Seeking only those experienced with A.D.D.

[Eiddy]

This is a question related to work, but first I have a son that has A.D.D. not A.D.H.D. He will be 16 in few days. Well now that summer is here, he wants to get a summer job.

He is a really good kid. He never gets into any trouble. Tries to please his teachers and others. Does his chores without having to be told and is very loving.

Here's the problem, yesterday he went with a friend from school to go job hunting. So one of the asked him to come back tomorrow. So anyhow today he went to the small grocery store. They guy there kept him for a very short time and told him he has no talent, so they can't hire him.

My son has problems with communicating. Sometimes I ask him a question and it is like . He may not respond. I remember one time he came out with a broken front tooth. It took him 3 days before he told me he walked into a pole he hadn't seen. There are problems with math and mental calculations, meaning if I give him 10 L.E. (Egyptian pounds) and something costs 6.50. He won't count up or subtract. I have tried showing him, persuading him. My husband has also talked, showed, persuaded and just got down right demanding on him to pay attention to the change, do the math. Well he never showed an interest nor tried. He just hands us the change, without counting or looking. Luckily the people in the stores around here are honest.

Another thing cleanliness. I have talked to him, demanded him to shower and change daily. I don't know if it is a teenage thing or an A.D.D. thing or both.

I feel angry that the guy told him he has no talent. I told my son that what he meant was talent in counting and communication.

What summer type of job could he get? I hate for him to feel this way.

On a side note his younger brother got a side job, at a Playstation cafe. He has had this job since school let out. It's not really busy so he gets to play games in his spare time. He helps hook up things or in the kitchen, just doing various things where ever they want him.

Anyhow I'm thinking this experience just may show him the need to pay attention and do calculations. It is not like I have not tried, it is his abilities. My 3 and a half year old can count, recognize very simple take away problems with things of course not with numbers yet and my other two knew how much they were supposed to get back by the time they were in second grade. I have always given them some pocket money and when they go to buy things they want to know how much they will have left. So in addition to school they had an incentive to learn mental calculation and quick.

If anyone has A.D.D. or has experience dealing with it, pointers are needed. BTW he is in a special school not in a typical language school.

Well there is one good thing. I told him to take a shower and I will go out with him later to look into a summer job, working in a restaurant or something. I might just end up taking him and my daughter window shopping downtown. Since I haven't been out of the house myself in weeks.

 

[Jeffster]

Those sound like pretty typical issues for a teenage boy, and nothing to do with "ADD." My 10-year-old son would certainly meet all the "symptoms" of such a thing, but I have no need for him to be labeled that way.

Anyway, I don't know anything about your environment. Are there fast food jobs? Or yardwork or something like that? Those are pretty typical jobs for teenage boys around here.

 

[Eiddy]

Well as stated he is in a special school for children with disabilities. He had a fractured skull when he was born and his father had A.D.D. I found this out years later after we divorced. So with testing, doctors, and various other indicators. I am sure it's much different from being a slow learner.

That's what I was thinking maybe a restaurant. Fast Food jobs are much harder to come by here for teenagers, but even beyond that is there some way to have a career not based in entry-level positions? Of course, that is fine for now, but how many that have been identified with facing this situation in life have successfully overcame it?

 

[Laurie]

I was diagnosed with ADD as my brother was diagnosed with ADHD. He questioned the diagnosis originally, and I didn't until I learned about MBTI. With that said, I had attention problems in school - I had problems taking teenage jobs seriously until I was fired from one. I have no learning disabilities or anything like that.

Either I don't have ADD (I am starting to think what I think Jeff does about it - at least in my context) or your son has other issues.

It really does sound normal to me.

 

[Shimmy]

I think that the most important thing is to never ever let yourself or your son be guided by the diagnosis of ADD. Don't make decisions about him with the thought that it would be best "because he has ADD". It may be my NT speaking but if you let yourself guide by feelings of concern for him you will only see the most pessimistic scenarios and even worse project that on your son.

On the other hand, is your son interested in anything. Does he like nature perhaps, if so, then why not see if you can get him a job as an assistant ranger or something. Or perhaps he likes sports, then why not let him become concierge at a sports club or something like that. Look for his unique capabilities, talk about what he wants and THEN decide what would be in his best interest.

 

[Eiddy]

I was diagnosed with ADD as my brother was diagnosed with ADHD. He questioned the diagnosis originally, and I didn't until I learned about MBTI. With that said, I had attention problems in school - I had problems taking teenage jobs seriously until I was fired from one. I have no learning disabilities or anything like that.

Either I don't have ADD (I am starting to think what I think Jeff does about it - at least in my context) or your son has other issues.

It really does sound normal to me.

Yes, I would have to agree that you don't seem to have A.D.D. your writing is fluent and following your train of thought is very easy.

I think that the most important thing is to never ever let yourself or your son be guided by the diagnosis of ADD. Don't make decisions about him with the thought that it would be best "because he has ADD". It may be my NT speaking but if you let yourself guide by feelings of concern for him you will only see the most pessimistic scenarios and even worse project that on your son.

On the other hand, is your son interested in anything. Does he like nature perhaps, if so, then why not see if you can get him a job as an assistant ranger or something. Or perhaps he likes sports, then why not let him become concierge at a sports club or something like that. Look for his unique capabilities, talk about what he wants and THEN decide what would be in his best interest.

Thanks Shimmy, that is true that I don't want to project a negative image onto him. I love those ideas plus they don't use the same set of skills. Thanks

 

[BerberElla]

I think that the most important thing is to never ever let yourself or your son be guided by the diagnosis of ADD. Don't make decisions about him with the thought that it would be best "because he has ADD". It may be my NT speaking but if you let yourself guide by feelings of concern for him you will only see the most pessimistic scenarios and even worse project that on your son.

On the other hand, is your son interested in anything. Does he like nature perhaps, if so, then why not see if you can get him a job as an assistant ranger or something. Or perhaps he likes sports, then why not let him become concierge at a sports club or something like that. Look for his unique capabilities, talk about what he wants and THEN decide what would be in his best interest.

+1

My son has O.D.D and also goes to a special school. He is almost 11 and only just up to speed on reading basic books, which for me was quite saddening since he was my first child and I had wanted so much to give to him my love of books.

The thing I love about the school he goes to is that whilst they are trying to get the childrens weaknesses, be it in maths or english, up to standard, they are also on the look out for a natural talent in different areas so that they can push them harder on those.

My son is behind in reading, but he is in the advanced class for maths (2 yrs above his level), he is behind in history, but advanced on computers, so they have hired a special teacher who knows a whole lot more about building pc's from scratch so that my son can learn some amazing skills without feeling that he is below everyone else.

He has much better self esteem since he started this school, because they really focus on finding each childs particular strengths, without making them feel bad about the places that they aren't so strong in.

 

[ergophobe]

A.D.D. has little to do with coherence or intelligence except in the most extreme circumstances so it's not something we can gauge from an online forum. In my understanding, mild A.D.D. symptoms are also displayed to an extent in many people without A.D.D. Problems with distraction are not unique to people with A.D.D. but it is the extent to which these problems are debilitating or obstructing one's functioning that usually informs the diagnosis and what can be done about it. It is also associated with other specific mental patterns related to memory that help make the diagnosis.

From reading the OP, the problems with math don't seem related to A.D.D. directly. It's different if the problems with distraction are preventing your son from learning these skills - this may be the case if he really doesn't enjoy it or the way these things are taught. Maybe he's become more self-conscious about it since it seems like it's been pointed out to him that he lacks these skills. A.D.D. does not equal lack of learning -- motivation when you enjoy something does actually override the distraction. It's usually when you associate negative thoughts with a task that people with A.D.D. will have trouble just 'doing it' like everyone else.

It sounds more like a different kind of learning disability - I'm not informed enough to know what that may be. Were there tests done for things other than A.D.D.? What did they show?

 

[Eiddy]

Well when I was in the states they had him seeing a physical and a speech therapist at The Children's Hospital. It was named the best children's hospital in the states if not the world.

Anyhow coming to Egypt I tried to get him into a regular school and they requested tests to be done to determine where to place him. They noticed certain characteristics, said they couldn't put him into a regular school (education system is different in Egypt), but that I could place him in a private school or a school under the department of social services.

I chose to go with D.S.S. as they also gave him a more rounded education, also assisting in living skills. How to do things many of us take for granted, brushing teeth and hair, folding clothes, making simple things like popcorn, washing dishes, etc. The program they have set up for him is also tailored to his strengths and weaknesses.

He is very happy there, most of the behavioral issues I had when he was young they helped to work them out. Most of the teachers there are doctors or trained staff in how to handle children with special needs. When I go there it is such a positive and loving environment. The school owner has an autistic child and couldn't find schools tailored to the special needs of certain children, so she opened up her own school.

I haven't spoken to his teachers about him wanting to work, just that it is summertime and living in the city we don't really go anywhere or do much. So it seems better for him to learn some responsibility and helps to build up their self-esteem.

I took him to school with me, most of my students are 16, he was smaller than all the boys and most of the girls. His sister is 11 and is the same height as he is. Can't say he has stunted growth, maybe he will continue to grow. Important thing is he has normal body proportions.

I have had many instances of him doing atypical things, like going back and forth to the store 3 or 4 times just for juice. Even with the ad in his hand, he somehow comes back with the wrong type, or forgets the promotional offer, many times he forgets the change, sometimes he returns the unwanted item, if they say they don't have the other type he will leave without the item or the refunded money etc. Sometimes he loses the money; I tell him to keep it in his pocket, but he likes to hold it in his hand. Usually we have to write the list and tell him to ask for help if he doesn't know or understand.

These are not complaints it's just the way things usually go on a daily basis. It's to be more than expected. Once I gave him my mobile and I had the strong feeling he would lose it, but he wanted to go to his friend's house that lived quite far from where we lived and I wanted to make sure he got there safe. Well what do you know he had no clue he lost my mobile. Came home and looked at me like when I asked for my mobile back. Thankfully when we called a guy answered and said he had found the mobile. We arraigned to have it picked up the next day. I cannot expect anything different for I would be angry if I did. It is just something that happens and we try to work through it with him.

I do worry that he will never be able to live on his own. I am grateful that he can dress, wash, eat, and go places on his own. So it is not so bad. For all the things he can't do, he has so many other positive attributes. The best of which is he is loving.

 

[runvardh]

Diagnosed with ADHD in 1997 at 14 - unmedicated since age 15.

I spent most of my teenage years in a paramilitary organization that had summer programs I could go to. The first year was two weeks just to get your feet wet; after that training courses were 6 weeks long. At 16 I was able to start going to camp as staff instead of being in training - those are 7 weeks long. At 17 I didn't go anywhere during the summer and I felt it in both my body and my mind. At 18 I left the organisation so I could prepare for college.

The summer when I was 18 I started working for a cleaning company as a worker for insurance cleanup (fire/flood damage). It was a decent job with a decent pay for a guy living with his parents still. The hours were also substantial (10-12 hours) so by the time I was done all I wanted to do was have a shower (because I felt damn dirty) and go straight to bed.

Not sure if this helps, but if it does, great.

 

[Eiddy]

Sounds like you had interesting experience and I am so glad to see it didn't affect your life to any degree.

I also keep my son off of medications, since it would be the hyperactivity that would drive me crazy and he doesn't have that aspect of it. I figure it is best for him not to take them.

I would have never known Runvardh that you faced this situation had you not said. It isn't even apparent, life just goes on as normal.. I do feel much better knowing that. Thank you

 

[runvardh]

I still struggle with things, but the paramilitary training was more helpful than detramental and they didn't just sit me down all the time, they had me up and moving. Structure = good, nothing to do = bad, cadets gave me something to do while keeping it structured.

 

[Eiddy]

Hmm now that is interesting, because it is like that at home. Maybe if it were a bit more structured he would probably appreciate having things to do. Thanks

 

[runvardh]

Things to do and put energy into just helps control it; the appreciation may not happen till he's older, though.

 

[nozflubber]

if the ADHD is legit, it will be necessary to narrow down which subtype of ADHD he is - inattentive, hyperactive, or combined. if hes hyperactive then yardwork or anything physical might suffice because he/she just needs to be moving about..... inattentiveness, however, is a whole different ballgame.

 

[thisGuy]

i've never been officially diagnosed but...

in grade 5 i used to have oral tests in school where the teacher will ask a question and i have to orally answer it right then and there...on the spot.

note: description below is literal, no metaphors or innuendoes used

my parents used to help me study for these things and it would take me FOREVER to get the answer out of my mouth. i knew the answer, but as soon as i started speaking, i got stuck with an open mouth...once i got the first word out, it would be a lot easier to keep continuing...

this only happened when studying at home with my parents and never on the actual tests when teachers asked me the question

something to do with comfort zone and being too comfortable to care at home? while at school, the teacher is an authority figure...and maybe i cared because im Exxx, maybe your son is Ixxx and couldn't care less about anything outside his own head?

i also had minor OCD that went away with time (or i willed it away...i dunno) but regardless gave my parents a hell of a time dealing with my 'issues'

 

[runvardh]

if the ADHD is legit, it will be necessary to narrow down which subtype of ADHD he is - inattentive, hyperactive, or combined. if hes hyperactive then yardwork or anything physical might suffice because he/she just needs to be moving about..... inattentiveness, however, is a whole different ballgame.

I'm a bit of both, though the inattentive might be more type related. I think the boy who is the topic of the discussion is ADD not ADHD.

 

[run]

That's what I was thinking maybe a restaurant.

I haven't read the whole long thread, but that's what I was thinking. I have ADHD and the multitasking helps. Keep in mind though, ADD isn't fully explained, just a theory. One INTP can be much different from the one sitting next to him. I have the low cortisol ADD. Some people have low dopamine, some other causes.

 

[Eiddy]

if the ADHD is legit, it will be necessary to narrow down which subtype of ADHD he is - inattentive, hyperactive, or combined. if hes hyperactive then yardwork or anything physical might suffice because he/she just needs to be moving about..... inattentiveness, however, is a whole different ballgame.

Yeah, he doesn't have ADHD although they say this is the term given for it, but he is without the hyperactivity.

i've never been officially diagnosed but...

in grade 5 i used to have oral tests in school where the teacher will ask a question and i have to orally answer it right then and there...on the spot.

note: description below is literal, no metaphors or innuendoes used

my parents used to help me study for these things and it would take me FOREVER to get the answer out of my mouth. i knew the answer, but as soon as i started speaking, i got stuck with an open mouth...once i got the first word out, it would be a lot easier to keep continuing...

this only happened when studying at home with my parents and never on the actual tests when teachers asked me the question

something to do with comfort zone and being too comfortable to care at home? while at school, the teacher is an authority figure...and maybe i cared because im Exxx, maybe your son is Ixxx and couldn't care less about anything outside his own head?

i also had minor OCD that went away with time (or i willed it away...i dunno) but regardless gave my parents a hell of a time dealing with my 'issues'

Exactly, this is what happens to him whenever he is questioned in a way where he might be in trouble or asked a question like how much was this product or the other product. He will stand there looking at us, like he is in shock and doesn't reply. He might shake his head with a what type of nod, but there isn't any reply. I find it seems to be a key, to get whoever is asking a question, to become angry. I try to remind myself and my husband it is because of his condition, not because he is being defiant in not answering.

I'm a bit of both, though the inattentive might be more type related. I think the boy who is the topic of the discussion is ADD not ADHD.

He is able to be super-focused when he is playing a video game, but watching a show or movie, well he is clicking the remote to change the channel constantly. Can't watch anything for more than a few minutes.

I haven't read the whole long thread, but that's what I was thinking. I have ADHD and the multitasking helps. Keep in mind though, ADD isn't fully explained, just a theory. One INTP can be much different from the one sitting next to him. I have the low cortisol ADD. Some people have low dopamine, some other causes.

Multi-tasked with written steps or just being told different things to do. I find if it has more than one or two steps he get a mental block, like anything I have just told him has disappeared into thin air. BTW glad to see you back, haven't seen you around in awhile.


I appreciate everyone's feedback and understanding. I am glad others are able to relate and give me some tips. I guess I just have to sit down with him, devise a plan, and try to get him to work towards it. So that he will be more independent later in life.

 

[A-J]

I'm 30 now and just got an ADD (ADHD-I) diagnosis a few months ago. In practise this means trouble concentrating (except in the occasions when I can get into "the zone" and hyperfocus), excessive procrastination (even for an INTP), being chronically late and forgetting appointments, bills, things etc. Finishing projects - forget about it. I also have major trouble following oral orders (written are no problem) - I tend to lose focus halfway through and keep forgetting some (or all!) of the steps. My thought process is rather chaotic and I constantly get derailed in conversations. Also writing more than a paragraph or two of truly coherent text is very hard for me (either due to losing focus or only having a vague idea of the text I've written before).

These are all pretty common symptoms of ADD (ADHD-I). Problems you with lack of communication and basic mental calculation are (very) unlikely to be related to ADD. They could be due to a comorbid disability (dyslexia for example is a relatively common comorbid condition). It is also possible that your son has Asperger, but that's impossible to say without much more info. Sometimes the two are confused.

As for medication (this is going to take long)... I have to say that getting the diagnosis and starting medication was the best thing I've ever done in my life. Popular descriptions of ADHD overemphasize school performance when in fact it's the problems in everyday functioning and social life that really get you down. Hyperactivity is not that much of a problem in adult life (it almost always gets less around adolescence) but impulsivity and concentration problems stay with you throughout your life. Without medication large portion of people with ADHD later develop depression or anxiety disorder (imagine your life being a mess and never getting anything finished and this continuing for years and years). Substance abuse is relatively common, partially as self medication method. I've read statistics that quote 30% of prison population having ADHD...

The meds don't get you high (unless you do something incredibly stupid such as taking 10 x the dose or crushing and snorting them etc). I first started with Concerta (aka Methylphenidate) which is basically extended release Ritalin and then soon switched to Dexedrine (aka Dexamphetamine) that is similar to Adderall. Concerta caused unpleasant motor nervousness (tremor/jitters etc). After switching to Dexedrine I can't say I've noticed any but fleeting side effects apart from some lack of hunger.

Dexedrine doesn't produce any kind of subjective change in my feeling and certainly no rush. I can just get things done, can concentrate on finishing my studies and have more energy for daily life and duties. I've also noticed that I now have less need to drink alcohol, meaning I don't mind sitting with an empty pint and waiting for my friends to finish their second round while before I need to have something to do and that usually meant getting a new drink as soon as the previous one was empty (see the point about substance abuse earlier).

I've also gained new insights in understanding people and communication as this is the first time I've truly been able to concentrate on their body language and on things that are not immediately and intrinsically interesting. I think this point alone already makes it worth going on the medication - there are things in social understanding and communication that are very hard to learn once you're past your teenager years.

Now for the job advice: Ideally he needs a job where he is good enough that he can compensate the procrastination and organization deficiencies with other qualities. A variety of tasks is a must - boredom instantly kills concentration. It's good if he has someone who can nudge him in the right direction and remind him (implicitly) of the tasks he's supposed to be doing (this does not mean micromanagement!).