Hi StarryKnights,
When you pull those statements together and read them out of context, I can see how it would come across as me sounding "selfish" as you put it. Like you said, it's a very one-sided thing. I don't have her feedback to share with you because the most I get from her is a very direct "the best thing for you to do is move on" sort of response whenever I do attempt to bring up these things with her. She's not open to discussing it and like I said, she's very closed off with me. Even though she still maintains communication to an extent and will talk to me on occasion, she is very "matter of fact" and I can tell there is no emotional attachment whatsoever. She really has moved on and I know that. So, I don't want to press the matter. I want to respect her, give her space, time, and just let her be. So, to answer your question, yes I have asked her about all this directly and all I get is a simple "let go, move on" speech. Which is why I feel it's more of a doorslam because she cut me out of her heart, her head, her future, everything. Sure, she still talks to me because she's a nice person and doesn't want to hurt me but that doesn't mean it's not a doorslam. Believe me, I know what it means to doorslam somebody and I am very certain I am on the receiving end of it right now. I'm not sure you really understand on the same level, maybe because of not being INFJ.... I don't know.
Please remember too that this IS about ME in the sense that I got doorslammed by the person I committed to spending the rest of my life with and I came here for some basic feedback about how to cope with the feelings and with the situation so that maybe I can move on or at least understand her side of things a little better so that I can heal because while she needs healing and I recognize that, what I really need right now is healing too. So, maybe I'm being selfish but I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing right now because I need to think of my well-being and I need to attend to my wounds as the result of having been doorslammed.
Again, I see what you're saying but I think maybe without understanding what it's really like to be an INFJ and how INFJs by nature can be very selfish when it comes to healing and protecting themselves after being hurt and figuring out how to move on after a relationship, it may be difficult to understand how we rationalize that selfishness. I don't think it's all that odd for me to be talking about how I feel like doorslamming her and what I want and what I need. I hope this is coming across the way I mean it to. :-/
I didn't actually come here to figure out how to get my INFJ ex-gf back.... I came here in the hopes of finding some understanding and healing and maybe some guidance on whether I should let go and if so, how to do that. I can see how that wasn't really clear in my original post. My original post sounds like I'm desperately trying to find some sort of morsel of hope... and honestly, maybe the moment I wrote that I was in a way....but really what my heart truly needs right now is healing, peace, and understanding. I don't think that's selfish in a bad way. We all have to take care of ourselves.