[MBTI General] Socializing. Is this all there is?

[Cady]

Why do the majority of social gatherings consist of a competition to see who can drink more alcohol, and make the biggest ass of themselves?

I was invited to a ESFx friend's cabin this weekend for his 21st birthday and the entire distraction and entire focus of all conversation and activities the entire weekend was alcohol, alcohol, and getting drunk.

Luckily the conversation was so enthralling. The subjects basically ranged from "how drunk are you?" to <insert stupid thing you did while drunk once> and cycle to ad nauseum. Imagine the following stuck on playback:

"Are you drunk?"
"Oh man I'm so drunk."
"I'm going to drink so much more!"
"We're getting wasted tonight!"
"Dude, we were so wasted last night!"
"Yea I puked but just kept going"
"Yea that was the shit!"
"Let's go shotgun a beer!"

If I have to plaster on one more fake smile while some drunk tells me their awesome drinking story while simultaneously managing to spill their drink all over my shoes I'm just going to give up. Is this really it? It seems like "partying" (read: drinking) has become the be all end all thing to do socially for my age group. Conversation, if it exists at all, consists of monosyllables and a continuous parade of singular bland observations ("This song is so cool.", "You're so drunk!", "It's so dark out").



At this point I'm wondering why I even try? If this is what it takes to have friends or be social I can't do it. The problem is that isolating myself doesn't work either. Without social interaction I feel lethargic, depressed, and lonely, but I simply can not relate to the vast majority of people in my social group.

It's complicated further when every time I attempt to meet new people they either turn out the same, secretly wish they could be the same (what the hell is with worshiping these guys like they're some social gods??), or are so far in the opposite direction from me in their value's and personality-wise that meshing is just as bad.

Where are the confident, intelligent, and still fun young people that value discussion, trying new things, and actually use their brain once and a while? Even my more intuitive and intelligent friends are susceptible to dumbing themselves down in social situations. I feel like shaking them! Wake up! Stop turning into mindless pop culture huffing zombies every time we go out!

Why is drinking until you throw up and become an obnoxious prick considered so acceptable? If you're home by yourself reading a book you're considered boring and a homebody, but if you're out drinking with friends every night and suddenly you're a social success?

I'm sorry for the vent but I had to get that off my chest, not to mention any help or insight about this would be greatly appreciated. Do other NT's feel like this?? How do you cope?

If I have to keep dumbing myself down to be successful with people I might as well just get a lobotomy.

 

[avolkiteshvara]

Sounds like you needed to drink more.

 

[Cady]

Sounds like you needed to drink more.

I do drink, but to the point of not being able to form sentences and passing out in your own vomit? Excessive drinking seems to have a strangle hold on it's position as the dominant social activity...

 

[Nocapszy]

the fact of the matter is, people actually hate other people.
they drink because they can't stand to remember the stupid shit their friends did last night.

becoming an ass is simply a side effect, which causes your friends to drink.

a vicious cycle.

 

[Little_Ancient_One]

I absolutely agree with you, "Cady". I've had similar thoughts throughout my life. However, as an introvert, the isolation has not been nearly as difficult for me.

 

[Nocapszy]

as an extrovert who likes taking advantage of stupid people, i have no problem with the idiotry.

also, i absolutely do not agree with you. that's not socializing. that's self destruction. the fact that you do it together simply makes it analogous to russian roulette. it's still not socializing.

most people don't socialize throughout their lives.

 

[Cady]

I absolutely agree with you, "Cady". I've had similar thoughts throughout my life. However, as an introvert, the isolation has not been nearly as difficult for me.

I would be the happiest INTP alive if I could just get my E to turn into an I

 

[avolkiteshvara]

I would be the happiest INTP alive if I could just get my E to turn into an I

INTP tend to drink alot.

 

[Cady]

INTP tend to drink alot.

Alone or in a group? And if it is in a group is it because of social awkwardness or do they genuinely really enjoy getting really drunk with other people?

As backwards as it sounds I have much more respect for drinking in excess as a solo activity. At least alone it seems like excessive drinking is more of a method to cope rather than being painted as the be all end all group social activity.

 

[Cady]

as an extrovert who likes taking advantage of stupid people, i have no problem with the idiotry.

also, i absolutely do not agree with you. that's not socializing. that's self destruction. the fact that you do it together simply makes it analogous to russian roulette. it's still not socializing.

most people don't socialize throughout their lives.

At a glance I thought it was self-destructive behavior as well, but these people seem to be genuinely happy, exuberant, and entertained when they drink. It's their activity of choice they fall back to if not night after night, than every weekend.

I thought I understood drinking as a social facilitator but for many in my circle of friends it's become the only thing worth doing. They view any social scenario where they didn't get absolutely wasted as a failure.

 

[Little_Ancient_One]

INTP tend to drink alot.

Could you substantiate that claim? Do you, personally, know many INTPs that drink excessively?

 

[entropie]

Sounds like you needed to drink more.

Second that ! Cheers Commander !

 

[run]

Alone or in a group? And if it is in a group is it because of social awkwardness or do they genuinely really enjoy getting really drunk with other people?

They just tend to be obsession prone.

Not everyone's that bad. I don't know if you're in college. I'd imagine it'd be harder to find them outside of college, but there's youth groups, and well... thousands of other kids.

 

[thisGuy]

welcome to my world...except i like getting drunk...it gets fun to loose them inhibitions

find yourself some NTP or NF buddies...youll start to have a lot more fun...i find them to be the best company for drinks

 

[entropie]

To participate in drinking games and to go collectively to a nude bar later are things I always dreaded in my youth. But there are always people, who enjoy being together with themselves and dont question their motives.

I most of the times followed my own motives, later on in the evening .

But to have friends you can rely on to go out with and have a drink, is a thing I definitly need after I worked the whole week.

Thats prolly a thing one gets firstly to know after school is finished.

 

[avolkiteshvara]

Could you substantiate that claim? Do you, personally, know many INTPs that drink excessively?

Checkout INTPc. There is a whole section dedicated to getting fucked up.

 

[entropie]

Ha a oxymoron again

 

[Cady]

There's a lot more I want to say about this, but I'm so frustrated just thinking about it's making me want to crawl under the covers of my bed with a book until I hate people less.

The problem is give it a week, maybe two and I'll think I can solve this problem. I'll think that maybe if I drink enough, dumb myself down enough, become more of what society expects girls my age to be, I could win this game. When really, it's not a game I'm even interested in, I just keep having it force fed down my throat as the only way to social success.

 

[Blank]

Why do the majority of social gatherings consist of a competition to see who can drink more alcohol, and make the biggest ass of themselves?

I was invited to a ESFx friend's cabin this weekend for his 21st birthday and the entire distraction and entire focus of all conversation and activities the entire weekend was alcohol, alcohol, and getting drunk.

Luckily the conversation was so enthralling. The subjects basically ranged from "how drunk are you?" to <insert stupid thing you did while drunk once> and cycle to ad nauseum. Imagine the following stuck on playback:

"Are you drunk?"
"Oh man I'm so drunk."
"I'm going to drink so much more!"
"We're getting wasted tonight!"
"Dude, we were so wasted last night!"
"Yea I puked but just kept going"
"Yea that was the shit!"
"Let's go shotgun a beer!"

If I have to plaster on one more fake smile while some drunk tells me their awesome drinking story while simultaneously managing to spill their drink all over my shoes I'm just going to give up. Is this really it? It seems like "partying" (read: drinking) has become the be all end all thing to do socially for my age group. Conversation, if it exists at all, consists of monosyllables and a continuous parade of singular bland observations ("This song is so cool.", "You're so drunk!", "It's so dark out").



At this point I'm wondering why I even try? If this is what it takes to have friends or be social I can't do it. The problem is that isolating myself doesn't work either. Without social interaction I feel lethargic, depressed, and lonely, but I simply can not relate to the vast majority of people in my social group.

It's complicated further when every time I attempt to meet new people they either turn out the same, secretly wish they could be the same (what the hell is with worshiping these guys like they're some social gods??), or are so far in the opposite direction from me in their value's and personality-wise that meshing is just as bad.

Where are the confident, intelligent, and still fun young people that value discussion, trying new things, and actually use their brain once and a while? Even my more intuitive and intelligent friends are susceptible to dumbing themselves down in social situations. I feel like shaking them! Wake up! Stop turning into mindless pop culture huffing zombies every time we go out!

Why is drinking until you throw up and become an obnoxious prick considered so acceptable? If you're home by yourself reading a book you're considered boring and a homebody, but if you're out drinking with friends every night and suddenly you're a social success?

I'm sorry for the vent but I had to get that off my chest, not to mention any help or insight about this would be greatly appreciated. Do other NT's feel like this?? How do you cope?

If I have to keep dumbing myself down to be successful with people I might as well just get a lobotomy.

Welcome to the world of the INTP, except, imagine getting that pissed/frustrated in nearly all of your social get-togethers.

 

[Athenian200]

Why do the majority of social gatherings consist of a competition to see who can drink more alcohol, and make the biggest ass of themselves?

[...]

If I have to keep dumbing myself down to be successful with people I might as well just get a lobotomy.

I'm not an NT, so I can't relate on that level. But I will say that I avoided most people in high school because my hunches told me they were like this, and I knew I wouldn't enjoy it.

So, I spent my time socializing with people on this site instead.

Now, as far as suggestions... well, have you looked into any social groups centered around a technical interest or hobby? The only way I could ever manage to find interesting people was to look for things centered around really intellectual types, but that didn't involve a competitive atmosphere (which was hard).

I personally never really resolved the problem, and ended up having little interaction aside from the Internet. I'm surprised to hear of an ENP having the same problems, but then perhaps I shouldn't. One of the few people I befriended in school was an ENFP, but they were so lethargic most of the time that they acted more like an IxTJ. I was really surprised by their test results, because they seemed so quiet and civilized I'd never have thought they were an E or a P.