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Ted Talk: Why 30 Is Not The New 20

Lexicon

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Most significant takeaway: Don’t be passive about your life.

I will add more thoughts later, as I’m kind of multitasking at the moment & can’t focus as much as I’d like on a more in-depth response. Just sort of bookmarking so I don’t forget.
 

Lark

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It wouldnt surprise me in the least that the popularization of leaving child raising later and later in life with the consequence of smaller families or lack of children at all due to declining fertility wasnt part of the whole Malthusian trend.

The death drive is just so strong in the anglosphere at the moment, I wonder if demographic shifts will eventually lead to a paradigm shift. I just dont know.

More and more the idea of an extinction rebellion makes sense, not just about climate change and the denial of climate science but the whole damn Malthusian and social darwinist revivals.
 

rav3n

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As an FYI, fertility rates are premised on live births, not the fertility capabilities of the female body. Prior to birth control, females were having 'accidents' well into their forties, hence why it wasn't considered unusual for families to be ginormous.
 

ceecee

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Now I feel doubly motivated to get shredded before I hit 40.

All I can say is that weight bearing exercise as you age can't be stressed enough. It's going to prevent so much that just goes so wrong when you get older. Seriously, I thought my Achilles was ready to go coming down the stairs the other day. :shock:
 

Lexicon

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All I can say is that weight bearing exercise as you age can't be stressed enough. It's going to prevent so much that just goes so wrong when you get older. Seriously, I thought my Achilles was ready to go coming down the stairs the other day. :shock:

Noted. Achilles’ tendon rupture is wonderful bedtime imagery. :shocking:
Also, I hope there’s something docs can do to alleviate the acute pain for you— that sounds miserable. :hug:
 

Julius_Van_Der_Beak

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Hmm... I didn't watch the whole video, but I think she's making things seem a bit more set in stone than they are. Even she says that most major milestones occur by age 35, which means that half of it is in the 30s. I think you can definitely make changes and get started on a different path in your 30s. I suppose I finally started to realize on some level I needed to change things at age 29, so I guess that counts as my twenties, but I didn't take concrete steps until my 30s.

Of course, I also wouldn't say that my twenties were wasted. I did learn valuable things, even if the road was painful. I'll add that after I was out of school, I never saw my life as an extension of my childhood, and in fact, I found that idea somewhat distasteful. My twenties were more about me trying to find a way for me to live life on my own terms, which involved having as little to do with society as possible. In the process, I may have made things harder to be for me than they needed to be.
 

Doctor Cringelord

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More or less I knew the general field I wanted to go into by 25. But I remember not taking it too seriously, assuming I had more time to fuck around. I wish this chick and some old canadian boomer had told me to clean my room back then

Otherwise I suppose I agree with the sentiment that it’s never too late (until it is too late)
 

Tennessee Jed

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[snipped...] I think you can definitely make changes and get started on a different path in your 30s. I suppose I finally started to realize on some level I needed to change things at age 29, so I guess that counts as my twenties, but I didn't take concrete steps until my 30s. [...snipped]

^^^This. I spent my late teens and twenties dropping out of high school, doing two tours in the Marines, and then dropping in and out of college. I travelled around the world, got a bit of a drinking problem, ended up in jail a few times, etc. Finally at the age of 32 I decided the world was passing me by (it was the go-go 80s and all my old high school buddies were making good money selling computers or dabbling in real estate or whatever), so I returned to college and finished off my degree and got on a career track.

As JVDB says, I didn't count my twenties as wasted. In retrospect many friends and family say I was the smart one, taking that 15 years (from age 17 to 32) to go a little wild and not getting on the college/family/career track right out of high school. For my own part, I learned that you can take some chances, fail a few times, and still come out all right in the end.

On the other hand, it seemed that the TED Talk in the OP focused a lot on women and women's issues. (The only time the speaker specifically mentioned men, they seemed to be playing the role of douchebag boyfriend.) And women do have the additional factor of fertility windows and child-rearing to consider. So I don't discount what the speaker has to say to women in particular. If women want to "have it all" and enjoy both a big family and a fulfilling career, then it's possible that they may need to be a little more deliberate in terms of planning ahead and getting more out of that first decade of adulthood.
 

ceecee

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Noted. Achilles’ tendon rupture is wonderful bedtime imagery. :shocking:
Also, I hope there’s something docs can do to alleviate the acute pain for you— that sounds miserable. :hug:

Thanks but I have no issue with it, other than what's in my own mind. I was coming down the stairs and I was like - why is my calf and Achilles area so tight? Then I thought - what would happen if that thing snapped right now? Seriously, that kind of shit goes through your mind when you get older lol, even when there is no reason for it. I spent time being less than healthy in my 20's and 30's so I suppose I sometimes overcompensate now with exercise and a mostly healthy diet, less meat and more fruit and veg.

I did solve the issue by having a massage.
 

Peter Deadpan

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Thanks but I have no issue with it, other than what's in my own mind. I was coming down the stairs and I was like - why is my calf and Achilles area so tight? Then I thought - what would happen if that thing snapped right now? Seriously, that kind of shit goes through your mind when you get older lol, even when there is no reason for it. I spent time being less than healthy in my 20's and 30's so I suppose I sometimes overcompensate now with exercise and a mostly healthy diet, less meat and more fruit and veg.

I did solve the issue by having a massage.

I slipped and fell down my wood stairs last Wednesday carrying a heavy package. The weight of the package ensured that when I landed on the edge of a stair on the back left side of my rib cage, the impact was hard. It fucked me up good (I'm still dealing with pain in a couple areas even though the muscle pain has drastically subsided).

I was surprised I didn't break a rib, and it got me thinking about the frailty of the aging human body and how I expect to live in this house for potentially 10-ish years. I'm 34 now and I don't even want to think about what an impact like that could do in 10 years.
 

cascadeco

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^^^This. I spent my late teens and twenties dropping out of high school, doing two tours in the Marines, and then dropping in and out of college. I travelled around the world, got a bit of a drinking problem, ended up in jail a few times, etc. Finally at the age of 32 I decided the world was passing me by (it was the go-go 80s and all my old high school buddies were making good money selling computers or dabbling in real estate or whatever), so I returned to college and finished off my degree and got on a career track.

As JVDB says, I didn't count my twenties as wasted. In retrospect many friends and family say I was the smart one, taking that 15 years (from age 17 to 32) to go a little wild and not getting on the college/family/career track right out of high school. For my own part, I learned that you can take some chances, fail a few times, and still come out all right in the end.

On the other hand, it seemed that the TED Talk in the OP focused a lot on women and women's issues. (The only time the speaker specifically mentioned men, they seemed to be playing the role of douchebag boyfriend.) And women do have the additional factor of fertility windows and child-rearing to consider. So I don't discount what the speaker has to say to women in particular. If women want to "have it all" and enjoy both a big family and a fulfilling career, then it's possible that they may need to be a little more deliberate in terms of planning ahead and getting more out of that first decade of adulthood.

Disclaimer to OP - didn't watch the video, but that's mostly because I find a lot of 'inspirational' TED talks rather tiresome, and don't think I'll learn anything earth-shattering based on the title.

That said - given the title, no, 30 is not the new 20, due to biology and the fact that ten years is a lot of time to build a foundation and waiting til 30 is ten years lost; but 30 is becoming the new 20 in the sense that a lot of folks delay a lot of things that historically were begun by 20. Sometimes by choice, also the fact that the economic landscape/ jobscape has shifted and imo there's just not as much opportunity compared to 2+ decades ago, when a college degree was a guaranteed ticket to a white-collar job. Not the case anymore. And, I don't think there is as much pressure/expectation to get married super early anymore - which isn't a bad thing. It would be nice if it resulted in fewer poor matches just because that's-what-you-do-you-get-married-and-have-kids -- but I don't honestly know that that's the case. It just shifts the issue/pressure to a handful of years later.

To the quote above! Funnily enough I did it opposite you; I was a lot more proactive and troubled about getting a 'good' job in my 20's, and making sure I was on that track. So my 20's were when I was responsible and had a solid corporate job (for the bulk of it - it took me a few years to accomplish that, and then another few years to get into a job I wasn't totally miserable in), totally on the track to have a 'Career'. By 30 I found myself unable to do it any longer, so that was the start of my becoming 'irresponsible' and doing some traveling, being unemployed, then eventually getting a job similar to what I had left and then finding I couldn't abide it after doing it about 3.5 more years. Then I became even more silly and have been ever since. ;)

I am a bit tongue in cheek here but I am at a loss as to how I actually feel about this. There are things I regret about my past 6 or 7 years, but to this day I don't think leaving the corporate world is one of them (and I'm not one who tends to regret things - sure, I have made choices that I am angry over and would not make again if I were faced with them today, but regret is a strong stance indeed). *However* - when I did leave it in 2013, I had absolutely no idea that I was basically sealing my fate for, well, possibly good, in that given changes in the world, I would be seriously, seriously hard-pressed to get back into that world, even if I wanted to. And in that sense, I had zero comprehension of the impact of my choice -- as, a few decades ago, 'they' always said one could get back in after a break. Times have changed. Though, I have too.

I guess I am writing all of this to say that though changes are possible, and people DO continue to have opportunities and can I suppose make things happen as they grow older, there are societal aspects -- and views on age -- that can limit or funnel ones choices. Time IS of the essence. Does blowing off ones' 20's mean the end of all? Nah. But with changing job landscapes, etc, it can have an impact, or could take a heck of a lot longer that many people might realize to actually work ones' way into a place one wants to be in. Not that this is necessarily different from how it's always been, in some ways, but I think the reality can get lost in the shuffle. If one waits til 30 to really pursue a career, it's no different than if they'd started when they were 20 -- they'll have to start at the same entry level or volunteer/part-time thing initially, might be years til they are actually in a position they are ok with. This trajectory might not be as palatable to a lot of folks at age 30 compared to at age 20.

On the woman's side only - yah, of course there are double standards when it comes to aging/appearance. Also for women, the act of having a family, if one does want one, would require serious deliberation in a pretty real way -- vs for a guy, where it can be just 'whenever' (in a lot of ways). So purely from a dating /family perspective, if a woman wants a family, 30 is only 'the new 20' for a woman if they happen to meet their life partner in those first few years of their 30's, get married, and start having kids asap. IF they want several, that is, and IF they want to still have the energy of the 30's and not be 40 with a newborn (ug - lol). Or, if a woman met her partner in her 20's, there's not as much 'pressure' - many can and do wait til their early 30's now to start having kids (I know more than one person my age who did this).
 

Siúil a Rúin

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I watched part of the video, but have some idea about it. I think it is true that squandering life at any age isn't great, but I think the way that teenagers deal with life can be extended into the twenties. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to date knuckleheads. The same way teenagers get to be partly adult and partly child is something that can be indulged a few more years. There didn't even used to be a concept of teenager at all - people got married and worked the farm at 16 and onwards for life. I think it is good that people can explore their possibilities at least until 25 when the frontal lobe is finally developed. I think there is something biologically valid about saying it is best to have the ability to put off final life decisions about marriage and career at least until then. I don't think it means you have to live crazy, reckless, date wretched people, and let your life fall apart just because you get to be somewhat childlike and explore options.
 

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First of all, it's incredibly unprofessional for her, as a psychotherapist, to give her own opinion on someone's love life in the way she implied. Her job is to help her client grow and figure out what she wants.

Second, this is all so broadly so-instinct based that it makes me recoil. "Eighty percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35." The first two things she mentions after this are just meaningless statistics. Why the hell should I care what most people do? If they all had babies in high school, that wouldn't mean it's a good idea to do it. When they start getting married in their 30s, that doesn't mean I have to get married then, too. Maybe she should bring up the idea that people are not sheep. The biological facts, are of course, facts that are important. But they do not set people's life in stone, unless you have babies when you don't plan to and raise them.

Third, the idea that you can't develop as an adult after your twenties is absurd.

It's only the defining decade if you MAKE it so. If you allow it to be so.

She can't even pronounce Leonard Bernstein correctly. She irritates me. She just wants to be famous, in my opinion.

The idea that you are deciding your life right now, that's great. But it sure as hell is NOT limited to one decade of one's life. Otherwise, I guess I should just kill myself now because there would be absolutely no point in continuing.
 

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The Mark Twain quote comes to mind with this Ted Talk: “Comparison is the death of joy.”
 

Siúil a Rúin

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First of all, it's incredibly unprofessional for her, as a psychotherapist, to give her own opinion on someone's love life in the way she implied. Her job is to help her client grow and figure out what she wants.

Second, this is all so broadly so-instinct based that it makes me recoil. "Eighty percent of life's most defining moments take place by age 35." The first two things she mentions after this are just meaningless statistics. Why the hell should I care what most people do? If they all had babies in high school, that wouldn't mean it's a good idea to do it. When they start getting married in their 30s, that doesn't mean I have to get married then, too. Maybe she should bring up the idea that people are not sheep. The biological facts, are of course, facts that are important. But they do not set people's life in stone, unless you have babies when you don't plan to and raise them.

Third, the idea that you can't develop as an adult after your twenties is absurd.

It's only the defining decade if you MAKE it so. If you allow it to be so.

She can't even pronounce Leonard Bernstein correctly. She irritates me. She just wants to be famous, in my opinion.

The idea that you are deciding your life right now, that's great. But it sure as hell is NOT limited to one decade of one's life. Otherwise, I guess I should just kill myself now because there would be absolutely no point in continuing.
You make some good points. For my own life, I'm in the process of redefining it for the fourth time. I've changed careers and marriages, etc. In a way I'm childlike, but I was very responsible teenager and young adult, so my life falling apart now has nothing to do with not caring about my choices then. I used to be too serious, too conscientious if anything. I look back on my life and feel I made the best choices available to me at the time, so I don't actually have regrets, but also recognize that life is constantly fluid and change is continual. I think that is not particularly unusual. For me my current decade is my new 20's. I'll likely say it again when I'm in my 80's. I plan to go back to school when I'm very old to study astrophysics and I'm going to play jazz organ. I might even have a cute boyfriend. I'm going to be hilarious.
 
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