@ tcda:
I don't know what to say about your situation. I can be somewhat of a friendly sourpuss and do stuff like your friend did so I've got no real defense.
In my case, it wouldn't have been a flippant blow off, it simply would've meant that I didn't really want to talk to you and I tried to do it "nicely," i.e. by exchanging emails if you asked for it, maybe even phone numbers, giving a non-committal (or what I hope is understood as non-committal) "maybe we'll talk later."
I strongly believe in allowing a person the opportunity to escape a situation gracefully with as little drama as possible. If she's is trying to escape gracefully, you're not allowing her to do so. I know people are always advocating direct communication and the "just tell them!!" approach but that is often difficult in situations like this. I don't want to watch a guy's crestfallen face if I have to say to him, I'm not interested in taking this conversation or interlude any further and I don't want to give you my number or email. Now I've taken to telling people "Have a nice life! " because I don't want any misunderstandings to occur and possibly be the source of discontent on an internet thread.
Have you considered that she just isn't that into you and isn't responding to you as enthusiastically as you'd like because of this? I guess to me there are some things you've just got to understand and pick-up on with how people communicate. People say things like "I'll see you later" "Let's have dinner sometime" and "I love you, I want your children" without really meaning it. I personally, work on distinguishing when people mean their statements or when they're just saying them to be cordial and un-prickish. Because for some odd reason I have this feeling that if you I told a person 'I don't really want to see you again unless it's casually with groups of people around,' it won't be well-received. But believe it or not, I may completely not mind seeing them again because I thought they were fun, but I don't want it to get any deeper than casually hanging out.
If you think there is some romantic interest, why don't you ask her out? Personally, I think you can string a person along forever via email, Facebook, and texts and those are not reliable methods of assessing interest. Ask her out for coffee or some other relatively low-stakes way of assessing interest because when you're in person you can tell these things better. If that goes well and you get a good feeling, then ask her out again. There's probably a universe of non-verbal communication happening between you two and very important detail that are being left out. What can we here know about what this person is thinking? What does saying she's an ENFJ tell us (nothing really)?
I'm a terrible bear hating person
WOW, that's intense. She should understand... you sounded fairly reasonable, IMO. I got to say 40% sounds like WAY too much.....yikes!Explain this for me please? My mom regularly makes intuitive leaps and assumptions like this, and I don't understand.
Setting- We've just eaten at Crackerbarrel for our pseudo thanksgiving, since we aren't going to a family gathering this year for it. I need to go home and finish a research paper that's due that night, and it counts 40% of my grade in this English class. She is fully aware of this in my mind, since I have told her about 10 times in the past week.
Me- "Thanks for buying me lunch mom."
Her- "You're welcome. *keeps talking about what we were talking about before*"
Me- "I really need to go. I'll call you Saturday about coming over on Sunday to help you with moving that furniture."
Her- "Alright. *keeps talking*"
Me- "I really need to go mom, I don't have much time. I came up here and ate with you, and we talked for an hour and a half. But I really need to go, this paper is more important than anything going on right now for me."
Her- "Oh, so does that mean you didn't want to come up here and eat with me? That you didn't appreciate anything that I just did for you? You didn't have to go, you could have just said so."
Me- "WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?! How did... Why do you think that? What did I say that would imply that? I was the one that suggested eating today, I made the plan and the time, and I came up here to eat with you. I don't understand why you think that. This essay is 40% of my grade, I've told you this. I will fail if I don't do this. That's about $200 dollars wasted if I don't get this done. And I need all the time that I can get to fine tune it.
???????
I wish I could get my feelings arranged in an f***ing hierarchy. I'm downright sick of being dark & tangled. I do experience highs of happiness & adoration that seem really abnormal (at least I recognized them to be "different" from how other people feel when I was a child). Like if I find something precious, I can have such wonderful & satisfying feelings just enjoying the fact that I adore it... but it seems associated with that "dark and tangled" thing. Like I couldn't have the one without the other. Is this something anyone else experiences?
Did you confront them or try to talk to them anyway? They either really wanted you to or really didn't. You would have known by their reaction when confronted. If they wanted you to, they were waiting for something. Maybe you said or did something they found offensive or they said something expecting feedback & didn't get it. If they really didn't want to talk to you, they may have lost interest, but it would probably be because of some choice they made. I don't know, I can't go from being "really" interested in someone to ignoring them unless I'm mad or testing them. Then again, ENFJs can seem to be flirty when they are just socializing. In this case, if they caught wind that you wanted more they may be distancing to show that they don't.
What did they do that made them seem interested?
What are these dark and tangled thoughts you guys experience? I have been loosely involved with an ENFj and I swear the amount of times they go hot and cold is really something I find baffling - like they create this atmosphere of family/love/loyalty/partnership and the next thing you know, they back off completely in a way which totally contradicts the aforementioned vision.
Experiencing this for a year now and it feels like the highs you have together are amazing....and thank god they are because for the rest/majority of the time you feel like you're being tortured and will only stick through it to get to the good part again.
I know the majority of people will love an ENFj but I think if you really get to know them it can colour your perception of them....which is one of the reasons I think they don't like to reveal too much of themselves......so they want to back off a lot of the time???????
That would annoy me to no end. I've been there. As the only female in an all-male garage, BELIEVE ME, I've been there. Ultimately, I almost jumped one of them, and my foreman wound up yelling at everyone for being idiots. That isn't the ending you want. No one likes to be rolled over. Sounds like it's gone from a joke to bullying.
Yeah I am noticing that as well, the last couple of weeks it has passed that point that is more than just a joke and I have very low temper as it is. I am starting to go from annoyed to really pissed off. Not sure how I should handle this...
For me ENFJ is the most interesting type, I just love your enthusiasm
So I thought I was an INFJ for a while, and now I have discovered that I'm actually an ENFJ.
classes are going really well,(continues talking about classes for a bit). Well that boy never wrote to me but it doesn't matter haha, there are and will be others, can you believe I met an Argentinean from the ______ Party here in _____, hahaha, no more and no less than a socialist but well forgiven for liking X (a comedian) and for being really nice, not as physically attractive as the other one but still fair haired and with blue eyes...I don't know why all my suitors are turning out to be like that, I like dark ones haha and well, he's already inviting me to go out and everything. he put a birthday card through my door and so I'm surrounded by left-wing latinos who are asking me out. but I don't pay any attention, first is the fatherland (patria), then the movement and then boys haha.