[INTJ] They say: How are you?

[Tilt]

If someone says to you: "How are you?" can you respond properly? I hate when someone says that question. Why?
Because I am not able to answer properly. And I have seen this problem many time with all people , especially with loving ones (romantic way )
I just stack in thinking procession and then just say "Fine." even I don't feel 100% fine.
I can't express what I feel with words so I just say "Fine" because I am healthy and I feel fine , but deep down not very much and I don't know how to say that...
I can use poems but no matter what happened to me all of them are full of sadness and not so "standard romantic" because they are very very strange...

If I am actually invested in you, I truly want to know how you are doing and do not mind going into full-blown conversations about the topic....but it is often a social protocol thing.

 

[Lucy_Ricardo]

"How are you?" from a stranger is a social pleasantry, so I always respond, with friendly perk, "I'm doing okay, how about you?" I live in the Southern U. S., and so these social exchanges are really important--people are friendly down here, and when someone acts hang-dog in response to a welcoming salutation, it's irritating. It makes it seem like you're not worth the effort it takes to be amiable. People should at least make an effort to be warm, even if they're feeling cold. And usually being friendly makes you feel good, even if it feels like an act. It's not shallow or deceptive--it is an attempt to connect with someone else, even if it's only in a passing way.

If a friend or a family member asks me, "How are you?" I answer truthfully. They genuinely want to know, so I tell them, if not a little vaguely.

There's no blanket rule for any of it, I suppose. But to overanalyze a social pleasantry is both maudlin and self-absorbed, and the effect is isolation.

 

[Norexan]

If I am actually invested in you, I truly want to know how you are doing and do not mind going into full-blown conversations about the topic....but it is often a social protocol thing.

I see that protocol as useless and too general.
When someone says "How are you?" my head literally explode and I don't know why.

Is is like in my head.. You see that I am healthy. Why ask me that question?

I like when people ask me specific question.
Get to the point immediately.
I don't like when someone talk about something with a lot of details and then get to the point who is actually not the point but simple insignificant explanation of detail for another. It's frustrate me.
"How are you?" for me is too generic question.

 

[Tilt]

I see that protocol as useless and too general.
When someone says "How are you?" my head literally explode and I don't know why.

Is is like.. You see that I am healthy. Why ask me that question?

I like when people ask me specific question.
Get to the point immediately.
I don't like when someone talk about something with a lot of details and then get to the point who is actually not the point but simple insignificant explanation of detail for another. It's frustrate me.
"How are you?" for me is too generic.

At least for me, it's a starter question. Just keep it nice and short for the people whom you don't want to engage but reveal more for others who you care about. If the other person actually cares, they will probably try to prolong the conversation but if not, they will tend to go on with his/her life.

 

[Norexan]

I don't like: "How are you?" , "How do you do?" , "What are you doing?" I usually start talking with people immediately and if I am start asking questions it is because I am curios about you. I want to know more about you.

 

[Red Memories]

I don't like: "How are you?" , "How do you do?" , "What are you doing?" I usually start talking with people immediately and if I am start asking questions it is because I am curios about you. I want to know more about you.

Honestly I try to ask so I know what the person is feeling so I know where to try and direct the conversation. if they're having a bad day I know I can do some fluffy conversation to make things better or happier for them and if they're having a good day I don't have to feel concerned by restraints. Just my take.

 

[Hitoshi-San]

I like when people ask me, especially if we're friends and it's not common for us to ask each other questions like that. if they're going to go to that extent to check up on me, that means they care and fuck if it's attention/affection I want it so I'll take it. sometimes I feel kinda bad if I'm not actually doing great. I don't want to lie to them but at the same time I don't want to just be like "bad", but I'd say that's the only part where I don't exactly like it.

 

[Coriolis]

Honestly I try to ask so I know what the person is feeling so I know where to try and direct the conversation. if they're having a bad day I know I can do some fluffy conversation to make things better or happier for them and if they're having a good day I don't have to feel concerned by restraints. Just my take.

But not everyone wants the various people they run into all day to know what they are feeling. Some of us think it is none of their business.

 

[Metis]

But not everyone wants the various people they run into all day to know what they are feeling. Some of us think it is none of their business.

How you're doing isn't all about how you're feeling. Some people keep their feelings to themselves and give a reply like: "Still alive", "Still kicking", or "I never have bad days" -- last one was said by an elderly war veteran.

Or you can also put on a mock grouchy expression and give a nonverbal grumble or say something crabby. If you do it right, it can come off as funny, rather than rude.

There are plenty of ways to answer that question creatively and entertain yourself and perhaps even others in the process, without giving away personal information.

 

[Littleclaypot]

It depends.. is this a random stranger or acquaintance I don't know very well? If so, I just say "great, how are you?!" If it's a good friend or family member b I tell them how I'm actually doing, lolol. I don't like to make people uncomfortable, haha.

 

[Lead Guitar Wankery]

If it's any comfort, it means the person asking cares about you.

That's not necessarily true.

 

[Coriolis]

How you're doing isn't all about how you're feeling. Some people keep their feelings to themselves and give a reply like: "Still alive", "Still kicking", or "I never have bad days" -- last one was said by an elderly war veteran.

Or you can also put on a mock grouchy expression and give a nonverbal grumble or say something crabby. If you do it right, it can come off as funny, rather than rude.

There are plenty of ways to answer that question creatively and entertain yourself and perhaps even others in the process, without giving away personal information.

I know, and sometimes I do. I would just prefer not to have to bother.

 

[Sacrophagus]

I do ask people how they are when approached, and the thing is, when we do, we don't do it as a social etiquette, but because we really care about the other person and if it's to brighten their day even with a word and a smile, then why not.
I don't stop at that social hokum when someone answers "I'm fine" while obviously he's not. "Good one. Now tell me what's wrong."
There are also those who would ask you, because they just want to feel good about themselves by comparing themselves to you, or just out of curiosity, or to fill their time. You didn't think that everyone who's asking about you are genuinely interested in you, did you?
I reply with an arrogant and sardonic body language to this kind of people with a "I'm fine.", and they can literally feel the pressure of the full stop at the end in my inflection.
A way to tell these superficial people :"We both know you're just intrigued by my success and power, not genuinely concerned by my welfare".
To those who are down to earth and worthy, I usually reply with Splendid/Formidable/Galvanic.
If they start asking questions which might call for a similar answer, requiring a thesaurus to sort through all their interrogations, I smile, look at them with appreciation, and tell them "Don't worry about it. Everything and everyone is fine".