1. Ne really goes places it shouldn't go sometimes. I pick up a knife and I can think about stabbing someone with it. A relative may bend over and I can think about having sex with them. There are really, really dark images that my mind can conjure up not so rarely and it's not nice at all. I assure you, I am not on my way to a mental asylum/prison. Ne simply does not discriminate. I get an idea, a mental connection, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. It's both a great strength and weakness.
I can identify with these-I have never seen anyone call out that first one-but it is totally true. Really dark but true...
I also care way too much about what other people think-I try and use Te to self talk out of it. I can also be neurotic as hell and think everyone hates me-again I use Te to self talk out of it.
I am also guilty of being defensive about my ideas, although I try really hard not to do this, as I need the critical feedback to improve my ideas and myself.
As for darkness, I often feel very dark or broken on the inside, especially when in an emotionally bad place. That sense of despair can chase others away as nobody wants to be part of that mess, causeing me to retreat and feel like instead of being part of the world, I'd rather love and care for the world from outside of it, so I dont overly disturb those within it. Like an invisible angel. I want to give love, but not be recognized as doing so.. I am 4w5 though, so maybe that is part of it.
Ah, the Te bitchslap appears to be my friend as well. On the good side, I WILL stand up for those in pain or need and fight for them, and on the bad side, I will lash out hurtfully and nastily sometimes to those who have hurt me...
Lately I have noticed a very weird dark aspect of myself evolving. If a person does something particularly heinous or keeps bothering me even when I ask them to leave me alone, I have been trying very hard not to bitchslap them as it seems so reactive and emotionally drains me. If I find myself getting angry...bitchslap-y...I quell it, recognize it as not a good idea and instead try and understand why the other person is behaving as they are.
Suddenly I can move into this very focused place-the other person has become my entire focus, the rest of the world is ignored-and Ne and Te weave everything I understand about people in general around that particular person...they become the Ne focal point. As I focus on them, I will find questions I dont know the answer to, and then the answers are just there-the bubble up, gaps are filled in, which allows me to further analyze them. An ESTP described this as an ENFP seeing through you and said it was very creepy. It is like a play by play psychological dissection of the enemy, weaving patterns around them and predicting what they will do next-predictive I suppose as their motives dont matter, just their predicted behaviors. The things they do or say cant hurt me because they are simply part of that particular person's pattern. It is like once I understand they are trapped in their pattern, I can ignore or forgive the hurt they inflict, but identify the required defense before they even do anything.
Now....if that person is hurting someone I care for...they have put themselves in a very dangerous place. I can forgive injury to myself easily, and nuetralize that hurt, but you dont hurt those I care for. In that case, it is like weaved lists appear of that person's weaknesses, an intense focus of them, and I can begin to plan a play by play attack upon them as a person. I lay out the pieces of the puzzle-all individual things-then when the time comes I can quickly gather the pieces and deploy an attack or alternatively let them stumble across the pieces like logs in their path to make them fall more slowly. I havent done this yet as to do so would be really horrible. But more and more I can sense the ability to do this coming on line.. It is scary as Fi holds me back from hurting other people, but if pushed to this cold analytical place, it speaks more softly.