The End of Innocence

[proteanmix]

This is a piece of conversation between a friend and myself. We were talking about common friend and how trusting she seems to be towards people and lamenting our own lack of innocence towards people.

This is what she said:

i know good people exist and hope to think that i'm a good person on a basis but i do know bad people and therefore want to protect myself from situations where i will be victimized. so i'm sceptical, careful and analytical. i see all possibilities in peoples intensions; never only the good... i know shit exists and i want to stay away from them...i just hope that i don't create shit in the process of protecting myself and hurt someone.

it's hard to be forgiving and understanding because that's where the cycle stops sometimes i know i have to be more open, less rigid and more accepting, forgiving and understanding. this is what jesus taught people. it's jsut very hard to do in reality. love i guess.

How does one protect themselves against unscrupulous and scheming people without turning into a distrustful and cynical person?

Even when I'm talking to someone casually and they're telling me about a situation they've gotten themselves into I also have this train of thought running in my head 'now what aren't the telling me? what did role did THEY play in this?'

Even if I'm horribly honest with myself I can look at virtually all of the bad situations I've gotten myself into and even at the time know that had if I had responded differently or done something else different the whole outcome would've changed.

This struggle is a repeated theme throughout my life and I know I've written about it before. It's just difficult for me to know when I'm being dead on about someone's motives and things they're hiding or when I'm being harsh and judgmental. I want to be as wise as a serpent but the harmless as a dove part rankles me. I keep thinking I must protect myself! I want to go on the offensive and not always be on the defensive.

Sometimes I protect myself by playing stupid and letting people think things go over my head. But the mental weight of deciphering all these bits of information makes me wish I could be one of those people who don't think about things like this. And there are many people who don't think about it, no matter how much they say the do.

I think this is an unhealthy way to be but I don't know how to be any different.

 

[Randomnity]

Is it unhealthy? I can relate to that. I don't think of it as judgmental really, more as withholding judgement before hearing all the facts. Usually every person involved in a 'situation' is responsible, at least to a degree.

It's hard for me sometimes to not point this line of reasoning out to the "innocent victim" when they're telling their story, but I know that's unwise. And sometimes they really are completely innocent. I don't think of it as good vs bad people though, only that people in general are...confused, and generally selfish, but usually with good intentions.