[Other] The Language of love

[LightSun]

‎"The Language of Love"
The author Gary Chapman came out with 5 basic styles of love in a relationships in his book The Five Love Languages. The five languages are as follows.
I. Words of Affirmation style.
Communication to be used : compliments, affirmation, kind words
Actions to be taken with this style: send notes and cards.
What to avoid: criticism.
II. The quality time style.
Communication to be used : one to one time, not interrupting, face to face conversation.
Actions to be taken with this style: take long walks together, doing things together, taking trips.
What to avoid with this style: long periods of being apart, more time with friends than with spouse.

III. The receiving gifts style.
Communication to be used with this style : positive, fact oriented information.
Actions to take with this style : giving gifts on special occasions and not so special occasions.
What to avoid : forgetting special day.

IV. The acts of service type.
Communication to be used with this style : action words like "I can," "I will," "What else can I do?"
Actions to be taken with this style : helping with house and yard chores, repair/maintenance, acts of kindness.
What to avoid : ignoring spouse's requests while helping others.

V. The physical touch type.
Communication to be used with this type : a lot of non verbals, verbals need to be word pictures.
Actions to be taken with this type : touches, hugs, pats, kisses
What to avoid : physical neglect or abuse.

 

[Aquarelle]

I looooove this book! I think it really makes a lot of sense.

I'm the physical touch type, followed by words of affirmation, I think.

 

[ReflecTcelfeR]

Most definitly quality time and physical touch... affirmation third, acts of service, and then receiving gifts.

 

[Cephalonimbus]

I haven't read the book, but i remember taking an online test on this not too long ago. I'm not sure but i think i scored highest on words of affirmation, followed closely by physical touch and quality time. I scored really low on the other two.

 

[stringstheory]

my preference goes somewhat like

1. physical touch
2. quality time
3. words of affirmation
4. receiving gifts
5. acts of service

 

[BlackCat]

Words>Physical Touch>Quality time>Acts>Gifts.

 

[LightSun]

MEASURING 6 BASIC STYLES OF LOVE :
This is a second typology from the one listed in the above posts. It is to be used as a companion
and a comparison to the above listed The Five Love Languages.
Listed below are sample items Hendrick and Hendrick's love scale, which was designed to measure
the six styles of love identified by Lee (1977, 1988). Read through the various items and think
about your current or past relationships. Which style or styles characterize each of these relationships?
According to Lee, people could experience many different styles of love during their lives.

 

[LightSun]

EROS :
1. My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.
2. Our lovemaking is very intense and satisfying.
3. My lover fits my ideal standards of physical beauty/handsomeness

 

[LightSun]

LUDUS :
1. I try to keep my lover a little uncertain about my commitment to him/her.
2. I have sometimes had to keep two of my lovers from finding out about each other.
3. I enjoy playing the "game of love" with a number of different partners.

 

[LightSun]

STORGE :
1. It is hard to say exactly when my lover and I fell in love. (Our friendship merged gradually into love over time.)
2. Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious emotion.
3. My most satisfying love relationships have developed from good friendships.

 

[LightSun]

PRAGMA :
1. I consider what a person is going to become in life before I commit myself to him/her.
2. I try to plan my life carefully before choosing a lover.
3. A main consideration in choosing a lover is how he/she reflects on my family.

 

[LightSun]

MANIA :
1. Sometimes I get so excited about being in love that I can't sleep.
2. When I am in love, I have trouble concentrating on anything else.
3. If my lover ignores me for a while, I sometimes do stupid things to get his/her attention back.

 

[LightSun]

AGAPE :
1. I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer.
2. I cannot be happy unless I place my lover's happiness before my own.
3. I would endure all things for the sake of my lover.

 

[Aquarelle]

Hmmm, none of those 6 really resonates with me. They all seem rather unhealthy if one type is meant to describe a person's experience of love. Or else they seem more like stages, like Ludus would come first, then Eros, then Mania, etc. But if they're meant to be a hierarchy within one person's experience of love, so that all 6 are at least present, if not balanced, then I guess I would probably be Storge>Agape>Pragma>Mania>Eros>Ludus.

Haha. "Storge." Funny word.

 

[Rebe]

‎"The Language of Love"
The author Gary Chapman came out with 5 basic styles of love in a relationships in his book The Five Love Languages. The five languages are as follows.
I. Words of Affirmation style.
Communication to be used : compliments, affirmation, kind words
Actions to be taken with this style: send notes and cards.
What to avoid: criticism.
II. The quality time style.
Communication to be used : one to one time, not interrupting, face to face conversation.
Actions to be taken with this style: take long walks together, doing things together, taking trips.
What to avoid with this style: long periods of being apart, more time with friends than with spouse.

III. The receiving gifts style.
Communication to be used with this style : positive, fact oriented information.
Actions to take with this style : giving gifts on special occasions and not so special occasions.
What to avoid : forgetting special day.

IV. The acts of service type.
Communication to be used with this style : action words like "I can," "I will," "What else can I do?"
Actions to be taken with this style : helping with house and yard chores, repair/maintenance, acts of kindness.
What to avoid : ignoring spouse's requests while helping others.

V. The physical touch type.
Communication to be used with this type : a lot of non verbals, verbals need to be word pictures.
Actions to be taken with this type : touches, hugs, pats, kisses
What to avoid : physical neglect or abuse.

Mine is a combination of physical touch, words of affirmation and quality time.

 

[Vasilisa]

My old results

27% Physical Touch 8
23% Words of Affirmation 7
20% Quality Time 6
17% Receiving Gifts 5
13% Acts of Service 4

Latest results
30% Words of Affirmation 9
23% Physical Touch 7
23% Quality Time 7
17% Receiving Gifts 5
7% Acts of Service 2

I think the changes reflect my current relationship woes.

 

[Moiety]

AGAPE :
1. I would rather suffer myself than let my lover suffer.
2. I cannot be happy unless I place my lover's happiness before my own.
3. I would endure all things for the sake of my lover.

I'm definitely Agape-dominant so to speak.

And as far as love languages go I place Quality Time above all else.

 

[woolgatherer]

I took the love languages test here: The 5 Love Languagesâ„¢ | Five Love Languages

(not the 30 second one) and my results were:

11 Physical Touch
8 Words of Affirmation
7 Quality Time
3 Acts of Service
1 Receiving Gifts

In terms of showing love in a relationship, I'm best at physical touch and pretty terrible at giving words of affirmation.