- Jul 11, 2017
- MBTI Type
Lots of ways to deal with a child without the use of force. Imo spanking/hurting a child is never ok. It is usually done out of anger or frustration which is the opposite of discipline, you are actually teaching your child violence is the answer when you can't cope. As for the occasional spanking when the child is misbehaving i don't agree with that either, i don't believe for a second it even 'works', why should children be afraid of their parents? respect yes, love yes, care yes... but why fear?
Cognitive dissonance. Mistaking fear for love and attraction is common, which is why some indulge in sadomasochistic fetishes.
Fear of abandonment, fear of invalidation, and other primal fears take place chemically in the body of the child at a vulnerable age shaping form for a twisted form of relationship. Hitting a child becomes a stimulus to remind him of those fears and attachment tremors and prompt a willingless to comply. This only works if you don't actually show affection to your child. It fucked up many people as they grew traumatized and fearful, and only the parent benefited from that relationship to feed their own sadistic thirst for control.
The other common way of discipline pertains to those who display affection easily to their children and hit them at the same time. They won't get them to be obedient.
Picture that father who hits his son, but then feels guitly afterwards and gives him money to go out with his friends. The child becomes some sort of Pavlovian experiment. He knows that once the father hits, he will become guilty and treats him welll. It doesn't allow the child to adjust his bad behaviors at all, but the child isn't as wounded emotionally. It's a failing system.
Others will argue that the right amount of hitting will do the work. Do what you see fit. I don't use that crap.
The approach I use is be an example to your child. Practise what you preach.
Just like I cherish my sense of independence, my child will not have ideals enforced upon him. His identity stems from our ability to allow them to form their own vision, and give them the freedom to think and speak out. For all I know, my child could be smarter and wiser than I.
The child only becomes rebellious when he has never known what it means to be independent. The child grows confident when he's allowed freedom to think, his intelligence and opinions are valued. He's feeling both safe and loved.
I'd rather have a son who's a friend. I'd teach him what I know, and it is for him to take, or for him to leave. Let him understand the world at his own pace.
This is the same we wanted when we were children. Some of us had it, some of us were not as fortunate.
Do you think you'll have to consider hitting your children as a punishment if you brought them with that mindset?
I think not.