I will claw you.

 

[Mole]

Touch is beyond words, so visceral clutch is experienced by those who depend on words.