[SJ] SJ's & Dating Standards?

[incubustribute]

Lists, Yay!

• Likes me a lot and is nice to me
• Faithful/loyal
• Manly
• Intelligent
• Respectful of people
• Quiet and a bit anti-social

:hi:

 

[incubustribute]

Along the same topic-

Question: What are your standards regarding the dating process, and various progress points along the way? E.g. sex before marriage, moving in before marriage (wait until you're engaged or forget about it until you're married?), even simple matters like letting him/her stay over for the night, who pays for the dates, etc?

Sex before marriage: depends on a lot of things.
Moving in before marriage: depends on a lot of things.
Staying over: yes please
Paying for dates: because I'm a broke musician, I'd prefer half and half, but I'm open to whatever honestly. Ideally I'd like to take her out to do something fun once a week, and then maybe occasionally she could buy me something nice or pay for dinner once in a while. What I really don't like is when the girl wants to go to expensive places all the time for lunch and dinner. I need to eat cheap or even just buy groceries most of the time and then go out and splurge a little at a nice restaurant. It makes the experience more special.

 

[Little Laura]

I have always found it interesting that things I can tolerate and accept in a friend, I cannot accept it a mate. This is something I have discovered over time as relationship after relationship ended. I don't think I actively go looking for them...but I definently have a few deal breakers.
-I need someone that believes in God. I once dated an atheist. Part of me felt it was my duty to convert him. Also, I was very angry that if we ever had kids he would not allow me to raise them as Catholic. That being said, I also don't want someone who is extrememly pious, because that just makes me feel bad about myself. Weird balance, eh?
-I need someone that smells attractive to me. I have met some really great guys that are very attractive and didn't like how they smelled....just....can't do it.
Also, their voice. If I don't like it...I am not going to stick around long enough to hear what you have to say. And if I do, I'll be imagining waking up to that voice every day and then run
-I need someone that makes me laugh and gets my humour....nothing makes me feel stupider than when I make a joke and someone looks at me like I am an idiot....and the best thing to snap me out of a grumpy mood is something mega silly.
-I need someone that I can trust and knows that they can trust me. Its a two way street.
After that, there are little things I want. But don't necessarily need. For example, it would be nice if they knew how to fix things....because I am hopeless if something breaks.

 

[incubustribute]

-I need someone that smells attractive to me. I have met some really great guys that are very attractive and didn't like how they smelled....just....can't do it.
Also, their voice. If I don't like it...I am not going to stick around long enough to hear what you have to say. And if I do, I'll be imagining waking up to that voice every day and then run

Nothing like ISxJ's getting hung up on the details, eh?

 

[WickedQueen]

I used to think that I can date anyone and that list is not important since I'm a pretty flexible myself. But when one by one my relationship were failing apart, I grew some understanding of myself, that apparently I do have a list.

1. Same religion. I'm a Muslim and had dated a Baha'i and a Pantheist before. Didn't went out well. I realized that religion is a very important thing in my life. No more will I take a non-Muslim male as my partner. No more.
2. Height. I like a guy that is taller than me.
3. Cleanliness. I once date a guy who had not-very-much-clean teeth. The thought of kissing him disgusted me.
4. Brain. Although I like frivolous conversation, being in the same shallow conversation bores me. I need challenge. I need a guy with brain.
5. Objective and rational. I once dated an INFJ. Boy, he really pisses me off. Not only he always talk about romantic things that hardly get me, everytime we started a deep discussion about something, like psychology or politic or whatever, he'll get hurt and got offended very very very easily by EVERYTHING I said. Doh!
6. The last one is just a preference, not a must. But I do like pale (Caucasian) guys. I think they are beautiful. I say 'not a preference', because every white guys in my country (expatriates) are non-Muslims, so I gotta be more realistic.

 

[Malice]

I'm fully aware that real life romance isn't like what Disney laid out for me as a child. Every relationship presents its own problems, regardless if dude is 6'2" blond, blue eyed and shows up to our first date riding a white horse with a bouquet of my favourite flowers in hand. (Blue orchids, if you're curious LOL!)

But an idealism thread is an idealism thread. This is by no means everything, simply what's off the top of my head. Actually if we want to be really honest here, I doubt any 'build a man' would really be able to satisfy me in the long run simply because I created him I enjoy too much the unique challenge that every real human personality presents. But I digress!

1). Must have his own life. - I can't stand emotionally clingy people. I need breathing room. I really encourage my men to have their own friends, their own hobbies, (and while we should share some mutual interests) their own stuff that's preferably of different taste than mine. It gives us something to talk about! Even if it's something I'm not all that interested in, like cars/racing. If he can spend a night at home alone or out with his buds, and not fall apart while I'm out with my guys/girls, he gets major man points in my book. I can't have someone controlling me, telling me what I can/can't wear, who I can/can't see, texting me every 5mins or anything else that stems from the same well of emotional insecurity. My man must have his life in order and be secure enough in himself and in our love to let me be free. He must also be ambitious in his career goals, have his own money and his own assets: I don't date lazy bums! I refuse to support and carry people that can't be bothered to work to gain anything for themselves.

2). Must be able to handle me. I'm an emotional girl, I get worked up over small things, I need to be able to vent and have him tell me when I'm stressing about nothing. If we're having it out, he needs to know how to stand his ground and make his points known without making the problem worse. (I need a guy with a backbone, I have no respect for spineless 'yes men') We're not going to agree on everything, we are going to fight, there are going to be times when he makes me so mad I'm going to have to get up and leave the apt for a few hours and he needs to be able to know how to deal with that. If he's in the wrong, he needs to know how to apologize. If I'm in the wrong, I always will. So I suppose I need someone more laid back to balance out my hot temperedness, and someone whose mature enough to handle my emotional ups and downs.

3). Must be interesting. People bore me, I'm not proud to admit it, but they do. Initially when I hit it off with someone things are usually great, but give it a few months and they're telling me the same old stories and falling into readable patterns. Then my eye starts to wander. I need someone who doesn't divulge everything upfront and remembers to keep some interesting qualities in reserve (which is challenging because I'm great at digging things out of people ) Also - do something now and then that seems out of character. Nothing drives me more wild then thinking I have someone all figured out and then *BAM* they do something totally unexpected and I have to re-evaluate everything. (in a good way, no creeps please!) This also ties in a bit with point #1: Teach me about your hobbies. Teach me anything. I love to learn, and someone that can keep my interest will always have my attention.

4). Must be compatible with me. I'm talking overall chemistry. Similar sense of humour helps, he needs to know how to make me laugh, and I mean actually laugh, not just like: 'heh...super.' He needs to be able to hold his own in conversation and pose interesting topics of debate - And by interesting topics I mean things I'm actually interested in discussing. He needs to have similar life values/morals to mine, be affectionate, open-minded, able to keep up with my sexual appetites and know how to make me feel loved, appreciated and valued overall.

5). Must be taller than me and stronger than me. I love that feeling of being small and protected, curling into my man's chest with his strong arms wrapped around me. I can't date a guy shorter than me. (I'm 5'5") I refuse to crouch and kiss. I love to wrestle too, and if I can beat my man with ease well...sorry to say, but you lose major man points and chances are you won't be sticking around that long.

6). Ideally have light coloured eyes. Preferably paired with blond hair, but the dark hair/light eye combination can be equally as striking. Actually, the right shade of blue in the right light, under the right circumstances can actually leave me stunned and speechless. heh. Boys with light eyes paired with glasses also gain instant sexy points with me, that whole 'smart' look makes me foam at the mouth.

7). Must take care of himself. I can't believe this actually has to be made a point, and some of it I guess ties into #1, but since a lot of you have pointed it out in your posts, I guess I should too. I need a guy that has good hygiene, if you don't smell good/aren't clean I won't want to be around you. I also need a guy that's physically active or at least has an interest in maintaining his health. You don't have to run a marathon every week, but if you notice your spare tire is getting rounder at the edges you should be doing something about it. I don't need a man with a hard, muscled body but I do need a man whose going to be around for awhile Exercise and good health are important. Oral hygiene too, I can't stand bad breath. :/

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As for the rest:

Sex Before Marriage: Sexual compatibility is very important to me. You don't want to be locked into something serious and *then* find out your kinks and fetishes don't mesh well at all. That would really suck.

Who pays for dates?: I think the man should pay for the first date, the woman on the second, or vice-versa. Keep it equal people! It shouldn't ever be only one person's wallet doing the work. As 'traditional' as some people may feel it is to have the man pay for everything, I think it only sets up parameters for bad situations like dependence and expectations to develop. Someone taking you out should be a treat, not an obligation. Just how I feel anyway.