Touch

[mgbradsh]

Everything about my body language and facial expression screams don’t touch me. It’s actually a form of communication I appreciate though. A warm pat on the back or arm touch can be really expressive without using very many words. It’s also a way someone can tell me (or I can tell them) that they see through my icy exterior and are willing to be affectionate with me.

Anyone else experience this or have thoughts about it?

I recently had a weird interaction I wish I could do over. I work with someone that I have a great deal of respect for. He’s been patting me on the back for a while to show he appreciates me as well. One day, after a long meeting, he was coming into an office and I was heading out and I kind of spun around to close the door and it must have seemed like I was flinching because I caught him mid-reach going for a pat and now things are little awkward. I’m not really sure how to recover that. I’d also say that touch is a language I can read a lot better than I can speak.

 

[Hermit of the Forest]

I hugged unlikely person once. More because I liked them and wanted to express that than because I knew they’d react well. They hugged me right back in the warmest, most endearing sort of way. It was amazing.

I’ve done some experiments with hugging acquaintances, with interesting outcomes.

 

[Metis]

I hugged unlikely person once. More because I liked them and wanted to express that than because I knew they’d react well. They hugged me right back in the warmest, most endearing sort of way. It was amazing.

I’ve done some experiments with hugging acquaintances, with interesting outcomes.

What were they???

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

No one is allowed to touch me. It is lewd and lascivious and gives me the willies.

 

[Hermit of the Forest]

What were they???

Haha, mostly just hugging acquaintances to see how they reacted. Results are I now have some new friends, some people I probably won’t hug again, and some people I probably won’t attempt a hug with.

 

[prplchknz]

I get uncomfortable with light touches, i don't know why just makes my skin crawl. Like if someone accidently brushes against me. eww gross. but if it's not a light touch then i'm fine. the other thing that freaks me out is unexpectant touches.

 

[Firebird 8118]

I get uncomfortable with light touches, i don't know why just makes my skin crawl. Like if someone accidently brushes against me. eww gross. but if it's not a light touch then i'm fine. the other thing that freaks me out is unexpectant touches.

I totally get that too... light and/unexpected touches make my skin crawl *shivers*

 

[Kingu Kurimuzon]

I get uncomfortable with light touches, i don't know why just makes my skin crawl. Like if someone accidently brushes against me. eww gross. but if it's not a light touch then i'm fine. the other thing that freaks me out is unexpectant touches.

x2

also, never touch my elbows

 

[Qlip]

Hugging and touching is not the norm in the place I spent the most time, the semi-rural Midwest. Out on the west coast in the Bay Area, it was all about hugging and showing affection. It was jarring at first, but I got used to it. I don't incorporate touch in most of my communications besides greetings and partings, I enjoy a hug from people I like, and people I'd like to know to like.

 

[Population: 1]

If it’s my girlfriend, absolutely. Though she’s not super touchy-feely. Anyone else had better keep at least five feet from me. Especially people that feel the need to emphasize words with light touching. Touching me when I’m not even prepared is definitely not a good idea. It’s probably from being a guy and an only child. I didn’t have to roughhouse with siblings. My space was definitely my own.

Edit: I will hug a friend (not a guy lol) who’s going through a rough time.

 

[Coriolis]

Everything about my body language and facial expression screams don’t touch me. It’s actually a form of communication I appreciate though. A warm pat on the back or arm touch can be really expressive without using very many words. It’s also a way someone can tell me (or I can tell them) that they see through my icy exterior and are willing to be affectionate with me.

Anyone else experience this or have thoughts about it?

I recently had a weird interaction I wish I could do over. I work with someone that I have a great deal of respect for. He’s been patting me on the back for a while to show he appreciates me as well. One day, after a long meeting, he was coming into an office and I was heading out and I kind of spun around to close the door and it must have seemed like I was flinching because I caught him mid-reach going for a pat and now things are little awkward. I’m not really sure how to recover that. I’d also say that touch is a language I can read a lot better than I can speak.

I guess I just don't worry about things like this. I'm not sure what this kind of "awkward" would look like. In general if I think some sort of social hiccup might have happened, I just carry on as normal. I rely on that to provide reassurance that nothing has really changed.

In general, if you are not my husband or a very close friend/relative, the most you can expect is a handshake. I will step away from other attempts at touch. I don't care what it looks like, or how the attempted toucher wants to interpret it. I will make the occasional exception, as when several years ago a good acquaintance asked if he could hug me. The fact that he respected my boundaries enough to ask was a big factor in my agreeing.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Please see quote under my username.

For me, touch is mostly romantic/sexual, or a display of affection for my children or someone in pain.

Maybe I wasn't hugged enough as a child, idk.

 

[Hive]

I'll hug anybody, anytime.

 

[senza tema]

I'm pretty standoffish in terms of body language as well but I like hugs too. I usually hug friends and family as a form of greeting or saying goodbye.

One time, after I finished my PhD qualifying exams and gave my advisor a gift to thank him for all his help, he hugged me. It was awkward because he is usually distant and very formal in his demeanor but it was very touching (pun not intended, haha) too.

 

[Yuurei]

I pretty much feel the same as OP. I am not a “ feely person” but I dislike words. I find them very misleading. A simple touch says so much more.

Fir ex, at my sisters wedding. Everyone had so many words of congradulations. That made me uncomfortable. Words like that are just memes, something people parrot on que. I had no words but gave my brother-in-law a pattern on the shoulder. Ge smiled and said “ Thank you.” I could tell he aporeciated it more than the words.

But I like my personal space and will rarely iniate anything more than a pat on the shoulder. So when others feel comfortable enough to come in for a hug or something I am always caught iff guard but wont refuse it. I feel like it would be a pretty harsh sense of betreyal for someone to show such openness only to be snubbed.

...unless they are just a hug-happy stranger. That seems weird and doesn’t mean much to me.

 

[cascadeco]

Warm hugs with feeling, more spontaneous, I like, assuming it's someone I'm at least decently acquainted with. I'm not really a fan of the doing-this-for-social-etiquette-more-obligatory sort of hug, though - I'd definitely be fine without those but just go through the motions if it's extended to me.

I never touch people as a part of my social interaction, ie arm touching or whatever. Me moving my hands or arms while talking doesn't happen either, I'm probably pretty 'boring' to watch when talking, ha. I find it weird if someone else does it to me, but that's probably just because I don't do it. I don't think this is very common, though, at least in my culture/part of the states, so I rarely encounter people who do this.

 

[Metis]

In general if I think some sort of social hiccup might have happened, I just carry on as normal. I rely on that to provide reassurance that nothing has really changed.

I like that.

I will make the occasional exception, as when several years ago a good acquaintance asked if he could hug me. The fact that he respected my boundaries enough to ask was a big factor in my agreeing.

I always liked guys who would ask, "Can I give you a hug?" I hardly ever accepted the offer, but I appreciated (1) the fact that they weren't too shy to ask and (2) the fact that they were polite enough to ask. On occasion, I ended up having a crush on the man, due at least in part to how he'd asked that.

Warm hugs with feeling, more spontaneous, I like, assuming it's someone I'm at least decently acquainted with. I'm not really a fan of the doing-this-for-social-etiquette-more-obligatory sort of hug, though - I'd definitely be fine without those but just go through the motions if it's extended to me.

I will do polite hugs if I feel like the person has the right to expect reciprocation, like a friend or a friend's mother. If it's some strange dude who tries to hug me without permission, it pisses me off. I have no reservations about being "rude" in that situation.

 

[Metis]

I will do polite hugs if I feel like the person has the right to expect reciprocation, like a friend or a friend's mother.

I don't hug friends who I know are romantically interested in me, though.

 

[cascadeco]

I will do polite hugs if I feel like the person has the right to expect reciprocation, like a friend or a friend's mother. If it's some strange dude who tries to hug me without permission, it pisses me off. I have no reservations about being "rude" in that situation.

haha, yes, that's a good point. I have no reservations either, to the point that I'll actually make things 'awkward' for everyone involved. This has only happened once, but it is what you describe - it's a very emotionally needy customer who wants to be hugged by everyone, is always trying to 'bond' with everyone she encounters as well as to enable her to deliver her 'woe is me' type stories, and I drew the line half a year ago when she asked for a hug and I got into this awkward back and forth saying I don't hug customers, blah blah. She got over it but was shocked when I did that.

 

[notmyapples]

I have the opposite problem where if I want to touch you, I will do it myself. Otherwise I either don't care for it or will be annoyed by it, but my appearance doesn't seem to convey this. I do polite hugs and such but it's been spread around my friend group that I don't like being touched very much and anyone new gets told relatively quickly by idle group gossip, so I don't even need to handle it directly, thankfully.