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This is anger/written out here cause obviously these words need to be kept quiet LOL.
- Thread starter INFtha14
- Start date
... lol. 
INFtha14
:)
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2008
- Messages
- 1,844
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I guess my choices will have to be...
A: Accept that if I don't try to open lines of communication with my mother we won't even have a chance at a mature connection/communication.
B: That if I do try to reach out to her that it's going to make my life a living hell cause she is going to resist every effort i have to communicate and make her realize how hard this has been for me.
(Btw I came out earlier in attempts to communicate with her and all I could do was tear up). She of course suggested seeing my therapist/it's being alone in my room too much that's making me sad. Jeepers... I socialize a good chunk of my week between meetups/work/seeing my childhood friends. I simply said "That's NOT what's bothering me". I soon left to go to my room as I felt it was pointless. I might actually try to talk over her stupid TV to see if she cares enough to even listen to me. Will see... maybe. This takes alot out of me emotionally. But something has to give somewhere...
A: Accept that if I don't try to open lines of communication with my mother we won't even have a chance at a mature connection/communication.
B: That if I do try to reach out to her that it's going to make my life a living hell cause she is going to resist every effort i have to communicate and make her realize how hard this has been for me.
(Btw I came out earlier in attempts to communicate with her and all I could do was tear up). She of course suggested seeing my therapist/it's being alone in my room too much that's making me sad. Jeepers... I socialize a good chunk of my week between meetups/work/seeing my childhood friends. I simply said "That's NOT what's bothering me". I soon left to go to my room as I felt it was pointless. I might actually try to talk over her stupid TV to see if she cares enough to even listen to me. Will see... maybe. This takes alot out of me emotionally. But something has to give somewhere...
INFtha14
:)
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2008
- Messages
- 1,844
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I actually had a constructive talk with my mom.
I came in the room after reflecting for two hours via posting in my TC blog
.
We covered how we each go about our needs. She told me how she was raised to be independent and not getting the emotional talks etc.
I went to her and simply said how I can respect that. I guess where I'm coming from is for me I need to talk things over, to communicate what I'm feeling. With that in mind my mom told me that she will try to remember what I told her and work on it. As for me, I will try to not walk in wanting these talks during a show/game LOL. My mom also hugged me, rubbed my back then we made a promise to each other via fistbump. 
.
I also shared with my mom how I was told of the meaning of intimacy being "exchange of vulnerability's". I told her about what I was told with my fear of being vulnerable and also not usually giving second chances. I gave a recent example of not giving second chances.
Mother also told me how she said about "what do you blame me for now?" That was because she's always getting blamed for not having an instrument from Sis 1 as a child and sis 2 for something I can't remember but there's a million in Sis 2's head. I told her how I didn't want to blame you for anything, I just want to get closer/bond. So I realized while maybe that wasn't her "laughing in my face then". I'm glad I reflected and didn't act on the emotion/pain I was feeling.
I feel that this talk is a step in the right direction for my mom and I's relationship :-D. Also in honoring myself and what I want/need.
:-D
I came in the room after reflecting for two hours via posting in my TC blog
.We covered how we each go about our needs. She told me how she was raised to be independent and not getting the emotional talks etc.
I went to her and simply said how I can respect that
. I guess where I'm coming from is for me I need to talk things over, to communicate what I'm feeling. With that in mind my mom told me that she will try to remember what I told her and work on it. As for me, I will try to not walk in wanting these talks during a show/game LOL. My mom also hugged me, rubbed my back then we made a promise to each other via fistbump. . I also shared with my mom how I was told of the meaning of intimacy being "exchange of vulnerability's". I told her about what I was told with my fear of being vulnerable and also not usually giving second chances. I gave a recent example of not giving second chances.
Mother also told me how she said about "what do you blame me for now?" That was because she's always getting blamed for not having an instrument from Sis 1 as a child and sis 2 for something I can't remember but there's a million in Sis 2's head. I told her how I didn't want to blame you for anything, I just want to get closer/bond. So I realized while maybe that wasn't her "laughing in my face then". I'm glad I reflected and didn't act on the emotion/pain I was feeling.
I feel that this talk is a step in the right direction for my mom and I's relationship :-D. Also in honoring myself and what I want/need.
:-D
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