Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Social Last Support Group

[Qlip]

From my experience, if you're social last you can find a large part of the world incredibly difficult to deal with. The things that I have no interest in is nearly endless, work politics, social pecking orders, making appearances, Coachella, Instagram, the easily offended, in-grouping, out-grouping, remembering names, responding to texts immediately, etc, etc, etc.

This thread is to provide a place to vent about, and potential tips to cope with, to avoid and to hack the social world. I'll contribute shortly....

 

[Spectre]

From my experience, if you're social last you can find a large part of the world incredibly difficult to deal with. The things that I have no interest in is nearly endless, work politics, social pecking orders, making appearances, Coachella, Instagram, the easily offended, in-grouping, out-grouping, remembering names, responding to texts immediately, etc, etc, etc.

This thread is to provide a place to vent about, and potential tips to cope with, to avoid and to hack the social world. I'll contribute shortly....

Wonderful initiative. I am looking forward to see how this thread develops.

 

[Yuurei]

I'm quite social (not a social last) but I can still relate to this. Being social does not automatically mean that you are a vapid idiot who only cares about climbing the social ladder or Instagram. That sort of personality has nothing to do with "type".

While I am very extroverted and often surrounded by people I still feel alone because I find what most people want to talk about to be insignificant and depressing.

 

[Qlip]

Right now I'm between jobs, and putting in applications, doing interviews, etc. I'm also working on a project that I hope may generate some income, and truth be told, I'm happy. I wish I could just get paid to build things by myself. My last job, and the one before it was rife with people who were above questioning because of title, labyrinths of ass kissing just to be able to do your job well, and the constant pressure to take the company on as a religion, and selling trinkets as a holy act. It's all way too much.

 

[rav3n]

Social last here. The world isn't difficult to navigate. I do things my way and that has resulted in what's conventionally perceived as success. That said, the result of this perceived success doesn't make me happy but what does make me happy is the freedom to do what I want.

My prior stage in life was insanely stressful and full where I loved the stress and pace of it. But what I found is that it's like being a hamster on a wheel, where it's never enough so round and round you go, seeking bigger hits. So, I got off the hamster wheel and have found that a simple life makes me happy. Had I not gotten remarried, I was actually considering downsizing from 4400 sq/ft to a tiny home.

 

[Avocado]

From my experience, if you're social last you can find a large part of the world incredibly difficult to deal with. The things that I have no interest in is nearly endless, work politics, social pecking orders, making appearances, Coachella, Instagram, the easily offended, in-grouping, out-grouping, remembering names, responding to texts immediately, etc, etc, etc.

This thread is to provide a place to vent about, and potential tips to cope with, to avoid and to hack the social world. I'll contribute shortly....

Unsure if I'm Sp/Sx or Sp/So...but yeah...that shits stupid.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

I'm not exactly sure where to begin... let's go with apathy. I don't seem to care about any social obligation or even typical adult responsibility as much as anyone I know. I honestly struggle with even working for other people. Or with them.

If I am to be transparent, I've been spoken to about my attitude at work and "not being a team player". I'm not bragging... believe me... this has only added more stress to my life, but it still seems that I don't care enough to attempt to fully integrate. I've never been to a company party. I've never accepted an invite to hang out with people I work with. I even left the company's employee Facebook page because I just didn't feel like fucking staying in the loop. I'd rather use that loop to hang myself, if those were my options.

Perhaps I'm being a bit melodramatic, but this is how I truly feel. I just feel like my true desires are polar to what's expected of me as an adult.

I love my home. I looooove just spending a day in bed with a lover, getting up mostly to eat or watch a little TV. I selfishly want to be able to act on my every whim. I desire complete autonomy, which... is not fucking possible.

I cope by fantasizing about a distant retirement and savoring the moments I do get to pursue passion and solitude (partner generally not excluded although I do also need alone time). Luckily, I have a partner who loves this lifestyle as much as I do. We enjoy a lot of travel, food, and sex together. It's fucking glorious.

I want friends, but I'm not good at keeping in touch or prioritizing their needs over mine. I don't do it intentionally; it's more like I suddenly realize I haven't checked in with a particular friend in ages. I tend to feel indebted to a couple in particular. I've put a lot of conscious effort into improving this over the last few years.

I also struggle with my role as a mother sometimes. Having children has really shined a light into some previously hidden corners and corridors.

It's not all bad though... I have somewhat of a balance between the two worlds, as in I make time for myself and my endeavors.

I'm sure I'll come up with more to say.

 

[Forever]

As someone who is very much sx to the point where my sp and so are very much diminished (if you say they're equal I'll let you decide on that one for yourself)..

I do avoid crowds, but at the same time I stand out from crowds in the crowds.

I would never go to Coachella, EDC, UMF, etc. I mean some of the sets are massive and total bangers, which thankfully at home I can sometimes listen to. Unless I was the DJ of course.

Whenever I go to see a DJ... I see exactly the DJ. heh. weird.

And as you well know, I don't very well mesh with the forum to receive a member of the day/month thing here lol. I very much have my own schedule of saying things, to the dismay of others sometimes.

I try to avoid work politics, but because I guess of my sx'ness (No, not sexiness to clarify) I still get caught up in work politics, sometimes being the subject of work politics.

I'm not so well at remembering names (but getting better at it, usually on good days too)..

I kind of suck at being a great texter.


So yeah, I'm down for some advice in this area of my life.

 

[rav3n]

IMO, people with SO last should work to their strengths and not their weaknesses. Rather than playing by SO rules, create your own rules.

 

[Peter Deadpan]

Also, I see what you did with the thread title.

- - - Updated - - -

IMO, people with SO last should work to their strengths and not their weaknesses. Rather than playing by SO rules, create your own rules.

This is why I want to be self-employed. So. Badly.

 

[rav3n]

This is why I want to be self-employed. So. Badly.

That's definitively the route that I was mulling over for Qlip but had no idea of his field. You should be self-employed since you strike me as someone who has the grit to make it.

 

[á´…eparted]

I might not be so first, but I am definitely not social last.

From my experience, if you're social last you can find a large part of the world incredibly difficult to deal with. The things that I have no interest in is nearly endless, work politics, social pecking orders, making appearances, Coachella, Instagram, the easily offended, in-grouping, out-grouping, remembering names, responding to texts immediately, etc, etc, etc.

This thread is to provide a place to vent about, and potential tips to cope with, to avoid and to hack the social world. I'll contribute shortly....

This is funny . The bold stuff? I can do that stuff all day long. Except instagram, because taking selfies makes me feel narcissistic. But like, office politics? Cake and not tiring. Social pecking order? Fascinating to look at! Apperances? Cake and automatic. Cochella? Eh, I'd rather do another venue. The easily offended? Cake to navigate. Grouping? second nature. Remembering names? With effort, cake. Responding to texts right away? Almost always. like, all of that stuff is kind of my bread and butter. Varies from second nature, to inconsequential, to enjoyment.

I'll see myself out .

 

[Hiraeth]

If this is what it takes to be social last, then I definitely qualify. Guilty as charge in lacking fuel for all of that mumbo jumbo.

It's one of the areas I'm supposed to excel in, but still have major issues in following suit. Making an Instagram page for any kind of promotion (or just in general) feels contrived and unnatural to me. I don't care for the strangers of the interweb to see what I've done and I feel weird putting anything out there where it can be critiqued or just out in the open in the first place. And because of the current age we live in, everyone from someone's grandma to their pet kitten has some kind of networking/social media presence or is pretty much forced to make one if you want to survive in this world. I don't care about my own branding and promotion. It's not something I naturally ever think about. In an ideal world, I just want to do the things I do and be done with it. And...on top of time management for this kind of stuff. I have to force myself to make effort, but I can't make any promises either. If and when I ever become rich, I'm going to hire some assistants so they can deal with this crap. Ack.

Plus I don't care what other people are doing or what's the newest fad craze. It all seems try-hard and a put-on to me. It feels like I'd have to be forced to like something when I have my own ideals set in stone, which in turn makes me lose all interest in anything else.

And Coachella. More like a place where people come together to dress as clichéd caricatures of hippies for the day and take glamorous shots for their Instagram/Facebook profiles. Count me out. ✌

/rant.....for now.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Networking is an Achilles Heel for me. I hate it. I hate putting effort into maintaining connections that aren't stimulating to me. There's only a small handful of people that don't make me feel more alone while I'm around and/or interacting with them. But then when I need the kind of thing that only a large network can provide, I'm SOL.

Exhibit A:

"At least 70 percent, if not 80 percent, of jobs are not published," he says. "And yet most people — they are spending 70 or 80 percent of their time surfing the net versus getting out there, talking to employers, taking some chances [and] realizing that the vast majority of hiring is friends and acquaintances hiring other trusted friends and acquaintances."​

I wish they'd have cited the source of that number. I remember it was posted at several different sites a few years ago - enough that I trust it's a legit estimation.

 

[Forever_Jung]

Networking is an Achilles Heel for me. I hate it. I hate putting effort into maintaining connections that aren't stimulating to me. There's only a small handful of people that don't make me feel more alone while I'm around and/or interacting with them. But then when I need the kind of thing that only a large network can provide, I'm SOL.

Exhibit A:

"At least 70 percent, if not 80 percent, of jobs are not published," he says. "And yet most people — they are spending 70 or 80 percent of their time surfing the net versus getting out there, talking to employers, taking some chances [and] realizing that the vast majority of hiring is friends and acquaintances hiring other trusted friends and acquaintances."​

I wish they'd have cited the source of that number. I remember it was posted at several different sites a few years ago - enough that I trust it's a legit estimation.

I definitely believe that, especially now that I have done hiring for a while.

It's not necessarily nepotism (though I wouldn't dismiss that completely), so much as known quantities and hiring efficiency. Hiring is like 2% of my responsibilities, I don't want to use 20% of my time doing it if I can help it. It is a pain in the ass to sift through a bunch of resumes, interview people, call references, etc. And even after doing all that, you can still totally miss.

We did a job posting last month, and probably 100 applications rolled in. I was carefully combing through them, interviewing folks,mostly finding dud after dud. But then I found someone in the pile we knew (she had worked several years with one of the managers at another company) and we just immediately hired her and rejected the other 99 people, rather than trying to be "fair".

If I had known that person was looking for work, we wouldn't have even bothered with the posting (and sometimes we don't) and would have just reached out to her. I just hired a young lady on my team because she made a great impression on me, and she happened to be connected to some people who I trust. I sort of found an "opening" for her that you wouldn't see on any job board haha

If an excellent worker you've worked with for 5 years tells you they know the perfect candidate, 9/10 you hire that person. It just works better! I'm sure you miss on great candidates sometimes, but I do believe it works better.

 

[Z Buck McFate]

Yeah^. In other words, people like me (a card-carrying hermit) are boned when it comes to job-hunting. :/

 

[Forever_Jung]

Yeah^. In other words, people like me (a card-carrying hermit) are boned when it comes to job-hunting. :/

Yeah, I'm sorry. I wouldn't say hopeless, I would just say at a severe disadvantage. That being said, I think that sort of dynamic is more pronounced in my line of work, since we don't require a specific education level, you don't need any certifications, and there isn't a ton of technical skill. We're essentially hiring pleasant personalities who will show up and work hard.

 

[Yuurei]

I definitely believe that, especially now that I have done hiring for a while.

It's not necessarily nepotism (though I wouldn't dismiss that completely), so much as known quantities and hiring efficiency. Hiring is like 2% of my responsibilities, I don't want to use 20% of my time doing it if I can help it. It is a pain in the ass to sift through a bunch of resumes, interview people, call references, etc. And even after doing all that, you can still totally miss.

We did a job posting last month, and probably 100 applications rolled in. I was carefully combing through them, interviewing folks,mostly finding dud after dud. But then I found someone in the pile we knew (she had worked several years with one of the managers at another company) and we just immediately hired her and rejected the other 99 people, rather than trying to be "fair".

If I had known that person was looking for work, we wouldn't have even bothered with the posting (and sometimes we don't) and would have just reached out to her. I just hired a young lady on my team because she made a great impression on me, and she happened to be connected to some people who I trust. I sort of found an "opening" for her that you wouldn't see on any job board haha

If an excellent worker you've worked with for 5 years tells you they know the perfect candidate, 9/10 you hire that person. It just works better! I'm sure you miss on great candidates sometimes, but I do believe it works better.

Yes, "haha" I bet those who's lives you fucked over by not even considering find it real funny.

I had a job coach for years. It's a scam BTW. All they do is go on creig's list for you.

After several years she threw up her hands and said " Look. I can't get you a job if you don't know anyone. It's ALL about connections. There is nothing I can do for you." I felt kinda bad. She was too young to be so jaded but, it's also true.

A friend of mine; BRILLIANT chemical engineer, has been out of work for over five years. He eventually got somewhere when a former co-worker got a job at a start up. Of course the place is a total shit-show and he's been looking for a new job since a week after he joined. It's been nearly a year and he finally found something else because ; yep, he has a few friend through his current job working at another company. He starts his new job in a week.

Networking is an Achilles Heel for me. I hate it. I hate putting effort into maintaining connections that aren't stimulating to me. There's only a small handful of people that don't make me feel more alone while I'm around and/or interacting with them. But then when I need the kind of thing that only a large network can provide, I'm SOL.

Exhibit A:

"At least 70 percent, if not 80 percent, of jobs are not published," he says. "And yet most people — they are spending 70 or 80 percent of their time surfing the net versus getting out there, talking to employers, taking some chances [and] realizing that the vast majority of hiring is friends and acquaintances hiring other trusted friends and acquaintances."​

I wish they'd have cited the source of that number. I remember it was posted at several different sites a few years ago - enough that I trust it's a legit estimation.

Anyone genuine person is boned.

Even as a social person, I hate it to. I DETEST it. It makes me sick.

I have no problem going out and talking to people-in fact, I hate interacting over the internet. That is no way to decide who will be a good fit for the company.

But even in person many employers have this ...revolting disingenuous "office lady." sort of vibe to them. They tell you they love honesty, they want you to be "you" so long as that "You" is just as vomit educing and fake as their own
behavior.

If this is what it takes to be social last, then I definitely qualify. Guilty as charge in lacking fuel for all of that mumbo jumbo.

It's one of the areas I'm supposed to excel in, but still have major issues in following suit. Making an Instagram page for any kind of promotion (or just in general) feels contrived and unnatural to me. I don't care for the strangers of the interweb to see what I've done and I feel weird putting anything out there where it can be critiqued or just out in the open in the first place. And because of the current age we live in, everyone from someone's grandma to their pet kitten has some kind of networking/social media presence or is pretty much forced to make one if you want to survive in this world. I don't care about my own branding and promotion. It's not something I naturally ever think about. In an ideal world, I just want to do the things I do and be done with it. And...on top of time management for this kind of stuff. I have to force myself to make effort, but I can't make any promises either. If and when I ever become rich, I'm going to hire some assistants so they can deal with this crap. Ack.

Plus I don't care what other people are doing or what's the newest fad craze. It all seems try-hard and a put-on to me. It feels like I'd have to be forced to like something when I have my own ideals set in stone, which in turn makes me lose all interest in anything else.

And Coachella. More like a place where people come together to dress as clichéd caricatures of hippies for the day and take glamorous shots for their Instagram/Facebook profiles. Count me out. ✌

/rant.....for now.

Yaaaah I'm supposed to be good ta marketing and all that but the idea makes me nauseous. My first summer job was in sales; pestering people in front of a hardware. I quit after a week. I had to take scolding hot showers every night to get the filth off of me. I just don't see why I should bother peaople baout purchasing useless garbage they don't need.

Hell, it's part of why I odn't make much with my own art business. Yeah, it's professional, yeah I sell to a handful of people...and that's all it will ever be. i just CAN'T ( wont, whatever) market. I'm not to go online and talk about ' Artisan" "Hand made" Glutne-free" "lead-free" natural ...bullshit.

If you put a gun to my head the best I could do would be " See something you think is worth money and would like to have? Give me some money and you can have it. Otherwise, I dunno I guess look elsewhere? I mean...it's not like you NEED any of this crap."

 

[Totenkindly]

Networking is an Achilles Heel for me. I hate it. I hate putting effort into maintaining connections that aren't stimulating to me. There's only a small handful of people that don't make me feel more alone while I'm around and/or interacting with them. But then when I need the kind of thing that only a large network can provide, I'm SOL.

Exhibit A:

"At least 70 percent, if not 80 percent, of jobs are not published," he says. "And yet most people — they are spending 70 or 80 percent of their time surfing the net versus getting out there, talking to employers, taking some chances [and] realizing that the vast majority of hiring is friends and acquaintances hiring other trusted friends and acquaintances."​

I wish they'd have cited the source of that number. I remember it was posted at several different sites a few years ago - enough that I trust it's a legit estimation.

This is the post I relate to most in this thread. I see a lot of complaints about having to follow social rules in groups, which I see as a different issue and serves a purpose I understand ... it's just part of efficient group functioning, sometimes even if sometimes it can be a monster in its own right. (I would be curious to see how many of those who focus on having freedom restrained are sp dom vs sx dom honestly, because there might be a difference in focus there.)

I don't really friend many people on FB (as a casual example), and it all feels like exhausting busy work to just make light (and what feels like) surface-level connections with people. Over the years, I have learned the huge benefit of such things, but it just kind of leaves me internally ill to have to do so. I hate it at work, when it became clear to get promoted I needed to basically "know all the right people." So I started that process and now have gotten promoted, but it just annoys me... it's a necessary evil to function in a group, I guess. Because people gravitate towards what and who they know and who seems to fit the best in the group, and unless you play the game somewhat, people will always pick folks they relate to best. Once they know you and sense you are part of the group, then your skillset comes into play.

I am not saying it is inauthentic. SO first people feel it is very authentic. But I'm not SO, I'm SX and so it feels at best unsatisfying and at worst like I am just putting out fake motions to earn a reward since I am not satisfied by it. I would like a deeper interaction that is not available. Hence, my initial response is not to play... but I don't get a choice, so I play and then feel compromised a bit by it. The interactions though tend to siphon off my energy without returning the equivalent to me.

 

[prplchknz]

as an alledged social last, i do not like support groups. i'm sure a lot of social lasts do but i do not.